This is the first newsletter in quite a while, and I hope my successor while be more regular than I’ve been recently.  My contract abroad has been renewed, and I cannot fulfill, even to the minimal extent I have been, the duties of an AO officer, not the least of which is attending meetings.  But a Director of Outreach and Communications needs to be out there too, and I can’t.  It’s one heck of a commute from Europe.  I’ll be happy to show whoever takes my place the ropes and help out behind the scenes, and I hope to contribute columns now and then about what I observe about life abroad.

I’ve seen a few things that I should mention… A television series in the Netherlands about some magical MtF situation.  I can’t find any plot synopses.  The pictures I’ve seen from it shows the usual kinds of themes, for example cluelessness about what one does with one’s legs in short skirts.  I’m not sure whether the MtF side is played by a man or a woman… then again you never know these days.  Then there was a personal finance article about boyfriend jeans that had the male and female writing team switching clothes, with pictures.  Of course, she was nonchalant about it, and he made a show of being embarrassed.  I never was able to find a weblink to it.

This newsletter I want to cover two serious topics.  First was the TransOhio meeting two weeks ago in Columbus, and the second is an interview with Merâl Crane.  Merâl may be the longest practicing gender therapist in Ohio, with a history of support and activism.  Her transition is that she’s taking a step back from some support group functions and turning things over to the members themselves.

My transitions are multiple.  Leaving this task behind for someone else, further adapting to life in Europe.  But I’m only an email away.  I’ll write newsletter articles.  I’ll still be on our super exclusive super secret yahoo group.  And you can write too.  I’ll be back sooner or later.

Some Thoughts For The New Alpha Omega Officers

 Keep in mind that someone needs to be at the meeting place on meeting days, no later than 5:30 PM. That allows time for setting up for the meeting, but also time for people that may need time to change for a meeting. In the olden days, someone had to be at the meeting place by 4:00 PM. Kathy and I have been setting up meetings or helping to set up meetings for the better part of 18 years. It is now time for someone else to do it.

There are stock supplies, such as softdrinks, water, plates, etc., that are kept at the meeting place. Someone has to keep track of all those items, and restock the items as needed. Kathy and I have also done that for the better part of many years.

If there is a theme or special decorations needed, or wanted for a meeting, then someone has to make sure that those items are taken care of.

It is important to try and keep a meeting on schedule, such as the meal at 7:00 PM, and starting the meeting at 8:00 PM. That is not always easy to do.

The number of people showing up early to help with setting up for a meeting can vary drastically from month to month, so plan the best that you can, in case there is not a lot of help.  You will seldom have a really good idea of how many people will attend a meeting, so it is difficult at times to plan for how many seats to set up, or how much food to have.

If a meeting does need to be cancelled, someone does have to make that call, and then do their best to contact everyone that may be attending.

Someone does need to make sure that new people have good directions to the meeting place, and inform them to come to the back of the building.

As much as possible someone does have to plan the main items for the meal, and then do their best to get others to fill in around those items. Meal planning is not always easy.

There are two keys for the meeting place, and they must be kept track of. Also the Church must be able to get in contact with at least a couple of people, just in case there is a question or a concern.

It is important to try and keep programs, and/or Speakers, interesting for the group. Getting Speakers is not always easy. I wish the new officers well in this regard.

Someone does need to be aware of the restroom situation, as far as a CD using the Ladies Room. Out of respect for the women of AO, we have asked CD's to use the Mens Room. This has been an issue a few times in the past.

 If the Changing Room is used, then new people must be shown where it is, and someone must make sure that it is cleaned up at the end of the meeting.

It must also be checked that the restrooms are clean at the end of the meeting, and that the restroom doors are opened up before AO leaves for the night. The Church leaves the doors open when nobody is there.

 If items of the Church Kitchen are used, then they must be cleaned and put back where they belong. These items may include a coffee pot, plates, dishes, etc..

Items in the Church refrigerator must be kept separate from group items.     Chairs and tables must be put back as they were at the end of a meeting, so as to not disrupt any Church services the next day. Also if needed the floor must  be vacuumed.

If the thermostat is changed, then it must be set back to where it was.
 The last person leaving the meeting place must make sure that the lights are out, and that the door is properly locked.

Trying to keep a meeting running smoothly, is not always easy. Questions or concerns may come up at a meeting, but they may not come up until long after a meeting. All Officers must be available to the members, and prospective new members, to take care of issues as needed.

Payments of dues, and/or meeting fees, must be collected at every meeting, even if the Director of Finance is not there. Also the Church must get its rent payment as well.      Someone must make sure that the web provider has a contact name, and a credit card number for their yearly charges.

Someone must also make sure that there is a name and address for the groups Corporation Papers. This is required by State and Federal rulings. I have had my name on these papers for about twelve years now, so it is time for someone else to take over.

Keep in mind that taking care of group concerns, may very often entail doing what is needed to create the least impact to the group.

And someone must be willing to handle the PRAISE and/or FLACK that may happen from both within the group, but from outside the group as well.

These are but a few little points for new Officers to be aware of, but I am sure that you will find many more as you hold office.

