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| Providing for the personal growth and fulfillment of those whose lives are affected by crossdressing |
 OTHER ISSUES March 2008 February 2008 January 2008 December 2007 November 2007 October 2007 September 2007 August 2007 July 2007 June 2007 May 2007 April 2007 March 2007 February 2007 January 2007 December 2006 November 2006 October 2006 September 2006 August 2006 July 2006 June 2006 May 2006 April 2006 March 2006 February 2006 January 2006 December 2005 November 2005 October 2005 September 2005 August 2005 July 2005 June 2005 May 2005 April 2005
Newsletter |
MARCH 2008
CONTENTS
[Up front] The Month
(Just click on the bracketed title [xxxxx] above to go directly to an article.)
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - [Upfront] THE MONTH Gloria Fenton: Election month at here AO. Gloria remembers the past and contemplates the future. Kathleen Fenton: “Looking at the future of this group is personal, very personal.” Inner View: Pain is inevitable, suffering is not. Diane Frank celebrates the Year of the Rat, communes with a friend at The Winchester, attends the Beachland Ballroom première of Cleveland born, international phenom, Baby Dee and swaps clothing and political talk at a presidential fundraiser. The Arts: “A friend of mine recently said to me, ‘today, people see what they want to see.’ I'm asking you to see more.” --pop artist Olan. And, a poem from Diane. Book Review: Transwoman and new friend to AO, Laura Grace Holtsberry, reviews Jennifer Finny Boylan's new book “I’m Looking Through You – Growing Up Haunted: A Memoir.” Blogosphere: Dr. Jillian Todd Weiss writes, “true understanding [of the TG community] implies full inclusion and acceptance of difference, including different beliefs about gender, advocacy and community.” Where do you stand? Elaine - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - [From the Chair] ALPHA OMEGA By Gloria Fenton The March meeting will be election time for group officers for the 2008 year. All it requires to hold office is the willingness to do it, and being an AO member for at least one year. Back in the olden days, an office holder had to be a two-year member before they could be nominated. The change to one-year membership came when it started getting harder to find two-year members willing to run for office. The key ingredient, however, has always been someone’s willingness to hold office and take responsibility for it. Sometimes though, we have had people hold an office, not because they wanted to, but because nobody else would. Sometimes someone has run for an office not because they wanted to, but because they felt they had to for their own reasons at the time. Neither of those scenarios is the best to happen. I am willing to run one more time as the Chairperson for AO, if nominated. But I will not run again, and I do mean that. I hope someone will accept the challenge, though at this moment, I don’t know who is willing. The first time I ran for president of AO was seventeen years ago, and I was very proud to be elected. Over the last seventeen years I have been elected to lead AO ten times. For two years I headed the group’s General Affairs Committee, and for one year I was elected as Director of Outreach. And somewhere in there Kathy and I co-edited and published the group newsletter for four years. It has been a labor of love towards AO for me to have tried to do what I have, but it is time for a change. For about sixteen of the last eighteen years, Kathy and I have been there to set up for meeting nights. I’d say about 60% of the time we had help--which was greatly appreciated. There have been few times that we were not among the last to leave after cleaning up from a meeting. It is time for somebody else to open the doors, and for someone else to sit in the chair at the front of the room. I have been so fortunate to have Kathy by my side, working as hard as she has for AO and putting up with me. I have often heard that not having experience or not having time were reasons for not holding an office or being more involved with AO. Well, I had no experience when I was first elected, but I had help that let me learn. Maybe I learned too well. As for time: Kathy and I made time for AO on top of everything else in our lives, whether it was family, jobs or other obligations. AO was that important. The March meeting, besides elections, will be about the newsletter, the web site, and the viability of AO as an organized group in the 21st century. The December ’08 meeting will mark my twentieth year with AO. I love AO as dearly as ever, but it is time to pass the torch. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
