[Upfront] The Month
[Review] Transamerica
[Dining] About town - Akron's Crave & Lydias
[A CD Eye for the Arts] Socrates Latté
[First Person] On Shyness
[Trivia] In Pursuit - Part II
[Last Laugh] Transcoastal Transcomics

[Upfront]
THE MONTH

Diane Frank hits the red carpet again this month by attending the Cleveland première of the Golden Globe winning film "Transamerica". She provides her review.

Gal-about-town, Sheila Wagner, share's a couple of her favorite "night out" places in Akron.

Gloria Fenton is back with her non-trivial journey - part II.

AO member and first time contributor, Joann, shares her story of missed opportunities while growing up painfully shy.

And, Socratic art and humor - Enjoy!

Elaine

[Review]
TRANSAMERICA

by Diane S. Frank

It is said that one of the best ways for people to come to accept gays and lesbians is to know them personally. Failing that, sympathetic characters in movies and on television can become surrogates for that personal knowledge. Presumably, that same sort of familiarization would go on for people in the various trans-communities. Thus, any movie with a trans-protagonist is of great interest to us. A movie with a well-known lead, such a Transamerica, is of major importance.

As many other plot summaries have said, Transamerica is a road movie about a pre-operative transsexual woman who is forced to confront her past before she can seek her future. She has a son she didn’t know she had, and she has to deal with him in order to get the required permission she needs for the final surgery to become, in her own eyes a woman. Bree (short for Sabrina) is played by Felicity Huffman, the movie was produced by her husband, the well-known actor William H. Macy. Huffman signed for this film before she achieved fame in the television series Desperate Housewives. Now that I’ve summarized what everyone who doesn’t live in a cave already knows, let me talk about how I saw the movie - stuff you won’t see in any other review.

Thanks Bill, Felicity, and whoever else wrote or approved that line. Here we go again with the good old trans-hierarchy. Transsexuals are serious and the rest of us are not. The line was gratuitous. The pink flamingo gown could just as easily have drawn a derisive "But I’m not a drag queen", or even "Just because I have to borrow one of her dresses, I’m still NOT my mother." But no, let’s make a joke about straight men with odd taste in clothing... they’re safe to pick on. Hsss. Besides given Bree’s usual overly fussy, overly formal and generally out of place wardrobe, who’s she to talk? Miaaoow.

Did I go into the movie with a chip on my shoulder? I suppose. It’s all about politics with me anyhow. I come by it honestly, as there’s a long tradition I’ve inherited of "Yes, but is it good for the Jews?" So right off, the movie isn’t good for one part of the extended, fractured and diverse communities. My part.

I think also that the movie is not especially good for transsexuals. We try to talk about how we’re not all candidates for Jerry Springer and the other tabloid talk shows, not even mostly candidates...oh heck we like to make out like the Jerry Springer set is just a tiny part of things. But then the audience is brought along to transsexual support group at a Texas home where Bree and Toby stop for the night. As the camera meets the people around the room, the audience is introduced to people like those I see all the time. What will the general audience make of the lesbian couple who met as "straight men", couldn’t do anything about it, and become the love of each other’s life after their sexual reassignment surgery? Or, the transman who says in gruff fashion, "I’ve been woman and I’ve been man and I’ve seen things that you single sexed people can’t imagine", and portentously "we are among you". Please tell me this isn’t ripe for Jerry! It’s honest no doubt...but it’s not going to get rid of the image of oddity. They even throw in the old gag about the Mary Kay lady who doesn’t look particularly feminine or passable being in fact some born and raised female.

I suppose the effect of seeing so many transsexual women (and one man) together at once is supposed to be disarming. Toby (Bree’s son) thinks they’re nice, even if Bree is standoffish with them and at one point calls them "ersatz-women". Toby’s declaration of niceness is probably the voice of the author letting us know what’s really important and morally correct in case we’re inclined to agree with Bree. But Toby on the other hand is a sexually abused, drug using male prostitute. "Nice" where he’s coming from doesn’t take much.

