List of Officers:
President: Gloria Fenton
Vice President: Michelle Stuart
Sec/Treasurer: Sandy
Newsletter Staff:
Editor: Tanya
Editor/Publisher: Deborah Lynnette Lee
PRESIDENTS'S VIEW By Gloria
MICHELLE'S MUSINGS By Michelle Stuart
MEETING MINUTES
WIVES AND PARTNERS By Kathleen Fenton
NOTES OF INTEREST
QUESTION OF THE MONTH
EDITORIAL
PROGRAM VIEW By Elaine Lee
IN REBUTTAL By Megan Parsons
FEMME VIEWS By Rhonda M.
ET TU JANEI By Deborah Lynnette Lee
MY THOUGHTS By Megan Parsons
A LETTER FROM GLORIA by Gloria Sue Fenton
SUPPORT GROUPS by Megan Parsons
ALPHA OMEGA ON LINE by Pam F.
A LOOK AT THE BIAS...
What is ahead for Alpha Omega in 1992?
Well, to begin with, by the fortunes of the ballot box I am honored and pleased to be President of Alpha Omega for one more year. Once again, I will try my best to be a good leader and be there for you, the membership, when you need me. I will once again remind you that, if needed, I am no more than a letter, a phone call or a short drive away. Additionally, I need your input, including criticism, which will lead to the betterment of Alpha Omega.
Michelle, as Vice President, has and will continue go be an integral part of the chapter's leadership. Her hard work and eagerness to help not only make her a friend but a good officer.
I am very pleased to welcome Sandy as our new Secretary/Treasurer. Sandy is the first wife to hold office in Alpha Omega and her election shows the faith and confidence our membership has in this special lady.
Alpha Omega has been blessed with officers who care and work hard. In the new year, it is our wish to carry on this tradition. We need everyone's support to do this.
To Deborah Lee, our Past Sec/Treas, I say a personal "Thank You!" for the devotion you have shown Alpha Omega. I am very proud to call you a friend and sister.
Many projects have been initiated this past year: Our own Big Sister program, our outreach videos and our quest for a television and VCR for the chapter's use, which was mightily assisted by the gift of a VCR from a member. Work continues on a Vendor Directory and Member Directory. Jennifer has been instrumental in bring in new and exciting speakers. Tanya, Deborah Lee, Michelle and others have given us a newsletter to be proud of.
1992 will be devoted to taking many of these fledgling programs, rounding off their rough edges and watching them fulfill their purposes. Additionally, special outings for wives, couples, singles and "the guys" are either presently scheduled or in the planning stages.
We need every member's enthusiasm and involvement to make things work. I especially encourage all newer members to join in and do what you can for our chapter. The times ahead will be very exciting as our chapter continues to grow and evolve. Let us all join together and make this coming year "bigger and better" than ever.
At the April meeting, we will be reorganizing the standing committees. New members [And old ones! ed.] are encouraged to volunteer. We will also catch up on any business, new or old, which needs to be dealt with.
I want to personally thank everyone for the support and encouragement your officers received this past year. I know it will continue. And I would like to mention greater use of the General Affairs Committee this coming year should lead to one benefit I'm sure you will all enjoy, business meetings being kept as brief as possible. Business meetings may seem long and boring at times but please bear with us. We do the best we can to listen, meet every member's needs and give them the time they need to express themselves.
Sincerely, Gloria
Hello Girls,
It's time for another chitchat with our loving sisters of Alpha Omega. I hope everyone is doing fine as Winter winds down. It won't be long before Spring sets in and I will be planting more of those coleus plants. I saw my first robin the other day, Feb 27th, on my way to work in the morning. That robin sure was an early bird! I think it was nuts to come back when it's still this cold!
I am looking forward to my hummingbirds returning soon. I will have to make sure I get my feeder ready for them. I won't want to disappoint my little friends. They provided a lot of entertainment last Summer. Those sisters involved with the production of our educational video tape got together Feb 23rd at my condo for re-filming of the video. Deb and Elaine brought one video camera while Gloria and Kathleen brought a second. This allowed us to shoot with two cameras, enabling us to have more material to work with and more flexibility when time comes to edit the tape.
We cleared my livingroom for the session and my place looked like a set at a television station with all the lights, wires and cords required for the video and audio systems. We certainly had an elaborate setup!
Megan, Charlotte and our senior member, Barbara, came as their femmeselves. The other girls transformed in my spacious bathrooms. We had the same gang as were at our first taping in November. We made some changes to improve the sound quality and we also shortened the question and answer forum. Deborah Lee was able to appear in this taping as she and Charlotte took turns with the mobile camera while Kathleen stood by with the stationary camera.
I think things went quite well the second time around and am anxious to see our final product when it is "ready for the world". I'll tell you Girls, it is a lot of work to do something like this but, when you have a team of sisters working together, it makes things a lot easier. Good going, Ladies!
It was around 8:30 when we finished and the girls began to leave. Since Deb, Elaine and I were hungry, we went to the Mexican restaurant in my town for dinner. We had a nice meal and enjoyed a conversation on sorority business. What a nice way to end a day of hard work!
I've had a thought in my mind for some time and feel it is time to bring it up to you for your consideration. Some of us like to get together after meetings at a favorite "watering hole" to relax and continue the enjoyment of the evening. Unfortunately, the bars available to us now are not exactly the type we would really like to spend the evening in if there were other choices available. Don't get me wrong. I have nothing against Gay bars or Gays, themselves. It's just that most Gay bars are in rough neighborhoods and are often peopled by those who have had "one too many."
It would be nice if there were an establishment which was somewhat more dignified and respectable that we could patronize. A place where we could relax and have a drink while also not having to worry about our security. I am suggesting the possibility of a "straight" lounge that would welcome us.
I know this sounds risky, but the few of us who have been to conventions have patronized straight bars - bars with a piano and respectable patrons - and have never had any problems. I am not talking about the "corner tavern", populated by locals but, rather, a lounge at one of the better hotels or restaurants which doesn't qualify as a "hot spot". A place which has class and would welcome our business.
I feel this is something worthwhile for our group to look into. Wouldn't it be nice to sit and sip on a cocktail in a nice place, chatting or listening to soft piano music? It IS possible, Ladies. I have seen it in Chicago, San Francisco, Houston and other cities. Why not Cleveland? If you have any suggestions, let's hear about them. Who knows? We might just come up with something. You never know. There may be a lounge out there in the "real world" which would be very accepting of us!
