List of Officers:
President: Gloria Fenton
Vice President: Michelle Stuart
Sec/Treasurer: Sandy

Newsletter Staff:
Editor: Tanya
Publisher: Deborah Lynnette Lee

PRESIDENTS'S VIEW By Gloria
MICHELLE'S MUSINGS By Michelle Stuart
MEETING MINUTES
NOTES OF INTEREST
SPECIAL THANKS By Gloria Fenton
QUESTION OF THE MONTH
EDITORIAL
ANOTHER VIEW By Megan Parsons
PROGRAM VIEW By Elaine Lee
A LETTER FROM GLORIA By Gloria Fenton
THE LINGUISTICS OF WOMEN By Megan Parsons
INTEGRATION - ITS NOT JUST... by Deborah Lynnette Lee
HOSE ENCOUNTERS By Janet McCue
A NEGATIVE SITUATION

Well, the lazy, hazy, crazy days of Summer are upon us now. And, if the rest of you are like me, you have hardly a moment to call your own.

We had a good crowd at the June meeting. This pleased me as I remember last year when everyone was so busy we only had six people at the meeting. We were fortunate also in having a couple prospective members at the meeting plus were able to welcome back Heather, whom we hadn't seen in a while.

This time of year with vacations, family outings, company picnics, etc., keeps everyone busy and I do understand that. But, once again, I am going to ask a few more of you to take a few minutes and write something or send in an appropriate article from a magazine or newspaper for our newsletter.

At the July meeting, I will be getting the names of volunteers to bring food items, a charcoal grill, games, etc., for the August 15th picnic with the Paradise Club.

Be forewarned, I will be pushing for more outside activities for our members to become involved in together. Be prepared with not only ideas but times and places as well.

The Constitution Committee will meet at 6:00 PM the night of the July meeting to discuss two proposed constitutional amendments regarding partners' memberships and couples holding office at the same time. I also need a report from the Vendor's List Committee and I want the Outreach Committee to plan on having a brief meeting at the August picnic to put a plan of action together. It has to be done.

If you have ideas for possible new places for the chapter to meet, tell your officers so we can look into them. We are looking for a secure place which won't cost us a fortune.

The temperature may be hot, and there are so many things to do in our personal lives, but the plans for the chapter must keep moving on. Please do your best; it's all I have ever asked of anyone. At times, things don't move along as quickly as I or others may like. It can seem to take so long to get something done but, if we all do the best we can, it will happen.

Now that I've had my time on the soapbox, a couple closing thoughts: I believe it is important to get to know each other as friends away from the chapter. So, call each other. Write letters through our Big Sister PO box if needed. Or, make times to get together for dinner, golf or some other activity. Reach out to your friends and really get to know them.

Lastly, take the time to talk to, listen to and care for everyone around you as Human Beings. If, little by little, we all open up to sharing the joys of life around us with those we care about, the dark times we have may become less. We are here for each other and that may be the most wonderful part of being a member of Alpha Omega

Sincerely, Gloria

Hello Girls,

Summer is finally here and it's time for your halter tops and bikinis (if you are brave). It's good to see everything so full of life again. Yes indeed, except for the hot, muggy weather!

Unfortunately, my flower garden got off to a bad start as the month of May was not so good the last week. That's usually the time I get my plantings in but we had a rather cold spell and frost attacked a few of my Transvesticus Botannicus, threatening a good supply for our salads at the coming meetings. Not only that, due to the cold, damp weather, mold set in on my large Inca Marigolds causing the large flowers to droop like sad puppies. Also, the slugs found them tasty. Curses! I thought marigolds were pest-free. Oh, did I forget to tell you the rabbits discovered the young shoots on my rose bushes are a delicacy? What lousy luck I'm having with my green thumb!

Girls, I don't know what to tell you. Perhaps I should call it quits on gardening, put on a dress and go shopping or attend some summer conventions!

Remember the birds I spoke of in last month's article - the House Wrens who were raising a family on my patio? Guess what? They came back and raised five more of the little cuties. They must enjoy being Mommy and Daddy!

Back during the first weekend in June, my oldest nephew, who is 30, arranged a father & son campout on his recently- purchased property down in southern Ohio. He has 15 acres of woods and meadows. My nephew, my uncle, my father and I had a great time together. We had a big tent, plenty of good food and a couple cases of beer to satisfy our thirst. We pitched horseshoes and played poker. Guess who won the most money? [Considering who also took first place at the June card party, no one needs to guess. The girl is ruthless! ed.] We also shot beer cans with my nephew's 12 ga. shotgun. I nearly broke a nail pulling the trigger! Yes Girls, we had a lot of fun doing all those macho things. I look forward to the next outing down there with the boys.

You know, it's times like what I just described above that make me realize who I am and what I am. Such things make me very aware that, in spite of my love for my feminine side, I have never lost my love for my masculine side, either. A true balance exists within the integration of the two selves. At times, though, they seem to be apart, alternating to suit the social situation at any particular moment. For me, there seems to be a "peaceful coexistence" of the masculine and feminine on the outside and a merging into one on the inside. Does this make sense to you? It is difficult to find the right words to describe this interrelationship. It's most intriguing to me. I am happy I have found this peace within myself.

However, there was a time in the past when I was confused with my bi-gendered nature. I was torn between my male and female sides, struggling with guilt, anger and loneliness. I was scared. I was afraid. Sounds all too familiar, doesn't it? It seems most sisters, if not all of us, have similar stories to tell in their struggles to find self-acceptance.

I once tried to write down the dilemma of such a sister in a simple statement which would not be too wordy yet would be sufficient in putting across the point. With some effort I came up with, "He could not be a Man for the Woman within him would not let it be, nor could he be a Woman for the Man within him would not let it be. He was trapped between Man and Woman."

How many of you sisters can relate to the conflict? How are you dealing with this situation? Hopefully, our chapter can help resolve the inner conflict in all of our sisters who have yet to find peace with their bi-gendered selves. After all, that's what Alpha Omega is all about, right?

Well, I guess I'll finish and take my beauty bath. Bye for now.

Love, Michelle

The June 13th meeting was called to order at 8:15 PM, 21 members and guests present. The "Question of the Month" was briefly discussed around the room. The Treasurer's Report was read and approved. For the sake of brevity, the minutes of the May meeting were not read as they were in the last newsletter.

Various possibilities for outings were discussed. Gloria announced she would like to have a cookout (non-dressed) at her house. Details will come later.

The Paradise/Alpha Omega Picnic will be August 15th in Mentor at the same church as previous years. The picnic will not be catered this year. Hot dogs and hamburgers will be served and we will be bringing side dishes (baked beans, veggies, snacks, desserts and potato salad). Another charcoal grill is needed. Please let Gloria know if you can bring one. Cost of the picnic will be $24 for couples and $14 for singles. We must have a head count by the July meeting.

Pam F. and Charlotte will look into getting a speaker on wigs for the July meeting. They have a very good prospect in their area.

Jennifer moved, seconded by Tanya, we move the November meeting from the 2nd Saturday to the 1st Saturday of the month. The reasons for this move are the timing of our Xmas Party (the 1st Saturday in Dec.) and the Holiday En Femme in Atlanta. Motion passed.