There’s a lot of talk, standard narrative in transworld about being one’s true self. For this reason, many transsexuals proceed about their lives without wearing a sign, going "stealth" as it’s called for the simple and straightforward reason that they don’t want their interactions to be about their transsexuality...they just want to get on with their lives as women. When Bree knocks on the door of this safe house, she’s surprised to find a support meeting/party planning session going on. "I thought you were stealth", she questions. "Not in my own home", is the reply from the matriarch of the group. This remark sets up the scene of people letting their hair down. And that’s the problem. They were being their true selves at that party, with the offers to show pictures of someone’s genital surgery, displays of phallic dilators and size jokes and we could only wonder what face they showed to the public when they were stealth and how real that was. Bree’s face doesn’t change, and Bree is simply Bree, warts and all no matter what, and that’s a small blessing.

Am I complaining that the movie is too honest? I suppose in a way I am. The impression is supposed to be, they’re nice folk just like you and me except we have to allow them this one little quirk. But what we see is that they aren’t, at least not like you. I’ll cop to me not being any less queer than they are. My only consolation in all this is that I saw this film a second with one of the sunniest, most optimistic women I know. She thought the Texas scene was gratuitous, but at the same time thought that the impressions it left were washed away by Bree’s story. I can only hope.

I was annoyed by Bree’s family. The controlling, perfectionist, materialist Christian mother, the passive, maybe passive-aggressive, sex-deprived Jewish-sort-of father, and Sidney, the alcoholic sister. While other critics complain of a gratuitous slap at red states and Middle America, I see another problem. This was an invitation to blame transsexuality and gender variance on a dysfunctional family, and male femininity on a passive father and dominant mother. But as we know, Bree could have just as easily been from a supportive, functional family, one she temporarily turned her back on while sorting through her gender issues. Then there’s Toby, who as I said before is emotionally and sexually abused. His mother, Bree’s one-shot lover killed herself and Toby found the body. His stepfather raped him regularly. For him, becoming a gay porn star is a serious step up in the world from being a run-away, male prostitute and substance abuser.

Somewhere recently I saw someone make fun of independent film plots...something along the lines of a formula about two lesbians and a drug addict on a road trip. This is the genre of films that show up in art cinema houses, such as the Cleveland Cinematheque where film buffs have enshrined motion pictures that often seem to function more as side shows than anything else. Transamerica seems misplaced in major theatres when seen in this light.

Another characteristic of this genre of films is irony. You have Bree saying, "I like to blend in", and shown very much not blending in with the people around her. Bree is full of artifice and pretension, and yet is always making the claim to trying to be her true self. This leaves the viewer with a quandary, and I don’t think it’s one that will resolve that transsexuals are basically good people who deserve our understanding and support. Instead, it suggests that transsexuality is delusional and if they and we are lucky a few people might turn out ok in the end...and we’ll leave the others as fodder for the next IFC Films slasher picture.

Do I have anything nice to say about the movie? Yes. Felicity Huffman’s rendition of Bree was brilliant. As good a job of acting as I’ve seen. Initially, Bree is full of little ticks of expression, of the head, of the eyes and posture that betray someone acutely self-conscious, someone who is constantly monitoring themselves for meeting some standard. When Bree is under stress or pre-occupied or just being her didactic self, her voice drops or she’ll sit improperly in a skirt with her legs akimbo. (Of course, this only adds to an audience’s inclination to distrust Bree’s claim of womanhood). Bree’s myopic focus on her surgery, her writing off her family, her self-orientation is totally on-key with what I’ve seen. And I do like the honesty of the plot in this sense: I see so much of the self-centered, the selfish in all this, in any of the communities, from my perspective as an insider. The film, by its indirect message of Bree’s growth on the road to caring about someone in addition to herself, to care about a son does teach a lesson about what being a grown up is about. While it reinforces perceptions of transsexuals as having psychological disorders and bad judgment, at the same time it might carry useful hints to people who are caught in the inward focus and self-preoccupation that I’ve seen so often in pre and near term post-operative transsexual women.

The movie is of course a must see for anyone in any of the communities. The opening night show at Shaker Square Cinemas was largely attended by same-sex couples - at least from what I could see in the dark. There were no massive lines, unlike Brokeback Mountain. But whether the movie helps the transcommunities at all, that people in general feel like Bree is worthwhile, that Bree makes sense as a person and as a woman is another matter. I’m of the opinion that the movie doesn’t help. The transsexual may not be a crazed killer in this picture, but it’s still an art-house movie side show, and we’re still freaks. Huffman has affectionately called Bree a "freak", in at least one interview. Huffman means that Bree’s oddities are merely human and not related to her transsexuality. But will the audience? I think the audience will look at this and shake their heads and say "no, you’re not among us...thank goodness...there’s enough craziness in the world and I don’t need anymore." That’s too bad, but it could have been worse.

