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La
Femme Silhouette
February-March
2005
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Masthead
2005 |
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Table of Contents
Choices
Things
Bits
& Pieces
Incredible
Story
And
If overnight....?
Humor
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Choices
I
know I wrote
this before,
closer to the
event, when I
was still in
the grip of
the emotion.
But I've lost
it and I have
to reconstruct
it as best I
can
– Diane
S. Frank
I
make a point
of noting the
happy events
that I've been
included in,
occasions and
happenings
that have
enriched my
life and
demonstrate
the
possibility
that there is
some sort of
life beyond
bars and
clubs,
something
approximating
normal life.
So I've
written about
weddings and
bar mitzvahs,
parties and
outings and
plays and
friends and
babies. But
today I take
note of a
funeral for
someone who
wasn't quite a
friend, but
who was more
than an
acquaintance.
I’ll say
friend here,
but I think
what I’ll
tell will make
things more
clear.
Of
course it was
snowing, and
cold and the
temporary tent
with space
heaters did
only a little
to cut the
cold wind. The
plain, pine
box in the
ground held
all that was
left of my
friend, at
least until a
few devotional
objects were
laid on the
coffin at our
Rabbi’s
direction. I
last saw my
friend after
providing a
ride home from
services or
some other
temple event.
I hadn’t
learned of the
death or the
funeral until
the day before
the funeral.
The coroner
had held the
body for a
month and a
cause of death
hadn’t been
determined.
There were no
relatives who
would claim
the body, and
so it fell to
our Rabbi. I
wonder if she
thought she’d
officiate at
funerals when
she accepted
the part-time
position.
Given that it
is a GLBT
congregation
and that
people still
die of AIDS
with some
frequency I
have to
imagine she
had.
You
don’t learn
a whole lot
more about
some people at
a funeral.
Maybe you meet
someone from
another part
of his or her
life. And
maybe you
simply know
they are
there, your
eyes meet and
that’s all.
So, there
being no
relatives to
sit Shiva with
(a Jewish
custom of
helping the
family of the
dead deal with
their grief),
a few of us
went to a
nearby deli
for a nosh, to
talk and get
in from the
cold. I knew
that I wasn’t
the only
person who
helped with
transportation,
and I was a
bit surprised
to find out
who else went
a little out
of their way.
One
person had
been close
with the
deceased.
"Had"
as in not
recently. I
knew my friend
had a
difficult
life. Health
issues
abounded. And
transition
wasn’t easy.
There were
joys such from
Temple, and
playing French
horn in a
semi-pro
orchestra. But
there was
poverty, and
isolation and
perhaps a bit
of madness as
well. It was
said that my
friend was
wounded as a
child of 5 and
spent the next
45 years dying
of the wound.
I
learned of a
grandfather
who abused
children. A
grandfather
who skinned
rabbits in
front of young
children and
said that
would happen
to them if
they told. I
learned of the
sister who
died, possibly
murdered by
that
grandfather.
None of the
rest of us had
known. We only
knew of
conversion,
transition,
music and
hope.
But
do I wish I’d
done more,
gotten closer?
I’m not
sure. Because
the person
telling of
this life also
talked about
cost of the
friendship, a
cost too high
to bear after
a while. How
many times can
you hear the
phrase "I
don’t want
to speak ill
of the
dead".
There is
enough pain I’ve
recounted here
that I won’t
share what
that burden of
friendship
cost someone.
It wasn’t a
casual
decision to
step away. So
I’m glad in
a way that I
didn’t get
closer to
experience the
madness first
hand, but I’m
glad someone
at least
tried.
And
that I think
is a problem
we all face in
this
community. How
close do we
get, when do
we keep our
distance. When
someone is
alive there is
always the
chance to
change things.
When they die
that chance is
lost, and
right or wrong
we then live
with choices. n
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THINGS
Satisfying the need
By Gloria Sue Fenton
One question I have, over the years, had asked of me, is
"how did Martin, as a boy and then as a man, find things to wear to satisfy
his cross dressing needs?" Part of the answer is easy. Naturally, Martin
wore a lot of his mother’s "things", as they were the most
accessible early in his life. Then the girlfriend who became his first wife made
her "things" available to him. So, too, did some women friends of his,
and then his second wife. Martin, also, at times, in his twenties and thirties
bought some "things" for himself, claiming they were for a wife or
girlfriend.