Jennifer asked if anyone had any comments or concerns for her to take to the Spring Tri Ess Board meeting in Kansas City later this month to please see her.

Tanya moved, seconded by Cheryl, to adjourn. Motion passed. Meeting adjourned at 8:40 PM.

Respectfully submitted, Sandy C.

July Meeting

The July 11th meeting will be held at the Manor. For the evening's edification, Charlotte and Pam F. have arranged for Nancy to speak on wigs. You may remember Nancy from Pam's article "Wigs and Mental Wellbeing" in last month's newsletter. She runs a wig shop down near where Charlotte and Pam live and has dealt with crossdressers in the past. Come on down; it should be a most interesting evening!

August Picnic

The fourth annual Paradise/Alpha Omega picnic is scheduled for August 15th. Remember, that's the third Saturday in August! Further details will be contained in the August SILHOUETTE but there are two points which must be covered now.

First concerns reservations. Reservations must be sent directly to Paradise Club and must be done so in advance. Use the reservation form you will find with this issue and send it in now Lynn and the gang needs to know as soon as possible how many are coming.

Second, this year's picnic will not be catered like last year. Burgers and franks will be served. Paradise is asking for girls to provide side dishes such as baked beans, veggies & dip, potato salad, munchies, etc. They need to know who will be bringing what and you will be reimbursed for your expense. They also need someone to provide another large charcoal grill. Anyone have one along with the means to get it to the picnic? Gloria will be "lining up" volunteers for these jobs at the July meeting.

To Laurie & Josephine for coming to their first meeting. We extend a "Thank You" for being a part of our evening. To Heather, it has been a while but we are so glad to see you again. Best Wishes to Sharon, also.

To Charlotte & Janet, we say "Thanks" for a fun card party. Maybe we could have a card party of the August Picnic for something fun to do.

As always, a special "Thanks" to the Food Committee for another great meal and to Kristin & Joanne for that sinfully good snack mix.

To Sandy (and I'm sure with some help from Cheryl), for the charts they put together to help your officers follow the budget and other important information for the chapter.

And a special "Thank You" to all of Alpha Omega for a wonderful meeting.

For some of us, learning to understand and accept ourselves for who we are has been quite a challenge and an ongoing process.

What do you feel is the most important factor which has helped you understand and accept yourself in your life?

Last month I briefly mentioned letters I received from a sister and her wife severely chastising me for my masculine pursuits. Their comments were so scathing I had to put their letters away for a few days to allow myself to "cool off" before responding. When I felt I could write without being "catty", I composed a long letter, the crux of which was, "Don't condemn someone till you get to know them." I will mention now the girl is a new Little Sister recently assigned to me by Tri Ess National.

Last week I received a letter in response from Eva (though none from the wife). She began by saying she knew the content of my last letter before opening it: a letter from a severely hurt sister. She confessed she allowed her emotions to write instead of her mind and, after the fact, regretted mailing her letter. She then went on to respond to my letter.

With two letters having passed back-and-forth, some of the obstacles between us don't seem so high any more. Yes, we have basic differences in philosophy but the world would be an extremely boring place if everyone thought alike. A second obstacle which caused innumerable problems at the outset is now recognized. Eva is an extremely analytical person. In fact, TOO analytical. Part of the problem was she was looking for shades, nuances and "hidden meanings" in the words I wrote when nothing of the kind was even remotely intended. A third obstacle is her tendency toward "male bashing". Eva can "pass" easily and, because of it, has suffered the degradation heaped on females by typical macho jerks. I, on the other hand, refuse to deny either side of my Whole Being. Each has its place.

Of course there was the obstacle of my hobbies. Much of the original problem still exists between us but she has agreed to not condemn until she comes to know the whole person.

Lastly, there is the obstacle of idiom. This new Little Sister lives in Germany. Words and phrases which we Americans use daily - when closely (overly) analyzed while requiring the help of a German/English dictionary - can lead to misunderstanding. For example, take the word "second" as in "The Society for the Second Self", or Tri Ess. She keyed on the concept of "second self" as "lower self" or "inferior self" rather than the proper meaning, "additional, and equal, part of the whole self".

This is not a unique situation. Problems with idiom can occur when a Yank communicates with someone from England. American English is different from British English. Throw in the complications of communicating with someone for whom English is a second language, and the stage is set for misunderstanding.

Communication problems aside, Eva and I still disagree strongly on some matters. However, I think at this point our differences can be the basis for some stimulating debate. One of these differences involves the age-old argument of Nature vs. Nurture as applied to the root of our special feelings. Eva firmly believes environment is the deciding cause of crossdressing while I vehemently champion the genetic theory. Additionally, I feel there is no such thing as a "typical crossdresser".

Masculinity and femininity have, I feel, nothing to do with outward appearances. They are states of mind and thought processes. You can dress me up in the frilliest of frillies and I will still be male. I could undergo SRS but would still be male where it counts, in the brain. The body might change but the thought processes would be the same. I see our special feelings not as a condition but as a continuum. For the sake of illustration, picture a line graph two meters long on the wall. At your far left would be the totally masculine male who occasionally enjoys putting on a piece of feminine clothing. His thought processes are purely male but there is some tiny need which requires him to satisfy his fetishist desire. At the far right of the continuum is the TRUE transsexual, a person with totally female thought processes trapped in the body of a male. Each, because of their bodies, are crossdressers but, because of their minds, are at the totally opposite ends of the crossdressing continuum.

In the center of the continuum is the person with a mind which is equally female and male. Are any of us exactly at the center? I don't know but I certainly know I'm not.

Again, none of this has to do with how we dress or how we look. It has to do with how we think. A crossdresser can be a "Heather Lockear lookalike" and think like a stevedore. Conversely, a 6'2", 225 pounder who couldn't "pass" if his life depended on it can have a mind which is totally female in its makeup.

On the two-meter continuum, I would suspect the "average" (?) crossdresser would fall somewhere a half meter either side of the centerline concerning their feminine/masculine thought processes. I would place myself to the left of center - a masculine mind improved by its feminine component. I know girls who are, I feel, well "left of center". I know others I would place well to the right. I cannot say that's where these girls belong on the continuum, it's just my opinion from knowing them.

Where anyone falls on the continuum is unimportant. What IS important is we realize that, while we are the same as crossdressers, we are different in our thought processes. No one is right. No one is wrong.

"Male bashing" and "transsexual bashing" both have their proponents in our subculture. I submit to you two thoughts:

#1. The term "masculine" should not automatically be equated with the word "bad". As I've said before, a person being a jackass has nothing to do with her/his color, creed, religion, politics or anything else. Don't consider a male a jackass just because of his sex. If an individual IS a jackass, fine. Just don't categorize a group because of an individual.

#2. The "secondary transsexualism" issue aside, there are members of Tri Ess who, upon long reflection, realize they are FAR more than "average" crossdressers. If a girl finds she is a TRUE transsexual, a female mind in a male body, she needs the support of her sisters more than ever. In time, she will - she must - break away. Until then, give her all the support you can.

