List of Officers:
President: Gloria Fenton
Vice President: Michelle Stuart
Sec/Treasurer: Deborah Lynnette Lee
Newsletter Staff:
Editor: Tanya
Associate Editor: Debbie
Associate Editor: Sheryl
Graphics Editor: Deborah
PRESIDENTS'S VIEW By Gloria
MICHELLE'S MUSINGS By Michelle Stuart
MEETING MINUTES
NOTES OF INTEREST
EDITORIAL
QUESTION OF THE MONTH
PARTNER'S PERSPECTIVE
MY FIRST HOLIDAY EN FEMME By Elaine
FEMME VIEWS By Rhonda Marie L
SOME THOUGHTS ABOUT CHICAGO By Deborah Lynette Lee
LETTER FROM GLORIA By Gloria Fenton
A MISSIVE A letter by Karen Ashley
PART OF ME By Sue Mc
MIRACLES DO HAPPEN By Deborah Lynette Lee
TO BE A "SO" OR NOT A "SO"
TERMINOLOGY FOR THE CROSSDRESSING COMMUNITY By Virginia Prince
TERM "BIGENDERAL" CORRECT IN REFERENCE TO THE COMMUNITY?
THE EMOTIONAL TRIANGLE
MARILYN'S MISCELLANEOUS
EXPERT SHARES TIPS FOR THOSE OVER SIZE 12
During the January business meeting, I mentioned several thoughts and asked you, as members, to think about them. They included such items as ideas for a new place to meet, increasing our vendor's list, new project ideas for the coming year, a local newspaper feature on our group, etc. Reading the "new business" section of the meeting minutes will fill you in on any I may have missed here.
Your officers need you to think about these ideas and give us your thoughts and suggestions. We need your input in order for this chapter to continue growing and do its best to satisfy the wants, needs and desires of our members, now and for the future. Please take a few minutes and jot down any ideas and/or suggestions on how to implement such projects. Bring them with you to the next meeting or send them to me at the Elyria P.O. box. I make this request to all members, full or associate, wives or partners who have not joined as yet and to those helping professionals who receive this newsletter.
We must do all we can to make Alpha Omega worthwhile to all those who are out there that could use our help. To paraphrase an old sales idiom, "What you did in the past is fine, but what are you doing now and what have you planned for the future?"
In February, nominations for officers will be taken. There are several people very worthy of holding office in this chapter and I encourage a healthy competition for the offices, as befits an organization with active, caring members.
Any active member with one year of membership may hold office. This provision is part of our newly ratified constitution. My highest praise goes to the Constitution Committee that worked long and hard to revamp the document for presentation to the membership. As a group, we have a solid base to work from due to the new constitution and I see continued growth and progress ahead.
I would also like to award special recognition to "G.H." Kay - for her generous contribution to and support of Alpha Omega and to another member (who prefers to remain anonymous) who donated a new VCR to the chapter. My heart is so warmed by these special people for their gifts! On behalf of Alpha Omega, I say "Thank You!" for your love and caring.
January's discussion session was, as most such sessions, very spirited and insightful. This is one reason discussion sessions rated very highly on our recent survey. Also, it sounds like February's "Hobby Night" will be a lot of fun.
Special thanks to Diane for her help to the Food Committee and to Kristen and JoAnn for the "sinfully good" snacks they brought.
I try to acknowledge every member's contributions to the chapter. Sandy and Cheryl have done a great job with the monthly door prize and 50/50 raffles; Jennifer with entertainment; Tanya and Deborah Lee with the newsletter; Rhonda L. for her beautiful poem in the last newsletter; Kathy with all her help and Michelle, who is always there with a helping hand.
If I have missed someone, I will say this to you all. I have praise for each and every one of you in my heart. Because of you, my duties have been far easier to fulfill. In times to come, I know each of you will help the new officers and Alpha Omega will continue to be THE BEST organization I know of! See you in February!
Sincerely, Gloria
Hi Girls,
The Holidays are now behind us and it will be a few months before the warm weather will return.
I hope you all had a nice Christmas and New Year's. Mine was okay. I got together with my family. My niece and her husband from Tennessee brought their little boy to join us for Xmas.
I took two weeks off for the holiday season to relax and work around my condo, cleaning and all that kind of stuff. I waxed the floors and got quite a dandy blister on my left knee while doing them.
When I vacuumed my carpet, I used that rug powder that comes in all kinds of scents to make your place smell like a garden. Works really nice. I also got some of those plug-in air fresheners. You know, those gadgets you plug into your wall outlets. I had about six or seven of them plugged in all around the house, making the place smell heavenly! Of the various scents, I like the potpourri best.
I had an unfortunate incident happen to me, or rather my condo, a couple days before Christmas. Apparently someone had too much at a Xmas party and bumped into my garage door, creasing two panels beyond repair. (I checked my bumper just in case I was that "someone". I was innocent!) I give my apologies to the jerk for my garage door getting in his way! Anyhow, the panels are now replaced at no cost to me. My insurance took care of it. I'll have to wait for warmer weather to repaint the door, however.
I think we all had a nice time at the chapter Christmas party. The awards ceremony was very well done. Jenny did a nice job presenting the different awards.
I became teary-eyed when Deborah received her award as I have long felt she deserved formal recognition for the way she has put her heart into her duties.
It's good to see the chapter moving ahead and growing. Let's all of us see to it the trend continues.
I went shopping the week after New Year's at the post-holiday sales. At Penneys, I fell in love with some cute teddy bears dressed in fancy Victorian dresses and hats. The little dresses were stitched together rather nicely with lots of ruffles, lace and satin. I would love to find a dress like that in my size! I bought one of the bears to place on Michelle's bed, finishing the decor. The one I chose wore a mauve dress and held a basket of flowers. Very lovely! She looks happy on Michelle's bed; sitting amongst the pillows, cute as can be.
I also bought a lovely robe to complete my nightwear wardrobe. It is a full-length quilted robe with long puffed sleeves and a lace-trimmed double collar. It is a pretty pink & mauve floral pattern on a cream background. Very nice indeed!
One evening during the holidays, I was listening to Christmas carols and sipping on a glass of blackberry brandy. Enjoying the relaxing atmosphere, I was thought back to my earliest memories of my love for feminine attire. I remember the first dress I wore. I wonder how many of you can remember your first dress?
My first dress was my older sister's party dress. It was made of pretty light green nylon with little pink roses embroidered all over. It had a knee-length ruffled skirt and short puffed sleeves. The collar had a wide curved yoke with lace trim. It buttoned down the back and had a large bow at the back waist. What a cute dress it was!
I fondly remembered being four years old when my sister buttoned me up in that sweet little dress and applied a little lipstick and blush to my face. I would be her little sister for the day. I remember standing nest to her while she sat on the couch reading. I held my little stuffed panda bear, pretending it was my baby. Ah, the instincts of motherly love!
Back then, I had no feelings of guilt. My sister and the rest of the family thought it was just fine to dress a little boy as a girl. I was happy; they were happy. All was well back then.
Unfortunately, as I grew older things began to change. I remember my mother finally giving that wonderful dress to the next door neighbor's little girl. I was sad knowing I would never see it again.