Bye for now, Michelle
The March 14th meeting was called to order by Gloria; 21 members and guests present.
Deborah Lee summarized the minutes from the previous meeting and gave the Treasurer's report.
It was reported to the membership that the General Affairs Committee had reviewed the expenses incurred by the chapter and it recommended a $5.00 increase in membership dues for each class of membership. Meetings fees would remain the same. The main reason for the recommended increase was the increase in postage and other newsletter costs. Tanya moved, seconded by Jennifer, we implement the increase. A vote was taken and the increase was passed. Effective immediately annual dues will be: Associate Member, $20.00 Full Member, $25.00, Couples Membership, $35.OO.
The other item of business attended to was election of officers. Already nominated for President were Gloria and Michelle. No other nominations were made. Balloting was done and Gloria was re- elected as President. Previous nominations for Vice- President were Michelle and Rhonda. Rhonda declined the nomination due to personal reasons. Sandy nominated Cheryl. Tanya moved that nominations for Vice-President be closed. Balloting was done, and Michelle was re-elected as Vice- President. Nominated for Secretary-Treasurer were Sandy and Kathleen. Kathleen declined since Gloria was re-elected President. (Although our Constitution does not address the issue of husband and wife both serving as officers at the same time, concern for a possible conflict of interest had been brought up. Kathleen felt that, until the issue was discussed and resolved to the satisfaction of the membership, it would be better to withdraw her candidacy. No other nominations were made for this office. Sandy was elected to the office of Secretary-Treasurer.
Gloria stated that after the meeting the officers would schedule a time to get together to close the books. It was noted April will be the organizational meeting and vendor's night. Due to the interest in this month's speaker, other business was tabled so that as much time as possible could be devoted to Dr. Feo.
Tanya moved to adjourn, Kathleen seconded. Motion passed.
Respectfully submitted, Kathleen Fenton
It was great to see so many wives at the March meeting. We did not hold a formal Partners' meeting but we had a great "gab session". When we saw Sylvia's needlecraft, we were sorry she had not been able to make Hobby Night to share her art with everyone. Of course, I proudly showed off photos of my newest niece and nephew!
We decided on a time and place for the first Partners' Dinner. Sorry, this get-together is for wives and partners only. But we are already planning an event for everyone. I will be getting the word out to partners who weren't at the meeting about the location, date and time of the dinner.
Congratulations to our newly elected officers! Gloria and Michelle were re-elected to their positions of President and ViceþPresident. I'm proud of all our officers but especially delighted that, for the first time, Alpha Omega has a female officer. Our new Secretary/Treasurer, Sandy, will become one of the few wives/partners to hold elected office in a Tri Ess chapter.
Love, Kathleen
April Meeting
The April 11th meeting will be held at the Lakewood Hilton. (Don't we wish! It will be at the Manor, of course.) The focus of the evening will be organizational matters for the coming year. Primary of these will be the standing committees of the chapter.
At last year's organizational meeting, the following committees were established:
GENERAL AFFAIRS COMMITTEE: Gloria, Michelle, Deborah Lee, Rhonda M., Charlotte and Jennifer.
FOOD COMMITTEE: Kathleen, Sylvia, Patricia and Allie.
NEWSLETTER COMMITTEE: Tanya, Deborah Lee, Sheryl and Debbie.
ENTERTAINMENT COMMITTEE: Jennifer, Charlotte and Tanya.
AWARDS COMMITTEE: Jennifer, Charlotte and Tanya.
PUBLIC AWARENESS COMMITTEE: Gloria, Michelle, Deborah Lee, Jennifer and additional volunteers.
WIVES AND PARTNERS: All wives and partners automatically members, Kathleen to coordinate.
INTERVIEW COMMITTEE: Gloria, Michelle, Deborah Lee, Barb, Tanya and additional members as needed.
MEETING FOLLOWUP COMMITTEE: Jennifer, Rhonda and Tanya.
CHAPTER LIBRARIAN: Gloria.
CHAPTER PHOTOGRAPHER: Deborah Lee.
These ladies did a fine job during the past year. You will notice, however, how some names seem to appear time after time under the various committee headings. It is dearly hoped that newer members, and older members who are now more comfortable, will be willing to stand up and work for the chapter. Let's spread the workload around so no one must bear more than their fair share of the burden.
The second item on the evening's agenda is the first "Alpha Omega Local Vendor's Night". Those who have attended conventions have experienced the thrill of walking into the vendors' area and seeing all those "goodies" - makeup here, jewelry there, wigs, clothing, breast forms, electrologists, lingerie, etc., etc., etc. A regular "mini mall" for CD's!
Of course, our selection won't be quite as extensive as one would find at the Holiday En Femme but it will be made up of vendors from right here in our area who are happy to deal with Alpha Omega members. Each will have their wares on display plus will give a short presentation to the entire group.
Come to the April meeting. Have a chance to meet people who are ready to help you become more feminine. More importantly, though, come to the meeting to voice your readiness to help Alpha Omega become the finest organization it can be.
News Flash
We have just recently learned that a boutique for crossdressers only is opening in the Cleveland area! Further details will, hopefully, be available at the meeting.
Name one thought or idea you have which you believe would improve Alpha Omega this coming year.
First off, a request from my friend the hologram, Ed Itor. I am beginning to receive more and more typewritten submissions for the newsletter. Deborah Lee now has the equipment and software to scan typewritten text directly into her computer. She then sends the articles to me (actually, to Ed) by modem to edit. This saves A LOT of time by not requiring me to type in every article. If you send typewritten articles to me, I must turn around and mail them to Deb so she can scan them in.
If your submission is typewritten, PLEASE send it directly to Deborah Lee at our Elyria P.O. box. The same is true for ANY material which is in type - newspaper articles, cartoons, etc.
If your article is hand-written, send it to me directly at P.O. Box 257, Windsor OH 44099-0257 or give it to me in person at a meeting and I will type it in for you.
We've all seen that series of jokes prefaced by "You know you're getting old when...". Well, it hit me the other day that, after surviving thirty- something years "in the closet", the March meeting marked the fifth anniversary this old bimbo has been out of the closet.
