Newsletter
ARCHIVE

[Upfront] The Month
[Letters] Letters to the Editor
[First Person] To Write Or Not To Write: That Is The Question:
[Worthy Questions] What story do we tell? and Why?
[A CD Eye for the Arts] When snapshots become art
[Bits & Pieces] Diane Frank
[From the Archive] Butterflies - December 1998
[Last Laugh] English Sensibilities

[Upfront]
THIS MONTH

This month AO officer, Diane S. Frank, talks of evolution. No not Darwinian, but the kind resulting from our unique personal journey. Specifically, what should we do if we find our path takes us outside the boundaries of the groups that we have enjoyed communing with for many years?

The more we explore beyond our own personal needs, the more we will learn about ourselves. Gloria S. Fenton speaks from the heart.

Elaine introduces us to an upstate New York retreat - Casa Susanna.

The Newsletter is wonderful in it's constant repetition of the "growth" idea. I measure my own spiritual growth in how well I answer my own questions. I never get complete answers, but they do get better as I age. What is particularly nice about the AO Newsletter is it's constant attempts to surmount the "I, Thou" boundary. This, for me is what makes it special; the mature outlook.

Jamie B
12 November 2005

(Jamie, thanks for taking time to share your thoughts! - Elaine)

[First Person]
To Write Or Not To Write: That Is The Question:
(Or, Is Self-Censorship Becoming Necessary?)

By Diane S. Frank

FOR about three years now I’ve been writing about what I do out - where I go, who I meet, and what we do and talk about. Then, I’ll drop into an internet forum where people are breathlessly discussing the firsts in their lives - the first time they wore this, the first time out the door, the first time shopping, etc. Or, I’ll read about wives not understanding husbands from either side and so forth. I could list a number of other popular topics, but the real point is that what I talk about isn’t out there. In part that makes me glad I write what I write. Clearly there is an unfilled need for someone to write about something other than first time outs, guilt, shame, marital problems, and sexuality. After all, those first times turn into second times and then 40th times.

I’m in one of those “writing about writing” moods. So I’m going to write a bit about some current problems I have been thinking about.

One of the problems that crossdressing groups have is that the more trans-whatever people tend to end up running them, often as a vehicle for their own transition - a form of commitment to the process. In that process they can and have driven away people who don’t share that attitude. We’ve seen it at AO. I “pass” for transsexual, and I just had another instance of it yesterday. There aren’t any crossdressers in Cleveland who do what I do that I know of. So I wonder if my not writing about what I wear, or how I put on makeup, or about coming out or guilt or shame or which dressing rooms or women’s bathrooms I invaded is a case of not giving the readers what they want. Do I write too much like what people expect from someone engaged in transition? Does what I write scare people away from Alpha Omega? That wouldn’t be good for them, or for our organization. But it could be so much worse. Since I get almost no feedback on these columns, I have no idea.

There’s another problem about what I write, and that is how it affects spouses and significant others. When you look at my life, and more problematically my writing about it, am I a "bad influence"? Does my simple reporting of the things I do - going to temple, being in a book club, being in show, doing this that and the other thing in public - scare people, especially spouses? It's one thing to go out on Halloween when it's all obviously a costume, and quite another to think of me having tea at high noon on a weekday in the middle of Cleveland Heights, with Z and a woman from the book circle.

There are two schools of thought (and more) on this. Some women prefer that the CD in their lives operate at a level of fantasy. Please wear the little girl dresses and the southern belle outfits, but whatever you do, don't look like a real woman. Other women think, if you're going to dress like a woman, at least look like a normal respectable person, not a walking fetish advertisement. So I could or should terrify the women who prefer an air of unreality about the whole thing. Maybe I shouldn’t write about these things?

Here’s an alternative experience I’m working from: Back when I was learning to folk dance I realized there was a structure to the evening. At the beginning dances are taught, at a variety of levels of difficulty. Later in the evening requests are taken and as the evening goes on, more and more difficult dances are done. If you don’t play the more difficult dances, advanced dancers don’t come. And if advanced dancers don’t come, then there’s no one for the beginners to learn from. Sometimes it’s just fun to watch. You need the mix.