As I grew, it was no longer okay for me to dress as a girl. The sweet innocence was gone but I never forgot that little dress. I wonder if it is still around somewhere, long forgotten in someone's attic?
Wouldn't it be wonderful should, someday, I'd find it while browsing the racks in a second hand store? I'd buy it in an instant and take it home to where it belongs, in my heart. I would revere it as a symbol of a more innocent time in my life when I felt free to be who I really am.
I imagine many of us have stories similar to the one I have just told. How about you writing an article about your first memories, your first dress?
Love, Michelle
There were 22 people in attendance: Gloria and Kathleen, Deborah and Elaine, Michelle, Cheryl and Sandy, Kristen and Joann, Karen and Mary, Diane and Allie, Tanya, Jennifer, Pam F., Pam D., Billie, Sue, Megan, Barb, and Rhonda M.
Old Business: The Treasurer's report and minutes from the last business meeting (November) were read. The treasury was in better shape than expected. This was because one of our lifetime members generously contributed a cash donation to our group. Our thanks goes out to this person. One of our regular members donated a new VCR to the group. This member wishes to remain anonymous. Once again, our thanks. Gloria suggested that the surcharge might be used to purchase a color television. Jennifer made the motion to purchase the TV, Rhonda seconded. Discussion was held. A vote was taken, and the motion passed. A concern about possible theft and the need for insurance was expressed. We will look into insurance coverage (including any the motel may have).
As of tonight's meeting, we have received enough ballots to ratify the new constitution. Gloria's thanks to the constitution committee who put forth a great deal of effort and time on this project.
Wives and Partners are reminded to get their surveys in if they have not already done so.
Michelle has been appointed to chair the Big Sisters program for our chapter.
The possibility of having a chapter membership directory had been mentioned in November's meeting. The idea was not well liked because it would include addresses. Gloria asked that we think about having the directory without addresses and with photographs optional.
Gloria gave another reminder to send in contributions to our newsletter. She also thanked all those who brought in decorations and goodies, and otherwise helped to make our Christmas party a success. Gloria also thanked Jennifer and Tanya for their work on the Awards program.
Tanya was asked to contact Janet Jackson about providing a column for our newsletter.
New Business: Vendor Directory: Gloria would like to see this expanded. She asked that we think about what would be a good way to approach businesses to find places where we can go to shop within a secure environment.
Video Tapes: Our initial recording came out well, if long. Gloria asked that the video tape committee start thinking about a revised format for a re-shoot of these tapes.
February will be nominations for officers for next year. Under our new constitution you must be a full member for one year to run for office.
Entertainment committee: Jennifer talked about several ideas for future meetings. One is vendor night, where our members who sell items that are of interest to the group would do presentations. Another is a Hobby night, where each member would bring in something relating to a hobby she has and talk a little bit about it. Jennifer also has a psychologist lined up to speak. It was decided that February would be hobby night.
National has asked Alpha Omega about doing a survey for the Femme Mirror. Jenny will be handling this survey on a national basis. She will need help with tabulating results.
Gloria asked that we think about setting up outside activities for various members of the group such as wives, couples, singles, etc. She also asked that we think about getting articles published in local papers about our "paraculture" and group. This would be one way to expand our outreach program.
Gloria asked that we think about looking for another place to meet. A good location would have to include a meeting room, rooms for changing and staying, possibly a kitchenette and locked storage - all this and more at an affordable price. Tanya had spoken with Paradise representatives who are also interested in finding a new location. It was suggested that we form a joint committee for this project.
Gloria asked that we think about other ideas for outreach programs and other ideas for the coming year.
Rhonda volunteered to send letters to members we haven't seen for awhile. This would be coordinated through the officers.
Rhonda suggested we send a thank you card to our lifetime member for her donation. Jenny has sent a card on behalf of the group. But we will get a card the whole group can sign, and send that too. Kathleen will get one for the next meeting.
Tanya motioned the meeting be adjourned. Kathleen seconded.
February Meeting
The February 8th meeting will be held at the Manor. The primary item of business for the evening will be the nomination of candidates for the positions of President, Vice President and Secretary/Treasurer of the chapter. All Active Members with one year's membership in the chapter are eligible for nomination. A list of those meeting the eligibility requirement is printed later in this issue. Please study the list carefully and make your choices for nominations.
For the evening's entertainment/edification we are going to "steal a page" from some of our sister chapters and hold a "Hobby Night" to allow us to get to know each other better outside of the parameters set by our mutual feminine desires.
Each member is asked to prepare to spend five minutes speaking on her most satisfying avocation. All are asked to also bring something for "Show and Tell". (I don't know what Jenny and I will do. Neither her bassboat nor my Civil War cannon will fit down the steps to the meeting room!)
Just as a reminder, ALL in attendance - "Roses" (wives) and "Dandelions" (crossdressers) - will be asked to speak on their hobbies. Be prepared ladies. No one will be allowed to hide in the corner hoping she will be overlooked!
Coming Attractions
In March, after the election of officers, we hope to have Dr. Feo, a psychologist who specializes in gender issues, as our speaker. (No, that's not a "typo". Cleveland's Dr. Feo has the same specialty as the more nationally known Dr. Peo.) He has spoken to the Paradise Club before and was most warmly received.
In April, after our annual organizational meeting, will be "local vendors' night". Expect Elaine to speak on Avon cosmetics, Maureen Lake to speak on electrolysis, Jennifer to speak on wigs and some old fat broad to speak on breast prostheses. There should be more but, as yet, I cannot say who for sure. Should be interesting and informative!
In this issue you will find another chapter of "Femme Views" by Rhonda M. Rhonda has been writing her column off and on for three years. This month's version, however, is one I find extremely interesting as it tells a little of the history of the crossdressing community here in the Cleveland area. At this point, I would ask that you turn to Rhonda's article and read it. When you are finished, come on back here.
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OK, you're back. Rhonda spoke of attending a meeting of crossdressers, and meeting Virginia Prince, here in Cleveland about 20 years ago. Few realize that Alpha Omega is not the first chapter of our national organization to exist in NE Ohio. In "the old days", our national organization was known as Phi Pi Epsilon, or "FPE" for short. In 1976, FPE merged with Carol Beecroft's "Mamselle Sorority" to become Sigma Sigma Sigma ("the Society for the Second Self"), or "Tri Ess."
For reasons unknown to me, that early Phi Pi Epsilon chapter didn't last very long. The chapter, and its membership, just seemed to fade from the scene. Rhonda is the first girl I've met who even attended a meeting. I often wonder what happened to those ladies who were members of the chapter, the ones she met that night years ago. Could some still be in the area?
Rhonda's article also brought out a fact which, for me, was a revelation. She stated the reason Virginia was in town was to appear on a local television show. I can tell you the show Virginia appeared on was "The Morning Exchange" and, I believe, the exact year was 1972. I know because I saw that program.