Those are the easy ways he found to satisfy the need to
crossdress. By the time Martin was 38 years old, a total of nine women knew
about his crossdressing. These were the "before Gloria" days. Of those
nine women, six of them knowingly and willingly let Martin wear some of their
"things". The other three knew of the crossdressing, but did not know
Martin wore their "things". The not so easy part of the original
question to answer is that during his first thirty-eight years "before
Gloria", a minimum of at least thirty other women had "things" of
theirs that Martin wore, without their knowing it.
In many cases what Martin wore may have only been a pair of
shoes, a wig, some jewelry, or even just a lipstick, and often only wore them
once. In other cases it was much more than just one item Martin wore of some
women’s "things" without them every knowing it. By the time Martin
married his first wife, not only had he worn virtually all of her clothes,
shoes, make up and jewelry, but he also had worn a good share of the clothes
from her sister’s closet and dresser - with neither of them knowing it.
As I said, some women did knowingly and willingly let Martin
wear something of theirs, but not always to the full extent of what he actually
wore of theirs. Martin knew what was in some women’s closets and dressers,
almost as well as they did. These are not recollections that Martin or I am very
proud of, but they did happen. The need to wear something feminine many times
overruled logic, or common sense. Many risks were taken to satiate the need.
Of the six women who
knowingly and willingly let Martin wear their "things", he married two
of them. Over time crossdressing did become a factor that led to the eventual
divorces. Of the other four who knew Martin wore some of their
"things", three of them had no problem as long as they knew what he
wore. One of the four, not only had no problem with his wearing her
"things", but also encouraged him to wear everything she had as she
said she was in love with him. This happened after Martin’s first divorce. The
kicker was that she was married and had four children. There was a brief affair,
and she always made sure Martin had "things" of hers to wear at his
place. A job change took Martin far out of the area so the situation ended.
None of the six women that Martin officially told his secret
to had any real problem initially. Only the two he married developed problems
with his crossdressing, over time. Martin’s second wife was the only one who
ever told to anyone else his secret, but even then when they divorced she
willingly let him keep whatever clothes, shoes, and jewelry of hers that he
wanted.
How could he wear the "things" of all the other
women, though, may be asked. That answer boiled down to two reasons. First, was
the intense need to wear something feminine that was so powerful to Martin at
times. Second, it was a matter of justifying the actions by seeing it as only
wearing "things" no matter whom they belonged to. Clothes, shoes, make
up, jewelry, and wigs were just "things" used to satisfy the need,
when needed. And whether it was just trying on a pair of shoes, or a bra, or
dressing much more completely, it was just wearing "things".
There was always guilt, and a sense of shame that was felt.
But just wearing "things" at least tempered those feelings. The
powerful need to see and feel "things" on Martin overruled reality, as
I have said. Martin really did not think about invading another person’s
privacy or intimacy, because the action was just wearing "things".
That stupid logic was the real basis for the problems in his first and second
marriages. Since they knew his secret, and had knowingly and willingly let him
wear everything they had before getting married, the situation became really
entangled after they were married. After marriage, the times he could dress up
became more and more limited. So, too, over time came the limitations of what he
was allowed to wear. Their favorite dresses or shoes, that they both knew he
wore before marriage, became off limits. Certain panties, but not all, became
off limits. Some jewelry or make up, but not all, became off limits. Neither of
them ever told Martin he couldn’t dress up, but each began setting more and
more limits.
Over time, more and more "things" Martin loved to
share with them were taken away. If Martin and his first wife had an argument
over almost anything, even if they worked it out, something of hers that she
knew he liked wearing would just disappear. To a lesser extent his second wife
would, at times, get rid of something after an argument, but more often she just
let him know that something else was off limits. Withholding "things"
became a way to cause hurt.
In a way these little
hurts and resentments made it much easier for Martin to justify wearing their
"things" - a means of silent revenge when the need was powerful. In
both cases, certain clothes and "things" never seemed to be any
problem to share with them. Martin’s first wife gave him a wig that looked
like her hair, so he could wear it. Martin’s second wife, for a short time,
wore his wigs, and then even cut her own hair to look like his favorite wig.