The problem with this thinking is that it characterizes what I do as advanced and something others should do or ought to aspire to. I don’t believe that. Yes, I think some people would like to do what I do. I hope some like reading about it and find it useful. But I don’t think they ought to want to do what I do. Or that they shouldn’t. My opinion doesn’t count. It’s their lives. But, maybe I should write about those experiences less?

Interesting things have happened as I integrate my life as “part-time” or “commuting” or “summer visitor” woman into mainstream society. My temple, Chevrei Tikva has become part of a mainstream temple. I’m the canary in the coalmine. If there is some invisible toxic atmosphere I’ll likely be the first to notice it. You will note that I’m not mentioning the name of the temple? That’s because while Chevrei Tikva was explicitly formed as a refuge for GBLT people who were rejected by mainstream temples, I don’t yet feel comfortable having someone google the new temple’s name and coming to our website. It was one thing for people at Chevrei Tikva to contend with an article comparing our search for identities as what ever kind of T* we are to the historical quest we have to understand what it means to be a Jew. I’m not ready to force that on the new Temple. I really don’t want to encourage the breathless dialogue that will occur if someone googles the new temple’s name. “Did YOU know you have crossdresser in your congregation???!!!” At the very least I’d like a breather, a space for people to get to know me as a person before they are called upon to be personally responsible for their acceptance of my presence there.

So not only will I not be using my new Temple’s name, I won’t be writing much about what goes on there. I’ve already done several stories or anecdotes; I doubt much more will be of general interest unless you are Jewish. What I will talk about as time goes on is where I run into the general problem of disclosure... which I seem to be running into at every turn.

Another place where I’m increasingly engaged is a book club. I’ve mentioned this in a previous column in which I discussed how I was invited to join. I recounted some of the discussion that stood out. I haven’t mentioned it since. I think there is a difference between a public forum and reporting on that, and a private, by invitation only meeting in someone’s house. Certainly, I’ve been made aware that this is exactly the concern that women in the group have. I’ve been told that a few do have concerns with my being there... more as a matter of disclosure than anything else. The e-mail discussions about that lead to my column last month comparing kinds of crossdressing with tourism and commuting. I talked about this with a friend of mine who participates in a women’s Torah study group that another member invited me to join, but I haven’t attended yet. It took a year for the Rabbi to tell me it was ok with the membership for me to come. My friend commented that women really do want to be able to speak their mind, to “bash” as she put it without worrying about some men thought, to say (for example) that a woman would have stood up to G*d if asked to sacrifice her son.

So again, I think my path has taken me to a place where I can’t take members of Alpha Omega and other readers along with me. What I learn that is useful I can share in some other context, but some curtains will be drawn from now on. Both for privacy, and for fear of being a bad example.

[Worthy Questions]
What story do we tell?   and Why?

By Diane S. Frank

IN the past few weeks I’ve seen "I Am My Own Wife" and "Forbidden", and read "From Man to Woman, the transgender journey of Virginia Prince".

"I Am My Own Wife", tells the story of Charlotte von Mahlsdorf, formerly Lothar Berfelde, a transvestite, a homosexual, probably transgendered East Berlin antique dealer and museum owner. Charlotte’s life spanned the Nazi’s and the Communists. After the fall of the wall, she was hailed as a national heroine for her efforts at cultural preservation only to have her reputation tarnished by accusations that she had been an agent for the East German Secret Police (Stasi).

"Forbidden" is a play based on the true story of two women who fell in love in Germany during the Second World War. One was the wife of an army officer and the other a Jew hiding in the cracks of a society that made it impossible for a Jew to survive. This story also reaches from the war to the present.

"From Man to Woman" details the life of American crossdressing activist and living legend Virginia Prince, covering both the positions and ideas that resonate in the whole discussion about transgender in American today and the personal life that was almost always lived in contradiction to those positions and ideas. I have been working on a review of the biography, and what I’ve said thus far has been less than kind to Virginia.