I was in my early twenty's at the time. By then I had learned I wasn't the only "weirdo" in the world who like to dress in women's clothing but, other than that, understood little about this part of my life that affected me so deeply. By sheer chance, I happened to be watching the right channel at the right time when they ran an "On tomorrow's 'Morning Exchange'..." advertisement announcing they were going to interview some guy who lives full-time as a woman! Guess who became conveniently "ill" and called off work for the next day? (Remember: In 1972 the acronym "VCR" didn't exist yet!)
The next morning I was up bright and early. When "Morning Exchange" came on, I was "glued" to the screen. I had to sit through various and sundry segments on cooking, family matters, items of local interest, etc., etc. Finally, there he/she was. MY GOD! A man dressed as a woman on television and comfortable about it! What is this he's saying? I'm not a weirdo! Wanting to dress in feminine clothing doesn't mean I have homosexual tendencies! There are thousands just like me! I really am NORMAL! There's even a national organization of people like me! Holy S--t!!
The interview with Virginia probably lasted a maximum of ten minutes. But what those ten minutes had done for my mental well-being is indescribable. I now knew I wasn't a "pervert". I also - and more importantly - knew I was far from alone.
Virginia gave her address at the end of the interview. I wrote her soon thereafter. As stated in an editorial I wrote last summer, I was unable to join FPE at the time. Then, for various reasons, I buried my femmeself for years thereafter. The seed Virginia planted in 1972 was dormant but far from moribund, however. It germinated in late 1986 and flowered in 1987.
The seed within me had lain dormant for over fourteen years but the important thing was it had been planted in the first place. There had been someone brave enough and with sufficiently strong belief in her convictions to face a hostile world in 1972 and appear on television in an effort to get the word out to those who, like me, were alone and uninformed.
The effect Virginia's appearing on television here in Cleveland 20 years ago shows just how important it is for an organization like ours to have an involved outreach program. Last Spring, Alpha Omega sponsored Donna Mobley's coming from San Antonio to appear on TV8's "Cleveland Tonight" program. We received a number of inquiries about Tri Ess and Alpha Omega but, I suspect, not as many as we hoped for. We must keep in mind, though, we have no idea how many seeds were planted that will germinate later. (But, hopefully, not 14 years from now!)
As daunting as it is, we must look for ways to get our message out - both in explanation to the public at large and, more importantly, to inform those like us they are not alone. The "Cleveland Tonight" show last April was a first step - and a giant one. The video to be shown to college classes, professional people, etc., we are presently working on is a major second step. But where do we go from here? It is time NOW to begin planning the next steps.
April will soon be upon us and a year will have passed since Alpha Omega put forth its message on television. Time to do it again. The print media reaches thousands. Doing a newspaper article has been discussed recently and must be pursued vigorously. Another thought would be to buy copies of Peggy Rudd's books and donating them to area libraries.
I'm sure others among you can come up with many more ideas on how to get our message out. We cannot rest on our laurels. Think about what can be done. Then think what you can do to GET it done!
Lastly, a pleasant note. The other day we received our latest copy of A ROSE NEWS, voice of A Rose in Tempe, AZ. Included with it was a letter from Elsa T., president of this fine organization. In the letter she stated, "It is my personal wish and hope that our newsletters have and contain as much quality as your own LA FEMME SILHOUETTE as you deserve a fair trade in quantity and quality of the newsletters we send you." I would like to extend Alpha Omega's most heartfelt thanks to Elsa for her gracious compliment on our humble monthly. Your comments are greatly appreciated, Young Lady!
Love, Tanya
At the February meeting the following question will be discussed. As in January, each member present will be asked to give a short answer. As stated previously, the idea behind these questions is to spark conversation during social time as well as highlight areas where in depth discussion in the future is needed. What do you consider to be the positive aspects of crossdressing in your life?
We held a Wives and Partners meeting before dinner. There were six wives present. Our topic question gave each person an opportunity to share a part of their personal experience and their feelings about it. As usual, when we meet, we were barely about to scratch the surface when it was time to adjourn for other things.
We are going to try to find a place that is centrally located where we can get together on an off-meeting night. Sandy and Elaine will try to find a place easy to get to and affordable for a meal. The rest of us will check our calendars for February. At next meeting we will nail down a place, date, and time.
A concern that came up was that we had two members in attendance who were not dressed "en femme". It happens that neither of these members attend meetings very often. They are virtual strangers to newer members. Both people had valid reasons for their male attire. Although we request that members attend "en femme", any member can have a night when circumstances simply do not allow the opportunity to dress "appropriately".
Seeing someone (especially someone you don't know) dressed as "himself" can be an uncomfortable and disconcerting experience for some people. It strikes a discordant note when a male, dressed as a male, and exhibiting the mannerisms or habits of a male wants to be addressed by his "femme" name and accepted for his "feminine" self. This is especially difficult for partners who are attempting to gain an understanding of this phenomena known as "crossdressing", and for those who are trying to accept that this need on the part of their husbands is something that will always be there as part of their lives.
For my part, I would never ask a member not to attend a meeting simply because he can't "dress the part." But I would ask that you give consideration to the idea that the way you present yourself at a meeting can have an effect on partners who are going through a fragile time in finding understanding and acceptance.
(This writer's personal hope is that someday society, as a whole, will progress to a point, both intellectually and emotionally, where the garments you choose to adorn your physical body with will be a matter of choice and not a matter of which sex your body is. Then, maybe, we could move on to allowing people to express themselves simply as people without categorizing that expression as "male" or "female". Reality is that we are products of the society we are raised in, and we aren't ready for that leap - yet.)
Debbie and I were up early Wednesday morning. I woke up to find I had laryngitis. While Debbie was getting ready I took our dog Mitzi over to my Mom's for the weekend. When I got back we were ready to start loading the car. Debbie started teasing me about packing enough for a month. I don't know what it was, but for someone who should have been saving her voice, Debbie couldn't shut me up.
When we got to the hotel, we parked the car and went straight to the registration area. After we got our meal tickets and the program from Naomi, we went and registered for our room. Once we were settled in our room, I decided to take a nap. While I slept, Debbie went out to the drugstore for me and got some Hall's Plus cough drops for my throat.
That evening at dinner, I met Jane Ellen and Frances, her wife. A very nice couple. They went around the room and everyone introduced themselves. Of course when it came to me, Debbie had to introduce me because I couldn't talk.
The next morning, after breakfast, we all boarded a bus and toured the city. Everyone was concerned about how I was feeling. One of the Chicago girls went home and got some herbal tea and herbal cough drops. The girls were all very nice.
That evening we went to the Candlelight Dinner Playhouse and saw a production of "Evita". We met the cast afterwards. I didn't know if the cast member was just being kind or what, but she said she couldn't tell who were the real females and who weren't in our group.
My first session was on Friday with Dr. Sandra Cole. The wives and partners who were there just told a little about themselves. After lunch, there was another session with Dr. Cole. Only four of us went back. After the session, I was very tired and having a hard time keeping awake so I went up to the room to take a nap. I missed Virginia and Carol telling the history of Tri-Ess. I knew Debbie would go and fill me in. That evening we went to the Baton Show Lounge. It was hard to believe the entertainers were men.