It's difficult to comprehend I've lived 1900 ñ days as a whole person. That isn't much, though, when compared to the 13,800 ñ days I suffered previously. And yet, the brilliance of the past five years make the previous 38 fade into the darkness of insignificance. My only regret is that it took me so long to realize every facet of my personality and being deserved its place in the light of day.
I've been recently thinking about that first Alpha Omega meeting I attended. It was held the second Saturday in March, 1987 at Jill's house in Elyria. For the life of me, I cannot remember exactly who was there. Jill and Diane, of course, were the hostesses. I remember Lori from N. Ridgeville and Franciene from Cleveland. I was thrilled to meet one of Alpha Omega's "Grand Dames", Barbara, but another lady I was looking forward to meeting "woosed out" because of the snow that evening and failed to make an appearance. Do you remember that night, Michelle?
The March '87 meeting was attended by another girl who was also a "first timer". Much braver than I, she dressed at home and arrived as her femmeself. I still can picture the gorgeous wool plaid skirt she wore that evening. We were introduced and, if I remember right, her name was Jennifer Higgins.
Jill, Diane, Lori, Franciene, Barb, Jennifer and myself. If there were others there that evening, I cannot remember them. When I think about it, I doubt there were any others. Back in 1987, seven at a meeting was good attendance.
Was I scared to death that night? Surprisingly, no. Much like the evening two years later when I stepped out into the "real world" at the Paradise Club Xmas party, I had made my mind up in advance I was ready for whatever might occur. At that first AO meeting, however, I was in awe of coming into contact with five men who were just like me, not to mention a real, live Female who was comfortable being around a bunch of guys in dresses!
The topics of conversation were many and varied. One that stuck with me, though , was one girl's story of how she would go out at night as her femmeself and walk the streets near her home. The danger she was putting herself in really bothered me so, over the next couple weeks, I researched the facts and wrote my first article for the ALPHA OMEGA OUTREACH, titled "You and the Law". Little did I know where that first newsletter article would lead. The mind boggles at the amount of drivel I've produced since!
I came away from that first Alpha Omega meeting with a real sense of accomplishment. Tanya was no longer merely a figment of my imagination. She was now a real person who had been in the presence of, and interacted with, other real people. (Being a crossdresser at home alone is kind of like the tree falling in the woods. If there's no one there to hear it, there is no sound. We must interact to truly feel alive.)
I also came away from the meeting with that "first time high" we all experienced. That same "high", though not so acute, is still there today. I don't really feel it so much Saturday night at the meeting but I sure feel the "crash" Sunday morning when it's time to go home!
Enough reminiscing. Time to finish this off. Please come to the April meeting and PLEASE volunteer to help the chapter.
Love, Tanya
Dr. Antone Feo was the speaker for the March meeting. He stated that crossdressing is not a deviant behavior. It doesn't cause any physical hurt and it's not going to go away. It's a beautiful part of yourself. He encourages his patients to come to sessions with him dressed en femme.
He recommended that, when you're looking for a counselor or therapist, to shop around. Any therapist should allow for a free introductory interview. Dr. Feo also said, if the psychologist tells you he can cure you, you better run for your life!
Dr. Feo then moved on to issues concerning married couples. For instance, when you lose trust what you should do? It is a common occurrence that, when a crossdresser first comes out, he/she generally goes overboard with their new found self. This gradually subsides. On the subject of married couples who have children, you should tell the straight truth that their dad wears women's clothes. [This is one of the issues that should be investigated with both parents and an unbiased counsellor since many variables need to be considered. Deb]
Another marriage issue was that, if crossdressing is an obstacle with your spouse, there are probably other issues in the marriage causing problems. Crossdressing is simply an easy target.
The wives expressed how, at times, they need their husbands without the femme side. Some husbands are always wearing a piece of femme clothing. Even when the husband is wearing a unisex (androgenous) outfit, the wife finds it hard to see the masculine side over the femme.
The issue of freedom of expression was discussed. A female can dress anyway she wants. She can wear a masculine hairstyle or wear male clothes and it is perfectly acceptable. Let a male cross the line and wear female attire and its not acceptable. One explanation the Doctor gave was how the male in this Society has the top level or status. "Crossdressing" is acceptable for a woman who, as we all have known or experienced, have a lower status. This is shown in the lower wages for the same job or advancements in business based on physical characteristics and after- hour performance rather than experience or knowledge. Females are expected to endeavor to rise to the status of a male but why in Heaven's name would a male who is "on the top" want to lower their status in life to that of a woman?
Dr. Feo mentioned three common fears the wife of a crossdresser has: 1. They are going to lose their husband. 2. They are going to become incompatible as a couple and 3. The fear the neighbors or relatives will find out and they could lose their social standing, or worse, the ability to generate income.
A single member asked, "When you are dating someone, why tell them about your crossdressing?" Dr. Feo said simply, "Why not?" The "single" continued on to say it was better to wait till later on in the relationship, if it becomes serious, before telling all. Then, though, the issue becomes one similar to a marriage in that time, energy and LOVE has entered into the picture and the possibility of losing that special person is great. Also there is the subject of security since an ex-lover may have no interest in your security once you have broken up. The vindictive person tells others and it moves through the grapevine.
As far as what causes crossdressing, the Doctor seems to feel it is a combination of environment and genetics.
One of the wives stated that she feels she has a better husband now that she knows about him.
The following are my observations and were not expressed at the meeting:
I feel a husband that crossdresses and explores his feminine side is more sensitive to our (the woman's) feelings and understands more because they experience similar feelings. I also think they are more fun. My husband and I were in a fast food shop at the local mall the day after he got his perm. The man behind the counter kept calling him "Ma'm". He poses well even when he doesn't intend to! We sat there afterwards giggling like two school girls.
Last month, the "Question of the Month" asked what one thing is negative about crossdressing. At first I couldn't think of an answer. Then it suddenly came to me... making up excuses when someone who doesn't know about Debbie asks about what we were doing that night or why we needed this or that. Giving a logical reason at a moment's notice does keep you on your toes. For example, we borrowed my brother's camcorder when we made the videos for the group. My sister-in-law asked me what I needed it for. I told her we were using it to create interest in the Sorority. Since I belong to a women's sorority, she naturally assumed I needed it for the use of that organization. Actually I was telling the truth. She doesn't know, however, I belong to TWO sororities!. This time it was easy because I did not lie to her. Other times it is difficult.