I've been sufficiently "heavy" for this issue. A few comments on other topics: I am going to miss Jeanette Johnson as editor of THE FEMME MIRROR. I came to know Jeanette (AKA:"Bubba Coyote") at the 1990 Holiday En Femme. I found her a "kindred spirit". Her wit and wisdom struck home for those of us who can only be classified as "a guy in a dress". The MIRROR has flourished under her direction, on time and on target. I share Jeanette's faith in Brenda Thomas as the new editor but I'll miss Jeanette just the same. With the additional time she will now have available to write instead of edit, I hope to read many articles by her in the future. [A special note to Jeanette: You're not the only one who has felt Jaye's wrath concerning unnecessary "thats"!]

Speaking of the FEMME MIRROR, I'm sure you have all received the "Spring 1992" issue by now. I turn your attention to the "Chapter Update" section in the center of the magazine, specifically "Dateline: Elyria, OH", and the gracious comments contained therein: "The February issue of LA FEMME SILHOUETTE is the most thorough and professional newsletter this writer has ever seen published in the crossgender community."

As publisher and editor of our newsletter, Deborah Lee and I might be tempted to take credit for that accolade. However, all we do is edit and publish what YOU, the members of Alpha Omega, write for the edification and enjoyment of your sisters. Bask in the sunlight of such a compliment. YOU deserve it!!

Love, Tanya

It is early in the morning. I have been contemplating the latest editions of the FEMME MIRROR and LA FEMME SILHOUETTE. Over the years, psychologists have been trying to find the common link between Man and Woman. Men are supposed to be intelligent, stable, with firm egos and definite mind set. Women, at least according to Darwin, lack these qualities due to a flaw in evolution. However, there are certain similarities between Woman and the universe. This could go to the root of nuclear physics.

I cannot take credit for the discovery. Gloria should be given all the credit for the discovery of the missing link between woman and the universe. She has written a paper on Melt Down. That dreaded occurrence that every nuclear scientist hopes his reactor does not do but, which every woman must endure in Summer. That is why she encouraged men to invent air conditioning. So you see there is a great woman behind every successful inventor and scientist. Unfortunately Darwin did not have one behind him.

In the SILHOUETTE we also heard of bias and war of a very personal kind. It is very unfortunate that we not only must endure this bias from without but also get it from within. If you read your latest edition of the MIRROR, you may have noticed that there is even bias from our own leaders.

You will recall the recent controversy concerning Tri-Ess National's stand on "secondary transsexualism". I am sure there were many letters both pro and con sent to the MIRROR. However, you will notice that there is not one rebuttal from the membership. In fact the editors come out and state "most agree." I would like to know what "most" means. We are spoon-fed that which our leaders want us to think and they expect us to accept their mores without reservation.

Tanya suffered a tongue lashing for her "masculine interests." Does this mean to be a crossdresser we must give up all of the things that make us happy? Tanya is caught in the middle. If she tells a straight person her hobby is dressing in women's clothes she will be branded a homosexual or worse. When she takes the time to be a friend, she is branded because her hobbies are too masculine and she therefore should not be a woman. Here we see one of our sisters suffering prejudices from both sides.

In their wisdom our forefathers wrote the Constitution of our country. In its Preamble, it guarantees us in the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. It makes no qualifications as to gender, sex, life style, religion, race or national origin. It is for all people. Yet, as Deborah pointed out, many of us are suppressed in our efforts to pursue our rights. Laws must be enacted to further guarantee those rights are granted. Unfortunately, I believe it will be necessary for our government to guarantee the rights of transsexuals, transgenderists and crossdressers as well. It will take more than just education to overcome the injustices.

I agree heartily with Deborah when she said "First get to know your self, learn to love yourself and get busy teaching others that ignorance does not serve the greater good of our society." However, I think it is time for us to take a stand not only as individuals but as a community. Not only must we stand up for ourselves but we must support others in their efforts to attain their rights as well.

We want to be women. We go to great lengths to look, act and talk like them. Let us with equal fervor learn to think like them, believe like them and seek with them. If we expect them to accept us and our community we must likewise champion their causes.

From my understanding, the Gay community accepts us as crossdressers. In return we must support their cause and desire to be accepted. Most of us go about our daily life like everyone else. If, in the course of our daily life, we accept others with respect and accept their right to their lifestyle and beliefs, we will be accepted when we go out dressed.

In order to find self-acceptance, we must first accept others. This will require a lot of work for us. We have been taught from birth to dislike or hate those who are different from us. We now find ourselves different from the people we grew up with. We are now forced to face the fact we are what we were taught to hate. It is a bitter pill to swallow.

Remember, we do not have to agree with the other person's view but we must defend their right to have that view. Our community as a whole must begin to accept and support those from whom we seek acceptance. We should mandate our leaders begin to take action which will support other causes, especially the Women's movement, the Gay Rights movement and any other cause where a person's basic rights are violated by ignorance and hatred. We must also accept each other regardless of our degree of femininity or masculinity. Regardless of our hobbies or our desired life styles. We are who we are whether we have suffered the embarrassment of melt down or not. Let us accept others whether we agree with their lifestyle or not, whether we agree with their cause or not. Just remember, we are in the same boat as all other minorities.

Love and Peace, Megan

For the program part of the June meeting, we had a card party. Charlotte was placed in charge as the program chairperson. We had originally planned to play Euchere but, since Joanne and Kristen were the only two who took time to learn the game, we played UNO instead. We divided those who wished to play into four groups. We played as partners with each group playing three games which constituted a round. Each person had to keep track of the number of games they won since the losers of each group had to move on to another table. At the new table, new partners were chosen. The winners stayed at the table they were playing at.

In the first two rounds, Gloria was my partner. In the first round, Gloria and I won 2 out of 3 games. However, in the second round we only won 1 out of 3. In the group next to us, Janet and Pam F. won all the games. The group Jennifer was in had one of their games deadlocked. All the cards were held in their hands and none were left in the discard pile. The game was declared null and void and had to be played over again. Michelle was the "card shark" with no losses until the last round. I was her partner that round but the loss wasn't my fault. The loss was hers!

Since Michelle had the most number of wins, she was awarded a "touch lamp" and I won a certificate for a free half- gallon of Reiter's Ice Cream. Various other prizes were given to the participants in the order in which they placed.

Last but not least was the "booby prize" for last place, which was "won" by Debbie. Appropriately, it was a cup shaped like a breast. Charlotte said she was happy to finally be rid of it. Debbie said it would make a fine wheel chock the next time she has to work on the car. [She then did her darndest to get me to trade prizes with her - something about it being appropriate to my business! ed.]

Love, Elaine

For a while now, I have been feeling pretty down, perhaps mostly about myself. It has been like the weight of the World has been put on my shoulders alone, leaving me helpless.

I've been feeling so tired, and even defeated, I know I have been a real barrel of laughs to live with. I've been so confused, frustrated and torn apart inside I don't know which way is up. I have felt like a failure in my own life and have allowed that feeling to get the best of me - so much so I question if I am doing anything right. I even began to lose track of the good things in my life and I keep digging myself a bigger hole to bury myself in.