Saturday Debbie and I stayed together. We attended the session with Barbara McCoy Lanning and her husband Dr. Alan Lanning. We also attended the panel discussion with Dr. Peggy Rudd, who lead the discussion.
Before dinner, they took a picture of all who wanted to be in the picture. We purchased one of the pictures. Normally the photographers would return the pictures later that night, but a snow storm hit and the roads were hazardous.
After dinner there was live music for dancing. Well it's good to know that Tri-Ess has the same kind of dances as I have been to at my own sorority conventions. Most everyone leaves to go somewhere else. We went to our room.
Sunday morning Debbie and I went to devotions. Very few of the girls were still en femme. Michelle sat with us at breakfast. My voice was somewhat better by then. After breakfast Debbie and I checked out and headed home.
I enjoyed my first Holiday En Femme very much.
Elaine, Debbie Lee's Partner
Reflecting back over the years of my Tri Ess and Alpha Omega memberships brings back many happy memories.
Approximately twenty years ago, my wife and I realized I needed to meet and associate with other heterosexual crossdressers. When I finally got up the courage, I telephoned Virginia Prince in California. I was very fortunate to catch her at home. She was very kind as I rambled on and on. I advised her I had been subscribing to TRANSVESTIA for two years. That made me eligible to become an active member of F.P.E, the predecessor of Tri Ess.
Virginia took down my P.O. Box number in Toledo and said a sister would be contacting me. Soon thereafter I received a letter from a sister in Cleveland who gave me directions to, time, etc. of the F.P.E. meeting that would soon be held at a Cleveland motel. And are you ready for this? Virginia was going to be at the meeting as she was in town to appear on a TV show (the kind on the air)!
As I read the letter, my heart was beating fast and, as you girls know, the time sure went slowly till the night of the meeting!
After my interview as a prospective member, I went to my room to get ready. The rooms - at least mine - was on another floor and at the opposite end of the building from the meeting room. My sister came to my room to meet me and joined me in my first walk in public. Sure was long!
We met in a meeting room in the motel. The meeting, itself, lacked direction but getting to meet Virginia in person was an honor. She was very dignified and friendly.
There was a problem, though. I was scared. My makeup started to run as I was really sweating. The next morning, I left the motel very early. I didn't understand my needs and desires at the time. The sister who I had met and had helped me at the meeting wrote to me. I wrote back, thanking her but turned down further invitations. I eventually closed my P.O. Box.
Years later came that wonderful day when I answered an ad for Alpha Omega. My first meeting was in 1988 at Jill's house. I believe only Jill, Jennifer, Tanya, Barb and Michelle were members at the time. What wonderful ladies! The atmosphere was one of joy and laughter. Each one was helpful.
With the help of Tri Ess and loving, caring sisters such as Jennifer, Tanya, Michelle and Debbie (who listened and offered advise) I've been able to overcome the serious problem I had.
To see Alpha Omega continue to grow under the leadership of Gloria sure is gratifying. For all the wonderful experiences, Thank You Girls! And to an even better '92!!
Love, Rhonda
It has been a long time since I've sat in front of this keyboard to talk to you, my sisters, instead of trying to beat a deadline to get the newsletter out. I have to admit, I am a procrastinator extraordinaire. If there's something I should be doing, I somehow manage to do something else instead. I have been wanting to write about my experience at Chicago but the months seem to fly on by. Well, I'm going to start writing again, so pull out your Funk and Wagnel's cause, when I start rambling, I'm sure I'll adulterate the English language.
My trip with Elaine to the Holiday En Femme was an experience to be compared to a holy pilgrimage. The energy, communion and spiritual energy of a retreat from the world as we know it rekindles a fire that needs periodic fuel. The interaction of fellow sisters, their wisdom and humor ease the tension that can build up in life without even knowing it.
I must admit I was not in the best space prior to leaving for Chicago. I had premonitions of doom for the organization since National seemed to be out on the west coast and not in our area. I thought my cries for changes were falling on deaf ears. Well that soon changed after a 320 mile trek.
We arrived around 3:00 PM (local time) on Wednesday to be greeted by many smiling faces and in particular, Naomi's. We waited patiently as those who were before us were registered. Tanya was in line so I could start chewing the fat with someone I knew right off. It wasn't long before the conversation moved among those present. Once we were registered, off to the room to freshen up after the drive. Elaine was mute due to her cold, but it was very humorous since the quiet person she is turned in to a babbling brook of conversation. I wanted her to rest her voice, but I wasn't going to miss an opportunity to hear her spout off about anything and everything!
I don't want this to be a long narrative of every moment, so I'm cutting to the chase.
I have to thank Naomi and all the sisters of CHI Chapter for their tremendous effort to make the '91' Holiday En Femme a success. But I must admit that when I read the agenda and then attended some of the meetings, I felt my expectations and needs were not always met. But anyone who knows me can understand that it is probably next to impossible to meet my expectations as they're changing so rapidly. The presentation by Nancy Cole was nice but what I needed was to hear about how to help solve problems and handle issues in chapter life. The meeting on fantasy dressing may have been interesting for some, but not for me.
I believe we need to have more meetings that allow chapter officers and others concerned with chapter development to interact with our leaders and the Board of Directors. This is one time when we can meet face to face and exchange ideas and concerns, where we can look into each others eyes and see the compassion and desire for growth of this organization.
I would like to have others think about what our Holiday En Femme should be. I don't mean it should be all blood and guts, but perhaps the daytime would be spent on our organization and our individual chapter's needs and the evenings be used for social events and getting out to stretch our legs. If our yearly convention was longer, such as Provincetown, we could fit a week's worth of fun and work in, but it isn't and we need time to help get girls out of the closet and get marriages back on track with truth, compassion, love and understanding. We need to groom leaders of each chapter in areas of philosophy of the organization, our goals and our needs so we can appear in public meetings and in the media to get our story out to the public. We can no longer wait till a girl comes out of the closet and to a meeting by chance, or reading about us in a sleazy magazine. References to us and our sisters should not be expressed in such a low form. We are proud of who we are and the girls in the closet should not think that, because we are mentioned in a magazine that is filled with smut, they are like those depicted between the pages. We are decent, loving and beautiful people who have moral character and self esteem.
Now back to the Holiday En Femme. The entertainment was superb. The food was good, the hotel and staff were excellent. My sisters are a wonderful group of people and I wish the best to all. I hope that each and every one of us can meet someday together and look into each other's soul and say, "I'm glad I had the chance to meet you and share this moment."
So please pardon my editorializing, but the best thing that came out of being at the convention was a renewed feeling that this is indeed the right organization and Alpha Omega is the right chapter to get the message out and the ball rolling.
Well fans of February, this is the month when all the really important holidays happen. Just think of it. We start the month off with Ground Hog Day, when we find out how long winter is going to last. Then there's Lincoln's birthday; to honor one who is considered by many to be the greatest President we have ever had. Then there is Valentine's Day, when we express our love for those dear to us, send cards and flowers and give ourselves an excuse to indulge in chocolates.
Then we honor our first President's birthday. Good old cherry tree-cutting George Washington. I wonder how long old George or Abe would last in today's Washington, DC? (A rhetorical question.)