Love, Elaine
As you may have guessed from my article in the March issue of LA FEMME SILHOUETTE, I can be a bit outspoken at times. This monograph will be no exception. It is in rebuttal to the recent articles that appeared in the Winter 1992 issue of the FEMME MIRROR concerning "secondary transsexualism."
As a new member of Tri Ess I was, to say the least, disappointed with the "TS bashing" which has taken place in the last two issues of the MIRROR. Although I agree with the MIRROR's view that becoming a transsexual or transgenderist is not something to do on a whim, I do not feel it is the right for our organization to put down those who seek those avenues of expression. I feel the writers of the articles were rather bigoted towards a small segment of our community.
I have come to accept the fact I have the potential of becoming a transgenderist or maybe a transsexual. I feel this holds true, to a greater or lesser degree, for all in our community. I am not implying that anyone of us will go all the way. It depends on the circumstances that the individual finds themself in at a given time. My impression from reading the articles in the Winter '92 MIRROR is that, if one has transgender or transsexual ideas, one is an outcast in our community and Tri Ess.
As a relative newcomer to the transgendered community, I see a rift among the segments of our community. The organizations that are at the forefront of the community become role models for new sisters just making their entrance into the community.
Depending on the role model encountered, a newcomer could be given erroneous and biased information. I believe it is the role and obligation of our leading organizations to give all sides of a question without bias.
Each person has the right to go as far as they feel they need to go without guilt. It is our obligation to present all the sides of the transvestite, transgender, transsexual question without bias and to support all members of our community.
We cannot expect Society at large to accept our community if we are biased and bigoted against those within our community that have chosen a different path than ours.
I was reading the "Toledo Blade" the other day and found this Ann Landers column. It's nice to know there are some out there who understand us!
DEAR ANN LANDERS: Last week my wife and I discovered that our 16-year-old son has been wearing his sister's underwear. When we questioned "Brent," he admitted that he has worn her panties and other pieces of lingerie ever since he was 6.
Our 17-year-old daughter, "Annie," has known about this for quite some time and says she doesn't mind as long as the panties are clean when he puts them back in her drawer.
My wife is inclined to let Brent "express himself," as she puts it. She is a psychologist and says a great many more males like to wear lingerie than most people would believe. Furthermore, she sees nothing wrong with it and indicated that she might buy him his own panties and bras so he wouldn't have to borrow his sister's.
Brent insists that he is not gay and reminds us that he has a very loving girlfriend. According to him, his girlfriend is aware of his interest in women's under attire and she doesn't mind.
Can you suggest anything I can do about this? I feel as if I am fighting a losing battle. My wife, son and daughter all think that what "Joanne" (as Brent calls himself) is doing is cool.
How does one cope with the situation when a psychologist approves of behavior that is clearly abnormal? Please let them know that they are encouraging sick behavior.
- John in Mission Viejo, Calif.
DEAR VIEJO: Your son's interest in wearing women's lingerie is pretty kinky but he is not going to stop because his dad doesn't approve of it.
What is involved here is far more complicated than mere cross-dressing. When you mentioned that he calls himself "Joanne," a whole new dimension opens up.
It appears that your son enjoys thinking of himself as a woman. Your wife, the psychologist, knows that counselling will not "straighten him out." It might, however, help him deal more successfully with a world that does not view his behavior as normal. Good luck.
I sincerely doubt "Dad" received the answer from Ann Landers he was looking for. I just pray Brent's crossdressing and his father's intolerance of it doesn't drive a wedge between them that cannot be removed.
I sure miss all you girls! I will be coming to the April meeting for sure. It will be wonderful to see you and share conversation.
Love, Rhonda
Leave it to the writers and producers of "Star Trek: The Next Generation" to include social issues we have today and apply them to some alien nation. In this case were are talking about a people called the Janei. The storyline is about the Janei and their world which is based on androgyny - no outward display of gender distinction - and the problems that arise when old feelings are remembered and the choice is made not to suppress them.
In this particular story, the Enterprise is called to the home planet of the Janei to help discover the whereabouts of a missing Janei space shuttle. Commander Riker is liaison to the Janei and must work closely with one of the Janei named Zorin. I would like to quote or paraphrase some of the dialog from the story and make comment on it.
One of the early references to the differences in our species was when Zorin asked of Riker, "What is it that makes you different from females?" Riker's answer was cute but typical evasive male as he answers, "Snips and snails and puppy dog's tails." Zorin responds with, "Oh you have a tail?" Riker explains the old saying about boys being that and girls being "Sugar and spice and everything nice." Zorin replies, "that makes it sound better -- sugar and spice." Obviously Zorin can make the distinction from this colloquial reference that even our society places great emphasis on the fact girls are associated with that which pleases our palate, "sugar and spice", whereas the male is deemed rough and ready, not at all palatable. Zorin states the reference "It makes one want to be female, ... to chose female or the later."
An interesting statement is made by Riker, "Without the battle of the sexes, there would be less conflicts.". A common conception of the interaction of gender traits. That, without gender distinction and unisexuality, there would be less conflict with each other. But Zorin states there are still differences and thus conflicts do arise.
Zorin states in another moment, "Long ago we had two sexes, but we have evolved." Is this the outcome of evolution, that distinctions lessen and males and females of the species are bound to meld? I don't think so, but long ago people could not fly. I know there has been in the past some minor attempts by a small minority to establish unisex clothing but that effort failed miserably. I definitely don't want a unisex-clothed society. It would take the fun out of crossdressing!
"Commander. I'd like to tell you something.... something that's not easy to say." How many times have these very words, without the "Commander", started a long and grueling night with our loved ones? The intonations when this line was said immediately brought back those memories. Testing the grounds ensured the person is genuine and we are willing to take a risk with that person since our existence is so lonely without love and acceptance. It was obvious from the start of this show that, although Zorin was a different person and without the amenities of outward gender preference, Riker was still attracted to Zorin and she was willing to expose her inner most secret.
