Topic Selection

Support For Spouses, Partners and Family

  • Letter From A Wife

    "I know what you’re going through. I’ve been there. I'm still here!

    Each individual is unique unto himself. Nothing is black and white. The spectrum is broad. I can tell you of my personal experience through the 25 plus years that I have been married to a crossdresser.

    Fear is a terrible thing. It breeds worry. It can grow so many different feelings and thoughts. If there is fear of the unknown, seek information!

    Many local libraries have books donated by organizations like our, and we ourselves have a library of our own. If you should choose to come to a meeting, you are more than welcome to check out a book.

    The women of the Alpha Omega Society offer our shoulders, our wisdom and our support to you, as well as the crossdresser himself. We’re here to listen and pass along our knowledge, as we have leaned through the years. I personally find that a one on one dialogue works best. Below you will find a link that will reach someone in our group. We can correspond and try to help, best as we know how.

    The most important thing is communication. Understanding each other. Making rules that each of you can live with.

    Not long ago, I sent a letter to one of our friends that’s going through some things. This may help you understand what my theories are where crossdressing is concerned:

    I'm sure we all have our theories as to why one crossdresses.  And I'm sure each theory will vary, just as much as we as individuals vary.

    My theory is that this is a tool that allows you to fulfill who and what you are as a person.  Because society thinks it strange that a man would want to wear a dress.  But it goes much deeper than clothing.  I believe that the dress......a prop......allows you to act out that part that society believes men shouldn't act out.  The femme side.  Were all made up of various traits and all that stuff that makes us who we are.  Some folks just need props.  I do believe that one day you'll be able to act out freely.  You'll be able to show that femme side without fear of rejection.  There is nothing wrong with a man that posses female traits.  Who doesn't like something pretty?  And who doesn't like something that feels good on our skin?  No one.  And if they say any different, they're lying.  Covering up a deep hidden feeling that society has shoved into the closet.

    And I'm sure that you love the macho part of who you are too.  Just don’t hide that part from your wife.  Embrace that which makes you who you are.  In time she'll be able to appreciate that.

    It's my hope for you and her, that one day she'll find the strength to speak, email or even attend one of our meetings, so that she can see that were all normal people, leading normal lives with children, jobs, joys, fears and everything else.  Just like yourselves!

    We all walk a different walk, and we all talk a little different talk, but inside were all human.  That's the beauty of it all.

    I look forward to hearing from you. Best of luck along our journeys with our unique men!"

    Wife of a CD

  • If you haven't yet read My Husband Betty: Love, Sex, and Life with a Crossdresser by Helen Boyd then buy it or borrow it from your local library, and read it!

    From the preface:
    I NEVER THOUGHT I would write a book about cross dressing, but when the opportunity knocked, I couldn't resist. In my time as the girlfriend and then the wife of a crossdresser, I felt there were too many conversations going on among the women in the community that weren't addressed by crossdressing literature or websites. There was no real acknowledgement of the huge problems that came with being married to a crossdresser. The books all seemed to give advice based on the ideal crossdressing husband, someone who can communicate well, shows respect for his wife's feelings, and is absolutely sure he is a cross dresser and not transsexual. That advice didn't do a whole lot for me, and my experience is that most wives of cross¬dressers are not married to the "ideal crossdresser." We deal with men who have online habits that bother us, sexual fantasies that disturb us, and com¬munication skills that are lacking.

    Instead of putting a 'pretty face' on crossdressing, I think this book paints a more realistic picture. Many wives and cross dressers will not like what I have to report, and others, I hope, will appreciate my honesty. ...

  • There is a discussion forum based around that book and it has a section exclusively for Spouses and Significant Others. MHB Forums. (Registration - free - required)

  • Top Five Crossdressing FAQs from Wives

    Q) Why does he crossdress? Aren't I enough woman for him?
    A) First of all this is not your fault. Let me repeat -- this is not your fault. It has nothing to do with you, though it certainly affects you. This has been with him for a lot longer than he has been with you.

    Q) So when did he start dressing up?
    A) Most likely, he started dressing (or wanting to dress) as a child or in his early teens.

    Q) We're very close. Why didn't he tell me before we were married?
    A) Crossdressing often times slows down as one grows into their twenties. Diminishing to partial dressing or stopping completely. But, the desire starts again at some point. New loves and relationships make dressing quickly fade into the background and stop completely making the CD even think they are cured. This is most likely when you met.

    Q) Is he Gay?
    A) Probably not. Most crossdressers are heterosexual. Surveys have found that only about 5 - 10 percent are gay.

    Q) Does he want to change his sex?
    A) Not likely. Unlike the transsexual the crossdresser does not detest his male body and does not wish to have it surgically altered to that of the female. He is content with his maleness and with his masculinity, but also recognizes he has a feminine component to his life.

  • Another recent publication Head Over Heels: Wives Who Stay with Cross-Dressers and Transsexuals by Virginia Erhardt Ph.D.

    From the publisher:
    Candid, first-hand accounts of couples who stay together despite highly emotional gender issues.

    Head Over Heels gives voice to thirty ordinary women who live extraordinary lives as partners to crossdressers, transgenderists, and male-to-female transsexuals. These unique women discuss, with honesty and great candor, how they first learned of their partners’ gender issues, how they’ve coped with the emotions that followed, how they’ve dealt with concerns about privacy/secrecy, and how they’ve handled disclosure to children, friends, and family members. Far from a collection of “happily ever after” stories, these narratives are filled with pain, courage, curiosity, and joy as each woman struggles to redefine a relationship that includes intimacy, social acceptance, dignity, and respect.

    The women whose stories are featured in Head Over Heels didn't know their partners were gender-variant when they first met. Some found out early on; others learned of their husbands' gender variance after decades of marriage. Some were told by their husbands—men they considered “regular guys;” others found out on their own, sometimes in shocking ways. Their stories represent a wide spectrum of women's life experiences with crossdressers, transgenderists, transsexuals who are nonoperative, pre-operative, and post-operative, families without children, families with children at home, and families with children who have left home. But these women share one thing in common: each has decided to stay in her relationship, exploring her new life with an open, yet cautious, heart.

  • Check out our Resource page for more information on local support groups and a link to Counselors and Therapists.

  • One of the most difficult issues facing spouses is when it becomes more than crossdressing. Helen Boyd's new book She's Not the Man I Married confronts that issue.

    You can see YouTube Excerpts of a television interview with them here:   first part   second part

  • Yvonne's site for crossdressers has a section with many good links for wives. Yvonne's place for partners

  • Another site with many links for wives. SO Information

  • For a look at what it's like for a woman to crossdress

    Female Crossdressing in Turkey


    and most recently (well Civil War Era) When Janie Comes Marching Home

  • We will of course, try to help in any way we can. Please write us.


We provide speakers to schools and organizations as part of our outreach program.
E-Mail Outreach

AO Recommends: