List of Officers:
President: Gloria Fenton
Vice President: Michelle Stuart
Sec/Treasurer: Sandy
Newsletter Staff:
Editor: Tanya
Publisher: Deborah Lynnette Lee
PRESIDENTS'S VIEW By Gloria
MICHELLE'S MUSINGS By Michelle Stuart
MEETING MINUTES
QUESTION OF THE MONTH
NOTES OF INTEREST
EDITORIAL
SPECIAL THANKS By Gloria Fenton
COMING TO ALPHA OMEGA by Joanne G.
A LETTER FROM GLORIA By Gloria Fenton
SPECIAL THANKS By Gloria Fenton
THE URGE TO PURGE AND ... By Pam F.
SELF ESTEEM AND "BEING" OUT By Pam F.
AND WE THOUGHT KILLER BEES WERE A THREAT
CUPS RUN OVER WITH ZEBRA MUSSEL DEVELOPMENTS
A FEATHER BOA NEED NOT BE A CONSTRICTOR
POETRY FROM COMPUSERVE
WHY DO WE DO WHAT WE DO? PART TWO
Well, it's time for another "President's View" - a continuing saga of life in the fast lane at the lonely top. Once again, I beg on bended knee for articles for the newsletter. Let's keep those cards and letters flowing girls (and this means ALL of you). After all, nobody's thoughts and opinions (or just ramblings) are more important than yours. Let's flood the editor with so much material we even turn her red wig gray!
I appreciate the comments in the FEMME MIRROR in regard to our newsletter. It's nice to hear a kind word. I am truly prejudiced and very proud of our Newsletter Committee and our members for giving Alpha Omega the best newsletter in the business, bar none. And if we keep trying, the best is yet to come!
I do need to meet with the Outreach Committee at the joint picnic with the Paradise Club on the 15th. We need to get the program started, so committee members are asked to be prepared with ideas and ways to implement them. The committee meeting will be the only chapter business I know of which needs to be addressed. Other than that, let's have a good Alpha Omega turnout and have a great time.
The Vendor Committee is making progress but we need more vendors. If you have a favorite store or mail-order business you deal with, let the committee know. Also, keep searching for new ones. We cover a lot of territory girls and need places all over to shop, shop, shop till we drop!
We are also progressing with outside-the-group activities. After surprising my wife three days before the last meeting (when she read it in the newsletter), the plans are "full speed ahead" for the cookout at our house (NON- DRESSED) on August 2nd. We'll figure on eating around 4:00 PM. All Alpha Omega members, wives and kids are welcome. I may even get the lawn mowed if it stops raining. Otherwise, we may need a jungle task force to clean the area!
Also, contact Pam F. about the dinner at Tony's she has planned for July 27th. Plans are for it to commence around 7:00 PM (if I am remembering correctly).
You know, it just struck me - and sometimes I need to be struck - you will not receive this newsletter till after these events are over. I'll try to plan better next time but we wanted to get something going right away.
Also, for all you golf lovers, contact Cheryl and Sandy if you'd like to attack the links with them. They might even let everyone use the ladies tee! And Michelle, let's pick a time for that pajama party we've talked about. How about around Halloween? If the sight of some of us in nighties doesn't scare the daylights out of you, it could be a great time!
For the rest of you, call a sister or write a letter. Get together for dinner or coffee or even a couple belts at the local gin mill. (Diet soda is optional even in male mode.) Have a house painting party, a quilting bee or go bowling together. The point is to get involved and get to know each other better. If you think you have great friends and great times at a meeting, just wait till you get to know the whole person!
Your officers have tried hard to keep business meetings brief, have great speakers and things to do, provide the most social time possible and be there when you have something to say. I tried to speak with everyone at the July meeting but probably missed someone. So, I will now say to all of you that Sandy, Michelle and I are here to listen to you.
A long time ago I told everyone I would be available to talk to - to listen to the good and bad of what you think regarding the group and/or me as president. I again say, "Talk to me!" Your input on a one-to-one basis is important to me and the rest of the officers if we are to know if we are doing our jobs as leaders, helping our chapter evolve and be everything it can be.
I am only a letter, a phone call or a short drive away if needed. And, of course, we can sit aside and talk at a meeting. That's part of what I'm here for.
Sincerely, Gloria
Hello Girls,
I hope you all have been enjoying your Summer so far this year. At least we had more cooler weather this year to give us a break.
My hummingbirds are doing fine and more finches put up nests in my flower baskets. I have nicknamed my place "Finch Motel" as I have quite a few around now, especially since I put up a bird feeder. The birds really are enjoying my hospitality, but Boy they sure can eat a lot of birdseed!
Guess what? The chipmunks also come around more now to feed on the seed which falls on the ground when the birds are feeding. This is nice as it keeps my yard from looking messy. It's cute to watch the birds and chipmunks in the yard. The chipmunks, however, can be a nuisance when they start digging holes everywhere in the garden and tunnels underground. I hope my yard doesn't collapse from too many burrows!
I have been thinking about having my small concrete patio enlarged to accommodate a table so I can have friends over for a cookout. It would be nice to have someplace to sit and rest your elbows while sinking your teeth into burned and charred hotdogs soaked in mustard. Sounds good, doesn't it? I'll have to check around for estimates. Who knows? By the time you read this, I may already have it done.
Last week I decided it was time for more torture as the hair started to come back on my arms and legs. Yes, it was time for the Epilady. One night I did the arms, the next night the legs. (I can't face all that pain in one night!) The arms weren't too bad but the legs above the knees were enough to convince me to give up and wear opaque hose from now on!
I have so many follicles on my legs I suspect I descend from ape or werewolf stock. The instructions for the Epilady suggest using the gadget on a weekly basis so you never have too many hairs to pull out at any one time, thus reducing the discomfort. (If life could only be more simple!) Trouble is, all my hair grows in at the same time so I have no choice. Either I down a fifth of scotch, have the dentist shoot my legs with Novocaine or scream!
Responses are just starting to trickle in to my P.O. box for the Alpha Omega Big Sister program. I received two letters from Connie Nichols from New York state. It was good to hear from her after so many years. In her letter, she told me of how she has been a member of Alpha Omega since its infancy back in '84 when our group was then called "Genesis". Connie stated she doubted if anyone remembered her since she has never attended a meeting, only corresponded. I assured her I had not forgotten as it was she who first wrote to me soon after I joined Tri Ess. She was just like a Big Sister to me. Back then we exchanged a few letters. Then, for some reason, I just kinda fell out of writing to the good 'ol gal as I became more involved in the clubs in our area. I guess I'll have to change all that and start writing more. It was good to hear Connie is still around. It is unfortunate she and her wife cannot attend our meetings. Oh well, we'll just have to keep on writing.
Has the second Saturday of the month ever arrived and you find you just don't feel like getting out the razor or opening your makeup bag? We all get pretty busy from time-to-time and occasionally our monthly meeting seem inconvenient.
Life is not always fair. That is why I try to not schedule anything for that Saturday so I can relax with my coffee and breakfast in the morning and check out my garden. I jump in the tub around 11:30 AM and enjoy a bubble bath as I shave away those ugly hairs and transform my skin to the way it was when I was a baby (or close to it). Soaking in the tub for a half hour or so puts me in the mood for the meeting. It helps me to forget the problems I had the day before, like having to plaster holes in the walls after repairing a leaky pipe. Relaxing in those bubbles puts me in the right frame of mind. Know what I mean?
Try it, Girls. If you can arrange a more practical schedule for the transformation into your femmeselves, you'll find it time well spent. I know many of you out there just simply cannot possibly control your time like I do. But, if you can, give my method a shot. Bye for now.
Love, Michelle
The July 11th meeting was called to order by Gloria at 8:15 PM, eighteen members and one guest present. Gloria noted the minutes from the June meeting were published in the newsletter. Megan asked the June minutes be revised to note there was one vote against the motion to move the November meeting to the first Saturday. The Treasurer's Report was accepted as read.
Gloria stated the Constitution Committee met briefly prior to the meeting to develop the exact wording of the two proposed By-Laws changes. They are:
1. To avoid possible conflict of interest, a Crossdresser and Partner (spouse, significant other, etc.) may not hold the position of chapter officer at the same time.
2.A non-spousal partner may be considered for membership in Alpha Omega. Application shall be made to the General Affairs Committee, who shall determine the merits of the case and approve or disapprove the application.
The changes shall be voted upon at the September meeting. As they involve the By-Laws, a simple majority vote is sufficient.
The Paradise/Alpha Omega Picnic will be held August 15th. At this time, 13 members are planning to attend. Volunteers were asked to bring various side dishes and a grill. The VCR and television will be available at the picnic along with the cards, score sheets, etc., from June's card party for the use of all.
Gloria invited the members to a cookout (en homme) at her home on Sunday, August 2nd, after 1:00 PM. Anyone interested should contact Gloria or Kathleen.
Various other non-meeting outings were discussed, including a small dinner at Tony's Restaurant on July 27th. Those interested are to contact Megan, Cheryl or Pam.
Pam updated the members on the chapter's Vendor Directory. She has put together a 3-ring binder with the Directory plus a number of mail-order catalogs for the use of members. It will be kept updated and available at all meetings.
Jennifer spoke on the recent Tri Ess Board of Directors meeting held in Kansas City. Some of the highlights were:
1.Tri Ess is applying to become a non-profit corporation in Texas. This was originally being done in California but problems arose.
2.A major discussion on finances was tabled until the November meeting when a budget is presented and approved.
3.Due to the high cost of printing, the TRI-ESS DIRECTORY will no longer contain photographs of members.
4.Our Tanya was mentioned by the Big Sister Committee for her work with the program.
5.The possibility of a special interest (couples only) chapter of Tri Ess was voted down.
6.Jennifer was assigned to chair a committee on free memberships given to indigent Tri Ess members.
Megan and Tanya volunteered to represent the chapter at a special meeting being held at the Holiday En Femme, the results of which will be presented to the Board. By a vote of 8-6, Tanya was chosen as the representative with Megan as alternate.
Deborah Lee suggested take-out Chinese or fried chicken for our next meeting to allow the Food Committee a rest. Janet gave out a handout with tips on eye shadow plus told us Charlotte will be soon beginning training to become a BeautiControl consultant. Nancy from Wigs 'N Things was the evening's speaker. Meeting adjourned at 9:00 PM.
Respectfully submitted, Sandy C.
The purpose of the Question of the Month is to help generate discussion during social times and also to help us get to know each others' thoughts and opinions on varying topics. Here comes a question you may want to do a little thinking on and talking about.
If YOU were elected president of Alpha Omega next March, what one program or activity would you, as leader, like to see accomplished over the coming year?
Remember, in this scenario YOU are the "Head Lady" of the chapter and you can't back out! This question, of course, is for the wives and partners, too.
August Picnic
The 4th Annual Paradise/Alpha Omega Picnic will be held on August 15th. Remember, ladies, that's the THIRD Saturday of the month! It will be held in Mentor at a very secluded mansion that has been converted into a church.
The cuisine will be something most unique for a picnic - such rare delicacies as hot dogs, hamburgers, potato salad, baked beans, etc. (You know, all that stuff the dieticians say we shouldn't eat!) Snacks, coffee and soft drinks will be available all day. Games and other activities will be provided for your amusement. NOTE: The church does not allow alcoholic beverages on the premises.
Facilities for your personal transformation are available in the mansion at no additional cost over the meeting fee. For those who might have to travel long distances, or would prefer to create their femmeselves in air-conditioned comfort, there is a Knight's Inn (216) 953-8835, a Day's Inn (216) 946-0500 and a Red Roof Inn (216) 946-9872 at IS90 and SR306, five minutes from the picnic site.
You are reminded this is a picnic and will be held outdoors. Dress casually and leave your high heels at home. I have been to some super-hot summer meetings where the GG's were dressed in tank tops and shorts while we dressed like transvestites and suffered for it. Who do you think the smart ones were? For once, think like a GG and dress appropriately for the occasion and weather.
The picnic will officially start at 3 PM and continue till Lynn throws the last of us out. (Girls who need to dress there can arrive as early as 1 PM.) This is a "rain or shine" proposition. If needed, the mansion/church has tons of room should the weather force us indoors - like it did last year.
Attached to this issue you shall find a special reservation form for the picnic. Write your check to "The Paradise Club" and send it to the address listed on the form. DO NOT send it to Gloria! Alicia, Paradise's Treasurer, will send you a map if you request it. ALL RESERVATIONS MUST BE MADE IN ADVANCE BY MAIL!
As I write this, only a few hours have passed since the cookout at Gloria's came to a successful conclusion. Today was the first event of it's type in our club's short history but, considering how it went, it won't be the last.
I had to laugh when I arrived. All the men had gravitated to the lawn chairs under the trees while the wives sequestered themselves around the kitchen table inside the house. Talk about a typical picnic! (On the other hand, all the snacks WERE in the kitchen!)
Over time, I've seen almost every crossdresser in our group "en homme" but there still were a couple I hadn't seen till today. Kristen I spotted easily but it took a second to figure out the one behind the Foster Grant's was Pam F. Some admitted to having problems with others' identities at first. If anyone wasn't sure what femme name went with the grey hair, aviator glasses and beer belly, their question was answered when I opened my big mouth. OK, so I have a weird laugh!
It was most enjoyable to sit around and yak with the guys though, I must confess, the topics of discussion were little different from meeting nights, ie., everything from home repair to earrings.
Later on, after we had all eaten and "desserted" ourselves into a sugar-induced stupor, Gloria stood up to make a few comments. One of the things she said struck me as to just how true it was. She commented that, looking around her, she saw some of the best friends she has ever had in her life and yet most of these people she only gets to see once a month for 4 or 5 hours and only in a very limited (crossdressed) context.
The friends one gets to know in the "CD Biz" truly are the best friends one will ever have because they are the only ones who know the whole person that is you. Many of us then turn around and allow these friends into our lives a mere 5 hours a month while keeping them out the other 729 hours. This is neither fair to them nor to ourselves.
The cookout at Gloria's was a first step and the next is already being discussed - a Fall clambake. These get-togethers are a great help but it's the one-on-one contacts between us which count the more. Go back and re-read Gloria's "President's View" for this month and then do what she says. Call your sisters (brothers). Write them. Better yet, give him a hand fixing that leak in his roof. Get to know the whole person under that wig and makeup and let them know you. You might be surprised what you find and you'll be a better person for it.
To close, a short comment on another topic. You may note this month's issue is rather on the emaciated side. As any dieter knows, one loses weight if they don't eat. Well, our "silhouette" is slimmer because it hasn't been fed. We cannot produce a newsletter if you don't provide material to publish! Understandably, we are in the middle of Summer with all its distractions. The fact remains, though, we cannot pull articles for the newsletter out of thin air. PLEASE contribute!
Love, Tanya
With two teenagers in the house who don't know of Kristin's existence, life can be very interesting on meeting nights. Our daughter, Jennifer, is usually working or skating when we get ready to leave for Lakewood. It is our son, Kenneth, age 16, who poses the problem.
We really don't want to have to get a room at the Manor every month so Kristin tries to dress en femme then puts on a man's suit over top. On June 13th, Kenneth decided to watch television in our bedroom while Kristin was bathing. I tried to ask him nicely to go watch television in the living room but he was reluctant to do so. I finally forced him to the living room and watched TV with him while Kristin dressed in the bedroom. I was very impatient, wanting to get on the road because I was supposed to be at the Manor early to help with the preparations.
Kristin left the house dressed as Jon. Within 300 feet of the driveway, the tie came off and Kristin began to peel off the other clothing. As we pulled onto Rt. 10, her wig was put in place. Of course I am watching the vehicles as they pass us so I can tell her when the coast is clear. I watch a complete transformation as I drive.
Things get a little tricky on Columbia Road when Kristin is trying to put her nail polish on. I must tell her when I am stopping or starting so the polish won't spill. She must wait till we get to the Manor to put on her makeup but she is getting faster at doing that.
Even when coming home at 1:30 or 2:00 AM, I have to make sure everyone is asleep before Kristin can come into the house. Otherwise, she must drive the country roads for a half hour before coming home.
Things would certainly be less hectic if we didn't have to sneak around, but I guess that is one of the "joys" of being married to a crossdresser!
Sincerely, Joanne
For those of you looking for a thought-provoking, sensitive, to-the-heart-of-the-matter article this time, forget it! It is time for yet another mindless entry which doesn't amount to too much, will take you only minutes to read but took me hours to write.
Yes dear friends, I have writer's block again! But since it never stopped me in the past, I will continue the tradition I started. At times, words flow from my pen as though they were stored there, just waiting to get out onto paper. At other times, I couldn't come up with the words even with a dictionary sitting in front of me. I do enjoy writing. In fact, I have a very secret dream of someday writing a book. But, alas, I'm no Michener, Hemingway or Steinbeck, so it is a dream which may never see the light of day.
Words are marvelous things. Without them, we could have music but no songs to sing. Classics such as "Yesterday", "Moon River" or "It Was An Itsy-Bitsy, Teeny-Weeny, Yellow Polka-Dot Bikini" could have never been written. Great works like WAR AND PEACE, MAD MAGAZINE, MOBY DICK or NATIONAL LAMPOON wouldn't exist without words.
Words have impact. Sometimes one sentence seems to say it all. Although the exact words, "Play it again, Sam." were never actually uttered in the movie, they instantly make one think of "Casablanca", Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman. An entire movie is captured in four words. For those who read the New Testament of the BIBLE, what sentence can be more poignant than the shortest one in the entire BIBLE, "Jesus wept."?
At the dedication of the cemetery at Gettysburg, people were stunned and shocked the President of the United States only spoke a few words. He was soundly criticized for it yet those few words are remembered far better than probably any speech in our history. We may not remember them all but we remember what they meant. Those few words, in time, put a country which was torn apart back together again.
Words can draw a picture in your mind. If you are a James Michener fan, think of his book HAWAII. The entire first part makes it seem as though you were there watching - and even feeling - the islands rise from the sea.
Words can make us cry. Not just a teary eye from disappointment but tears from the heart, mind and soul that are wrenched from us in sadness, pain and coldness or from happiness, ecstacy and warmth. Words can make us smile and even laugh from a simple "ha ha" right on up to the belly laugh which shakes your entire body and you can't seem to stop. Words can hurt and they can mend. They can make one feel joy and then despair. Triumph, then defeat, then triumph again - all because of words.
Words can mean undying love or unending hate. And, as powerful and dramatic as words can be, sometimes those most remembered are the words left unspoken.
As a child, some of the saddest words which seemed to touch my soul but were never said were those I felt in my heart when I looked into my father's eyes when he had to punish me for something I had done. The punishment was anticlimactic compared to the words his eyes spoke - saying his heart was breaking. And yet, those same eyes told you of his pride, his understanding, his hurts and, most of all, his love, in words that seemed to become a part of your being. As opinionated, stubborn, hard-headed and, yes, even bigoted as my Dad can be outwardly at times, I have learned to hear the words of his heart. In his heart, he is the kindest, most understanding, most loving person I have ever known. To this day he is still the "gentle giant" I grew to know as a child.
We have all known unspoken words, both good and bad, which will be a part of our lives forever. Spoken and unspoken words can be so important while other words are very fleeting, really meaning nothing.
When most people ask, "How are you?", they may not really care and don't want to hear your life story, so we tend to let these words pass as we go on our ways. Spoken words, unspoken words, written words, words between-the-lines, unheard words, body language - the list goes on and on - can be so common we don't pay attention or at least seem not to. Yet our hearts, our minds and our souls do notice and sort out what is important to us. Nothing is missed, just sorted out.
Every kind of word is important. We must remember that. But, no matter what words or kind of words we use, hear or feel, they mean absolutely nothing if nobody listens. Even listening means nothing if no one cares. Caring means absolutely nothing if we don't listen and respond to the words!
Well, it has taken me a couple hours to say a few words and that is probably enough. Next time I'll try to have something to write about - like the time I taught my brother to paint his face like an Indian....with oil-base house paint!
Look out, though. When we meet again I may ask, "How are you?"
Love always, Gloria
To Robin Keiffer of Sigma Epsilon chapter for addressing a concern we at Alpha Omega also share, that is expressing each chapter's views in regard to the direction of Tri Ess National. Robin has arranged the first Congress of Tri Ess Chapters, which will meet at the November Holiday En Femme. I am very pleased our chapter has two sisters who volunteered to be part of this Congress. By vote of the chapter, a delegate and alternate have been chosen.
Congratulations to Tanya for being selected as our delegate to the Congress. Your knowledge as a past officer, newsletter editor, "Big Sister" and part-time blacksmith [?] should come in handy.
Congratulations to Megan for being selected alternate delegate. Your knowledge and ideas are important and your skills in group therapy and EMT training will be of benefit, too.
Alpha Omega can be proud and thankful for having two sisters who care so much about our group. I am sure Megan and Tanya will work together to get the membership's thoughts so our representative will be an active part of the Congress.
To Nancy of "Wigs 'N Things" for being a wonderful part of our meeting, sharing her time and skills with us at the July meeting and for being someone we can contact as a vendor.
To Charlotte and Pam F. for finding Nancy and arranging for her to be our speaker and to all the models who volunteered to help her with her presentation.
To Jennifer for giving us an insight into the recent Tri Ess Board of Directors meeting. It takes time and expense to serve on the Board of Directors and as Regional Coordinator for Tri Ess. We should all be proud of the efforts Jenny puts into these activities for the benefit of all Tri Ess members.
To the Constitution Committee for developing the two proposed by-laws for our constitution. These proposals will be listed in this issue and the September issue of the newsletter and will be voted on at the September meeting.
As always, to the Food Committee for the great meal and to Sandy & Cheryl, Kristin & Joanne for helping to make it easier for me to watch my waistline (growing) with those glorious desserts.
To Pam F. for setting up the dinner at Tony's Restaurant on July 27th. Nice going Pam!
To Sandy & Cheryl for being golfing buddies to anyone interested in a golf outing.
To Kathleen for not killing me when she found out I had volunteered to hold a cookout at our house August 2nd. It's a good thing she's crazy about me!
To all those who volunteered to bring food, grills, games, etc., for the annual picnic with the Paradise Club August 15th. But remember, anyone wanting to bring more snack items or desserts are encouraged to do so.
To everyone who helps clean up after a meeting. It takes time and hard work and your efforts are appreciated.
To Laurie for becoming one of the newest members of Alpha Omega, adding another blonde (at least this time) to the group.
To everyone who helps to make our meetings wonderful by adding their voices to Alpha Omega.
To all of you for being a very special part of my life.
Hi Ladies! While at the July meeting we discussed the question of the month. Similar threads ran through most responses but Gloria brought back a recent and emotional memory. Gloria (and I hope I get this right Gloria) said she still struggles with crossdressing, balancing and juggling the two sides she holds so dear.
As she continued to elaborate a little on this topic, my mind raced back about two months ago when I too was in a real struggle. My mother's sister died and I was asked by my aunt's only son to help clean house to get ready for the realtor.
Well my sister, her husband, myself, my cousin and his wife spent all day cleaning rooms. We seemed to migrate to different rooms in the marital pairing that left me by myself. It didn't bother me at all, we were all working very hard because the rooms were cluttered and dirty.
All day the cleaning and talking back and forth went on, then the lunch break, where again the pairs sat at the table and we talked some more. Eventually the conversation turned to my aunt's house and how it was filled with years of memories that she couldn't throw away. Although to anyone else it was simply trash and deserves nothing but recycling.
When eight o'clock at night came and the word quit was summoned from my cousin, we all agreed we had enough. We sat in my aunt's living room again discussing her last few hours and how she never wanted to be this kind of burden on anyone. Her son related how in the past he and his wife would go to auctions. Always during the auction they would comment how someone's life was reduced to a bidding war over some trinket that pleased or was dear to the previous owner.
He then commented that he never gave his comments about this very much weight until now. The finality of sifting through reams of paper and household junk was staggering and sad. On the way home, I became very depressed seeing how she amassed a fortune, in nothing of any value, except to her and how her son was appalled at how she had been living despite her very ample retirement income.
Being with the family that day and hearing the comments, I began to think of the small fortune in feminine clothes I had and the ramifications of my passing, this time through, away. Let me say here many years ago I was discovered twice and each time it was swept under the proverbial family carpet, never to be dealt with or brought up again. This is only a factual statement, I'm not complaining, that's the only way my parents and sister could dealt with this thirty years ago.
So here I was going back home; every inch closer the guilt and pain growing larger. When I got home I truly wished I could purge all my beautiful clothes, and I can't stress here the magnitude of that feeling. It was as if I suddenly became the purge junkie, and the only way I could satisfy this need was to purge. I'm sure I could have done it, I was feeling alone, guilty, afraid and very tired of the social pressures.
I sat down and just stared into the wall drained by these gut wretching, needless feelings. Suddenly the answer was clear, I needed to talk someone to talk to. I had to dump on someone. Who? Then the next revelation came with the force of a lightning bolt. HEY DINGY, USE THE COMPUTER! Yea, I'll write my sister Cheryl a letter, even though she won't get it until the next time she logs on the computer service we share, at least I'll be getting this off my ughmmmmm chest.
So I sat at my keyboard pouring out all this stuff I've tried to tell you and by gosh, it did help. Talking via a lifeless, whirling, neutral grey thing powered by rubber bands and a squirrel running in one of those round cages actually helped. The next day, quite a surprise, Cheryl logged on to the system. She normally doesn't, but through her feminine intuition something told her to. She read my plight and she wrote a very reassuring letter in reply. Just think what one conversation could have done? Conversation what a simple thing to do but what a complex thing to do.
Tanya in her editorial tells us of miscommunications because of national differences.
Megan in her "Another View" says remember, we do not have to agree with the other person's view but we must defend their right to have a view.
Gloria in her "Letter From....." says it is very easy to be caught up in our own personal opinions, the politics of a situation or the pressures of our own life, we lose track of others when they might be very quietly asking for help. Deborah (last but not least) in her article "Integration" tells us that integration means the act or process or an instance of integrating ........ integrating then means to form, coordinate, or blend into a functioning or unified whole; UNITE.
My input to this is to look up communicate and it means to cause another or others to partake of or share in.