"Occasionally among my people there are a few who are different." This was the lead into an explanation that, on her world, there are drop outs, those who are different enough that their social life is difficult due to their inner feelings. "In our world, feelings are rejected ...." Janei society had chosen the path of less emotional feeling, an attribute of females on Earth. The Janei chose to show more male- likeness so there would be less pain with interpersonal relationships than members of our species, especially females, must sometimes suffer. I have noticed in other portrayals in other movies where a female-dominated society has occurred they are no longer feminine but very much the opposite. Is this just the fantasy of a guy who wrote the script, or the hope of the woman who wrote it? "Viva la difference," I say.
"There are those who have these urges... live guarded and secret lives." Zorin lets us know that her society is intolerant of anyone who slips outside the norms of the society. This is so familiar, isn't it? "We seek each other out, always hiding, always terrified of being discovered." As crossdressers, this is our story, this is our life. Is it one of choice? Do we choose to be secretive? Do we want to be cloistered? Sometimes I believe we do, since this common ground allows us to concentrate on survival and less on those idiotic manifestations or idiosyncracies that would otherwise drive us away from bonding with each other. After all, who in their right mind would want to be around a bitch like me? (HA! HA!)
Riker asked of Zorin, "How long have you known you were like this?" Her answer was very much the same as most of ours, "All my life, but is wasn't until I was older...." Older, what has age got to do with it? We were in pain and yet no one, or very few, could see our pain and fewer still would ever ask what the problem was. Then comes guilt and we cannot confide in another until we have established ourselves as independent beings. Things like losing a job, losing loved ones or relationships show us we are ships passing in the night and WE are responsible, not others, for our beliefs and actions.
Psycho Technic Treatments - the answer to the Janei's problem of conformity. A few zaps and Voila, you're cured. When you're cured, you become peaceful since you fit in and become less strain on the society. How many horror films and actual events have occurred on our planet in the name of conformity? True, sheep are easier to raise than a child, but isn't the growth of a child a wonderful thing? Is lack of differences the goal of a society? There would be less chance to have some of the social ills we experience, but is it really worth it?
"I know what it means to be different. I have to live a life of pretense and lies, but with you it's different." Zorin tells Riker how he seems to be content with his choices and that contentment and self-acceptance is what she wants. Following the social norm is less traumatic but living a lie is a burden we carry every day - a load some cannot bear.
"I am living a lie, I am female. I was born this way. I have those feelings, those longings all my life. It's not unnatural. I am not sick because I feel this way. I do not need to be helped. I do not need to be cured. What I need and what all of those like me need is your understanding, your compassion. We have not injured you in any way, yet we are scorned and attacked and all because we are different. What we do is no different from what you do. We talk and laugh. We complain about work and we wonder about growing old. We talk about our families and we worry about the future and we cry with each other when things are hopeless. All of the loving you do with each other, that is what we do. And for that we are called misfits and deviants and criminals. What right do you have to punish us? What right do you have to change us? What makes you think you can dictate how people love each other?"
The above speech was directed at a judge and peers at Zorin's trial - her trial for the crime of being different. Is this not also what we are saying but, unfortunately, not to anyone that would make a difference? I know I say this time and time again but still nothing changes. Are we going to wait till evolution or, worse, atrophy set in and direct our destiny? Perhaps the answer to Zorin's statement will be the answer she received at the trial. The following is an excerpt:
"Zorin, your decision to admit your perversion makes it much more likely we can help you." At this point Zorin is condemned to go through Psycho Technic Treatment to become a "normal citizen". The judge goes on and tells Riker and those around that "We are concerned about our citizens. We take our obligation to them seriously. Zorin is sick and sick people want to get well."
Riker makes a plea for the fact Zorin may not want to be helped and how he could take her away and give her asylum aboard the Enterprise.
The judge continues, "We have a very high success rate with deviant people like this (Zorin) and, without exception, they become happier people after treatment, grateful we care enough to treat them. On this world everyone wants to be normal."
I don't know what triggered the writer to write the story of the Janei. Perhaps they are or know the plight of the transvestite, transgendered, transsexual or gay communities and were appalled to see or hear about the treatment of these special classes of people. Though born in a free country, we all are scorned, discriminated against, teased, dehumanized and consider second class citizens. I am glad that, periodically, someone in an influential position uses their position to bring to light the fact people have an unalienable right to chose their gender identity and, if the body doesn't fit the psyche, sexual reassignment surgery.
I shudder at the thought a procedure, "a cure" could be forced upon a person so that they would "fit in", blend with the crowd and be happier because they have no choice. Is it possible that something like this could happen? All you have to do is find a German Jew over the age of 50 and they will give you the answer!
I love who I am. I love my sisters and I pray we can all live with our heads high, in dignity and peace.
Love, Deb
The March meeting was a very thought-provoking event. Dr. Feo, although answering many questions, also brought forth just as many more.
Being the wife of a crossdresser has presented many problems, some of which have seemed insurmountable, many of which Megan and I have persistently pushed aside. Dr. Feo made me aware we are going to have to face these problems and reach a working solution.
This solution has to be satisfactory to both of us. Since Megan came out of the closet 1 1/2 years ago, neither of us have been very happy. I could not understand what had happened to the man I thought I married. It was not very pleasant to realize both of us had pulled the wool over our own eyes. I always knew there was something different about the man I married but I refused to look for the difference. I didn't want "different."
At the present time, I stubbornly still don't want "different." I still do not want to go to bed nightgown-to-nightgown. I still want to find only MY makeup, MY dresses and MY nylons lying around.
Dr. Feo said marriage is a commitment of compromises. Where is the compromise when your husband sneaks out to start electrolysis? Was he so afraid it would not be acceptable? Or did he know his wife would go into hysterics over the cost? If the crossdresser wants to be accepted by his wife, he cannot continue to act in a covert manner. To do otherwise sends out vibes he is fully aware his actions are wrong.
As a wife, I am sick and tired of fear. I do not know who I am going to come home to, Gary or Megan. I'm afraid our neighbors will once again see HER and take it out on me or on our children. I feel sorrow that my children are afraid to have their friends over because of what they may find. I am tired of the horrendous bills this ongoing transformation is causing. I'm terrified of the unknown. Where is this going to end? I know Megan is seriously considered going further and I am hurt to know she will leave us behind.