The crazy thing is I see this happening to me and, yet, I let it continue to happen. I find myself lost in a vicious circle which compounds itself daily. At times, I have wished it would just end because I can't face it anymore. But it doesn't end.

Where do I turn?
What do I do?

Can't anyone see what's happening to me?
Does anyone care?
I am alone and I am lost!

I go through the motions of life every day but it seems like I am just sitting there watching everything happen on a giant movie screen where I am one of the characters, having no power to change anything. I tried to end it once but that failed too. I guess I really can't do anything right!

***************************************

Have you ever felt like I have written above? Even only one part of that feeling? I have and, believe me, it is scary!

The initial scene occurred about fifteen years ago. Somehow, I sat in an office full of people for four hours and no one noticed I was in trouble. It was only when someone shook me back to reality because it was lunchtime I realized I had lost four hours of my life - four hours that are unknown to me to this day. I had suffered a breakdown in a room full of people and no one noticed. That is something I'll never forget!

I've been feeling a little down lately and because of it, I guess, that other time in my life came to mind again. It helps to remind me I have been letting things get to me again. But it also reminds me help is there if I just ask for it. I will be OK because I have learned to reach out.

For others, reaching out for help is very hard if not impossible. It may have been for me, too, if there hadn't been someone who saw I needed help and gave it.

It can be very easy to be so caught up in our own personal opinions, the politics of a situation or the pressures in our own life, we lose track of others when they might be very quietly asking for our help.

In our paraculture, not only must we be there for others asking for help and understanding but we must also look for ways for them to be able to reach out and ask for our help. We must also remember to not turn our backs on anyone just because they or their opinions differ from ours.

I have read so much lately about the transgendered continuum, the term "bi-gendered", secondary transsexualism, open vs. closed groups, singles vs. couples, etc., etc., that it has become very confusing. Maybe I'm wrong and, if I am., please help me understand. Aren't we losing track of certain basics such as caring, understanding and accepting differences of opinion?

The crossdressing community covers a wide spectrum. Differences of lifestyle, opinions and how we try to achieve our goals are all parts of that spectrum. I feel we must acknowledge these differences and try to understand them while maintaining unity and continuing to work together for the betterment of all.

A part of our community which is seldom, if ever, heard from are those sisters who, because of their personal situations, location, etc., are unable to attend chapter meetings or conventions. Each of these ladies may have very limited contact, if any, with her sisters. She is in the same situation many of us were in when we began to reach out for help. How we respond to her may make the difference whether she becomes a part of our community or fades back into the "woodwork" of Society.

The more we understand and accept the variations of our community, the better we will work together, grow as Human Beings becoming, in time, an accepted part of our Society. Together we can do wonders!

Whether every "I" is dotted or every "T" is crossed is unimportant. Giving someone the means to reach out to us for help and then being there when they do is important!

Love always, Gloria

At the May meeting we spent time discussing the way women and men describe things. In this article we will explore the way women speak and write. After you read this article go back to my article "Another View" and see if I wrote as a man or a woman.

For our purposes we will ignore the regional differences in women's linguistics. We must however, consider class differences as this to a large extent will determine some of the language characteristics of a woman's speech.

First let us consider conversation between men and women. In these types of communications certain linguistic patterns can be observed. Women use more politeness forms and also use minimal response to support a speaker. Politeness is used to satisfy "Positive Face Wants." On meeting a male companion a woman might say "You look very handsome today." She might also say, "Please excuse me." when interrupting a conversation. A man on the other hand will satisfy negative face wants in conversation. In the example "Please excuse me." she or he is satisfying the "Negative Face Want" of not being imposed upon.

Positive face wants say "I am basically a good person and you recognize that." Negative face wants say "I may be ignorant of some things but don't make me feel like I am." Politeness is used to convey both messages. Women will use positive politeness in speech more than a man will.

A women's speech during conversation will use minimal response to support a speaker. Minimal response is using words like "yea", "uh huh", "ok", etc. Remember this would be done in conversation with someone of higher social ranking.

A woman's speech is also less definite than a man's speech. A woman will use words like "would", "could", "may", "can", "perhaps", "possibly" or "maybe". A woman might say "Could you go to the store for me." A man would say, "Go to the store for me." Notice the definiteness of the male speech. A woman is less likely to phrase a sentence as an order than a man.

In woman-to-woman speech, a solidarity is formed. This is evidenced by the use of "we", "us", "they", or "all". A woman might say, "We all suffer from melt down in the summer." Indicating that the speaker suffers from the same problems with make-up as the listener. Rarely will you find this in male-to-female speech or between women of different social ranking. Most men want to remain superior to a woman.

Group interaction is also interesting to observe. At our next meeting you should be able to observe whether most of us use male or female speech patterns. A woman in a strong male environment may adopt the speech patterns of her male counterparts in an effort to achieve acceptance. Perhaps you have had the opportunity to observe a mixed group at a social function. You may have observed that women of higher social status use a more formal speech pattern.

We probably all need to practice using speech patterns that are more in keeping with the women we wish to emulate. Reading a woman's magazine is one way to pick up speech patterns. You should determine to what class of women the magazine is catering to. For example, "New Cleveland Woman" caters to women in business. There is a high degree of education and sophistication. "American Woman", on the other hand, caters to a cross section of women with less education. It is also geared to a younger readership. The more homey the magazine the lower the amount of education is assumed. The more stereotypical house wife, if you please. Please don't get me wrong ladies. There are a lot of well educated very sophisticated women who have chosen to raise a family and be a housewife at least for a little while.

Women speaking to other women within their own social group will use more slang expressions, that are associated with that group, than when speaking to women outside of the group. To illustrate this think of the words that are unique to your work setting. The vocabulary, slang expressions, phrases, etc., you use are characteristic of your work group.

Have some fun with linguistics and see if you can pick up the speech patterns of your favorite lady. Perhaps, you may also wish to compare my article "Another View" with the last few paragraphs of this article and see which is more characteristic of a woman.

Well ladies, I should be off to other pursuits.

As a product of growing up in the sixties, I had heard the word "integration" many times. I knew it was a feeble attempt by our Society to insure that no school district had a disproportionate number of Black or White students. I guess many people believed Blacks were destined to live in their own community and racially imbalanced communities would not provide the best education or facilities. So our country continued and continues to this day to believe shipping bodies will bring the standard of living in balance. Well I'm not going to talk about those issues here. I want to talk about the integration of mind, body and spirit within one being, myself, and the struggle for common ground to sustain a happy healthy environment within.

WEBSTER'S NINTH NEW COLLEGIATE DICTIONARY
defines "integration" as, "the act or process or an instance of integrating ..." And the definition of "integrating" according to the same source is, "to form, coordinate, or blend into a functioning or unified whole; UNITE."

It is surprising to me the word "whole" is used instead of the preconceived idea of a social norm. It is also refreshing the words "functioning, unified whole" were used. If this is truly what integration means, I am so far from being integrated it isn't funny! I am a prejudiced person, not well balanced. You see, I have tried for a long time to become whole through someone else's eyes and have become less- functional. I have not given myself a chance to learn and be who I really am. With a new found side, I have become infatuated and as a dreamy-eyed kid who falls in love, I cannot clearly see who I really am.