I am telling or pointing out to each and every one of my sisters. At the next regular meeting, look around, really look and pick out someone who isn't being talked to or that you don't normally talk to. Walk up to them, remember what Tanya said, don't miscommunicate. Then what Megan said, you don't have to agree just allow them the right to talk. Then especially what Gloria said about asking for help, but silently. Deborah gives us the key to unity and that is integration of everyone. Mine says to communicate is to cause another to partake or share.
Since repetition helps us to learn, reread the above that starts with "TANYA". Also let's not forget why we have meetings. Support, there are quite a few definitions but I like number four in my dictionary, "to keep (a person, the mind, etc.) from failing or declining; strengthen." Let's apply all this to not only our meetings but perhaps our everyday lives also. Who knows, Alpha Omega AND you may reach heights neither have dreamed of and never forget Listening is sometimes the biggest part of communication with others!
Love, Luck and Laughter Pam F.
Well girls, as I told you at the July meeting, a night out at a local restaurant was scheduled and came to pass. At the July meeting I announced that everyone was invited and the total present was six, Cheryl, Sandy, Megan, Kristen, Joanne and myself made up the first AO supper club. It was amazing to me how the simple act of having supper en-femme could lift one's self esteem so much.
It seems that this first step for three of us helped along by three who have been out many times was just what I needed. At home getting ready I wasn't the least bit nervous, just my first AO meeting, and sometimes I wonder about this lack of emotional frenzy. Still I needed to do this as for the others, you'll have to ask them about their motivation.
As I journeyed to the Manor completely as Pam, but this time less the wig since my hair is long enough now to style, I wasn't nervous about making the trip. The trip went off without incident hmmmmm could I possibly be invisible? Could I possibly be just another traveler passing through? Well I'll never know; all I do know is that the Manor appear and I turned in.
At the Manor, Cheryl and Sandy had already arrived and Cheryl was in the process of becoming Cheryl. Sandy and I chit chatted while she read the paper and soon Cheryl was herself and sitting there with us. When they had arrived the man at the desk hinted that the room was "on the house" but well maybe he was just kidding.
Soon the room had three more guests, two of whom were quickly feminizing themselves. Isn't it fun to primp and fuss over every detail. Kristen put on four belts getting everyone's opinion before deciding one of the very first ones she put on. Megan modeled a black camisole to solicit opinions and we gave it a yes vote.
We all, I think, took a deep breath, it was show time and off we went into the real world. You know, one thing the Manor does offer is an audience and the lobby had it's sampling of patrons who seemed to await our departure. We made it to the cars, left the Manor and proceeded to the restaurant. The trip to the restaurant took about fifteen minutes and it was still light out, but not one abnormal person on the street or car next to us made one hostile move.
Amazing, I thought to myself, but as we got to the corner where the restaurant is we all saw the real test. Catty-corner from the restaurant was a whole bunch of teenage boys waiting on the corner for something. I for one was sure they were waiting to see the CD show soon to take place.
We turned the corner, proceeded to the parking lot where two women were making their way across the lot. We all got out of two cars, I watched them watching us, but the shrieks and cries of anguish didn't occur. They did say something about us but I didn't know what and really didn't care.
From the car to the sidewalk then to the door to the restaurant was probably two hundred feet, but I must admit I'm a terrible judge of distance. Once again we remained unscathed, here I am waiting for the anti-CD ax to drop and we've made it into the restaurant! I think about pinching myself to make sure this isn't a dream but it's too late. We are walking through the restaurant and being seated.
What a nice place! Where has this place been all this time? We sit down and Sandy our waitress takes our cocktail order. Guess what ........ she isn't repulsed by us either. She is treating us like real people, maybe not like women but very nice and respectfully. Come to think of it she is treating us like people not as women or men, but people, who could ask for anything more. It doesn't get any better than this. WOW!
So as we ordered and waited for our orders, we just small talked and sipped our wine, Megan had Long Island iced tea. Did you know that Kristen and Joanne were in the Peace Corp? Well the talk was very candid and interesting. We talked about different things and for one I enjoyed the conversation very much.
Supper arrived, the portions are very large, the prices range from ten dollars for the daily special, which has a list of various items, to fifteen dollars for one seafood dish. I ordered scallops and stirfried vegetables at fourteen dollars. It was so much I took half home for future suppers. Then some of our party had to raid the dessert tray. I don't remember what everyone got but it looked delicious.
During supper Megan mentioned that Paradise has meetings in a room that is upstairs. Hmmmmmm I said to myself, so I asked Sandy who I could talk to about the "Room". She said she would have Kathy come to the table. Kathy is the lady I made the reservations with and she too is very nice.
Kathy asked if I wanted to see the room, well I did, so Kathy took me through the restaurant to the stairway leading up to the room. I was pleasantly surprised at the room, it will comfortably hold sixty and round or rectangular tables are available. I noticed something that looked like a wet bar, which there is, a fireplace (probably fake) at one end and the room has its own bathroom too.
The best thing about this room is that there is no minimum number of people. Kathy said they wouldn't rent it for ten people, but more than that would be alright she thought. The menu would be three items, say one beef, one pork and one seafood or veal. the room can be reserved for fifty dollars and I have the number to call.
I should tell you too that we went on Monday night, when I originally talked to Kathy I told her it was our first time out and I wanted a slow night. Well it was slow, when we got to the restaurant there were three couples in the dining area. During our stay they left and two more couples came in. No one gave us a hard time, I'm sure it does happen, but I was impressed at the way we were made to feel like human beings, not CD's. I guess you can't ask for anymore than that!
When we left it was dark and with the dark a little easier passage to the cars and to the Manor. As Cheryl and Kristen returned to reality, we chatted some more discussing relevant and irrelevant topics with an ease of being with family. When we left someone asked about the bill and the man behind the desk replied again that it was on the Manor. I think he said something about appreciating our AO business. I almost didn't include this because it won't happen every time or perhaps ever again. Then on the other hand give credit where credit is due, right? Thanks Manor.
If I had one wish about this evening out it would be that more of my AO sisters would have been there to have this sense of BEING. Perhaps if we do this again, and that subject was discussed, more of you will decide to venture out of the Manor closet and start integrating with all the abnormal people in the real world. It seems to me that this would be one way of generating acceptance little by little incorporating ourselves into society. Cloistering ourselves serves only one purpose, it insulates us from them. Bad move!
Well, in closing I really hope more of you can attend our next function, you may be surprised, I hope pleasantly.
Love, Luck, Laughter Pam F.
(This article appeared in the Chronicle-Telegram, January 6, 1992)
I had hoped that we could get the new year under way without any reports of ecologically dangerous shellfish attacking women's undergarments, but I see now that I was a fool.