[When I first read this article, I was left in a quandary as to whether to publish it. The SILHOUETTE is known for its looking at the bright side of our particular interest. Then I remembered one of the greatest tragedies of being a crossdresser is the pain it brings their loved ones.
Truth is not always pleasant but it IS always true. We would be lying if we didn't include this article in the newsletter. I can only pray Cheryl and Megan can yet find the compromise Dr. Feo spoke of. ed.]
I have been told a few times I have a somewhat warped sense of humor. I prefer, though, to think of what I write as wonderfully wacky, whimsical words of wisdom.
I will admit, however, when it comes to humor, I do have certain role models or heroes who have been of great influence on me.
Daffy Duck comes to mind (or what little is left of it) right away. Although Bugs Bunny is right up there too, Daffy gets top honors. This is perhaps due to the fact that, even when he is the hero, he is still an underdog. His great exploits in "Duck Dodgers in the Twenty Fourth and a Half Century", or his greatest achievement as the "Scarlet Pumpernickel" are legends in themselves.
Daffy's sense of humor is always there. Although some may draw similarities to the expanse of our respective girths and the way we walk, it is his humor, even in the worst of situations, that is of greatest importance. You can beat him up or do anything else to him and yet those immortal words of his early theme song still prevail: "Oh, some may call me Daffy, and say that I'm insane, but please pass the ketchup, I think it's going to rain!" (You'll have to provide the music.)
Now, of course, that ditty doesn't make any sense. It's not supposed to but it is his way of rolling with the punches. Besides, how many things in real life ever make a whole lot of sense anyway?
As mentioned earlier, Bugs Bunny is also a humor hero of mine but, unlike Daffy, Bugs is never an underdog. Even in the darkest of situations, there will always be a pie in the face or a "What's up, Doc?" and you know he will prevail.
Other characters provide more subdued humor, such as Wyle E. Coyote. After all, how many times can you fall 10,000 feet, get hit with a boulder and yet never give up your quest for that Road Runner?
Just so you don't think all my humor heroes are cartoon characters, I humbly present a list of real life characters:
Groucho Marx is way up on my list. Even if he didn't always create his own ad libs, it was he and his timing that delivered them. "Lydia the Tattooed Lady" has to be a classic routine in comedy.
Ernie Kovacs, with the "Nairobi Trio" and his "Percy the Poet" character stand out in my mind.
The slapstick humor of Dick VanDyke always brings a smile, as does Red Skelton and his pantomime sketches.
George Burns has been around forever and still makes people laugh.
Monty Python, the early "Saturday Night Live" gang and even that wacky cherub, Benny Hill have entertained us - even if we didn't always understand them.
"Hawkeye" and "B.J." Both made you laugh, cry and see that life does go on. All emotions were brought out in a mere half hour each week.
Yes, I have my humor heroes. I've only mentioned a few here. There are many others who have made me laugh, like Robin Williams and Lou Costello. It all boils down to one fact humor is a necessary part of life.
Everyone's sense of humor is different. Maybe that's why situation comedies are so prevalent, and so diverse, today. Without humor, we are not complete as Human Beings. Humor makes us see the lighter and, perhaps, brighter side of everyday life.
I'd better watch it. This article is beginning to make sense and sound serious. Heaven forbid, we wouldn't want that to happen!
Always remember there is humor in all things. If you don't think so, just look at my photo. That ought to prove my point! And so, with a pratfall and a pie in the face, I leave you with these words of wisdom: When you are feeling down or feeling sad, just think of me. See! Your situation isn't THAT bad!!
Love, Gloria
We were discussing programs the other night and someone mentioned support groups. As some of you may know I have made this statement that we are not a support group in the traditional sense of the term. Support groups do not usually have a social component as our club does. They are more formally organized and meet on a more frequent basis. They also tend to be affiliated with churches, hospitals or other national support organizations.
At a traditional support group meeting, the participants discuss concerns of the other members of the group that may have occurred since the prior meeting. The leader of the group is there to keep the discussion going. Our meeting with Dr. Feo last meeting was along these lines.
My idea for the May program is to form two groups, basically the crossdressers and the wives. We would each discuss a similar topic and then get together as a whole and present out conclusions. Although this is not totally traditional, time limits require we use the one-topic scenario.
It has been mentioned to me there is a concern among the wives about how far we, as crossdressers, will go. This coupled with recent comments on becoming transgenderist or transsexual seems to be a viable topic for discussion.
By separating the two groups we all will be free to make comments and express concerns that might not be made if we were together. We can then present the conclusions of each group with anonymity.
[Suggestions for meeting topics are submitted to the Entertainment Committee, who then present them to the General Affairs Committee for final approval and scheduling. The members of these committees, as appointed at the April meeting, will decide on Megan's suggestion. ed.]
Hi all you beautiful ladies out there. Would you believe that you can participate in a second Alpha Omega meeting EVERY month? Well, yes you can and it's very easy. All you need is a computer (you know, one of those things that is taking over the world) and a modem, which allows you to transmit data over phone lines. OH yea, you'll also need a phone and lots of patience because typing can be a fun experience especially when others are looking at what you type and there isn't a spelling corrector up and running.
A very GOOD friend, Cheryl, and I have been meeting on-line for quite a few dollars worth already. It really helps to know that someone is there to listen. The services we use are designed so we can send each other "letters" too! If I'm feeling down and blue, I'll write Cheryl a letter, discuss my feeling or ask her to meet me on-line at a certain time. She receives the "letter" the next time she logs-on the service and she responds. Even just typing a letter to her does help quite a bit. I know a few of us have exchanged addresses with each other and that's good too but, when I leave Cheryl a message, we avoid the dreaded Male Service. OOPS! See what I mean about typing? I think I meant Mail Service! Sometimes I'll log back on before I slip into my nighty and, by golly, I have a reply already. Try that trick with MR. MAIL MAN!
There are two computer information services which we have found to be very good. Yes, they do provide more than just sending mail. We can also to each other in "real time". That's like a telephone but you type everything. Once you get on-line, you discover all sorts of things the services contain. There are many special interest groups like ours on these services. BUT we are trying to establish a place for Alpha Omega members at the moment, so we don't worry about security. (I'll discuss that in a minute.) ANYWAY, the two services are Delphi and America On Line.
