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[Upfront] The Month
[Viewpoint] Who comes first?
[Bits & Pieces] Diane At Large
[the Arts] Nouveau Art
[Memoir] Time did fly
[Epilogue] High-Heel Neil
[Last Laugh] Little Black Dress

[Upfront]
THE MONTH

Alpha Omega's gadfly, Diane Frank, leads off with a view on “male privilege” and who comes first at AO, and why you might care.

Helen Boyd and her trans partner Betty swept Cleveland off its feet over the Memorial Day weekend. Diane Frank was there every step of the way, and fills us in on the experience.

Art: Want to paint like Modigliani, Botticelli, or Mucha? Don't miss this months contribution featuring *me.*

A trans art exhibit is coming to Cleveland in July!

Gloria Fenton remembers sharing her secret for the first time.

What ever happened to "high-heeled" Neil Cargile? The sad, untimely epilogue.

And more!

Elaine

[Viewpoint]
WHO COMES FIRST?

By Diane Frank

I’ve had some correspondence recently and I’ve combined that with remarks I’ve heard here and there over the years that may explain some of the decline in popularity of us “baked beans in the basement” type groups, and especially why some people out there have a hard time with Alpha Omega.

It goes back to partners - wives and SOs. At AO, no one comes first. We’re a community of people, of equals. There are a lot of crossdressers out there who simply want what they want, and if the little woman doesn’t like it, the choice is either to sneak around or ignore her or beat her down. After all, guys come first. If you don’t think that’s real, a certain public trans-person I know complains about how much she gets asked how she got her very public partner to “get with the program.” It’s real.

To me, this sense of “male privilege” exhibited by a lot of people claiming to be in touch with their feminine side is not only regrettable, but short-sighted. I’ll make the dangerous and possibly erroneous assumption that there is something like a loving relationship between partners. Yes, dealing with gender identity and behavior issues may require renegotiation of the ground rules between partners. But, how one approaches that negotiation can make a huge difference in the outcome. It seems to me that often a “me-first” tactic is self-defeating where an “us together” approach can be worthwhile.

Where you go and who you hang with can also make a difference. Suppose you’re dealing with bucket loads of guilt and shame over crossdressing. Will hanging out with people who are stuck in guilt and shame help you? Or, should you try to find people who are past that and see what their experience can teach you? Suppose transition fears or fears of extramarital relationships with guys are on the table. Will hanging out with people whose transition has ruined their marriage give you a better or worse shot at preserving your own relationships than hanging with people who have made it work? Will hanging out in an environment where people are there for pickups be better or worse for resolving those fears?

When people disdain AO for the presence and equal influence of partners, it makes me wonder what they really think of their own marriages or long term relationships. But that’s their problem. Our job at AO is to provide a safe place for everyone.

[Bits & Pieces]
DIANE AT LARGE

By Diane Frank

The Helen and Betty Tour
I want to start this article with a very public thank you to Margaret who funded this venture and then due to the press of work was unable to partake in any of it. So Thank You Margaret. The world should know that AO is a whole lot of good people!

So what was it like? What did I learn? What are Helen and Betty really like?

Well, the truth of the matter is that I was run so ragged geting ready for the event and also while they were here that I neither had time for a diary nor any good recollection. It’s lost in a blur, and I don’t think that’s due to the sips of Mojito I had the last day.

To start at the beginning I picked H&B up at the Cleveland train station at about 5:00 AM. I learned that since Amtrak doesn’t own any track outside the Northeast, the trains don’t run on time elsewhere as they get bumped for paying freight trains. So the next thing I know, it’s afternoon and I’m getting us to Loganberry Books, where Laura Miller showed up, as well as a CLE member whose name I don’t have permission to use (yet). What was most amusing was that two women had seen the event listed somewhere in the paper and decided the book titles were intriguing - but they came with wildly different interpretations. My Husband Betty was interpreted as a relationship between a woman and a very butch lesbian. She’s Not the Man I Married was assumed to be about a woman coming out of a marriage into a lesbian relationship. It was only after hearing Helen explain that these books were about trans stuff and the people affected by it that the two women bothered to look carefully at Betty and me.

The other amusing incident during all this was being shanghaied by a woman and her friend for fashion advice as one tried out a 60's style polka dotted dress to wear to, I kid you not, the French Open.

Four people came specifically for the book signing, and two books were sold. Par for the Loganberry course.

Afterwards we headed to Lutherans Concerned. A a tip of the hat is given to Denise, who arranged this meeting. We had a lovely pot-luck dinner, and then a discussion. Besides Denise, Abigail and Jean were there, and my spouse Z joined us later.