I have here an alarming news article written by Christopher Taylor of The Watertown (N.Y. Daily Times and sent in by several alert readers. The headline, which I am not making up, says: "Large Colony of Zebra Mussels Found Clinging to Big Brassier."
In case you haven't heard, the zebra mussel is a hot new environmental threat. Forget the killer bees. Oh, sure, they got a lot of scary headlines - "Killer Bees Sighted In Mexico"; "Killer Bees Sighted In Texas"; "Killer Bees Become Amway Distributors" - but they never lived up to their potential. Whereas at this very moment, the zebra mussel is raging out of control in the Great Lakes region. Well, OK, maybe "raging" is a strong term. As a rule, mussels don't rage. You rarely hear swimmers being advised: "If you see a mussel, try to remain calm and whatever you do, DON'T PROVOKE IT."
Nevertheless we have reason to fear the zebra mussel, which gets it name from the fact that it roams the plains of Africa in giant herds.
No, seriously, it gets its name from the fact that it has a striped shell, which grows to about an inch long. About five years ago, a group of zebra mussels, possibly carrying forged passports, came from Europe to the Great Lakes in the bilge water of a European ship, and they've been reproducing like crazy ever since. They are the Sex Maniacs of the Sea. Here's a quote from an August 1991 Washington Post article:
"Each female can produce 30,000 eggs a year, leading to huge colonies of billions of the animals clinging to every available surface. Recently, marine biologists have discovered concentrations reaching 700,000 mussels a cubic yard . . . "
So apparently spaying them on an individual basis is out of the question. But something has to be done, because zebra mussels are clogging up water-supply pipes and they're spreading fast. Controlling them could cost billions of dollars - money that will have to come out of the pockets of the scumballs who wrecked the savings-and-loan industry.
No! That was another joke! The money will of course come from lowlife taxpayers such as yourself, which is why you need to stay informed about this story, especially the giant- brassiere angle.
Here are the key quotes from The Watertown Daily Times story:
"A large brassiere pulled from waters near the Genesee River at Rochester was carrying the largest colony of zebra mussels found so far in Lake Ontario . . ."
"The brassiere - and the mussels - are now under observation at the Department of Environmental Conservation Fisheries Research Station at Cape Vincent.
"DEC Supervisory Aquatic Biologist Gerard C. LeTendre said the bra was scooped up while DEC staff were trawling for dead lake trout near the Genesee River . . . Because of the size of the garment, Mr. LeTendre said, more than 100 mussels had managed to attach them selves to it.
"Whoever that bra belonged to was of large proportions", Mr. LeTendre said. "It was huge."
This episode raises a number of troubling questions, including:
-They were trawling for DEAD TROUT?
-Is that sporting?
-Could it possibly be that the zebra mussels have become carnivorous and ATE the original bra occupant?
-Has anybody seen Dolly Parton IN PERSON recently?
Is an effort to get to the bottom of this, I called the research station and grilled Gerard LeTendre.
"Is it true", I said, "that you have a large brassiere under observation?"
"It's really just in a box in my office", he said.
"The newspaper made it sound like we have it in an aquarium."
He also said they still don't know who owns the bra.
"We know it's a four-hook bra", he said. "But it didn't belong to a large person. It was just a very well-endowed person."
He said that many people have offered suggestions about what to do with the bra, including "holding a Cinderella-type contest to see who it fits."
For now, however, the mystery remains unsolved. Meanwhile, the zebra mussel continues to multiply. Even as you read these words, a huge colony of them could be clustering ominously around a Sears catalog that fell overboard, nudging it open to the foundation-garment section. It is a chilling thought, and until the authorities come up with a plan of action, I'm urging everybody to take sensible precaution of developing a nervous tic. Also, if you MUST wear a brassiere, please wear it on the outside, where the Department of Environmental Conservation can keep an eye on it. Thank You.
(This article appeared the the Post-Tribune)
In this crucial election year, with the nation's economic future hanging in the balance, it is more vital than ever that you, the American voters, be informed of recent developments concerning the Giant Mystery Zebra Mussel Brassiere.
As you no doubt recall we recently reported that the New York State Department of Environmental Conservation was trying to determine the ownership of a very large brassier that had been pulled out of Lake Ontario with a colony of zebra mussels clinging to it. Zebra mussels are a new environental menace that is spreading around the country at an alarming rate, similar to law-school graduates except that they (the graduates have no formal code of ethics.
When we last reported on this story the DEC had the Mystey Brassiere under obeservation, with no clue as to who the owner was, except that she'd never need a life preserver. If you get our drift.
Shortly after our report appeared, we received a letter from a Mr. Bob Isaacs of Tonawanda, N.Y., who claims that "the bra in question probably belongs to my friend Candy." Mr. lsaacs states that in the summer of 1989, he and Candy were in a small motor boat on the Erie canal and Niagera River, and "to make a long story short, her brassiere found its way on to my head."
By way of supporting (HA! ha!) evidence, Mr. Isaacs enclosed a color photograph that clearly shows him driving a small motor boat while wearing a brassiere the size of two regulation beach umbrellas on his head. As a taxpayer, you have to ask yourself why the U.S. Coast Guard is frittering away its resources guarding the coast when this kind of activity is taking place on our inland waterways.
Anyway, Mr. Isaacs states thjat eventually the brassiere was lost overboard, and theorizes that it was carried downstream to Lake Ontario, where the zebra mussels, often reffered to by marine biologists as, "The Lingerie Perverts of the Deep," got hold of it.
Judging from the fact that his letter was neatly typed, we decided that Mr.lsaacs was a reliable jornalism source, and we were willing to consider the Mystery Brassiere crime solved. But just then, without warning, we received a flood of letters from alert readers drawing our attention to a new report in The Watertown (N.Y.) Daily Times written by Christopher Taylor, who has been covering this story like shrinkwrap, and who should, in our opinion, win a Pulitzer Prize in the prestegious Bivalve-Encrusted Undergarment Reporting category.
The story, headlined STRIPPER CLAIMS OWNERSHIP OF ZEBRA MUSSEL BRASSIERE, states that a striptease dancer named "Busty Heart," from Norway, Maine, claims that she recognized the Mystery Brassiere from a newspaper photograph.
"That's my bra," she is quoted as saying. She states that she wore it for an appearance last April at Lou's Cordial Lounge in Rochester, N.Y., were the bra was raffled off. "One man told me that he was going to put it on his boat as a sail and it could have blown off," Miss Heart points out.
We have here a photograph of Miss Heart, and we will note for the record that the brassiere she is wearing, a size triple M, makes the brassire on Mr.lsaacs' head look like it belongs to Rainbow Brite.