Martin’s first wife would buy new shoes and have him wear them to break them
in for her. Martin’s second wife bought tops and dresses and shoes for him,
and she would wear some herself.
Believe me, a whole lot
of situations happened that made no sense to Martin. A couple years into his
first marriage, Martin came to understand that one big reason his first wife had
let him share her "things" so easily before marriage was so that he
would marry her, and she could get away from her mother and step-father. Even
Martin’s second wife said that a sense of security was one reason she married
him. Though she never said it officially, her letting Martin wear her
"things" was towards their getting married.
Martin fully admits that his need for "things"
caused a lot of problems for him, and those in his life. And that need for
"things" evolved over the years. The more the need for
"things" grew, the more the need to feel complete grew. The more the
need to feel complete grew, the more the need for identity grew. The first
thirty-eight years of Martin’s life were a real mess.
For that first
thirty-eight years Martin was looking for understanding and acceptance from
others for a part of him that he could not understand or accept himself. Using
"things" only made it so he did not have to face that reality heads
on. In the fall of 1988, after his second divorce, reality hit hard for Martin.
It was life or death. Thirty-eight years of secrets, fear, guilt, shame, and
hurt to him and others had to be faced one way of the other. I don’t think
anyone ever fought so hard for life as Martin did then.
"Gloria" was born in December of 1988, and Martin
was reborn. Each of us found a new life and took the responsibility for it. That
was something we had not faced before. For sixteen years now, Martin and I have
built new lives, and I admit some pride in doing that, for both of us. I am so
glad that Kathy never knew the old Martin, or the old me. Alpha Omega helped
Martin and me begin again; and dare I say, see "things" for what they
really are in our lives. n
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BITS & PIECES
Member travels, activities, thoughts, views, interests
Diane S. Frank found
this incredible story.
Hamburg - A 90-year-old transvestite flamenco dancer is
stamping and clapping his way across theatre stages in Germany to promote a film
about his life as a Jewish resistance fighter who killed Nazis in occupied
Poland - and even in the heart of Berlin.
The seemingly incredible story of Sylvin Rubinstein,
whose hands were as adept at lobbing grenades as
they were at clicking castanets, is the subject of an extraordinary documentary
film which is drawing a cult following at art cinemas in Germany.
Audiences erupt into cheers as Rubinstein, in full make-up, wig and ruffled
flamenco gown, dances with ageless grace onto the stage to take his bows.
Audiences are captivated as he talks of his
war-time exploits, which included dressing up in slinky cocktail dress to gain
entry to a Gestapo dinner party in occupied Poland where his "surprise
act" consisted of lifting his skirt - to whip out two grenades which he
then hurled at his stunned onlookers.
Another time he picked off a
Gestapo officer in the very centre of Berlin in broad daylight.
Nasty Nazi
"He was a particularly nasty Nazi who took positive
delight in finding Jews who were hidden in people's homes," Rubinstein
recalls, speaking in a distinctive mish-mash of German-Yiddish-Polish.
"He would have the Jews dragged off and also the German
families who had sheltered them. Very nasty, indeed. Everybody in Berlin feared
and hated him, Jews and Goyim alike," he says.
"Well, one fine day it was his birthday and a very elegant-looking lady (if
I do say so myself) showed up at his office with a bunch of red roses, asking to
see him alone," Rubinstein relates with a wry smile and an arched eyebrow.
Who would suspect a statuesque woman bearing flowers of
wanting to gun down a major Gestapo officer in the very heart of Berlin? Nobody.
And that is precisely how Rubinstein got away with that and other
assassinations.
The film of his life, Er Tanzte Das Leben (Dancing His Life)
by Marian Czura und Kuno Kruse, literally takes Rubinstein on a journey to his
origins. Born in 1917 in
Russia, his aristocrat father was executed by the Bolsheviks while his Polish
mother fled across the border to Poland with Sylvin and his twin sister
Maria. Penniless in the hamlet
of Brodi, Sylvin and Maria learned early on they could charm pennies from
passersby by dancing in the town marketplace.
By their teens, the brother-sister team were dancing
professionally. Cashing in on a Latin craze, they did a flamenco act billed as
Imperio y Dolores. By the time
they were 20, Imperio and Dolores were headliners at music halls in all European
capitals, London, New York and as far away as Melbourne.