I remember some of my one-sided love affairs. You know, the one where you see the other and immediately form opinions on how you want things to be. Forget the fact she is a junior varsity cheerleader. Forget the fact her family lives in a more affluent neighborhood. Forget she doesn't know your alive. She's the right one for me. My imagination continues to run away with reality and voila, becomes miserable as reality has nothing to do with my perception of the situation and myself.

So here I am, a cross dresser. Since I have another image to fulfill, I know I didn't fit in the traditional role I perceived around me in the guise of my male role models. I didn't feel like that and yet, for some reason, I was compelled to try and emulate as best I could. Have you felt like a Lemming rushing to the sea, compelled and not stopping long enough to see what was happening. I know I felt weak and helpless to take control of how I really felt.

I was quite naive. I carried the belief my parents knew best and had all the answers. It was up to me to alter how I felt through thinking. It had to be through thinking because I DIDN'T FEEL THIS WAY and therefore feeling had nothing to do with reality. It seemed image and giving the impression of being "right on target" with my parents was all that mattered. At least it kept me from being beaten into believing what they wanted me to be. So, one lie lead to another and feelings were kept for a private moment when I could be alone. The more time I found myself feeling the more I liked it and the more I wanted to be alone. This lead to the segregation. No longer was I functionally whole or unified. All I knew was that, in order to have any semblance of unity, I had to stay apart. This lead to extreme shyness, self-doubt and low self-esteem. I was miserable. Even those times when I was alone, I was in pain because I had to be apart from others. I was unacceptable. Because of this I felt I had to be punished, I failed to integrate into my maleness as I had been shown time and time again. So, even being alone, it was difficult to become integrated. I was a "society of one" with no one to share my inner being. I knew I was talented. I knew I was loving. I knew my Maker had not made a mistake, yet I was alone and didn't deserve to be alone.

Now I have tasted the forbidden fruit. I have flipped out. I have not found the secret to a balanced integration. I am fighting everything I was told was the "right" thing to do to be a man, male. I am guilty of male-bashing and I have made an enemy of a large part of myself. I have rejected all I was and, every time I put on my "male" clothes, I jump back into the role I hate and I show it. I am angry, somewhat paranoid, personable yet distant and rebellious. Yet I am loving, caring, nurturing, faithful, talented and longing to be free of my mental anguish.

I did not learn to feel as a male, I was told how to be a male. Now I have trouble integrating with those around me who seem to portray that "maleness" which I did not feel. It is like living a life sentence and not knowing why I was convicted. I know I have a lot of images of what I think I am. I know the females in our society do not have a picnic. I have experienced very little of having to get up and make myself presentable. I have not had to be discriminated against as a female on the job. I have not had to face sexual harassment in order to keep my job. I have not faced the fact a woman doing the same job I do receives $.60 on every dollar I get. So why would I want to jump feet first into a life with those perils and odds being stacked against me? Just to have the opportunity of being integrated, functionally whole. I have lived half a lifetime being barely functional as a Human Being. Isn't it time I had a chance at trying to become that which I have the potential to be? Or do I continue the lies I believe I'm living? Do I have a new "family," Society, that is going to tell me what's "right" for me?

This is a confusing and complex issue. For some, the male part of their psyche is not a problem. Perhaps, for me, it is simply a matter of being a crossdresser and living for the short time I can climb into the clothes of those that our society currently calls female or feminine. Or, perhaps, if clothing and mannerisms do change and gender portrayal is no longer an issue, I will be able to integrate.

I wouldn't make a physically pretty woman or be able to muster the energy and courage it takes to be feminine. I am having a hell of a time trying to integrate this male masquerade. I hope the rest of you are having better luck.

Bye for now,

With love to you all, Debbie

Plain Dealer Fashion Editor

They're frustrating, unpredictable, easily offended and need a lot of pampering. We love 'em, we hate 'em, and darn few of us admit we can live without 'em.

Not men dearie. Pantyhose.

Indeed, along with getting the right to vote, pantyhose are probably the most significant thing that's happened to women in the 20th century. Before pantyhose, girdles and garter belts were a fact of female life from the time a girl had her 13th birthday until the day she died. How else was she supposed to keep her stockings up?

Grouse all you want about short skirts, but keep in mind that if it wasn't for the mini, pantyhose probably never would have been invented. The idea of combining stockings with panties in one piece first popped up with a French patent in 1958. But it was British designer Mary Quant and the fashion revolution she sparked in the early 60's with her mad, mod minuscule skirts that made pantyhose absolutely essential. With hemlines riding high on the thigh, the garters had to go.

By the time the mini was retired to that Great Runway in the Sky (for a little while, at least), pantyhose had become more than an accessory. They were a necessity for the growing number of women who had returned to the work force and were too busy juggling kids, car pools, computers, and aerobics classes to fuss with hosiery the old fashion way.

Pantyhose are quick, slick, easy and painless (those garters hurt!), and, as it turned out, there was seemingly no way to end to what could be done with them, both technically and fashionably.

Early on nylon yarns such as Cantrese and Agilon were like sandpaper compared to the space-age wonders of today's Lycra spandex. Certainly pantyhose have made great strides in sizing; where once they came in only S, M and L, now there's a whole alphabet soup to pick from.

And if there's a hot designer trend in the works, you can be sure there'll be a pair of pantyhose to match it: stripes, plaids, polka dots and posey prints, Lace and mesh. "Fashion colors" like teal, loden, sage, claret, mustard, sienna, plum and hot pink.

No wonder the average annual consumption of pantyhose is 14 pairs per woman þ and still climbing.

Still, while we acknowledge that they're getting better all the time, we know in our hearts that there's no such thing as a perfect pair of pantyhose. Not even the $270 silk and cashmere Swiss made Fogals, regarded as the Porsches of the pantyhose kingdom, that Princess Di is especially fond of. Or Anne Klein designer Louis dell'Olio's fancy pantyhose glitzed up with hand set Swarovski crystals to the tune of $425.

Put them on a rough toenail and they'll have the same chance of survival as a two -buck pair of L'eggs.

And while we're grateful, yes, for all the miracle fibers that have enhanced the look, fit and feel of modern pantyhose, the mere act of buying them can be a frustrating experience. "Dear God, this is like buying cereal," sighed an exasperated woman standing in front of a wall full of No-Nonsense and L'eggs at a Rocky River drugstore.

How true. L'eggs changed the whole concept of pantyhose marketing by making them accessible in the places women shop the most þ supermarkets,and drugstores. The company churns out more than 600 variations in color, style, size, fiber, blend, etc., in those cute plastic and foil eggs (which by the way are in the process of being phased out in favor of the more politically correct recycled paper box). And the Hanes display is mind-boggling with it's 10 Ultra Sheers, 7 Silk Reflections and 3 Ultra Silks.

Most manufacturers color-code their package to identify their various type of hose, but unless you take the time to read every word on the package, you may not be getting the pantyhose you think you are.

But what specifically do we like or don't like about pantyhose? To find out, we assembled a group of volunteers to test 14 nationally known brands ranging in price from around $2 to $14 and in sizes from petite to plus. (You can imagine what a doozy of a shopping trip this turned out to be!)