Next, of course, is the most important holiday for the month - quite possibly the most important of the year, depending on your point of view. I know by now you've probably been checking your calendar to see what day I'm talking about. However, modesty has required me to make sure calendar makers do not include it on their products. If everyone knew when this day fell, I don't believe the stores could handle the onslaught of customers buying cards and gifts.
If you are still wondering what holiday I am speaking about, I guess you will have to keep guessing. This old war horse just isn't about to tell how old she is! Mother Nature and Father Time have done enough to make it so one knows she's not a teenager any more. Let me keep at least one illusion. And if that guy in my life says one word he will pay!
Unlike Tanya, I won't even admit to being 39- something, let alone have you get out calculators to figure out which 39th birthday I'm on. Let's just say I'm too young to be so mature! If there is one thing I can be thankful for, it's that my dress size doesn't match my age. Over the holidays, though, it did get closer! So please remember, no parades or gifts and don't take the day off work. Just let it pass in serenity and I'll pretend it's still another year away.
But, all seriousness aside, I can honestly say Gloria doesn't have a gray hair on her head. "His" head is covered with them but, then, he's a lot older than Gloria. If you do see a gray hair on me, it's his fault. Lately, he has also succeeded in breaking every one of my nails and put on pounds he expects me to live with. I'm afraid I'm going to have to talk with this fella and get him back on track. Enough is enough! It's bad enough he's another year older without making me pay for it!
Now, before you think I'm vain, ask yourself this question: Could Gloria look the way she does and be vain? It doesn't take a PhD to figure that one out! On a scale of 1 to 10, I'm at least an 11. Unfortunately, the scale I'm using is like my bathroom scale - the higher the number the worse things are. (Bathroom scales LIE, anyhow!) To clarify, have you seen Cindy Crawford in that new Pepsi commercial? THERE is a 1 on my scale!
As always, this letter will be an editorial nightmare for Tanya to decipher but, Hey!, that's what she's paid nothing for! Remember, Tanya, it's my job to sit here and crank out these articles and be a creative genius and yours to make them look and sound good. [How about trying to make them understandable to someone who can read English? ed.]
It's not easy being burdened with this responsibility each month, though our newsletter desperately needs such witty, thought-provoking articles as this one. I merely do my humble best to provide our newsletter staff with top quality material for the millions of my adoring fans who crave an intellectual perspective in these crazy times.
This articles also proves another point beyond a reasonable doubt: Anyone can write mindless drivel such as this article and still get it published in our newsletter!
I do have one question, though. Who is this guy named "ed." who keeps putting little notes in my features every so often? What nerve he has to try and embellish a perfectly good article with his comments!
[My full name is "ed. Itor". I am a hologram created by Tanya's computer. My purpose in life (or as close to life as a hologram can get) is to serve as a "scapegoat" for her. Some authors can get a bit "testy" when she - they think butchers their articles. By using me to do the dirty work, however, she gets away scot free while I take all the verbal abuse. Ah well, it's a tough job but somebody has to do it! Maybe I'll get to meet you all some day. Love, ed.]
You all may be wondering what any of this article has to do with crossdressing. The answer is simple. Many, many, many years ago I didn't even know what that word meant. I'm now proud to say, "I are one!", and it has given me the perfect opportunity to totally use up two hours of my time, drain one ink pen, use three sheets of paper, go broke buying envelope & stamp and totally waste hours of our Newsletter Committee's time and effort in my one and only claim at vanity.
Lastly is the hope you all know I care and perhaps I made you smile at least once. I will close for now - my pen really IS running out of ink! Dang it!
Love always, Gloria
Dear Gloria,
I wish to express my deep appreciation for the time you and Kathy spent with us on Saturday night. Although Mary and I have a lot of work to do before we can understand and deal with crossdressing, the warmth and caring both you and Kathy provided Saturday has helped us to begin to come to grips with the situation.
I found your awards presentation to be deeply moving in the way you and Jennifer expressed your caring not just for the members of the group but for the rest of our sisters who may never even gain the courage to attend a meeting.
As I reflect back on our interview with you and Kathy back in October, that seems to have been years ago, and yes even a lifetime ago. Even after experiencing just two meetings with your very special group, I feel my life has been dramatically influenced. I feel as though a tremendous burden of guilt and shame has been lifted from my shoulders and I have journeyed from a land of darkness to a land of light and hope. I must confess I do not feel normal and I guess as far as society is concerned I'm not, but I can live with that. What's missing is feeling like a depraved reprobate, and feeling like "What did I ever do to deserve this?" Because of my exposure to yourself and Alpha Omega, I have learned a sense of dignity and caring for others can go hand-in-hand with crossdressing.
I'm not really sure where all the changes I feel in myself are leading, only that since experiencing the fellowship at Alpha Omega I feel a profound desire for more exposure to such wonderful people like Jennifer, Tanya, Michelle and every other caring and loving person I met at Alpha Omega.
Again, please express my gratitude to the board and members of Alpha Omega for the warm welcome and caring environment they shared with Mary and I.
Tell Kathy that Mary and I enjoyed her company and we are looking forward to seeing you both again, hopefully before February.
Sincerely, Karen Ashley
There is a part of me that every man should see.
There is a part of me that every man should be.
There is a part of me I cannot do without.
There is a part of me that wants to stand and shout.
There is a part of me, manly, never fails.
There is a part of me that likes lacquered nails.
There is a part of me that never, ever cries.
There is a part of me with long lashes on her eyes.
There is a part of me that everybody knows.
There is a part of me that loves silken hose.
There is a part of me that keeps all secrets well.
There is a part of me that says, "Stand tall. Tell, please tell!"
There is a part of me that keeps both worlds apart.
There is a part of me with sad and crying heart.
Christmas time is always a special time of the year for me. As I grow older the more I realize the commercial part and gift giving is trivial compared to the Birth that happened some 2000 years ago.
The miracle we have in our midst is no less of importance. Three years ago a chapter was born out of mediocrity to a life with heartbeat.
The one thing I particularly like at Christmas is the traditional stories that have been made into movies. My favorite is A CHRISTMAS CAROL by Charles Dickens. Ebenezer Scrooge is quite a character and intrigues me a lot. Perhaps I can identify with his malady. However, I am more intrigued by Marley's ghost and his message to Scrooge. His chains were ominous and his warning of the consequences of Scrooge's actions were terrible to hear. But through the grace of the three spirits, Scrooge became a changed person.
This got me thinking about myself and my tendencies. Am I as charitable to my fellow sisters as I could be or am I building and forging a chain of ignorance to carry for an eternity?
Well, I like to believe I'm not. I look up at the award presented to me at the Christmas party and say, "I am appreciated." But perhaps this recognition is only changing the material of that chain from iron to gold. I really should not have been looking for recognition and been satisfied by doing that which would help our chapter along.
I remember not so very long ago, I gave up all material things (for all practical sense I gave up everything), and sought solace in a spiritual community with my ex-wife. There I was able to give without a hint of recognition for myself. That was because everyone was giving and, if any reward was to be distributed for unselfish or outstanding service, it was distributed to everyone.