They were performing at
Warsaw's Adria theatre when Germany invaded Poland on September 1, 1939. Being
Jewish, they were consigned to the Warsaw Ghetto where Rubinstein quickly had
run-ins with Nazi guards.
Jailed and beaten, Rubinstein nonetheless managed a daring
escape, wresting a machinegun from a guard and mowing down a dozen Gestapo
officers. Once outside, however, he was no better off since he was still in
Nazi-occupied Warsaw.
"One day a big, tall German army officer spotted me and kept staring at
me," Rubinstein remembers. "He followed me and then walked up to me
and I thought, well, this is it."
It turned out the officer, Wehrmacht Major Kurt Werner, was a
fan of Imperio y Dolores and remembered Rubinstein from an appearance in Berlin
before the war. It was a chance meeting that ultimately would save both men's
lives. Werner arranged for fake ID papers for Rubinstein and his sister and
urged them to head for Switzerland. But his sister insisted on trying to fetch
their mother, still back in Brodi.
"I saw her board the train heading east and I knew as we
waved to each other that that was the last time I'd ever see her,"
Rubinstein says wistfully. "I could have insisted she stay with me. But I
didn't. That is one of two things I've always regretted." He never saw
either his sister or his mother again.
Remaining in Warsaw, Rubinstein returned to Major Werner, who
took the dancer under his wing and initiated him into the Polish
resistance. It was
through Werner that Rubinstein became an accomplished assassin and sabotage
artist using the cover name Silwan Turski.
The filmmakers took Rubinstein
back to Brodi and Warsaw and even back to a Polish village where even today the
mere mention of the name Turski elicits excitement. It was Turski who throttled
a Nazi SS advance guard soldier with his bare hands, thus sparing a village from
a reprisal raid.
After the war, Rubinstein
returned to dancing. But Imperio y Dolores merged into just Dolores.
"Becoming Dolores was my
way of coping with my twin sister's death," he says. "Only a twin can
understand how horrific that was. It was like being torn in half. Not a day goes
by that I don't think of her."
In Allied-occupied Germany it
was Rubinstein's time to save Major Werner's life, testifying on his behalf
before a US board to win Werner's freedom.
Rubinstein, in his female guise as Dolores, went on to become
a major music hall entertainer in the 1950s. But advancing age and changing
tastes took their toll.
Reduced to performing
in seedy clubs in Hamburg's Reeperbahn red-light district, he retired around
1970.
"I was dancing in
a place where the headline act was a couple having sex on stage. That was when I
said, 'Dolores, it's time to hang up the castanets'."
Now 90, Rubinstein lives in a tiny apartment just off the
Reeperbahn in the harbour district of Hamburg which he shares with a canary, a
crippled pigeon and the mementoes of a lifetime.
Among those mementoes is a faded photo of Major Werner, with
whom he remained a lifelong friend until Werner died at age 93.
28/01/2005 by Ernest Gill
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The
overnight sex swap
Awake as a woman – what would you do?
Diane S. Frank
WHAT do you think is the first thing a
bloke would do if he woke up as a woman?
Well, it's no surprise to find that one in
three guys would check out his new pair of bouncing breasts!
Southerners were most keen to investigate
their new equipment with almost 70 per cent saying they¹d
love to cop a feel compared to just 14 per cent of
northerners.
The fascinating insight comes from research
published today that reveals exactly how the other half live -
or at least, how we think they do.
To mark the launch of gender-swapping
comedy White Chicks on DVD, Columbia Home Video asked guys and
gals what they'd do if they changed sex overnight.
And the results are startling.
Would you believe that 34 per cent of men
admitted they¹ve dressed up in women¹s clothes with one in
ten owning up to slipping on their partner¹s undies for a
laugh!
Still, if you're a woman in the Midlands
watch out. Men in those parts would rather get their hands on
their loved-ones make-up than their bras!
Going out on a "girls’ night"
was also high on the male list of fantasies along with
experiencing a multiple orgasm and buying a sex toy.
Although in Scotland, a massive 80 per cent
of guys confessed they’d dash straight to shops for new
dresses and skirts.
Must be something to do with all those
kilts.
As for celebrity-switching, a quarter of
all men questioned said they'd like to be Kylie Minogue, with
Jordan, Kate Moss and Angelina Jolie just behind.