Experiencing these three different works about people on the margins of society I became aware of a common theme. When you live beyond the pale, when your desires and your actions make your existence undesirable to the rest of society there is a pressure to tell your story, to make yourself acceptable. Charlotte von Mahsldorf was strikingly candid about her choice to wear women’s clothing, her delight in the gay cultural and sexual world before it was closed down by the puritanical Russians, and her love of artifacts of Germany’s first national culture between 1890 and 1900. As depicted in the play, her status as a Stasi informant remains ambiguous. The Stasi files themselves tell contradictory stories. Did she betray a friend, possibly a lover, a business partner or rival to jail? Or did she reluctantly accept his self-sacrifice in the face of the machinery of oppression. How much choice did she have when the knock on the door came in the middle of the night? According to the playwright and my own memory 1 in 3 East Germans were informants for the Stasi. The press, ever searching for a scandalous story dogged Charlotte’s step until she fled to Sweden. Every aspect of her story became suspect because she could not explain her Stasi file. If she was shading the truth on "this" what does that mean about what she said about "that"?

Standing in opposition to Charlotte is Lily, the wife of the Nazi officer who survives the death of her lover and the Second World War. Haunted by Felice’s death, she goes to Israel, attempts to convert to Judaism (without success) and learns to say Kaddish (prayer for the dead), a custom the secular Felice would have derided. Where you suspect Charlotte lies to protect herself from her guilt, you look at Lily as a woman gone overboard in grief, taking on guilt for things far beyond her control. I have to wonder if Lily’s need to be guilty isn’t just the other side of Charlotte’s need to avoid it. Both stem from the desire to be in control of our own lives...and in some ways the only thing we can attempt to control is the story we tell about ourselves.

But then, what do we make of Virginia Prince? The exponent of heterosexual crossdressing who had repeated sexual contact with men on crossdressed dates? The one who teaches how to live as a woman though a man, who does so in a life of costumed isolation, without the social connectivity? The one who claimed crossdressing wasn’t about sex, but about gender identity, but who spends even to this day a large amount of time and energy consuming certain categories of transgendered pornography? Virginia didn’t have to worry about the Nazi’s or the Communists, only the US Postal Service.

I have heard what I believe to be reliable accounts of Virginia lying awake in bed after arguments about gender at the various crossdressing or gender education forums and conventions she attended. Lying awake she is said to have repeated the discussions, explaining to herself why she was right all along, repeating and rehearsing the arguments for next time. A psychologist appears briefly on the stage of "I Am My Own Wife", and he explains to the world that Charlotte is autistic, and that her stories are neither lies nor truth, but an attempt to medicate herself against the pain and sorrow of her life. Joan Didion, in a recent interview with Terry Gross on the NPR show, "Fresh Air" describes the insanity and magical thinking that saturated her life following the unexpected death of her husband and the lingering illness and death of her daughter. The story sounds so much like Lily’s madness and grief.

The compassionate side of me wants to understand and accept this. To believe that the reconstruction of narrative is a proper healing tool, or certainly as worthy as alcoholism or drug addiction in response to the most difficult things we face in life. And part of me rebels, defies compassion and says "No, the truth is more important than pain." Charlotte spied to stay alive and sold friends down the river. Lily assumed a guilt that wasn’t hers to make sense of things. Virginia presented two faces because she didn’t have the strength to admit her own desires or truly challenge society's basic ideas.

It is obvious who the victims are of Charlotte, those who the Stasi arrested. Looking carefully at "Forbidden", it is clear that Lily’s grief caused her to shortchange if not neglect her children. Virginia’s victims are anyone who has ever had to deal with the myths she propagated about crossdressing and transgender issues in the US, but mostly the wives and significant others who were supposed to be pacified by them.

As the purpose of art is to illuminate our lives, I find there is a fourth story that I haven’t touched on. It could be mine. It could be yours or theirs. If you are reading this piece it is because you too are somehow beyond the pale. There is a part to your life that clings to the shadows. So what is the story we tell of ourselves? Do we protect ourselves, medicate ourselves, make ourselves important, control the world with our stories? Do we tell a truth as if we put ourselves under the microscope? Do we do one today and another tomorrow?