Saturday was the light day, with only an appearance at Borders Books & Music in West Lake. This time the tip of the hat goes to Rachel Roberts of the LGBT center for the contact that led to this event. (Rachel leads a counseling effort for GID children and families through the center, and I hope to have her for a guest speaker next year!) Borders did a great job setting things up, and made periodic announcements throughout the time we were there. In addition to people showing up who were already familiar with the book and looking to buy a copy, we did attract some impulse buyers. Perhaps the spookiest part of this, something Helen and Betty have experienced before, was the orbiters - people who were fascinated but afraid to approach. It’s a bit frustrating as those are the people I’m trying to reach - so near and yet so far. We had a late lunch with a couple who had come up from Columbus just to meet Helen. It was late by the time we got home. We had a number of opportunities for Saturday evening, but in the end fatigue from the timing of the train took over and an attempt was made for an early bedtime.

Sunday again we owe a a tip of the hat to Rachel Roberts for a meeting at the Pilgrim UCC church. Pilgrim, like many UCC churches is a "welcoming congregation" and our session was preceded by a planning session for Pride (July 20th) this year. A friend from Transfamily showed up, testing the waters and finding the church a congenial spot for future affiliation. One question that Pastor Tricia Gilbert asked was what the congregation could do to be more welcoming to the t-side of the LGBT equation. That brought pause to things, and Helen thought the question interesting enough to post on her boards. I’m not wild about any of the answers, including mine…but here’s a poem (in progress) that reflects my thoughts about how I was welcomed to Chevrei Tikva:

Modigliani



Mucha



Botticelli



Try the face transformer for yourself.

[Memoir]
TIME DID FLY

By Gloria Fenton

The first thing of Sandy’s I ever wore was a single stocking from her dresser. To my rather pleasant surprise, I saw and felt the stocking form to my leg just as it did to hers. Not only did Sandy’s stocking fit me, but so did one of her shoes, and her full slip. I did not expect Sandy’s things to fit me, but then I had not expected that Sandy would let me try on any of her things. My life changed forever.

I had never told any other woman that I liked wearing feminine things. Over the years, my mother knew that I tried on some of her things because I was caught doing it. At fourteen I admitted I had worn a bra of hers when she told me she suspected someone else had. Also, my mother knew or suspected that I wore her stockings. But, I never told her about my liking and wanting to dress and feel like a woman.

As I got older the time and opportunity, and finding things that fit me were few. I doubted I would ever again dress and feel like a woman. At best I hoped that I might try on something feminine now and then and keep my secret needs in control and hidden from others. I did not believe any woman I could love would let me do it either.

It was in that sense that I told Sandy my secret, because I knew I was very much in love with her. I was expecting Sandy to break up with me. But Sandy turned my whole world around. She chose to still love me while sharing, and enabling my secret. Sandy willingly let me share everything she had so I could dress like a woman. And, because literally everything Sandy had fit me, I found myself not just able to dress and feel like a woman, but able to dress, look, and feel much like Sandy herself.

Sandy allowed me to be alone in her parents’ home, in her bedroom, and strip myself of all my boy’s things, and then after a while walk out dressed like a seventeen-year-old girl. Other than having body hair and lacking a wig, I looked very much like Sandy. Eventually I knew the styles, colors, and sizes of all of Sandy’s clothes and shoes. I knew all her jewelry, and I knew all the types, brands, and colors of all her make-up. At the time, as Sandy’s boyfriend, we were only holding and kissing each other. But, yet I knew so much more about her, and she knew that, too.

I did not hide that I liked wearing her things as there was no need. But, I did not dwell on how well her things fit me, or how good wearing them made me feel. I only told Sandy that sharing her things made me feel very close to her.

Sandy could be quite a flirt when she wanted to. I could get very jealous about her flirting but I tried not to think about it because, as far as I knew, Sandy had never let other boys know her in the ways that I did. When Sandy let her hemline ride up a whole lot higher than I liked around other guys, and I let her know I was upset. I was never sure if Sandy did it on purpose though she said she didn’t. From my wearing the same dresses, I, too, could make the hemline go up my stockinged legs quite high if I wanted. But it could happen inadvertently as well, if I wasn’t careful. If anything, I think it made Sandy aware that I did know about wearing her dresses and clothes as much as she did.

I didn’t understand my need to look and feel like a woman but once I was caught up in dressing and, as I could, feeling like a woman, I did not want it to end. I was very much afraid that if Sandy knew how much I could seem to look like her, that it might cause her to hate me and it would all end.

None of this would have happened unless Sandy wanted it to. Sandy could have broken up with me, or said no at any time. Sandy could have exposed my secret, exposed me wearing her things, and then denied ever letting me do it. But she didn’t. Sandy let me dress in everything she had, and for all I could understand, wanted me to do it.