But it wasn¹t just the men who fancied
seeing life through the eyes of the opposite sex.
Almost half of the women questioned said if
they were a man for a day, they would take the opportunity to
eat as much as they liked without worrying about their weight.
They were also relieved that they'd be able
to pop to the loo without having to queue while southern
ladies were more likely to explore their new body with more
than half admitting they¹d check out the strange bits
straight away, compared to just 27 per cent of those oop
north.
Other ideas for how to spend the day as a
man included asking their boss for a pay rise and auditioning
for the vacant role of James Bond!
And almost half wanted to befriend an
ex-boyfriend to find out why they really got dumped.
As for stepping into the shoes of a
celebrity male, Brad Pitt topped the poll with 20 per cent
compared to just seven per cent who fancied being Jude Law.
They obviously didn't fancy seeing what
it's all about… as Alfie.
White Chicks is out now on DVD for £19.99.
© 2005 News Group Newspapers Ltd.
By
LOUISE COMPTON
Sun Online: Thursday, March 03, 2005
http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,5-2005100293,00.html
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HUMOR
We have seen our share
of sorrow and grief over
the last little while, so
while I don’t normally
collect jokes like these,
I thought for a change of
pace our newsletter could
stand a little outright
humor – Diane S Frank
A transvestite walks
into a bar and sits down
next to a rabbi and
priest. The bartender
looks at her and says
"Honey, I think
you’re in the wrong
joke".
______
A transvestite walks
into a bar dressed all in
pink. Pink pillbox hat,
matching purse and shoes,
pink jacket blouse and
skirt and hose. The
bartender looker her up
and down and says,
"You know, we have
a drink named after
you".
She replies,
"what? you have a
drink named George?"
______
MORE HUMOR
Three Brits were in a
bar and spotted an
Irishman.
One guy said he was
going to piss him off.
He walked over to the
Irishman and tapped him on
the shoulder. "Hey, I
hear your St. Patrick was
a sissy."
The Irishman answered,
"Oh really, hmm,
didn't know that."
Puzzled, the Brit
walked back to his
buddies. "I told him
St. Patrick was a sissy
and he didn't care!"
The second Brit said,
"You just don't know
how to set him off, watch
and learn"
The second Brit walked
over and tapped the
Irishman on the shoulder.
"I hear your St.
Patrick was a
transvestite!"
The Irishman responded,
"Oh, wow, I didn't
know that, thank
you."
Shocked beyond belief,
the Brit went back to his
buddies. ‘You’re
right, he is
unshakable!"
The third Brit said:
‘No, no, no, I will
really piss him off, you
just watch."
The English man walked
over to the Irishman,
tapped him on the shoulder
and said, "I hear
your St. Patrick was an
English man!"
The Irishman looked up
and said, "Yeah,
that's what your buddies
were trying to tell
me."
V
With
thanks to the gang on the
My Husband Betty forum for
their
contributions V
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Publication
Notice and
Club Policies
This
newsletter is
copyright
1998-2005 by
The Alpha
Omega Society. All
rights
reserved.
Articles and
information
contained in
this
newsletter may
NOT be without
advance
permission
from the
individual
author. Write
to editor@aosoc.org
in order to
contact the
author. When
permission is
granted, a
copy of the
issue
containing the
reprinted
material must
be sent to
Alpha Omega
within two
months after
the material
is published
and proper
credit is
given to
author and
source.
The
opinions or
statements
contained in
this
newsletter are
those of the
authors and do
not
necessarily
reflect the
views of Alpha
Omega.
Contributions
of articles
are welcomed,
but may be
altered in the
editing
process, with
the author’s
intent
retained, or
may be
rejected,
whether
solicited or
not.
Absolutely no
sexually
explicit
material may
be accepted or
printed.
Alpha Omega
is a
non-profit
social support
group for
heterosexual
crossdressers
and their
wives or
partners.
Also, members
from related
organizations,
helping
professionals,
and approved
guests are
welcome when
cleared
through Alpha
Omega’s
officers.
Meetings
are the second
Saturday
evening of
each month
unless a
special event
is scheduled
that takes the
place of the
regularly scheduled
meeting. The
location of
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others with
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Members and visitors
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Send all
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to Alpha
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Box 2053,
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