[Dining]
ABOUT TOWN

By Sheila Wagner

A few weeks ago, Laura and I decided to sample the glitter of Akron's hottest new nightspot, valet service and all. If you haven't tried Crave at 57 East Market Street in Akron, a block east of Main St, you are missing a wonderful crowd and one of the most interesting menus this side of San Francisco. How about "pan-seared fig and macadamia nut crusted ahi tuna over Thai sticky rice with chocolate veal glaze" for $21. If you're on a diet try the "low-carb char-grilled steak with peppered bacon, white cheddar and Italian aioli wrap with side salad." Price $8.

When Laura in her BMW and Sheila in her trusty 4x4 Blazer pulled up on East Market Street, the valets quickly, gave us a token, took our keys and a tip, before whisking our vehicle to some secret parking place. A bevy of men, young and old, held the front door open as we waltzed into the place. It is noisy inside, but not "music noisy," conversation noisy.

It's also difficult to grab a wait person for service. Still we each managed to snare some help and ordered a drink while we waited on our food. The seating is sumptuous, the decor warm and inviting and the food spectacular. You can order an appetizer as a meal. For example, try an antipasto plate of mixed olives, meats and cheeses with French baguette for $11 or maybe the crab cakes with Tequila and Cilantro aioli and gazpacho relish for $9.

The menu is as long as it is exotic and everything is tasty. We talked with people around us including a large number of University of Akron students and dates as well as husbands and wives out on the town and/or groups of women out for dinner after work. We happened to drop in on a Saturday evening when the place was full. You very definitely need reservations.

Prior to our visit, I called the manager to make sure we would be welcome. Her response: All are welcome, please come. We did, I met the owner Dianna and her general manager, both beautiful ladies to look at and even nicer inside. We felt welcome and never intimidated.

My super comfy lounge chair was so low I had to reach up for my food. Laura was sitting opposite me on a long, long bench seat that seemed very comfortable and closer to table height. That's OK, I crossed and recrossed my legs enough times to get a glance once in a while. For me it is truly a pleasure to go out enfemme to a place like Crave. I consider it an outreach program to help show the mainstream people that I too am ready to laugh at a joke in an instant, or tell one. I'm willing to laugh at myself and I'm ready to show them that I am as much a gentleman as I am a lady. Courtesy and good manners do count and don't forget it. Did I just sound preachy?

When we left, the doors were held open by the valets who promptly returned our vehicles along and received another tip for their kindness. Then we were off. Laura retired for the evening, while I stopped by at Lydias, another Akron spot. This is a place worth checking into also as long as you know what kind of entertainment is on the calendar. You should avoid "swingers night," but you might enjoy some of the drag entertainment that frequents the place. Although I didn't make her first show, Farrah Fawn (of Gorgeous fame) has a new high-energy "Vegas" show featuring her (a very polished drag queen) and two GG's who are her back up singers.

Here are a couple of phone numbers. First Crave: 330-253-1234 and their web-address: www.eatdrinkcrave.com. Lydia's: 330-773-3001; address 1400 S. Arlington St, Akron; web-address: www.lydiasbar.com

[Socrates Latté]

How would you bend gender norms if men's and women's vestments were identical?

[First Person]
ON SHYNESS

By Joann

There are two kinds of shy that we often don’t think about. One is the Charley Brown shy who is afraid to say hello to the pretty little red headed girl. This type of shy person always regrets his shyness later in life. Then there is the other type of shy, the kind where later you say to yourself, “am I glad I didn’t do that” - like asking to borrow her dress. Often there is a fine line between “I’m sorry I didn’t” and “thank heaven I didn’t”.

I always thought being shy was a feminine trait. Or, at least it was supposed to be a feminine trait. Regardless, I’ve been stuck with it all my life. Since I was about five or six years old, I was intrigued with the idea of dressing as a girl when on an old radio show I heard where Little Orphan Annie exchanged clothes with a boy in one of the shows. Just the thought of putting on some girls clothes was a thrill. Even at five or six.