I can honestly say I miss that home because of the love and sharing that was there. However, when I revealed some of the aspects of my crossdressing to my brothers and sisters at the retreat house, I was told to meditate and not give any energy to my personal desires. Only through giving selflessly and constantly would I free myself and besides, "A retreat house is not for mental patients." I tried for a year to rid myself of what was seen as a spiritual roadblock by my brothers and sisters. Did anyone understand that I was finally starting to spiritually mature? I could see the physical manifestation of my feminine side was a step towards total integration of spirit and body? Needless to say I left the retreat, leaving a part of myself there.
Since then, I have been a victim because I tried to give that same selfless love to persons who only knew how to take. This was the start of my forging new chains. I was different and I did not fit in the normal scheme of things since my desire to crossdress consumed me. In order to get others to like me I tried to be something for everyone. As I was used by others, hate replaced love and motivation replaced caring and the desire for recognition overwhelmed me. I lost my self esteem, I lost my soul. Though my actions seemed noble, I was moved by the wrong belief of what would be best for me. The outward expression was a facade and those chains though glistening like gold were none the less, chains.
The miracle of finding a reference to Tri Ess and Alpha Omega chapter in Porter Public Library was the key. Now I have the opportunity to relearn selflessness, to give unselfishly without being hurt again. I can merge my spirit with my female and male energies and I know I am accepted and I can be loved. How can anyone be so blessed? I thank each and everyone of you for helping me to remove those chains and allow me to give freely again. Though I don't believe I deserve it, thank you again for the award. I will cherish it always.
Your sister, Deborah Lee
The question was asked at the last meeting, by a "SO". Why are we called "SO's"? Now, for those of you who have been living in a cave with no outside contact for the past twenty years, "SO" stands for "Significant Other". Not a great description of, let's say, someone you have been married to for the past 20 years. Not a great description of someone you intend to marry and hopefully spend the rest of your life with. Not a great description of even a girlfriend or live-in. Not a great description of anyone you care deeply for. Fact is, if you live in a large city, the police department refers to sex offenders as "SO's"!
After some consideration, my feeling is this term should be reserved for pets. For those of you who have understanding wives, fiancee's or girlfriends, you have no idea how lucky you are. These women should be called "GS", for "Godsend"!
When we came out of the closet and developed our femme personalities, one of the first considerations was a new name for our femmeselves. At the same time, our loved ones became nameless, a "SO" or "GG". This was not a fair transition.
Maybe we should give the matter some thought. If we must refer to our loved ones by initials then the initials should be changed. "LO", for "Loved One", has a nicer ring than "SO". How about "TM" for "Tolerates Me"? (If your loved one does not tolerate your behavior, "SOB" is not one of the choices!)
Better yet, why not use her given name? I'm sure you will agree, I cannot think of another social function other than a crossdressers' function of one kind or another where you would refer to your loved one as your "Significant Other".
It would seem to me we are trying to emulate women in the worst way (no pun intended) but, at the same time, are placing them in a lesser position by referring to them as "My SO". Let's face it. Whether she's your wife, girlfriend, fiancee', or whatever, she is your equal.
Again, I'm sure you will agree if we were given the opportunity, rather than being called a "TV", "TS", "CD" or "CG", it would be nice to just blend in with the rest of Society and be thought of as just another Human Being equal. For there would lie our acceptance.
(Courtesy of the Sierra Silver Belles newsletter)
The matter of labels in our community has come up many times and seems to be divided between those who want some sort of definition and those who say, "we don't need labels, we are just people". I submit to the latter group that categorization is the way the human mind works and as such descriptive terms are necessary. It would be rather ridiculous not to distinguish between a banana and an orange just because they are both "fruit". Likewise it is necessary to distinguish between races, nations, kinds of people or occupations. But the battle has largely been over what designation should be applied to our group.
The term "transvestite" came into disfavor because it has a medical and thus "abnormal" and pejorative flavor to it. Thus "crossdresser" or "CD" ( which is simply substituting English for Latin) has come into common use. However, this is a term that simply says what we DO not what we ARE. Some years ago, in trying to find a term that described what we ARE, I came up with the term : "Femmiphile" for the individual and "Femmiphillia" for the phenomenon (meaning literally a "lover of the feminine"). It never caught on because it sounds too technical even though, it was an accurate term. Now I think it is time for and necessary to generate a new and acceptable term for us.
I say "necessary" because there is an aspect of this terminology problem that has not been given much consideration but which is vitally important and that is the public perception of whatever term is used. Whether we like it or not the public needs to have a descriptive term which they can easily understand and use and which is also acceptable to members of our community. We are not like alcoholics, drug abusers, criminals, voyeurs, pederasts, schizophrenics, epileptics or a million other types of people. Therefore, we need a "handle" by which others can comfortably refer to us, distinguish us from all other types of people, and which is positive and not condemnatory.
We all seek greater understanding and acceptance but it doesn't seem to occur to us that we can't achieve either until we 1) have a convenient term by which others can refer to us and, 2) that it be a term with an easily understood meaning to lay people. That is, something that doesn't sound too medical or technical. If we are to talk to people (as on talk shows and lectures, not to speak of 1 on 1 conversations) we have to have a term for ourselves that they can relate to practically the first time they hear it.
Now there have been a lot of what I call "cutesy" names invented for us like "femmemen", "girl-guys", "he-shes", "femmemales" and "she males". This latter term has been preempted by a special class of people having breasts and penises and who like to be photographed in all manner of sexual poses. Unfortunately many of the porno magazines published to show these people use the terms "TV" and "Transvestite" in their title thus confusing them with our kind and further making these two terms untenable for us. But these "cutesy" names are no good for public use. They are again words for what is done and contribute nothing to an understanding of what we ARE. Thus there is a great need for a new, true, descriptive and convenient term that will properly describe us and which we can be proud to use.
I therefore would like to propose such a term, namely, BIGENDERIST, or BIGENDERAL for the noun and BIGENDERED for the community at large. The term means that we can express two genders, the masculine and the feminine. It is, therefore, true, it does describe what we do, it is short and convenient and best of all similar terms are already widely used and understood in society. "Bisexual" is a term known to most everyone to mean someone who can and does perform sexually with members of both the same and opposite sex. Since it is important to us to have the public understand us and it is important to both us and the general public to make a distinction between SEX and GENDER the term "bi-genderal" is valuable because it aids that distinction. The public already knows that "bisexual" refers to people who can operate in both sex roles, so gender must be different from sex and the term bigenderal facilitates that distinction.
In addition to "bisexual" everybody is well acquainted with the use of the prefix "bi-" in the following words.
Bilateral - two or both sides of
Bicameral - two houses (of the legislature)
Bipartite - two parties, as in Republicans and Democrats
Bilingual - two languages
Bicentennial - the celebration of two centuries
Biennial - two years , as in a biennial report
Bimetallic -two metals as in a thermostat
Bifurcate - a division into two parts as in pants
Bipedal - walking on two feet, as opposed to quadruped
Bivalve - two shells or valves , as in clams & muscles
Bipolar - having two poles, as in magnets
Not to over look Bicycle - a vehicle with two wheels.