So we called up Gerard C. Letrende, who, as the Supervisory Aquatic Biologist at New York State Department of Enviromental Conservation's Cape Vincent Fisheries Research Station, is responsible for keeping an eys on the brassiere. He was aware of Miss Heart's claim, and in fact had seen a photograph of her.
"This is a big brassiere," he said, "but it would be a tight fit, getting her in to it."
We told Mr. Le Trende about Mr. Isaac's letter, and he confirmed that it was biologicaly possible for Cindy's brassiere to have drifted down into Lake Ontario.
"That's just as logical as anything else," he said.
So it looks as tbough the only way we're going to get to the bottom of this thing, as a nation, is to have the Senate judcial Committee hold live televised hearings, featuring probing crossexamination of the various claimants by Senator Ted Kenedy, and culminating in a dramatic courtroom-style re-inactment of the motorboat incident wherein the Mystery Brassiere is placed on the head of Sen. Orin Hatch. Wouldn't that be great, voters.
Of course there could be problems. There is the danger that the mussles, upon exposure to the Washington humidity - which is actually denser than Lake Onterio - would escape from the bra and multiply like crazy, spreading into vital government agencies such as the Bureau of Unintelligible Prose, attaching themselves in overwhelming quantities to filing cabinets and duplicating machines and slower moving federal employees.
(This article is a reprint and was extracted from the CHI TRIBUNE. Our thanks to our Chicago sisters.)
The red feather boa was a joke gift, but all the women at the party wanted to try it on. One by one, we swung it around our bodies and varmped. It made our necks sweat, but otherwise it felt great.
"I need one of these," said a guest, as she unwound it from her shoulders. We teased her about wanting to put the life into her marriage.
No, no, she explained, that wasn't why. Her little daughter had reached the stage where she loved to play dressup. And her mother didn't have anything for her to dress up in. Not the kind of clothes the woman herself had played in 30 years earlier - the high heels and fancy hats and tulle-covered dresses she had saved and stowed away in a box for that day when she had a family.
"What am I supposed to do?" the woman asked. "Give her the blue jeans and T-shirts I wore through college?"
I don't have any children yet, but if I ever do have a girl, she's going to find her dressup legacy pretty slim too. In my teenage and college years (and even beyond), cotton and comfort won out over organza every time.
Still, I remember being a little girl and feeling very deprived because my mother, who was at least 10 years older than the mothers of my friends, had long ago given away any of her clothes that would have made for good dressup.
To compensate, l would wrangle an an invitation to my friend Ginny's house, where there was a big cardboard box brimming with dressup items, including one very choice blue chiffon party dress that her mother had once worn for a college cotillion. Ginny and I would fight over who got to wear it.
What shall we do about the dressup dearth? I'm sure some people will chalk it up as one more sad consequence of modern feminism - at the same time that others will insist that allowing little girls to costume their fantasy play in taffeta and lace sends a dangerously dated message.
I'm not sure about either argument. It's true that none of the mommy dressup clothes I played in had anything to do with careers, or female autonomy, for that matter. On the other hand, we always knew that the blue chffon was a castoff, something that Ginny's mother wouldn't wear again (which was a good thing, because I think I broke the zipper). Somehow that got translated in my little brain as the idea that identities were mutable - that you could be something more _i life than Someone's Date.
Ginny's mom had shed that identity and moved on to another one, just as we shed our make-believe froth after a few hours, changed back into our sweatshirts, Wrangler jeans and Keds, and ran outside to throw mud clods at the boys next door.
Maybe Barbie helped drive the lesson home; what impressed me about her wasn't her hyperwomanly curves, but the fact that they fit into an astronaut's suit and a prom dress. If we can understand that clothing - like much that has to do with a person's sex - is about choice and not fate or destiny, and that identituies are something we do have the power to construct and discard (something that I bet no one taught Ginny's mom when she was a little girl), then those of us who come to motherhood without frills can go to Amvets or Goodwill and buy our daughters the dressup they crave with a clear conscience. We won't need to apologize for the Spartan quality of our own clothing legacy or feel betrayed by a little gorl's taste for something dainty.
And maybe when we come home at the end of a grueling day, we'll be smart enough to offer our daughters a trade. They can clop around in mommy's sensible half-inch business heels for a little while if we get to wear the red feather boa. (Libby Morse is a Chicago free-lance writer)
Right Channel: Gotta get ready for fantasy baseball
Left Channel: (excited) Macy's is having a lingerie sale
RC: Look at that girl, god, she's cute
LC: (dreamy) I wish my hips moved Iike hers
RC: Am I blushing because she smiled at me?
LC: (teasing) You're just hoping she's lesbian
RC: I hope she didn't see my panty line
LC: (mocking) Oh yes you do!
RC: What a sunny day, perfect for golf
LC: (yummy) Or wearing a bikini
RC: (sarcastic) You don't have the guts...I'm going golfing
LC: I know (tear) but you don't have to be so brutal
RC: I'm sorry, I get that way when I'm scared
LC: (amazed) I scare YOU? Why?
RC: (wistfully) You seem more true to your self somehow
LC: You just never expected ME!
RC: (warmer) But I love being in bed with you
LC: (tentative) But SHE doesn't
RC: (plaintively) SHE's just feeling squeezed out
LC: (wishfully) I like HER, though, I wish SHE liked me
RC: (triumphantly) SHE does. SHE just likes me more
LC: (betrayed) You bastard!
RC: (enticingly) Macy's is having a lingerie sale ?!
LC: (making up) Let's invite HER along
LC & RC: (in unison with glee) Oh No, surround sound!
(the above poem appeared in the May issue of The Cactus Flower of Alpha Zeta Chapter. The following cartoon came from the same issue.)
PART TWO
(This article appeared in the Sierra Silver Belles newletter, the June 1992 issue. Our thanks go our to our sister chapter. I have to assume Rebecca Ann Petersen wrote the article, if not I'm sorry and let me know who gets the credit.)
Last month in this column I pondered the driving force that causes me/us to crossdress. Unfortunately there seems to be no concrete answer for this phenomenon. Or should I say, there seems to be no answer that is obvious to me.
Last month l toyed with the concepts, conveyed to me by others, that either I was escaping masculine reality and pressures, or was acting out the feminine side of my persona. These two theories seem to be the most popular in most of the written material I have read. I also pointed out that maybe I was hung upon the idea that this phenomenon needed fixing, because society said it needed fixing. I also stated that maybe society was wrong. After a month of careful consideration of the above, I don't know any more than I did. This seems to be one of those subjects, that the more you study, the less you know.