I didn‘t have anyone to tell and no sister near my age to explore such ideas. I often wonder what my mother would have said if I had asked her if I could wear girl’s clothes or told her I’d rather wear panties in my early grade school years. Was I too shy or was it some kind of instinct that told me to keep quiet? The early years I preferred playing house with the girls rather than sports with the boys. I wasn’t shy about that. When I was in grade school, no one ever suggested I dress as a girl for Halloween. If anyone had, I’m sure I’d have been too shy to agree.

As I grew into my teens, my shyness got worse! I was too shy or self-conscious to learn how to dance, though I would have loved to. I had a close friend in my early teenage years and I think he might have been gay - though I’m not sure. We often talked about sex, but I was too shy to tell him of my secret desire to wear girl clothes. When I look back, I don’t think he would have cared. He might even have encouraged or helped me acquire the “unmentionables” that I had no way of getting at the time.

In my late teens, I first heard of transvestites in Baltimore who danced in nightclubs dressed as girls. I was too shy to say anything or question it more. It sounded so intriguing I wanted to go to Baltimore to check it out for myself - but I didn’t. Baltimore seemed too far away.

I’ve been married four times. With each wife, I got enough nerve to ask to try on their panties, but I was much to shy to wear them any length of time. My third wife let me wear her panties anytime I wanted to, but I only wore them at to bed at night. I was too shy to wear them under my drabs even around the house let alone out of the house. I’m limited in my crossdressing now because my current wife doesn’t like it.

Over the years, I’ve had several chances to go to Halloween or New Years parties in costume but didn’t. I wish I’d had the nerve to go dressed in a skirt and silky hose. When living in California, I worked with many gays, but I was always too shy to confide my secret desire to dress as a girl, though I realize now they wouldn’t have cared.

What finally began to change my attitude on shyness was seeing the story of a Transgendered racecar driver and how he changed from being a man to a woman and kept racing. In the story while he was still racing as a man, he had a crash on the racetrack and as he was on his way to the hospital in the ambulance, he wondered what they would say in the emergency room when the found him wearing panties. That was my turning point on shyness. I decided that if a racecar driver can wear panties all the time, then I can too.

Soon after that, I learned about Tri-Ess and that I was not the only one who desired to dress in female attire.

I’m no longer too shy to tell anyone I love dressing in women's clothes. It’s no longer a secret. And, if I’m ever taken to the emergency room, I hope they accept me for who I am no matter what I wear.

Advice? Don’t be shy. You’ll most likely deeply regret it, as I do.

[Trivia]
IN PURSUIT - Part II

By Gloria Fenton

My then wife, Sandy's blatant flirting with other guys led to major arguments between her and my mother. Becaue of this Sandy stopped wearing make up and her blue plaid dress. The arguments also led to Sandy and me getting a place of our own. I continued to wear our makeup and the blue plaid dress.

Sandy often did things to hurt and/or control me. Sandy decided I could not wear things to bed any more and I could only dress up when she was not around or after she was sound asleep. After an argument, or if I somehow upset Sandy, she would get rid of something that she knew I liked to wear. First to go was the makeup. Next, six dresses including the blue plaid disappeared, and over time other things disappeared as she saw fit.

Sandy getting rid of those things did hurt and upset me, but I knew I couldn’t stop her. And, I knew arguing about it would only make the situation worse. Still, Sandy never told me I could not dress up, or not to wear certain things.

Sandy made her own dress for high school graduation, and we had an argument over how short she was going to make the hem. Though Sandy always denied it, I knew her flirting with other guys was true. So, Sandy in too short a dress made me jealous. To appease me and still get her way she asked me to wear the dress as she pinned the hem. I was also the first to wear the completed dress.

Sandy wore the short dress to her graduation, but then only wore it one other time. I expected Sandy to get rid of the dress quickly because of the argument. Instead, the dress stayed in the closet for another two-and-a-half years. The argument had seemed to spoil wearing the dress for Sandy and for me too.

When Sandy made it difficult for me to wear her things, I got back at her by wearing other women’s things in secret. I am not proud of that now, but I did it. It began when Sandy’s cousin, Barbara, came for a three-day visit. I had the time and opportunity so I wore Barbara’s clothes and shoes. Neither Sandy nor Barbara ever knew it.