What does it mean politically? What story serves to remove the shadows and let us live in the light? Do we need Charlotte to be a perfect heroine? Charlotte spoke with pride after her award that she had shown Germany that a transvestite could work. Does not being strong enough to withstand the Stasi dismiss that message? Can we learn from the Jews of "Forbidden" who refused to condemn the "catcher" a Jew who turned in other Jews to save his or her own family from the Nazi’s? Does that mean we can forgive a Virginia Prince, whose hypocrisy, whose ideas created more shadows while purporting to enlighten?

What do we do with the stories? How do we hear their stories and hear our stories? Do we trust with hope to the power of myth? Will we remember Charlotte as the little transvestite that could? Will we find and comfort the Lily’s of the world today? Will someday, someone say "Yes, crossdresser there is a Virginia?"

WHEN SNAPSHOTS BECOME ART

By Elaine Suede

Snapshots - we're all familiar with them. Indeed most of us have countless examples tucked safely away in shoebox upon shoebox. They tell our story - a personal visual record of our lives as they are, OR, as we want them to appear. Intriguing mystical possibilities.

So, when a recent issue of ZooZoom dropped into my inbox offering up sample images from a new art book, "CASA SUSANNA - a collection of photos of a late 1950s early 1960s upstate New York retreat", I was quick to click in.

The eclectic collection is described this way ...

The gatherings depicted within these pages initially appear to be the bridge parties of slightly bored, if typical, mid-century housewives; on closer inspection, it becomes apparent that these women - drinking, playing scrabble, smoking, knitting and mugging for the camera - are actually atypical mid-century men... (Publishers Weekly)

In the forward to Casa Susanna, co-editor - Robert Swope, writes …

What struck me that first day (after finding and buying the photos from a flea market) was the normalcy of the images, even if it was studied illusion. Here were photos documenting everyday women, going about their everyday lives – except that these women were men who probably lived as truck drivers, accountants, or bank presidents during the week … They show women basically as housewives who know how to dress up for a night out, and certainly don’t mind having a mid-afternoon drink at home. These photos are representative of the collection, and if one looks carefully – for they demand careful attention – the photographs all share similar characteristics. Everywhere there is a sense of community, a tenderness, a playfulness, and more often than not a frank gaze into the camera as if to assert "Yes, this is who I am. I’m just like you.”

The first installment of these mid-twentieth century pioneers:

(click on any image for a larger view)

   

      

Casa Susanna © 2005
by Powerhouse Books

Holiday Shopping

Click on the cover below to learn more about and buy Casa Susanna via Amazon

[Bits & Pieces]
AROUND TOWN HAPPENINGS

By Diane Frank

WE printed about 650 brochures to distribute at the Cleveland Play House production of "I Am My Own Wife". We'll find out how many actually got distributed when we pick up the extras. When I dropped off the 400 we folded at the last meeting, there were none of the original 250 left. We also arranged for a discount to be offered to people who used a certain code for tickets for November 18th. Besides Alpha Omega, Trans-family, a variety of local internet groups were informed of the offer. According to the representative of the Play House about 20 people bought at least one ticket using this code. We thought this was a really good turnout for a set of communities that is notoriously shy. So did Cleveland Play House.

Also, a version of Diane Frank's review and preview was published on the Cool Cleveland E-Zine. Cool Cleveland is an outstanding example of civic entrepreneurship for Cleveland, offers great parties (no, Diane hasn't checked one out yet), lists of the best arts events to attend in the Cleveland area, plus reviews, letters, politics. Sound like something you'd be interested in attending? See: coolcleveland.com

WATCH out for two T* themed movies coming up for release.

Transamerica tells the story of Bree (Sabrina), a pre-op MTF transsexual who discovers she has a son from much earlier in her life who needs bailing out of jail on the other side of the country. She has to tie up this loose end before she can get her letter for SRS. Felicity Huffman, from Desperate Housewives stars in this unconventional American Roadtrip film directed by her husband William H. Macy. This film is expected to show up in Cleveland at the end of December at the Cedar Lee theatre.