As an Officer, nothing is unimportant

Kathy and I are looking forward to some time as just being regular members. If we can help with advice, we will, but it is time for others now.

So, to the Officers, all the power.

                                               Respectfully Submitted,
                                               Gloria Sue Fenton
                                               an AO oldtimer

At least this time there was no snow.  The LAST time I tried to attend this there one of the worst snow storms to hit Ohio in a long time.  No conference.  Snowed in.  Not dressed up and still nowhere to go.  And then trying to make it back afterwards.  I figured the odds of such a snowstorm in August were substantially lower.

I also need to acknowledge Merâl Crane’s hospitality…I stayed in her house for the two nights I was there.  If you’re one of the devoted readers of my columns for the past 8 years, you’ll know that despite not being on a transition path, someone I became friends with Meral and her husband.

I went to this conference, during my brief sojourn back in the US principally to hear 3 talks by Helen Boyd (author of “She’s Not The Man I Married” and “My Husband Betty”).  For those short of memory, supported by funding from Margaret we hosted Helen on a speaking tour here Memorial Day Weekend about 3 years ago.  At one of the stops, a couple from Columbus dropped in.  So it was certainly a nice thing to have MG (as she goes by on the internet these days) arrange for Helen to be the Keynote speaker as well as moderate a forum for partners.  MG herself did a superb job of putting the panel together.  It’s good when partners get involved.  MG credits Helen with a lot of support helping her adapt to her partner’s transition.

Also presenting were several old friends of mine, Kat Holtz, Joni Christian and Mara Kiesling.  Kat led a panel discussion that I participated at UU Church in Kent some years back.  Joni is a friend of AOs as well as mine having helped out for the Fashion show that  Pam and Sue did with us for Weekenders™    did back in 2003.  Joni founded the “Open Door Coffee House”, a LGBT friendly open coffee house where you can share your talents, express yourself, or just sip coffee, nosh and schmooze with friends or make new ones.  Mara Kiesling I met a few years back at a transfamily function of some sort.  She is founding Director of the NCTE, a major activist organization working for trans rights.

 What was unfortunate from my viewpoint was the complete lack of any sessions for people who weren’t involved in a transition path.  But in a sense we have only ourselves to blame.  If we, and by we I mean trans people who are not transition tracked, be they crossdressers, middle pathers or whatever can’t organize and arrange their own sessions, there’s no reason to expect others to do it for us.

So without further ado… my notes on the session that I attended:
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Helen responded:

diane, YES to what you said.

i almost always have a trans person say to me, "if my wife were like you" or "any more like you at home?" & depending on the person, i'm either thinking "you're not Betty, you have no idea who I am & how hard it is to live with ME" or, in a less charitable moment, "believe me, you wouldn't get away with half your bullshit if i was your wife."

so. yeah.

i have always agreed with the idea that trans people should expect their relationship to break up. it's so much to handle, as a partner, & we don't get any support from nearly anyone in our lives, which exacerbates the problem. or, from another talk i did, we have to do everything the transitioning person does, but backwards & in heels.

The rest of the talk reflected some guidelines from her own experience and her reflections on the changes that have happened in the last 10 years.  Since you can read the original text, I’ll await your letters on what important observations I should have mentioned.

(Warning this really IS about sex, refers to Porn, but it isn’t the least prurient)

The last of Helen’s talks dealt very frankly with sexual issues associated with crossdressing and transsexuality.  Helen’s attitude is reflected in her remark about attending MtF conventions where no one talks about sex but (shocker!) everyone is doing it.  At FtM conventions there’s also lots of sex going on, but surprise, everyone talks about it.  Helen feels that talking about it is a much better idea.

One of the concepts that gets taught in transgender 101 is that sexuality and gender identity are separate things.  The problem is that in the post-graduate seminars things are a bit more complicated.  For people in a relationship with someone who is trans the old rules can (but don’t always) fall away.  Is a woman who is able to enjoy sex with a MtF person really a lesbian?  The spouse may be very unhappy with having a lesbian identity imposed or expected while her trans-partner is joyful about it.

Another problem has to do with ‘who makes the first move’ and ‘who leads the dance’.  In the heterosexual mythology there is at least lip-service paid to the guy being in charge.  Of course you can find plenty of exceptions to that.  But the problem has as much to do with the language needed to say describe what is going on, and that language not being available except in the queer and kink communities.  If you get away from traditional male/female roles in the bedroom, what do you call it?  How do you make it work?  And what happens with inequality of desire or changes in desire?  Where do you turn to for sexual role models?  Helen and Betty actually found inspiration in a particular porn movie that gave them a way to make things work for both of them. (No, I’m not repeating the title.  Ask me.)

I expect there is a book coming here.  Helen has been leading workshops and lecturing on this for a while. (Helen says no).

During the talk 2:00 passed, which marked a national moment a same sex kiss-in to protest attitudes towards public displays of affection in queer couples.  Since I’m not one to kiss and tell, I won’t say which nationally known activist I pressed lips with momentarily as gesture of solidarity.