V I E W P O I N T Is it time to turn off the lights and close the door? By Kathleen Fenton I hope not, but maybe it’s time to think about some things. Gloria will tell you that nineteen years ago, the people of Alpha Omega saved her life. There is little exaggeration in that statement. She was at a low point in her life, and without first Tanya, then Jennifer, then the other members of this group reaching out to her, she may have continued her downward spiral to a very ugly and horrible end. She vowed to spend the rest of her life being there for other people the way the people of Alpha Omega had been there for her. So looking at the future of this group is personal, very personal. Maybe because it is personal, it is selfish. But, I don’t really think so because over those nineteen years I have seen many people come to our group and find what they needed to accept themselves and move forward with their lives. From the perspective of a wife, I remember the early years of my association with Alpha Omega. I was in love with and getting ready to marry someone who had shared his deepest secret with me. I understood very little and had almost no knowledge about it. I was scared that I wouldn’t know how to incorporate this part of him into our lives together. The people of Alpha Omega were there for me, too. Tanya and Jennifer were my first contacts with this group, and they made me feel welcome. Through them and others, I was able to relax and enjoy this special part of my husband. The friendships we have made at Alpha Omega over the years are some of the deepest ones we have. This has always been a place where the secret life we shared together could be shared with others who understood and accepted. So, Alpha Omega is in my heart, too. But have we become the dinosaur of the 21st century? Our group and others like it started before the dawn of the internet, before there were more than an occasional “public” place or venue; and, quite frankly, before the age of the “me first” mentality. When I look at the individuals who comprise our group, I see mainly post-middle aged people who, like us, were raised with a “service to others” set of values. Our group is a small band of friends who are doing their best to provide an accepting atmosphere for new people to join with us to find support and acceptance. But we are failing to reach the younger generation. The hard-core workers of our little group are ready to pass the torch on, but there is no one to pass it on to. Even our dedicated people, have grown weary of the hard work it takes to keep a group like ours vital. Many of us have other priorities we want to dedicate ourselves to in our “older” years. We would like to be able to sit back and see the next generation take over and continue to move us forward. But the next generation doesn’t seem interested. They would rather interact over the internet or at a local club. Maybe the time has come to ask ourselves some hard questions. Why do I continue to support Alpha Omega? Why do I continue to go to meetings? Why do I continue to spend the money it takes to keep this group going? Why do I continue work for the survival and future of Alpha Omega? What would our little corner of the world be like if Alpha Omega no longer existed? Our group is small enough at this time that the loss of even one couple not only is a loss of friendship that hurts on a personal level, but is a loss of momentum for our continued survival as a unit. Do we need to move in a different direction to meet the needs of today’s world? Can we find a way to do that? Or do we look with thankfulness on the good work we have been able to do for well over two decades, then close the door and turn out the lights for the last time? - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - [Inner View] PAIN IS INEVITABLE The First Noble Truth declares unflinchingly, straight out, that pain is inherent in life itself just because everything is changing. The Second Noble Truth explains that suffering is what happens when we struggle with whatever our life experience is rather than accepting and opening to our experience with wise and compassionate response. From this point of view, there’s a big difference between pain and suffering. Pain is inevitable; lives come with pain. Suffering is not inevitable. If suffering is what happens when we struggle with experience because of our inability to accept it, then suffering is an optional extra. The Buddha said, “Everything dear to us causes pain.” Those of us who have chosen relational life have made the choice that the pain is worth it. --Sylvia Boorstein, a founding teacher of Spirit Rock Meditation Center and a psychotherapist, wife, mother, grandmother, story teller and author of It’s Easier Than You Think (1997). - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - [Frank Talk] OUT & ABOUT By Diane Frank February broke the usual AO 2nd Saturday meeting routine with a rendezvous at the Asians and Friends Chinese New Year celebration at a restaurant in downtown Cleveland. Three AO couples attended and, so far as I can tell, a wonderful time was had by all. In my view the mayonnaise shrimp and baby bok toy were the two outstanding dishes of the 12 courses we