Delphi has the best billing option, $20 for 20 hours, then $1.20 per hour after that. All you need is communications software of almost any kind. This is a text-type service like Compuserve, NO graphics on this one. You can register on-line at 1 (800) 695-4002.
America On Line (A.O.L.) is a graphics driven service. They have their own software package you must order. You can let Cheryl or myself know for this one because, if we sign you up (there's no obligation on your part) and you stay with A.O.L., we would get 1 free hour. The same applies if you sign up someone. The rates I have as of 2/9/92 are a monthly fee of $5.95 which includes one hour of time on-line, then $4 each hour afterwards. Cheryl pays $9.95 a month, which includes 3 hours of time, afterwards the same $4 per hour rate. So, you can see they have different plans available.
Now let's talk security. What we propose is to set aside the fourth Friday of each month at 9 P.M. for a shadow meeting on one of these services. Any Alpha Omega member who has a computer and modem plus subscribes to one of these services could join. Once we are in a "PRIVATE" area that WE create, you have to be invited into that area by us. Slightly before the "meeting" time we would electronically mail you a message on where we are (what the name of the area is). When you log-on the service, you are alerted that you have mail. Then you read who to send an instant message to and we know you're on-line. Our names may even be changed, so you could only ask to come into the room by sending to the nom de plume created for that evening. We'll mix it up so only Alpha Omega members know. We would then send a message back inviting you in.
We may even ask a question about the AO newsletter "Question of the Month" or what ticked off Jennifer at the last month's meeting. (OK! OK! Lighten up Jennifer. I was only kidding!). This would serve as a "password". If you don't answer the question right, you don't get in. It's that simple. We don't want to snub anybody but if you don't like these safety measures, PLEASE don't even try to confront us with criticism. We do bark back. If it is constructive, fine we can handle that. Plus it is a free country. Don't join us! This is only something Cheryl and I are trying to do for our sisters and their wives. It is not a club-sanctioned or governed outing, just fun and fellowship..... nah... ladyship, get it?
GOOD, now that we understand each other, ANY ALPHA OMEGA sister or wife who would like to pop in, Cheryl and Pam will be on-line. We need extra time to talk! If you sometimes do too, here's who to contact:
At a meeting, talk to Cheryl or Pam F. If your on America On Line send Cheryl mail by addressing it to "ImCheryl". Pam's address name is "Pam1st". Since we can only receive mail on Delphi by our male names, those who wish to use Delphi must first write to me: Pam, P.O.Box 20144, Canton, Ohio 44701. We will take it from there.
Love, Luck, Laughter, Pam F.
Free-lance writer in Chicago
You have always dressed your daughter in jeans, sweat suits and other non-sexist clothing. But now she insists on wearing dresses.
You buy your son a doll so he can be nurturing, but most of the time, he pretends it's a car, vrooming it up and down the kitchen floor.
Parents often feel perplexed by such behavior. Why, they wonder, do kids so eagerly embrace conventional ideas about how girls and boys should act? Why do they ignore painstaking efforts to prevent learning masculine and feminine stereotypes? Is sexist behavior inevitable?
For the last two decades, researchers have been observing youngsters worldwide to try to answer these questions. Some think boys and girls are biologically programmed. Others, backed by the feminist movement, have asserted environment, rather than biology, causes behaviors associated with one sex or the other.
The jury is out on who is right, but both camps claim to have data substantiating their viewpoints.
Much research documents what parents already know from experience - boys and girls behave differently. Studies have found that as early as the first hours of life, girls react more than boys to touch and sound. Infant girls show less interest in objects but more interest in people and faces.
At three weeks girls are more alert, less inclined to cry, easier to calm and more likely to sleep than boys.
Differences persist into toddlerhood, research shows. In one study, 13-month-olds were placed in a room with their mothers and some toys. Most of the boys wandered off to investigate their surroundings, but the girls stayed close to mom. When experimenters placed a barrier between the children and their parents, the girls cried or gestured for help, while the boys tried to circumvent or topple the partition.
Many studies offer evidence that boys are more active and aggressive than girls - no surprise to anyone who has spent time on a playground or in a nursery school. Geneticist Anne Moir and journalist David Jessel, who have reviewed reams of research on gender difference, discuss male aggression in their recent book, "Brain Sex: The Real Difference Between Men and Women" (Carol publishing group, 1991).
"Even in the lsraeli kibbutz, where deliberate attempts have been made to play down the differences between boys and girls ... it was found that in all age groups, while girls cooperated, shared and acted affectionately, boys engaged in more acts of conflict, such as seizing other children's toys.." Moir and Jessel write. "In all but one age group, (boys) engaged an more acts of aggression, such as disobedience, violence and verbal abuse."
Gender experts say boys and girls have different play styles, which explains their tendency to choose friends of their own sex as early as age 2. Researchers have observed that boys congregate in larger groups. Their play, which tends to be outdoors, is rougher and usually takes up more space.
Boys venture farther from home, studies indicate. They often interrupt each other, when they play and use commands or threats to get their way. In addition, their friendships tend to be casual, revolving around mutual interests.
Girls usually play quietly and cooperatively in small, intimate groups. They tend to like each other for who they are, not what they enjoy, and their friendships often involve sharing confidences.
Toy companies cater to the play styles of boys and girls, according to Jodi Levin, communications director for the Toy Manufacturers of America, a trade association.
"Toy manufacturers are sometimes accused of making stereotyped toys, but really, toys are developed to reflect buying patterns," Levin observes. "For example, there would be no point in developing a boy's doll -- it just wouldn't sell. Boys tend to like action-oriented play and prefer bright colors. They tend to play with vehicles and work out good vs.evil themes. Girl's are more interested in nurturing and games that help them explore roles."
Feminist say parents shape boys' and girls' play by giving "male" toys, such as trucks to sons, and "female" toys, such as Barbie dolls, to daughters. But several studies show there may be more to the story.
In one experiment, researchers asked 2- to 5-year olds which toys they liked best. They analyzed the children's knowledge of sex stereotypes. Experimenters concluded that boys start to prefer "male" toys a year before they form ideas about what it means to be male or female. Another study involved 1-year olds, who have a limited awareness of gender. When the children were given dolls, the girls were more likely to play with them.