This year marks the 30 anniversary of the Gender Program of Central Ohio.  It doesn’t mark the beginning of therapist, counselor and professor Meral Crane’s involvement with issues of sexuality and Gender Identity.  Growing up with a mixed religious background in Turkey she developed an appreciation of the difficulties that minorities face in the midst of dominant cultures.  Coming from Turkey to work in an American Friends Service program among local populations in Appalachia and Native American populations, Meral completed graduate work in Boston where she was first exposed to the problems of sexual and gender minorities at the Free Clinic of Cambridgeport.  This lead to post-graduate work at the Kinsey Institute and with Masters & Johnson.  While Meral’s work has in my experience mostly dealt with people dealing with transsexuality (see http://www.aosoc.org/Members/Dianes%20Stuff/August%202001%20Meral%20Crane.htm ), she has also offered help to crossdressers, couples and others.

I took advantage of staying at her house for the 2^nd Annual TransOhio Transgender and Ally Symposium in Columbus to ask her a few questions:

You’ve just returned from the WPATH (World Professional Association for Transgender Health) conference in Sweden.  What made impressions on you?

Education is making a difference in allowing parents and society to deal with children’s issues at a younger age.  But Scandinavia with its government funded health care is very strict about gatekeeping.  This is the negative side of state funding of medical care.

What difference have the years made in perceptions of CDs vs transsexuals?

Because CDing is more accepted there is less need now for CDs to seek the professional help that is mandated for TS who seek to transition.  Fewer spouses are freaked out by crossdressing and fewer people are tormented by guilt and shame.  Further, there are more opportunities to deal with these issues by peer-to-peer connections outside the professional system.

Helen Boyd talked about a change in expectations for people transitioning, that couples staying together was now the expected outcome.  How do you feel about that?

As a couple’s counselor, I see a difference between hope and expectation.  I hope that couples will stay together.  But staying together requires a willingness to walk in the other person’s shoes.  I hope that couples will stay together, but I do not expect it.

CDing organizations are facing declining membership across the country and many have disappeared in recent years.  Do you have any thought and/or recommendations?

The internet has changed the dynamics of the situation.  Now it is possible for people to find friendship online. Umbrella groups are going away because they are less natural in today’s environment.  Being trans doesn’t take away all the differences that cause people to self-affiliate. 

I’ve written about the dangers of the internet, the possibility that people can close themselves off in bubbles of like minded people and result the reinforcement of unrealistic expectations and encouragement of bad behavior

Bubbles occur because there is a need for them, and good and bad aren’t relevant.

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The Little Black Dress Show at Ursaline College- Diane

I don’t know why I even think about little black dresses.  By definition, anything that fits me is no longer little.  But my elderly friend wanted to go, and we hadn’t spent time together in while, so off we went to what was the first of three openings that night.  (At the last one I ran into my friend Bob, from Victor/Victoria who I hadn’t seen in a few years).

The allure of the LBD isn’t so much the dress but where you wear them.  LBDs are worn to places where you find romance, adventure, glamour, oh, and probably lots and lots of money.  And famous people, and powerful people, interesting people…except for that awful woman from the west side who had the nerve show up in the same dress .

The LBD show at Ursaline College features some 30 LBDs from a variety of periods, and from a variety of famous designers.  The lighting of the exhibit is dim and the placards containing information about the dresses are often on the floor, making them hard to read.  The dresses themselves ranged from simple, clean-lined shifts to full ball gowns.  A display case featured a variety of hats, gloves and fans that might have been worn with the dresses.  I was especially charmed by two fans made of black-died ostrich feathers, with genuine horn handles.  The exhibit is small, and you can take in the entire thing, even with canapés and a little wine in less than 30 minutes.   The exhibit makes a pleasant warm up to the rest of your evening or day.  On a personal note, I was pleased that the exhibit director remembered me from attending a previous show with my friend  ( http://aosoc.org/silhouette/2007/April2007.htm#life)

You may wish to mark your calendars for September 13^th and October 10^th.  On the 13^th there will be a lecture from 2-4  and on the 10^th from 1:30 to 4:30 a fundraiser.   More information is available at this weblink:  http://www.ursuline.edu/news/2009-spring/lbd.php

Quoting from the release: 

Gallery hours are Tuesday through Friday, 12-5pm and Saturday and Sunday, 1:30- 4:30 pm. Ursuline College is located at 2550 Lander Road in Pepper Pike. The Wasmer Gallery is on the west end of the campus. For more information, contact Gallery Director Frank Frate at 440.646.8122. 

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Judith DiPerna after many false starts finally arrived to be our long promised meeting speaker.  She lead a discussion around the meaning of the trans in a variety of words.  It was a lively discussion, but for the life of me I can’t remember any of the important topics at this point.  I wasn’t taking notes.

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I thought I was going to leave the arts section blank this month, but then I stumbled on these two gems from the August 3rd issue of the New Yorker:

It seemed it was important to get the gender straight.  Would this have been as funny if the gag started with "I'm just a human"?

Continuing to these modern times we have:

Well....do you?