Each participant tested a brand she had seldom, or never, worn before, but in the size she would normally buy. We also tried to keep the styles similar so that one brand would not have an advantage in durability over another (i.e. reinforced toes or a shot of gutsy Lycra).

We requested the women to wear their test hose for at least five days or until they gave out, whichever came first. One woman was able to keep her pair going for almost a month before she got a single run!

Our survey indicated that once they find a brand that's dependable, most women will stick with it tenaciously. Some might juggle between two, depending on the occasion (tending to spring more for a more expensive brand when dressing up) or the season (it's interesting that some pantyhose were regarded as "summer" and others as "winter").

Favorite brands? L'eggs and Hanes got five votes each (they happen to be made by the same company); Liz Claiborne, two, and Round the Clock, Donna Karan and Evan-Picone, one vote each. One woman said she'd been buying hers from a mail-order hosiery "club" for years; a couple of others had no problem with the budget-priced house brands at discount stores.

The volunteers were asked to record any embarrassing experiences. Just about everybody has had to suffer through a day with pantyhose that commenced to roll down over the hips until they ended somewhere in the vicinity of the crotch. But this story is a real corker:

"I was going to the airport to meet this fellow I was dating. I was late, so I just threw on some slacks I had been the day before. As we left the gate, I felt my left foot dragging something on the floor. I looked down and there, peeking out of my pant leg, was yesterday's pantyhose. I had undressed hurriedly and pulled the pants and hose off all at once."

"I had to stop in the middle of the crowded concourse, grab hold of this long hunk of nylon and pull it out of my pant leg."

Not to worry, It could happen to anyone. Even Princess Di.

HOW TO TAKE CARE OF THEM

þ Start off by always buying the correct size. Refer to the charts on the pantyhose packages and get the size you actually are þ not the size you wish you were.

þ Pantyhose that contain some percentage of spandex yarns are usually more durable and comfortable and will probably fit better as well, as opposed to 100% nylon.

þ Remove jewelry (rings, watches, bracelets) before putting on pantyhose.

þ Make sure fingernails and cuticles are smooth and toenails are short. Always work with the flat part of your fingers. (Wearing special hosiery gloves or plain white cotton gloves is a good idea.

þ After every wearing, hand-wash each pair separately in cold or luke-warm (never hotter) sudsy water and rinse; if you want to throw them in the washing machine, put then in a mesh lingerie bag and use the gentle cycle. (Many manufacturers suggest using Woolite or a similar product that's gentle, pH balanced and contains no bleach, because repeated dunkings in ordinary alkaline detergents can damage delicate fibers.

þ Never launder pantyhose in chlorine bleach þ not even if they're white or ivory. It weakens nylon and spandex and causes yellowing.

þ After washing them, dry them flat rather than hanging them up, which tends to stretch them out of shape. Or, again, place them in the mesh bag and put them in the dryer with low heat.

þ Don't keep pantyhose in the same drawer with items that could snag them; i.e., belts, purses, jewelry. Store them in a small plastic bag (most pantyhose are packaged with one).

þ Avoid standing directly behind a car muffler, as chemicals in the exhaust weaken fibers in pantyhose.

þ Giving pantyhose a light spritz of spray starch after drying often helps them resist runs.

þ No matter what you're mother told you, freezing pantyhose will not increase their longevity.

HOW TO PUT THEM ON

One of our pantyhose panelists confessed that she always blames herself when she gets a run or snag "because of the way I put them on."

"Until a pair is stretched, you have to find their grace point," she explained. "That's the place where you can get one leg on and pulled up far enough so that you feel you've made some headway . . . but not so far that you can't get them on the other foot."

But she cautioned, "this is not a good method if a man is watching you put on your pantyhose . . . and all men are fascinated by this!"

We are happy to say that there is a better and much more graceful way to get through this daily ritual. Jockey for Her offers these step by step directions. They seem a lot of trouble, but with a bit of practice, it becomes a quick and easy routine.

1. Sit down. Gather the material of one leg in both hands, working your way to the toe seam. Insert your foot and slowly work the stocking to your ankle. Pull snugly to evenly distribute the pantyhose over your calf. Do the same with the other foot.

2. Pull the hose slowly up your legs, alternating from left to right.

3. As you pull the pantyhose over your upper thighs, take care to ensure the cotton crotch fits snugly against your body and the material has been uniformly stretched over your legs.

4. Pull the pantyhose over your hips and them up to your waist. Flatten the waistband all the way round to ensure complete comfort.

JOCKEY FOR HER

PRICE AND SIZE: $6.50; medium,-tall

STYLE:Sheer & Comfortable; 85% nylon, 15% Lycra spandex

TEST RESULTS: The panty part fit and felt good and the nylon was nice and warm for winter. But after the first washing, they sagged at the ankles, and they didn't feel feminine þ too rough to the touch. I definitely wouldn't wear them for formal evening occasions. They started to snag after the second day; I don't know why because I didn't notice it until I got home from work. I kept on wearing them for six more days until suddenly, I got this big runner that just sort of spread wide open. I washed them by hand a couple of nights and the rest of the time on gentle cycle in the washer.

MOST STRESSFUL SITUATION: Crawling around on my knees under my desk at the office.

PEEVES: I always wear sheer toes, and that's where a run begins.

FAVORITE BRAND: L'eggs because I get a good fit, but mostly because I hate to shop and they can be bought almost anywhere I happen to be þ the supermarket, drugstore, convince store.

GIVENCHY

PRICE AND SIZE: $7; D

STYLE: French Ultra Sheer; 92% nylon, 8% Lycra spandex

TEST RESULTS: I'm tall, and I liked these because the legs were long enough. They seemed sheer enough, but I don't like pantyhose that are sheer to the waist without any toe support. And the crotch was tight. I got a run my fourth day, and all I was doing was standing around. I washed them out by hand every night.

MOST STRESSFUL SITUATION: Nothing more strenuous than walking up and down stairs several times a day. PEEVES: It makes me mad that I just can't buy any brand because I never know if they'll be long enough for me. If they aren't, they end up around my knees.

FAVORITE BRAND: L'eggs because they're cheap and I can find them in any drugstore; plus they usually fit if I get the right size. They don't feel very sheer, but I can throw them into the washer. Liz Claiborne's are long enough and sheer enough for dressy occasions.

L'EGGS

PRICE AND SIZE: $2.09 (at convenience store); Q

STYLE: Regular sheer toe; 100% nylon

TEST RESULTS: A snag popped out of nowhere the first time I put them on, but I was able to stop it from running with clear nail polish. By the time I got to work, there were a few more snags, but no runs. My test pair were the cheapest kind of L'eggs, and they felt kind of flimsy and the color was a dingy sort of black; if I had bought them myself, I would have gotten Sheer Elegance because they have spandex in them which makes them a little gutsier. But the fit was OK. I'm not tall, but I have to buy extra-tall or queen-size pantyhose to get them over my tummy. On the third morning, I got a nice-size run in the panty part. But for a couple of bucks, these aren't bad.

MOST STRESSFUL SITUATION: I guess just putting them on, because my legs and hands were awfully scaly and dry from the cold weather. If they had been more expensive, I probably would have been more careful.