These findings aren't surprising, some gender experts say, because kids internalize subtle messages about masculinity and femininity without understanding them. Boys and girls receive these messages as early as infancy, when moms and dads start treating them differently, experts contend. For example, studies show that mothers touch infant boys more frequently and roughly but talk to and smile at newborn girls more often.
Sara Bonnett Stein, author of "Girls and Boys: The Limits of Non-sexist Childrearing" (Charles Scribner's Sons. 1983) acknowledges that parents interact differently with their sons and daughters.
But she points out, "If we do impose our children's stereotyped behaviors on them, they should be behaviors we particularly value or in which we see a special significance. Yet ... our sons care about Superman and we don't.
Our daughters want to be princesses, although they have never seen one.... Fathers who are lawyers, professors, and executives don't share their son's dreams of becoming firemen. Women do almost all the driving in suburbia, but it is their boys who are passionate about cars.... Little girls plant a goodbye kiss on the cheeks of mothers who wear hard hats or carry briefcases and then settle down to play house with dolls."
In short, says Stein, parents should not take the blame for children's sexist behavior.
Many experts contend kids need stereotypes to develop a clear gender identity. "Children have to see things in black and white to learn who they are," says Freda Rebelsky-Camp, psychology professor at Boston University.
Until adolescence, most youngsters have rigid ideas what it means to be male and female, Rebelsky-Camp notes. Young children usually believe that physical characteristics, such as stature, hairiness, dictate certain types of behavior. Later, kids base their ideas about masculinity and femininity on what they see around them.
When children establish a firm gender identity, usually between ages 14 and 18, they shed their allegiance to stereotypes, research shows. Now they begin to accept ideas that may have seemed preposterous, - for instance, that women can drive cranes, or that Uncle John, who cries in movies, is as much a man as Uncle Jack, who lifts weights.
Recently, some researchers have theorized that boys and girls behave differently for biological, rather than psychological reasons. Experts contend that six weeks after conception, babies develop "male" or "female" brains, depending on the amount of male hormone in the womb. Boys who are exposed to ample male hormone, develop brains that have functions that tend to be compartmentalized. Girls who are exposed to less male hormone, develop brains that have functions that tend to be diffused.
Researchers say children with male brains exhibit skills and behavior society has come to associate with boys. For example, they tend to congregate around toy blocks at nursery school because spatial functions necessary for building are strong in the male brain.
Kids with female brains do things society associates with girls. For example, they initiate fantasy play involving dialogues and complex interpersonal relationships. This behavior comes naturally to girls, researchers note, because information passes easily between verbal and emotional centers in the female brain.
Some gender experts believe that effeminate boys and masculine girls have brains resembling those of the opposite sex. Stein describes one study substantiating this theory, involving girls whose mothers took a progestin drug to prevent miscarriage during pregnancy. Because the drug resembles a male hormone, it masculinized the girl's brains.
Growing up, says Stein, the girls preferred male company, enjoyed outdoor activities and competitive sports, and shunned fussy feminine clothing. Few played with dolls, and most expressed more interest in careers than in marriage or motherhood.
Differences in the brain may give boys and girls different mental advantages, gender experts say. For example, some studies indicate boys are better than girls in math, and that girls are more verbal than boys.
However, many studies refute this contention and several show that mental differences between the sexes are matters of perception. For example, in a study conducted in Japan, Taiwan, and the United States, mothers rated girls better readers than boys, even though both sexes performed equally well on standardized tests. In addition, moms of kindergartners with no math experience said boys are superior to girls in math.
Do such perceptions become self-fulfilling prophecies, furthering stereotyping? Some gender experts answer with a resounding yes. But others say sexist behavior is inevitable in children, no matter what adults expect or do.
Parents need not abandon efforts to raise non- sexist kids, says gender expert Janet Hyde, professor of psychology and women's studies at the University of Wisconsin - Madison.
"It's important to make sure boys and girls have a range of options for everything, from doing math to playing with toys," she advises.
However, moms and dads shouldn't be disappointed if Jenny rejects her bike for a brides costume, or Peter chooses to play with Ninja Turtles instead of house.
"You may not see the results of non-sexist child-rearing until adolescence," Hyde notes. "Parents have to be patient in waiting for the payoff."
THIS NEWSLETTER IS COPYRIGHT 1992 BY ALPHA OMEGA. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ARTICLES AND INFORMATION CONTAINED IN THIS NEWSLETTER MAY BE REPRINTED BY OTHER NON-PROFIT CROSSDRESSER'S ORGANIZATIONS WITHOUT ADVANCE PERMISSION, PROVIDED A COPY OF THE ISSUE CONTAINING THE REPRINTED MATERIAL IS SENT TO ALPHA OMEGA WITHIN TWO MONTHS AFTER THE MATERIAL IS PUBLISHED AND PROPER CREDIT IS GIVEN TO AUTHOR AND SOURCE. THE OPINIONS OR STATEMENTS CONTAINED IN THIS NEWSLETTER ARE THOSE OF THE AUTHORS AND DO NOT NECESSARILY REFLECT THE VIEWS OF ALPHA OMEGA.
CONTRIBUTIONS OF ARTICLES ARE WELCOMED, BUT MAY BE ALTERED IN THE EDITING PROCESS, WITH THE AUTHOR'S INTENT RETAINED, OR MAY BE REJECTED, WHETHER SOLICITED OR NOT. ABSOLUTELY NO SEXUALLY EXPLICIT MATERIAL WILL BE ACCEPTED OR PRINTED.
ALPHA OMEGA IS A NON-PROFIT SUPPORT GROUP FOR HETEROSEXUAL CROSSDRESSERS. SPOUSES OR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS ARE WELCOME AND ENCOURAGE TO PARTICIPATE. ALSO, MEMBERS FROM RELATED ORGANIZATIONS, HELPING PROFESSIONALS, AND APPROVED GUESTS ARE WELCOME WHEN CLEARED THROUGH ALPHA OMEGA'S OFFICERS.
MEETINGS ARE THE SECOND SATURDAY EVENING OF EACH MONTH UNLESS A SPECIAL EVENT IS SCHEDULED THAT TAKES THE PLACE OF THE REGULAR SCHEDULED MEETING. THE LOCATION OF THE MEETING OR EVENT(S) ARE ONLY RELEASED TO MEMBERS OR OTHERS WITH THE APPROVAL OF AN OFFICER.
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