I couldn’t help but love Sandy for all she was letting me experience. Sandy was loving the man I was, sharing her things, and letting me live my deepest life secret.


Everything I have written here happened in a two-month time span. I had not expected or planned any of it to happen. Looking back, I’m not sure how I fit the rest of my life in during that time frame, but somehow I did, and so did Sandy. Sandy used to jokingly refer to the times she let me dress up as my “having fun.” And yes, the time did fly.

[Epilogue]
HIGH-HEEL NEIL

High-Heel Neil-Part I
High-Heel Neil-Part II
High-Heel Neil-Part III

Neil H. Cargile (1928 - 1995)

By E. Thomas Wood - Staff Writer

Malaria Misdiagnosed

Neil H. Cargile Jr. always had a gift for dramatic entrances, whether he was safely crash-landing his airplane on Interstate 24 or strolling into a swanky New York restaurant in a tight, short, blue-sequined dress.

Cargile, 67, the scion of a prominent Nashville family who became one of the city's most memorable characters, made his exit yesterday.

He died in a Palm Beach, Fla. hospital of malaria after contracting the tropical disease while supervising a dredging project in the South American nation of Guyana.

Cargile was president of American Marine and Machinery Co., a manufacturer of dredging equipment based in Nashville. He spent most of his time in Palm Beach, but remained a Nashville resident.

Friends yesterday remembered Cargile as a study in unusual combinations — a daredevil socialite, a flamboyant engineer, a tough guy in a dress.

"Neil Cargile is a Nashville legend," local venture capitalist Edward G. Nelson said. "Some of his choices were unusual, but throughout his life he was a kind person with a positive attitude."

"I didn't think anything could kill him, as tough as he was," Nashvillian John Bransford said. "I would not have been surprised if he had died in an air crash, but I was really surprised that a disease got him.

"He was a hell of a nice guy, and very bright. He was about as good an engineer as I've ever seen in my life — extremely creative. He lived life to the fullest; I'll tell you that. He never forgot his old friends, even though he'd taken up a different life."

Cargile's very public crossdressing earned him a lengthy profile in The New Yorker in January — entitled "High-Heel Neil" and complete with side-by-side photos of its subject in a man's business suit and the festive female outfit of "She-Neil," as he called his transvestite alter ego.

A few months later, organizers of Nashville's annual Oyster Easter benefit party nominated Cargile for both Oyster King and Oyster Queen.

Bransford said Cargile's old friends reacted to his flamboyance with a mix of shock, puzzlement and acceptance. "When I first heard of it, I nearly fell out of my chair. I asked him what the hell he did it for, and he said he enjoyed the excitement of it.

"In every other way he was normal as can be. I can tell you this: Neil was totally and completely heterosexual."

Cargile's reputation as a dare-devil stemmed from his teen years, when he built an airplane in his backyard out of spare parts. He worked as a crop-duster pilot while in college and was involved in two well-publicized aviation accidents.

In 1979, a passenger on Cargile's aircraft was decapitated when he walked into its propeller while disembarking at the New Orleans airport.

And while flying to Nashville in 1990, Cargile's airplane lost a propeller blade and began rapidly losing altitude. Cargile successfully belly-landed the craft on the grassy median of I-24, destroying the airplane and clipping a vehicle, but avoiding injuries.

Cargile returned to the United States from Guyana recently after falling ill there, said his brother, Allen Cargile of Franklin.

Just last week, Cargile was supposed to go on trial in Palm Beach on a drunken-driving charge. He was arrested a year ago, behind the wheel in a red dress after a night at a dance club with his girlfriend, Dorothy Koss.

Cargile's lawyer for the case was a public defender. Cargile explained to The Palm Beach Post that he had "dumped every penny I've got" into the venture in Guyana.

He told the newspaper he did not show up for the trial because he was ill with malaria, running a 102-degree fever.

"They misdiagnosed it as a different kind of malaria," Allen Cargile said. His brother's condition deteriorated rapidly and he died yesterday morning.

[Last Laugh]
LITTLE BLACK DRESS

Group Information
The Alpha Omega Society is a non-profit social support group for heterosexual crossdressers and their wives or partners. We primarily serve Cleveland and nearby Northeast Ohio communities.

Publication Information
This newsletter is copyright 2007 by The Alpha Omega Society. All rights reserved. Articles and information contained in this newsletter may be reprinted by other non-profit crossdresser organizations with advance permission of the author and provided that proper credit is given to author and source. The opinions or statements contained in this newsletter are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the views of Alpha Omega.

Contributions of articles are welcomed, but may be altered in the editing process, with the author’s intent retained, or may be rejected, whether solicited or not. We will exchange newsletters with any other similar group.

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