I don't mean to give you a whole dictionary but to show that the prefix "BI-" is well known and used in the English language and therefore well understood. So to refer to us as bigenderal--i.e. having or expressing two genders not only defines us but promotes the awareness of the separation of sex and gender. This is a matter of importance not just to our community but to society in general since that ignorance is the basis of our difficulties with society.
It should be pointed out that while "bi-" means two, "trans" means across or beyond. Thus the terms "transgenderist" and "transsexual" remain valid and appropriate terms since the former indicates that the individual has crossed the gender border and taken up permanent residence on the other side in the other gender. The latter refers to people who have crossed the sexual border for permanent living as a member of the opposite sex. The fact that they have also crossed the gender border is secondary and incidental to their altering their sexual status. The commonly used term "transgendered" to describe the community is not correct to begin with because most of the members of the community have not "trans-"ed anything except on a very temporary basis. The consistent and therefore proper way to describe the community as a whole should therefore be "bigendered" which it is.
I hope the word "Bigenderal" will be adopted and promoted in books, newsletters, lectures, etc. until we have ONE generally accepted word within our community and one which we can gradually teach to society in general and the professional community in particular. Your help in achieving this goal will be appreciated by all.
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TO ALL SUPPORT GROUPS WHO HAVE PRINTED DR. VIRGINIA PRINCE'S "TERMINOLOGY FOR THE CROSSDRESSING COMMUNITY" IN THEIR NEWSLETTER. THE FOLLOWING ARTICLE IS A REBUTTAL OF DR PRINCE'S CALL FOR THE STANDARD USE OF "BIGENDERAL" IN REFERENCE TO THE GENDER COMMUNITY AT LARGE
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Counterpoint to Dr. Virginia Prince Tere Fredrickson
We find ourselves again embroiled in the ceaseless circular search for labels. While we concur with Dr. Prince that "labels" (we prefer "descriptive words") are needed as a point of reference, we do not agree with either the choice of words suggested or the basic rationale behind this choice.
The term "bigender" [big-ender??? as in large posterior] is neither appropriate as an overall descriptive term for our community nor is it easily understood by inference for the rest of the population. Simply, we provide the following counterpoints:
1) Bigender would imply that everyone in the community has a dual gender disposition. I'm sure that the fetishist crossdresser who has a strictly male gender identity would protest to random assignation of dual genderism (these individual also protest the use of the term "transgender"). I'm also sure that many transsexuals would protest the assignation of gender duality because most have established having a gender identity akin to the opposite genetic sex and are thus not bigenderal.
2) Bigenderal would also be confused with bisexual by the general public. Dr. Prince freely admits that the general public does not comprehend the difference between "sex" and "gender" (for most the terms are virtually synonymous). It therefore follows that the general public when hearing the term "bigenderal" will without a doubt be confused with "bisexual" which we in the community obviously do not need.
3) Dr. Prince asserts that the prefix "trans-" means to permanently cross or move beyond something. We beg to differ on this point; "trans-" can indeed mean temporary or transitory. After all the term "transvestite" does not mean that the person permanently dresses in clothing style assigned to the opposite sex. Ergo, the term "transgender" does not dictate a permanent crossing of genderal line (it doesn't preclude a permanent crossing either).
We propose the usage of the term "transgender" as an overall and inclusive term for our community. All Dr. Prince's arguments for "bigender" in regard to simplicity and understandability also apply to the term "transgender" (we won't take a trip through the dictionary). The prefix is also used in other descriptive terms within the community and the public so there can be little confusion (both transvestite and transsexual are already in the dictionary). For the fetishist crossdresser with strictly a male gender identity, "transgender" is still descriptive for their crossing of gender line (in clothing only) and at the other end of the transgender spectrum, "transgender" can refer to the transsexual who has permanently adopted a single gender identity akin to the opposite genetic sex (SRS merely being a medical procedure to align anatomical genital appearance to that of the opposite genetic sex). So, it can be easily argued that the term "transgender" is highly appropriate and highly descriptive in reference to our community as a whole. Finally the overwhelming common usage of the term "transgender" in our community today is the usage we have proposed. We ask, "Why bother to change terms when we already have one which is proper, clear, and already in common use?"
In acknowledgment to Dr. Prince, we recognize that she coined the term "transgenderist" to refer to someone who has permanently adopted the gender role typically assigned to the opposite genetic sex. However, we would suggest in the interest of standardization of terminology that the term "transgenderism" as defined by Dr. Prince be abandoned by the community and another term used in reference to one who cross-lives full time in the opposite genetic sex gender role (maybe something like "transrole/ transroler/transroled/transrolist" to remain consistent and simple). Well, have we added enough fuel to get the raging semantic inferno going full blast?
There is another woman in my life, and that woman is me. My wife realizes this and it forms the basis of an emotional triangle. This causes a jealousy that is not easily appeased. Partly it cannot be eased because my wife's "competition" is a fantasy woman, and one cannot compete with a fantasy. Partly the jealousy cannot be removed because it has its root in the evolutionary makeup of the human psyche.
A recent Science News article discussed gender differences in the human mind from an evolutionary point of view. "Male jealousy focuses on a partner's sexual infidelity, whereas female jealousy revolves around the loss of emotional commitment from a partner... These differences stem from... adaptive problems typical of all mammals.... [The male] faces uncertainty about whether he has fathered her child.... Females risk the loss of a mate's resources and, in the human species, his help in child rearing." In a survey, nearly two out of three men said sexual infidelity would distress them most, whereas 85% of the women deemed emotional infidelity the most upsetting.
These observations shed light on several of the circumstances that we have observed in couples involved in a relationship that includes a crossdresser. My wife has made the statement that it feels that I have a lover. She has said that she wished that instead of being a crossdresser, she wished that I had an extramarital affair -it would have been easier to handle. An extramarital affair is often just a physical attraction, with no emotional commitment. The emotional commitment is still to the wife.
I had been crossdressing in secret for l7 of 22 years of my marriage, and it caused a large communication wall to grow between Roz and myself. It even felt to me that I had a mistress. Roz stated, "I wasn't getting the emotional and physical support from you - it must have been going somewhere else." Even now that things are greatly improved between my wife and me, this "other woman" causes problems, Roz stated. "I don't doubt that you love and care about me, but sometimes Robyn definitely gets in the way."
Emotional commitment is probably one of the reasons that Roz participates to a large degree in my crossdressing activities. By doing so, she inserts her self into this "affair" and my attachment to her grows accordingly.
I am a firm believer that crossdressing IS compatible with a long, healthy, strong marriage. However, in order for that to happen, honesty and communication are a must. By realizing the reasons and emotions behind each other's words and actions, we improve mutual understanding and help the relationship to grows stronger. The emotional commitment to your wife must be stronger than the emotional commitment to the "other woman" in your life.
Article apeared in ROSEBUDS, the newsletter of the Tffany Club of New England
Here is a problem most of us have had at one time or another.
Dear M, I've been crossdressing for sometime now, but I still find I'm really paranoid about going out in public and I feel especially vulnerable while trapped in my car driving to my support group meeting. Will you advise me on travel tips?