There were times though when Sandy seemed to go out of her way to let me dress up in her things. Sandy bought a new pair of shoes but complained they hurt her. She actually asked me to wear the shoes around the house to break them in. That became common when Sandy got new shoes.

Sandy gained some weight and had dresses, jeans, and a few other things that no longer fit her. I could still wear those things though and did - and Sandy knew it. I had stopped trying to hide if I wore anything of Sandy’s. Sandy would not buy makeup again, and she would not even talk about getting a wig like her hair any more. I had never seen Sandy wear a skirt and mentioned that one day. Sandy told me she did have skirts at her parent’s place, but that I had enough things to wear. A couple months later though, we were visiting her mother and Sandy took me upstairs to a hall closet, showed me her skirts, and let me pick out two of them to be my skirts. I kept my skirts in my dresser drawer and did wear them. I did shorten them, though, to be more like Bernice’s mini-skirts that I had worn before. I also wore Sandy’s jeans that still fit me.

Girls were wearing tight jeans then, and Sandy had twice seen me in a pair of her tight jeans. The jeans hid my leg hair and did make it easier to look like a real woman when I dressed up. I hated the hair on my legs. Sandy came up with the idea of having matching outfits, and thought about matching sweaters, and matching jeans. We went shopping. We both tried on jeans to try and find some that matched and fit us both. Sandy did see me in at least a dozen pair of men’s jeans, but none of them fit me. At the end of the day, we did have matching outfits. We had matching shirts and matching jeans that Sandy picked out.

The shirts were men’s shirts, and the jeans were women’s jeans. Even guys were wearing jeans with wild patterns on them, so Sandy figured I could get away with wearing the women’s jeans she chose. We wore our matching outfits a few days later when we went to see a movie. A few people did mention our matching outfits while we waited to get into the movie, and nobody seemed to know I was wearing women’s jeans. On the way home though I could tell Sandy was not real happy, so I asked her about it. With the extra weight, Sandy was not happy with the way her jeans had looked on her. She was also not happy with the way my jeans fit. Sandy said I looked too good in them, and too much like a woman. My wearing smaller jeans than Sandy didn’t help, but what she said really bothered her was that I had too much of a womanly swish to my hips when I walked. She flat out told me that I had looked better than her.

I had not tried to walk like a woman and told Sandy that. Nor had I tried to do anything to upset Sandy. Sandy said she knew that but to her I had looked and walked like a woman, and not like a man. I was not surprised when, a few days later, our matching jeans were gone. But I was surprised to see that other jeans I wore were also gone, and so were my skirts. I let it pass without a word. Though the jeans and skirts were gone, the dresses Sandy could no longer wear were still in the closet.

About a month after getting rid of the jeans, Sandy bought a new dress without trying it on. It was ironic because even when Sandy put it in the closet, with the tags still on it, she said the dress was probably too small for her. To a point, it seemed like she was telling me that she had brought the dress for me to wear. I wasn’t sure what to think, but decided not to wear the dress then, and wait and see what happened.

Sandy was by then wearing pantsuits, and they looked good on her. I tried them on, but for the most part they were too big. Sandy also stopped wearing bikini panties and began wearing cotton briefs. She said the bikini panties no longer fit. Sandy kept the bikini panties and she knew I wore them when I could.

I got a new job, and we moved to a small town about three hours away from our hometown. In our new home, Sandy made it clear that I could only dress up when she was not around. That drastically cut my time to dress up . To counter that I would at times wear one of our bras, or a pair of pantyhose, under my male work clothes. Sometimes I wore both. Sandy had to have known, but she never said a word. I also got back into wearing other women’s things when I had time and opportunity - that, Sandy did not know or suspect. To my surprise, I ended up with several opportunities to wear other women’s things.

to be continued

[Last Laugh]
TRANSCOASTAL TRANSCOMICS

[click on each comic to see full size]

The Right Coast

The Left Coast

Alpha Omega is a non-profit social support group for heterosexual crossdressers and their wives or partners. Also, members from related organizations, helping professionals, and approved guests are welcome when cleared through Alpha Omega’s officers. We serve Cleveland and nearby Northeast Ohio communities.

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