I have however reached the conclusion that if society accepted crossdressing, that I would not have a problem. Brilliant statement huh? If society thought robbery, rape or murder were OK, we would shutdown the prison systems. Charlie Manson could run for president. So maybe the analogies presented here are too drastically opposing, and don't relate to each other. In otherwords, maybe I'm comparing apples to oranges. But that is exactly what society has done to us.
At this point, lets define society. Society is "us". Simple, isn't it. Society is what the majority of "us" perceive to be OK. For "us" to be accepted by the majority, the majority of "us" have to accept crossdressing as normal behavior. Therefore, it would be safe to assume that since we are society, we must accept ourselves first, if we expect the rest of society to accept us. This obviously is the first step, and of course the easiest. The next step involves time. Will any of us live long enough to find an accepting society? Maybe not. Will infact society ever accept this phenomenon. Maybe yes. If you are old enough, I'm sure many of you can remember times when society condemned actions that are today normal place, and thought to be normal. Thirty or forty years ago, cohabitation with one another without the benefit of a marriage license was thought of as immoral. A woman pregnant out of wedlock, was shunned by society. Oral sex was considered a no no, and against the law in many states, even if you were married and consenting. Using just these three examples shows us that society has become more tolerant about certain matters. Twenty years ago when I left San Francisco, homosexuals were having a very difficult time obtaining equal rights in a city that boasted that it was one of the more liberal cities in the United States. Today, even though homosexuals still have their problems, they have been accepted by a much higher percentage of society. What does this mean? In my opinion, I feel that over the long haul, society becomes more tolerant of what it considers abnormal. The reason? Society, or we, are taught by previous generations what is considered right, and what is considered wrong. We were given value judgements based on a period in time that no longer exists. Now don't get wrong. I feel that it is imperative that parents instill in their offspring a basic concept of right and wrong. This basic concept has been going on since the beginning of civilized men. My feeling is that we tend to carry the concept too far. We pass on information to our sons and daughters on subjects that are far beyond the moral issues of the basic right and wrong concept. In otherwords, if it bugs us, we must make it bug our children. If dear old dad or mom found it offensive, then their child should feel the same way, in other words, bigotry. If mom or dad hated _________, (fill in the blanks with your choice) then son or daughter was taught this hate from a very young age. This hate stays with them throughout their life and becomes second nature. Most people grow up with a hate, and no basis for it. Over the past thirty or forty years, people have become more educated than previous generations. Over the past 15 to 20 years our world has grown smaller in size, mainly because of the advances in communication. The new generations are now saying, "I was taught to hate those so and so's, but I don't know why". "They don't seem as bad as i thought". "Maybe, mom and dad were wrong".
Times and knowledge are making society more tolerant. Now, when you consider all of the problems that society has to come to grips with, crossdressing is way down at the bottom.
Society is not what makes you or I crossdress, but it is the determining factor in the acceptance of our behavior, and after all, one of our basic instincts is the need to be accepted. I honestly believe that trying to outwardly persuade society that we, or any group for that matter, should be accepted, is futile. Human beings resist change. They become comfortable with their little world, and don't want the boat rocked, so to speak. I feel that time and knowledge are our only salvation. I think that as time passes, society will come to understand and accept all the idiosyncrasies of human behavior.
It seems as though we have rambled on for almost three columns, without establishing an answer for the obvious question, again. Last month I stated that "I crossdress because it produced a feeling of tranquility and peace of mind. In otherwords, it feels good. After a month of dwelling on that statement, I would like to add to it. It's fun and exciting also. We live in a world where there are not a lot of things that provide us with a combination of, good feelings, fun and excitement. As an example lets take skydiving. I would guess that it provides fun and excitement. I will however never find out, because the concept scares the hell out of me. Jumping out of an airplane, on purpose, when it's not even on fire, seems to be against what basic common sense tells me is right. On the other hand basic common sense tells me that getting dressed and representing my self as woman at the local mall is probably just as dangerous. When I weigh the two activities though, one seems like fun, the other still scares the hell out of me. So much for common sense.
Let me expound on the excitement aspect for a moment. For the past two and a half years I have compiled information taken from every crossdresser I have met, and granted, the number is still small. When I started this project, I wanted as much information as I could get, so I could compare my reasons and desires for crossdressing, with the reasons and desires of others. This half assed study has produced some interesting facts. It seems that we all have some basic similarities. These similarities usually start in at childhood, in respect to that reason for crossdressing. Through puberty and the teenage years, each have a vast amount of similarities, again in why we crossdress. These two factors show up in most written material that has been at my disposal also. So I would surmise, that there probably is some validity to this. The one area where the similarities stop, is the degree of crossdressing and the risk taking factor. When I first encountered individuals who said, that going out in public was totally out of the question, I was puzzled. I honestly didn't understand why someone wouldn't want to go out. Where was the thrill and excitement for these people, that had experienced everytime I went out? As I met more and more CD's I found that they were in the majority, and I was in the minority. Why? Well after two and a half years, and talking with a lot of CD's, I have come to the conclusion that there is little difference. It appears that one person derives as much pleasure by dressing and not going out, as the other does by dressing and going out. It appears that it's the actual act of dressing that is important, not where it's carried out. This is not to say that one is better than the other. There is no right or wrong way to be a crossdresser. In respect to those that go out in public while dressed, it is my feeling that there may be a certain amount of "thrill seeking" involved here. I speak from personal experience on this subject. In my case, the adventure or danger involved, is part of the fun. This is contrary to my normal thinking process, and seems to be an activity that Rebacca partakes in, but Al shy's away from. I have read that the interaction of a crossdresser with the public, and the passing aspect, is of great value to the crossdresser. Supposedly this is the factor that is the catalyst for making us feel more feminine. I have a very difficult time swallowing this theory. Sure passing is convenient, but it's just that, convenient. It in no way heightens the actual act of crossdressing, nor, in my opinion, does it make us feel anymore feminine or more like a woman, and it does not make you a "better" crossdresser. It simply makes us a little more adventuresome. In essence, the mall, for people like me is like the skydiving mentioned earlier.
In conclusion (thank god you say) I'm actually back at square one. This series of articles was to delve into the reasons for crossdressing, instead it has incorporated some of the mechanics of the act of crossdressing. I am still searching for the reason. Although l must admit, I'm starting to loose interest. Common sense tells me that the reason is somewhat immaterial. lt won't change anything. I guess what it comes down to, is we are all like small children in this respect. Kids ask questions of their parents that have no answer, or an answer that is so deep that they could not understand the concept. In some cases if the question can be answered, they don't bother to listen to the answer. In otherwords, we are all basically inquisitive. We seek answers or questions, and sometimes that answer doesn't make any difference. Sometimes we don't understand the answer, or for that matter the question.
Again I welcome your thoughts, insights and opposing viewpoints for print in upcoming newsletters.
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