Signed, Claustrophobic Crossdresser Confined in Car
Dear CCCC,
Most CD's fear being "read" while out, but most know I feel pretty secure locked securely in their vehicles. Some helpful hints will give you more confidence.
Keep in mind our Newsletter Editor's philosophy; people see what they believe they see.
Keep in mind my philosophy; "People don't believe what they've seen, but by the time they do... you've turned the corner.
In keeping with this philosophy, always travel in the right hand lane so you can turn off quickly if there is a problem. You've probably noticed that you always get cut off at lights and thus first in line.
Others in the four lanes on either side of you always pull up even with you and of course you believe that they're checking you out and laughing their tushes off. Actually they are waiting, like you to see when. if ever, the light will change, except that it's not quite the eternity for them that it is for you. So, always leave some space in front of you so you can drift ahead if anyone tries to pull up even with you.
Crossdressing is not illegal (yet), nevertheless police cruisers always appear out of nowhere when you're dressed. This makes you nervous to the point of doing something erratic and call attention to yourself. To learn to remain calm, go to a donut shop where cruisers are parked and drive around about fifty times. This type of operant conditioning will get you used to behaving calmly in traffic with police cars around and avoid drawing attention to yourself.
Half drunk teenager boys out cruising are the bane of CD's everywhere. They hoot, holler, scope out chics, and are generally obnoxious. (I know I was). You never know if they're hollering just because they're being the little cretins that they are, or at you because they think you're a female, or at you because they think you're a CD. You think they've read you. Keep your mind on one fact. These little creeps are totally ignored by genetic females such that if your even remotely passible and you give them the merest glance, their hormones levels rise and they automatically think you want to go steady (or worse).
You must force yourself to ignore them. If you are convinced that they are fixated on you and they are not going to bug off, get out your lipstick and make a sign. This assumes they can read it. It should discrete yet visible and say something appropriate like:
OBEY ME! ... $250/hr.
Since most of them are rebellious and none of them can afford bubble gum, they should scram. If not, since you are in the right hand lane, turn off. Since you can now drive calmly around police cruisers, find one, preferably with someone inside and drive slowly past. It's unlikely the mutants will follow. Also be sure you've taken your sign down!
This article appeared in the Elyria Chronicle-Telegram Monday, January 5, 1992
If you wear a size 12 or larger Mary Duffy would like you to know something.
You may be special, but you're not a "special size."
"Special sizes is how retailers define large-size women and petite women," Duffy says. "But by that definition about 65 to 70 percent of women in America are special sizes."
According to industry statistics, 62 percent of women wear a size 12 or larger; 49 percent 14 or larger; and 22 percent, 16 or larger. And 52 percent of American women are 5-feet-4 or shorter, making them officially petite.
"Of course you'd never know that when you walk in a department store and you have one large-size department and one petite department out of four floors of ready-to-wear," says Duffy, who is conducting a search for a new model for Just My Size, a plus-size panty hose. "Retailers choose to emphasize a different customer base. It's no wonder the stores are hurting."
Duffy - former model, Just My Size spokesperson, founder of Big Beauties, the large-size division of Ford Models, host of a large-size fashion program on QVC home shopping channel, and author of "The HOAX Fashion Formula" - isn't one to just sit around and complain.
When developing her HOAX method of defining four basic body types, Duffy saw the humor in the letters:
H. The body is pretty much straight up and down, with no definable waistline. These women tend to be well-proportioned but not curvy. Think Barbara Bush and Oprah Winfrey. Type H should avoid slash pockets on pants, horizontal lines across the center of the body, and set-in waist or anything with an obvious break at the waist. She can play up broad shoulders and well-shaped legs, which type H's usually have.
O. The O type tends to be heaviest above the waist and in the middle, and thinner through the thighs and legs. Roseanne Barr is an O, as is Nell Carter. Type O also should avoid anything emphasizing her waist. If she wears belts or tucked-in shirts, she should put a jacket on top. O's tend to be very busty; oversized shirts are better choices than blouses, which tend to gap. Bras and foundation garments that fit properly are a must.
A. The opposite of the O, an A is narrow above the waist, widest across the thighs and hips. Think Aretha Franklin or Beverly Sills. Type A won't be flattered by wearing leggings or anything that calls attention to the thighs, such as tops that fall just to the hips. She can wear pants, but should buy them a size too large and nip in the waist to give her plenty of room through the thighs.
X. The hourglass shape, at its extreme with celebrity examples such as Dolly Parton, Delta Burke and Elizabeth Taylor. It may seem an ideal figure, but X has her own problems. X should avoid boxy styles (like the classic Chanel jacket) and overtly sexy clothes, which will look overdone on her already sexy body. Her best bet: simple styles in soft, drapey fabrics. Belts or peplum styles will emphasize her small waist.
"The hoax is that we all think we need to look like Raquel Welch or Dolly Parton," Duffy says. "I'm not even sure Raquel Welch and Dolly Parton look like that. We have to understand that we don't all have the same body, and we can't all wear the same clothes."
In other words, just because something looks great on your best friend - or a top runway model -- doesn't mean you should run out and buy it. Duffy's goal is to eliminate this fashion-victim mentality. And to help larger women feel "pretty and sexy and good about themselves" in the bargain.
It's not that hard, she says. Putting the emphasis on the positive aspects of your body and disguising the negative aspect "are smart thing that smart women do all the time, whether they're small or large," Duffy says.
The number one fashion mistake made by large- sized women, she says, is wearing clothes that do not fit.
Large women either try to fit into the smallest possible size, resulting in too-tight clothes, or they "think that if they hide under voluminous yards of cloth, nobody will notice they're heavy." Duffy finds both "wrongs" equally offensive.
"Generally, larger women will look best in tailored, structured clothes," she says.
Duffy, a type O on the chart, which tends to be heaviest above the waist and in the middle, and thinner through the thighs and legs, likes to wear short skirts or leggings to show off her slender legs. But she tops them with a jacket or a big sweater to disguise her heavy middle.
Regardless of body type, some hints work for all large-sized women, Duffy says.
Wear monochromatic ensembles, "so you create a nice, long, lean line from head to toe. It makes you look taller, whereas color blocks will visually chop up your body."
Find foundation garments that fit properly, and stock up. A pet peeve of Duffy's is the lack of good bras for large women. "If you're a 22A, a bra is really optional, but for a 42DD, it is necessary equipment. So how come they're so hard to find?"
Push up the sleeves on your jacket or sweater to reveal the lower arm, which is usually pretty slender. You can drop 5 pounds just by pushing up your sleeves."
Wear shoulder pads. "Shoulder pads give some width at the shoulders, which most women don't have. That tends to add balance and de-emphasize the rest of the body."
Wear jewelry that creates a long look to "keep the eye going up and down."
Use vertical stripes and dark colors to de-emphasize the heaviest areas of the body, horizontal stripes and light colors to emphasize the areas you feel best about.
And finally, Duffy says, remember that she is not saying thin is better. "I'm saying well-groomed and feeling good about yourself is better."
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