PEEVES: Why aren't pantyhose sizes standardized? I can never trust those charts on the back of the packages. But then I look at how crazy it is to buy clothes. You better believe men would never put up with this!

FAVORITE BRAND: Donna Karen because she's such a great designer, so who could she make bad pantyhose; Liz Claiborne because it's usually on top of the fashion colors.

EVAN-PICONE

PRICE AND SIZE: $5; small

STYLE: Silkee Sheer Control Top; 100% nylon.

TEST RESULTS: I hated the control top þ too binding and found I dreaded putting them on every day. I forced myself to wear them with tighter-fitting clothes so I could get the control benefit when I needed it. They wore like iron, and I had no snags at all after six days of wearing. They felt good on my legs. I hand-washed this pair with other hose, rinsed and line-dried them.

MOST STRESSFUL SITUATION: I fell flat on the ground on a snowy day. I will buy this brand!

PEEVES: Snags and inconsistent sizing. If I don't know the brand, I'm just as likely to get a pair that's too long and sags as one that's too short and tears.

FAVORITE BRAND: L'eggs or K mart brands because they're inexpensive.

CALVIN KLEIN

PRICE AND SIZE: $7; C

STYLE: Daytime Sheer; 86% nylon, 14% Lycra spandex

TEST RESULTS: I liked the nice, pale color (buff) and the texture. They were very sturdy. After seven days, they were still in good shape. I hand-washed them and dried them every night; I usually machine-wash and dry my pantyhose in big batches, but this wasn't practical with one pair.

MOST STRESSFUL SITUATION: Normal wear and tear at the office, and I did walk around in them at home with no shoes.

PEEVES: Bagging and wrinkles at the ankles. And there is no excuse because I don't have skinny ankles. A lot of waistbands roll and pinch and cause pain. And of course, getting snags and runs the first time you put on a new pair.

FAVORITE BRAND: Silkies, which I order from the Hosiery Corp of America, because of the convince of getting them by mail and also a good fit.

HANES

PRICE AND SIZE: $3.95; Queen 3X

STYLE: Fitting Pretty Sheer; 100% nylon

TEST RESULTS: They fit well. They don't roll down at the waist and seem quite sturdy. But they tended to wrinkle at the ankles sometimes. I might have been better off with a smaller size in this brand. I wore them for 24 days before the seem in the crotch gave out (they weren't too tight, however). I washed them by hand.

MOST STRESSFUL SITUATION: Trimming the Christmas tree and wrapping packages.

PEEVES: I hate it when they're too short from the crotch to the waist. And getting holes in the sandlefoot hose. It's hard to find reinforced toes anymore.

FAVORITE BRAND: Just My Size (L'eggs oversized styles) because I'm full-figured and they fit me best.

ISOTONER

PRICE AND SIZE: $4.50; 3

STYLE: Silky Sheer Control Top; 85% nylon 15% spandex

TEST RESULTS: They wore well, and I liked the weave of this nylon. I had no dislikes. I stuck a fingernail through the upper left thigh the first time I was putting them on, but it didn't run too badly and I was able to repair them with nail polish and finish the test. I washed them out every night.

MOST STRESSFUL SITUATION: I wore them to exercise class one night, and even with a hole in them, they survived!

PEEVES: I wish they would hold their shape better. They stretch too much.

FAVORITE BRAND: Liz Claiborne, because they fit and wear well on me.

DONNA KAREN

PRICE AND SIZE: $9; small

STYLE: Just Sheer; 83% nylon, 17% Lycra

TEST RESULTS: They felt great. I loved the fit. My test pair was nude, which I never wear, so I didn't like the color. I machine-washed and line dried them. The second time i wore them, they got a run, even though all I was doing was outing them on. Still I liked them enough to go out and buy some in black.

MOST STRESSFUL SITUATION: My dog got hold of them and tried to tear them apart.

PEEVES: Fit! And their condition after just one wearing, if they last that long.

FAVORITE BRAND: Evan-Picone because they seem to fit well and last longer than other brands.

CHRISTIAN DIOR

PRICE AND SIZE: $6; medium

STYLE: Diorissimo Ultrasheer; 100% nylon TEST RESULTS: They looked smooth and sheer and natural; the size was comfortable because they don't ride up or fall down. But after I was sitting for a long time, they felt kind of rough textured. After four days, I got a run at the toe when I took off my shoes. I hand-washed them in warm water and Woolite and hung them up to dry.

MOST STRESSFUL SITUATION: Laundering was probably the toughest thing I subjected them to.

PEEVES: If they're durable, they're too thick; if they're sheer, they snag too easily. Also, the skin toned shades for black women are unnatural þ coffee is too dark; tan too light.

FAVORITE BRAND: Hanes Silk Reflections because they're durable and comfortable.

PARKLANE

PRICE AND SIZE: $4 (house label from national chain of hosiery specialty stores); medium

STYLE: Sheer and Silky; 88% nylon, 14% Lycra

TEST RESULTS: They felt silky on my legs and never lost their shape, but the waistband was itchy after the first day. I never did get a run, and wore them an extra day after the test was officially over. They even went into the washing machine with a bunch of jeans and survived.

MOST STRESSFUL SITUATION: This is a long story. I went to the Bahamas for the weekend with a bunch of girlfriends, and we gate-crashed Club Med. They caught us and threw us out, and wouldn't let us call a taxi, so we had to walk a couple of miles along the beach to a big hotel. It was sandy, of course, I had to take my shoes off. And the pantyhose survived.

PEEVES: It never fails. Every time I spring for a pair of expensive pantyhose, they run the very first time. It seems the cheaper they are, the longer they last.

FAVORITE BRAND: Hanes because they're reasonably priced and I can get at least two or three wearings out of them. They make a lot of different colors, too, which is important to me.

FOGAL

PRICE AND SIZE: $14; tall

STYLE: Fine Sheer Saint Trop; 100% stretch nylon, Swiss made

TEST RESULTS: At that price, these had to be good and they were! They were very sturdy and didn't snag or run a bit. If I could find the color I liked, I would wear them all the time. But I don't think they're sized very well. If I had weighed a quarter ounce more, I wouldn't be able to get them on, even though the chart on the back of the package indicated they would fit me. I hand washed them every night.

MOST STRESSFUL SITUATION: My life in general.

PEEVES: They're never long enough for me. I'm 5 feet 10 and weigh about 145 pounds and so often the pantyhose for my dimensions stop at my hips. Sometimes I have to go to queen size to get them right. And why do those expensive sheer black-evening quality pantyhose run the minute you put them on?

FAVORITE BRAND: L'eggs because they're inexpensive and easily picked up on routine grocery runs at the supermarket.

ROUND THE CLOCK

PRICE AND SIZE: $3.50; C

STYLE: Classic Sheer; 100% nylon

TEST RESULTS: I'd never worn this brand before, but after the test, I would consider buying them. They were long enough, comfortable and I had no snags or runs þ but I do wear white cotton gloves when I'm putting on my pantyhose. I do prefer my hose more sheer than the ones I tested, though þ the black was too dark. I put my pantyhose in a nylon laundry bag and throw it into the wash.