were served. At our table we had a reporter from the “Gay People’s Chronicle” and three visitors from out of town who came because this party has a national reputation. Entertainment was kept short this year with the high spots being a performance on a traditional Chinese stringed instrument, the Guqin, and my friend Cindy lip-synching “I enjoy being a girl” from “Flower Drum Song.” Breaking my customary routine, I joined a girlfriend from temple at the Winchester on a Wednesday evening. My friend had read her poetry at a women’s festival in town and noticed this singer/song-writer and wanted to hear her again. Since my spouse was out herself that evening I accepted the invitation. What I didn’t know was that the woman my friend wanted to hear again wasn’t the top billed act of the evening, but opening. When I got to the Winchester I found other women I know from temple and the LGBT center were already there. I did like the woman who opened--her vocals reminded me a bit of Janis Joplin. But truth be told I don’t remember much of the performance or any particularly quotable lines except some kidding between performers about taking off a shirt. The main event was a very talented woman, but with a heavy “community” shtick. Her Van, named Gina (long i), had been totaled, but she still felt love for everyone in the room--yes that kind of love. A little bit of this went a long way, and there was more than a little bit of it, so my friend looked at me and said “I’m a little old for this crowd” and I rejoined that I was too, so we made our way out into the night. Elaine tells me that we are getting around 4000 hits a month on the newsletter these days. Which I think is an outstanding achievement. I do wonder who is reading. I’m suspecting that there more than a few people who read between the carefully written lines and think things at the Winchester were understated. Surely things must have been more exciting than that? I can just hear some people say “that’s my biggest wish, to go out to a …..” and you’re telling me that it was a just concert? No one actually took off her shirt? Sigh. No. Just NO! Just people enjoying a concert. Which applies to the next venue. On the 29th Baby Dee gave a concert at the Beachland Ballroom. Who is Baby Dee? Well since she promotes herself this way, I can tell you – a transsexual harp player indy rocker. So I thought I must go and see her show. I haven’t been to the Beachland in a while. It reminds me that Collinwood is really another part of Cleveland, and certainly a far cry from Shaker Heights. I didn’t enjoy either of the opening acts, which I considered juvenile and self-indulgent. There’s a button you can find that is a riposte to “My music isn’t too loud, you’re just too old,” which goes “I’m not too old, your music really does suck.” Baby Dee at least had dynamic variety, tonal variety and attempted to entertain the audience as opposed to gracing the audience with a visit to a rehearsal/jam session. There were some memorable hooks including “Teeth are the only bones that show,” “There’s a girl inside that boy,” and “who will care for the whining star.” However Baby Dee’s delivery and mike use wasn’t up to the quality of the lyrics or songs so most of the words were unintelligible. You can find a fair selection of her work on YouTube, and the vocals there are just about as difficult. It was a bit surprising, given the advance publicity in the “Plain Dealer,” “Scene,” and “Free Times” that there was only one other t* person. Or maybe that was why: they scared everyone off. Or maybe it was that it was a Friday night. Anyhow, this young lady introduced herself to me and that lead to an interesting conversation, and I may have follow up to this some other time. Let’s just say I’ve have a possibility for more public education and promotion of Alpha Omega à la “American Splendor.” Lyz Bly, a good friend of AO, feminist, artist, historian, mom and activist had a “clothes swap” party at her place as a benefit for one of the presidential candidates. (AO isn’t a political organization, so I won’t say which candidate was the beneficiary.) For a $12 donation, you could bring your unused items and see if anyone else’s orphans were something you’d want to adopt. I must have cleared about 18” of closet space, getting rid of early experiments, even some things I loved, but didn’t fit properly. Some of these were new, all in good condition. And that was what I picked up in return. A black formal jacket, and two tops from the Avenue, one of which still had the tags on it. When we weren’t trying things on, comparing notes about how we each looked in what, we could sip some wine, eat some cookies or chocolate and talk presidential politics. Lyz sends word by the way, that volunteers are still wanted for the LGBT History project down at the historical society. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  light. By doing so, one's individuality can be more fully understood.”
-- Olan
Portraiture by Olan Andy Warhol once predicted that in the future everyone would be famous for 15 minutes. “Today it's more like five seconds,” quips NYC based pop artist Olan, known for his visually arresting art, made with vivid slices of color over bold digital photography layered with a plastic and polymer topcoat. His work grapples with the societal conditions that judge the individual and stifle creativity, and he is dearly disturbed by the rush we, as a society, are in; our resistance to look people in the eye as we race to find the next big thing. Olan really looks at you, in you, when he speaks with you. And when he paints his subjects, he brings out their souls so that we may pause to consider what it is to be human. (M.A.R. MAGAZINE Summer '06)  Hot Pink (RuPaul) 2007  Amanda Lepore  Kenny Kenny & Sophia Lamar  Lady Bunny  Rufus Finale (Rufus Wainwright) 2007 YOU'RE SO LUCKY By Diane Frank
You’re so lucky they say at the bar
You have a spouse who supports you Mine hates this Mine filed for divorce Mine pretends it doesn’t happen You’re so lucky, they say You have a spouse who goes out with you She hates what I wear She won’t dress sexy She doesn’t really know how to be a woman You’re so lucky You get to go out whenever you want I can only go out once a month Or when I’m on a trip Or when she’s out of town You’re so lucky You told her at the beginning I was scared I thought I was over it I thought I could quit I’m so lucky, they tell me But they don’t understand why I don’t hang out with them As if we’re all the same As if we want the same things As if the choices I make don’t matter - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - [Book Review] I'M LOOKING THROUGH YOU by Laura Grace Holtsberry 
Jennifer Finny Boylan has just published her next book titled I’m Looking Through You – Growing Up Haunted. It is not so much a follow up of her last book She’s Not There as it is a refection of her years leading up to She’s Not There, years that for many of us, seem to lack meaning until your transition is complete. Her imagery is set with the title and does not disappoint as she pulls you into her story. In this memoir she tackles the question that is a most difficult one for all of us, incorporating and rectifying her past into her present.Her last book explained, “the what and the how” of being a transwoman, this book very clearly tells us what it is like to be one. Her life path may not match our own, but the things she experienced and felt are all very familiar territory. Yet this accounting is a very intimate look into her life, as at the end, you have the uncomfortable feeling that you are intruding between a very personal encounter between her and her sister. This story, reads like a great work of fiction and it may seem that way to those who have not lived it for themselves, which makes this book the perfect vessel to explain how we experience life. Her story begins and ends at the old Astrid motel in Astrid, Maine with her performing with her R&B Band. A chance encounter with someone who does not know of her past propels us into a voyage of her past with an innocent question that to her and those like us can stop you dead in your tracks, “Do you ever wish you were a man?” Add to that a chance encounter with the hotel’s famous ghost and we are hurled back to a time to witness her family moving into their new home, the “Coffin House,” a home her sister describes as having everything but a dead body. Yet this voyage is not scary but thought provoking as she divides her time into three sections, the moving in and her time at the boy’s academy, her college years, and the time after her transition. The hauntings are the real, the perceived and the self-inflicted, as she explores a girl, or is it the boy, that haunts her life. We are there to witness the fleeting images of the woman she is to become, by the occasion slip in what she says, or acts or maybe just not quite fitting in as a boy. She faces that horrible question, who do you tell, when do you tell and did I miss a golden opportunity never to be repeated? She deals with her discomfort by wearing a t-shirt with of a cartoon moose with the words “I act different, because I am different.” The story centers on the Coffin House, her father and mostly her sister, who refers to her as Moose. There are vivid characters spread through out the book, like Chopper, Doober or herself as Professor Glasses, light moments that are her trademark like when she is walking through the halls of Haverford School, a boy’s academy, on her thirtieth school reunion and mentions that walking through the halls with gin and tonic and a vagina would have gotten her detention thirty years ago, and more than enough tears, like when she meets a woman she rejected and hurt badly as a haunted young man or the paragraph titled “I hadn’t told Grace” toward the end that is not to be missed. She suggests that maybe there are more haunted hearts than houses. Or maybe the ghosts we see are not those of the past but images of ourselves in the future. This book is special, a real gift just as Jennifer Finney Boylan is a gift, which she answers in a way, we who are like her can identify, “Sometimes I don’t want a gift. Sometimes I want to be like everyone else.” Laura Grace is a transwoman and TBI survivor who lives in the Buckeye Lake area (Central Ohio) with her daughter and grandson. She wants to bring hope to those who have lost it, and little knowledge to those who need to be understood. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - [Blogosphere] UNDERSTANDING THE TRANSGENDER COMMUNITY By Dr. Jillian Todd Weiss (originally blogged: February 10, 2008) Understanding our community and its place in the larger community is no small task. It's a complicated landscape. And yet, in order to make a positive difference for transgender people, whether in the workplace world or in the personal environment, it is imperative to map this terrain. “Community” is a contradictory word, particularly when applied to the transgender population. “Community” refers to a group of people with common interests. At the same time, however, that group is composed of individuals with different and often antagonistic views. Assumptions are dangerous and can lead to sudden and, to the unknowledgeable, surprisingly angry conflict. There are wildly different beliefs about politics, gender, advocacy and alliances. Understanding such a community can be a demanding task. Especially seductive is the feeling that “well, I am a tolerant liberal, so therefore understanding this will be an easy task for me.” I think it is especially important to understand that tolerance is not enough, nor is liberalism enough. I have met staunch diversity advocates who have asked me “I don't mind transgender women who take care of themselves, some of them are beautiful, but I have a hard time with those who don't know how to use makeup.” I have met liberals who have said “I can't take transgender people who are conservatives -- they must be schizophrenic.” I have met gay people who have said “Transgender people are people who couldn't deal with being gay, so they went the socially acceptable route.” And I've met transgender people who have said “I hate transsexual people who think they're not in the same community with cross-dressers.” So what does it take to understand the transgender community? I remember going to an interview for a teaching position at a law school, where the very sympathetic interviewers decided to tout their school to me by telling me about the gay nightclub district in town and how colorful it was. It had the opposite effect because it told me that the knowledge gap was larger than I expected. It didn't help that I tried to explain. Needless to say, no callback on that one. It is a mistake, though an understandable one, to assume that because many liberals are supportive of our community, therefore we are all liberals. Some are conservatives and libertarians, even socially as well as fiscally. It is also a mistake to assume that we all consider ourselves “transgender,” having common cause with the public community of gender variant people, including transsexuals, cross-dressers, drag artists, lesbians, gays, bisexuals, etc. Some, on the other hand, see a very clear distinction between themselves and these others, feeling strongly that their interests and concerns are different. In regard to our relationship with the gay and lesbian advocacy community, some are members of established gay and lesbian advocacy organizations, most of which have expanded their missions in the last several years to include transgender people. Others have come to feel that these organizations are dominated by rich, gay white men who see no common cause with transgender people, despite mouthing words to the contrary. In regard to transgender rights, some feel it important to demand trans inclusion in legislative efforts, and to fight against those who allow for anything less. Others feel that fighting against allies, even misguided ones, is a mistake, and that obtaining trans rights requires retaining alliances, and relentlessly educating and re-educating our political partners about the important relationship between sexual orientation and gender identity. Personally, I support the right of transgender people to have their own individual and independent ideas, even if they conflict with my own. I believe it is important to understand these various beliefs in order to be an effective advocate for transgender people. I believe that it is possible to embrace all of these individuals, with their opposing ideas about politics, gender identity, advocacy and alliances. I think it is important to ask transgender people what they believe, not to make assumptions, and to support them in creating a life with integrity for themselves. I think it is possible to be an advocate for a community which has angrily conflicting opinions about the very issues that purportedly constitute it as a community. My willingness to stand in the whirlwind of conflicting opinions within the transgender community comes from my personal experience. I have been laughed at in the street because I am transgender. I have been afraid for my safety because I am transgender. I have been afraid of the police because I am transgender. I have lost jobs and friends and family and lovers because I am transgender. I have wrestled with issues of passing and stealth. I have had to deal with the fear of losing the right to see my son because I am transgender. I can not begrudge the right of anyone who has had to deal with these torturous issues to make their own heartfelt choices. Frankly, I think anyone who has faced such issues and come out on the other side is my comrade and I cannot feel anything other than love, admiration and kinship. I have found that, no matter what opinion transgender people hold, I myself have thought the same thing at one point or another. I may have a different opinion today. I may disagree. But I cannot judge them for it, even those who judge me. So, what does it mean to understand the transgender community fully? It is not enough to tolerate transgender people who pass well, or who hold your own beliefs about gender. It is not enough to be liberal towards those who are also liberals, or who agree with your beliefs about civil rights and advocacy methods. It is not enough to make alliance with those who join your organizations and your alliances. It means embracing the wide spectrum of transgender views on politics, gender identity, advocacy and alliances. Tolerance is not enough, and liberalism is not enough. Rather, true understanding implies full inclusion and acceptance of difference, including different beliefs about gender, advocacy and community. It's not easy, and it doesn't always make sense. Sometimes I wonder whether it is even possible. I like to think of Emerson's quote: A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds. Dr. Jillian Todd Weiss is an Associate Professor of Law and Society at Ramapo College, consults on trans workplace issues and authors the blog Transgender Workplace Diversity. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - [Last Laugh] BORROWED INTEREST 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Group Information The Alpha Omega Society is a non-profit social support group for heterosexual crossdressers and their wives or partners. We primarily serve Cleveland and nearby Northeast Ohio communities.
Publication Information Contributions of articles are welcomed, but may be altered in the editing process, with the author’s intent retained, or may be rejected, whether solicited or not. We will exchange newsletters with any other similar group.
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