MOST STRESSFUL SITUATION: Nothing unusual.

PEEVES: I have none. I'm glad pantyhose were invented because I wouldn't wear one of those garter-belt contraptions. I don't like it, though, when I buy "tall" pantyhose and discover they're not long enough once I get them on and have to spend all day pulling them up for fear they'll fall down around my knees.

FAVORITE BRAND: Spent. They're a little more expensive but I try to buy them on sale because they wear so well, which means they'll usually last a month or two.

NO NONSENSE

PRICE AND SIZE: $2.19 (at drugstore); medium to tall.

STYLE: Sheer to Waist Sandlefoot; 100% nylon.

TEST RESULTS: These were one of the sturdiest pairs of pantyhose I've ever worn. I washed them in the washing machine (in a nylon bag) about four times, and climbed in and out of my car with them without so much as a nick. They still haven't run. I didn't like the nondescript color þ it was supposed to be black, but it was more of a dusty grey. Which is why I would never wear these with a skirt unless I was desperate, but they're perfect under pants. Also they're all nylon, so they trap odors.

MOST STRESSFUL SITUATION: They were tossed in a wicker basket with other dirty clothes on top of them. PEEVES: They don't last long enough, but I guess if they did, pantyhose companies would go out of business. Also I'm black, and it seems to me that lately, it's become very hard to find a flattering shade of brown. Spent makes Gentlebrown, but other than that, pretty brown stockings just aren't out there.

FAVORITE BRAND: The Hit or Miss house brand in winter because they're a little heavier and warmer, and at three pairs for $8.99 the price can't be beat. In summer, I like Spent; they're nice and sheer and light, which is what I want for warmer months. They're just as sheer as the more expensive brands, but they cost less.

LIZ CLAIBORNE

PRICE AND SIZE: $5.50; medium.

STYLE: Silky Sheer; 88% nylon, 12% Lycra spandex.

TEST RESULTS: No complaints. I liked the way they kept their shape. After four days, they ripped in the crotch while I was putting them on. I didn't launder them at all; I don't wash my pantyhose until the toes crack!

MOST STRESSFUL SITUATION: I was doing the laundry one morning before I went to work and running up and down the stairs wearing them without any shoes.

PEEVES: Instant runs on the very first wearing, especially very sheer pantyhose.

FAVORITE BRAND: Around the Clock because the color selection is good and the price is reasonable.

Columbus Dispatch

[An article from the DEC91/JAN92 issue of The Crystal Chronicle]

I Didn't have to glance twice at the snapshot from last month's vacation to The North Carolina Outer Banks to realize that the moon rising over the largely deserted Nags Head Beach at dusk was not celestial, but anatomical. Apparently on a dare, my 16-year-old son decided to taunt his older brother (holding the camera at the time) by showing him what comedian Dan Aykroyd once made Famous on Saturday Night Live as the "workman's smile."

Adolescence irreverence notwithstanding, my son might not have committed posterior to posterity had he thought about the 26-year-old Tampa, Fla., secretary who, some years back, permitted her boyfriend to photograph her in "various states of undress" only to have copies of those photos (which she later regretted and destroyed along with the negatives) show up at a party in a photo album alleged to belong to an ex- employee of the photo processor who developed her film.

Wendy Ellingson, the subject of those photos, now has sued that former employee, two of his co-workers, and the Jack Eckerd Corp, parent company of Eckerd Express Photo, the outfit that developed her pictures.

The photo album that was believed to have been the hit of numerous parties is said to contain pictures of more than 100 women, some of them totally naked.

It is an almost universal standard throughout the photo- processing business that the copying of a customer's photos by an employee is the grounds for immediate dismissal.

Bill Pfeiffer, business manager of Cord Camera & Video, which operates 17 photo-processing outlets in central Ohio, acknowledged that rule but said his company has rarely had to use it.

Over the past four years, he allowed, "It seems there was an incident where a person was found with some prints on them and had to be let go."

"As for risque," he said, "we get a lot of them that come through the lab. If it is just slightly off-color, or there is a degree of nudity, you can censor it. We don't have near the trouble of people trying to slip pornographic things by on us that we did years ago."

What photo processors do see, however, to hear a few of them talk about it, may not be criminal, though it suggests a fundamental lack of understanding by consumers that other human beings -- strangers -- will be staring at what the camera shutter only winked at.

"You wouldn't believe it if you saw it," maintained Kris Gross, for six years a photo processor in both Cleveland and Columbus. "We're talking nudity. When I worked at the Cord at Reynoldsburg, there was a dentist who regularly brought in photos of his wife naked. She'd be setting the table, talking on the phone, taking out the garbage, and that was taken outside.

"We had one guy who was trying to do gay pornographic greeting card covers. It was a crotch shot over a birthday cake... We had a man and a woman who made love in his office, or maybe it was her office."

She recalls one particular roll of film that really stopped her in her tracks. On the negative it resembled some form of mayhem or mutilation. She remembered, "I'm printing this roll of film, and I'm looking at this negative going, 'What the hell is that?' It sort of looked like it might be murder or something. When it came out (in print) it was a pig."

A group of revelers at a pig roast apparently decided that before they put the splayed and gutted porker on the spit, it might be kind of neat m photograph it sitting on the toilet. "They were putting hats on it," Gross, incredulous, she remembered.

"We've had nude shots of different types," said Jodi Wolfe, manager of Sunbury 1-Hour Photo. A male acquaintance of Wolfe's from high school recently brought a roll of film into the shop and asked specifically that Jodi process it.

What was it?

"Him naked," she wearily said.

The strangest thing she has seen lately, though, was a roll of film brought in by a football coach. The first half of the roll depicted the coach going about his duties. Nothing unusual. But of the remainder she said, "the other half of the roll had him dressed up as a girl, pantyhose and all."

A few depicted him in full drag; others, she added, showed him in nothing but a bra, panties and pantyhose.

It sort of makes a photo of a halfmoon on the beach at Nags Head seem as pale as it was when the camera clicked.

["A Negative Situation" - originally appeared in The Columbus Dispatch on September 4, 1991. I thought it was pertinent to our club for several reasons. First of all, it reminds us that we must be discreet about getting photographs developed, Lord knows we take a just a few! Unless you are ready to go public about your "hobby" you might want to be sure not to use half of a roll wherein the opposite half reveals your other identity.

Another precaution would be to take the film to a photo processor different from the one close to home where you take all your "regular pics" to be developed. You just can't be too careful, because when some people discover your little secret, they may think its bizarre and can't keep quiet about it. Which brings me to my second point.

Sad to say, Although we've made some strides in the past few years, the general public does not seem ready to accept crossdressing (especially M 2 F). Not when a photo processor who has probably seen it all, thinks a football coach in drag is stranger than a gutted pig on a toilet or a woman taking out the trash in the nude while her husband the dentist takes pictures of her.

This just emphasizes our need to educate the public about transgendered issues and let them know what we're all about. That is one of the main purposes of The Crystal Club and other such support groups. Hopefully, someday we won't have to be so clandestine about our activities. I.F.G.E. (The International Foundation for Gender Education), has been a driving force in this direction -- Lana.]

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