Breakfast on Pluto tells the story of a Belfast lad, Patrick Braden, who shaved his legs, plucked his eyebrows on the way and went to London to live as Kitten. Set during the peak of IRA terror, this is a story of a person's cheerful insistence on being themselves. Cillian Murphy is supposedly gorgeous in the starring role in a film from the same crew who produced Crying Game.

Free Tickets may be possible for TransAmerica. Watch the AO list server for more info.

ONE of the reasons we broke from TriEss is that we couldn't turn away people looking for support because they couldn't or wouldn't join TriEss. Last spring a young mother discovered in pretty close proximity that her husband was a crossdresser and that he had malignant melanoma. She lived in California. She approached AO, and Sherry and Diane provided support for her by chat and email. The last we heard the couple was doing well, and the husband responding to chemotherapy. We heard from her a few days ago, saying that her husband passed back in October.

The Transgender Day of Remembrance was held at the newly renamed Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender Community Center of Greater Cleveland (lgbtcleveland.org). Jake Nash of Transfamily lead the November 20th, ceremonies. Diane Frank attended on behalf of Alpha Omega. Two local people spoke of their personal brushes with violence directed at them because they were T*. We are sad to report that then number of deaths this year became 32 with the death of Clevelander Donathyn Rogers the week before. Equally sad was the death of a 4-year-boy who was beaten to death by his father for not being tough enough, not to be a sissy. Diane was invited to write a larger story for Cool Cleveland, but is having trouble tying some loose ends to together.

THE LGBT Center is celebrating its 30th birthday. The Center’s Birthday Party will be Sunday 12/11 at the Beck Center in Lakewood and promises to be a very fun event! You can choose between two productions, The Beauty and the Beast or the world premiere of T.I.D.Y. Both shows start at 3pm. Following the shows will be a reception with cocktails and hearty appetizers and a short program. Tickets are $60 per person or $100 per couple. Tickets for children under the age of 12 are $30. You can buy tickets directly from me. You will need to specify which show you will be attending and you can pay by check, cash, MasterCard, visa or American express. Checks should be made out to the Center.

Diane Frank attended the Steel City Gender Conference on Saturday, November 19th, one of the organizers of which was our own Abigail. Diane will report on the talk from senior members of Transpitt on how they integrate crossdressing into their lives next month, as things got a little busy for her Thanksgiving week.

[From the Archive]
La Femme Silhouette - December 1998

BUTTERFLIES

By Gloria S. Fenton

The time is 6:00 a.m. on November 14th, 1998. I am sitting at my dining room table checking out articles for the December newsletter, and also going over ideas for new activities for the group. The group, of course, is Alpha Omega, and it is a meeting day.

I woke up at 5:00 a.m. and could not get back to sleep. This is a pretty common situation on meeting days because as soon as I wake up my mind starts thinking about the group as a whole, and the meeting that day in particular.

There is no such thing as "just another meeting" in my viewpoint. Each meeting is special and unique, and full of possibilities, and sometimes concerns. There are many concerns running through my mind about today's meeting. Due to our old meeting place no longer being available, and our new place not quite ready, we had to make arrangements for an alternate meeting place. Looking around for possible meeting places, to be checking availability of a meeting room for privacy of our conversations, a place convenient to get to, a place that was affordable, a place where our members would feel comfortable going to, and a place we could get on short notice. Then there was the matter of since it is just for one meeting, do you tell management about the nature of our group, or do you try and plan around that? Many of our members, be it cross dresser or spouse/partner, are not comfortable being dressed or being with someone who is dressed, in public places. That does have to be considered.

One place that we checked wanted over $200.00 just for a room, with meals averaging $15 to $20 dollars each above that. There may be a few dollars in the treasury now, but we don't want to spend it needlessly.

We ended up making arrangements at a local steak house that had a meeting room for up to thirty people. The $50.00 deposit for the room would be deducted from the tab for meals. We could order off the menu with several meals in the $15.00 or less range, and the place was convenient to get to, and had a room available.

Since it was a one time deal, we decided not to mention the nature of our group, and asked our members to bear with us for this one meeting to be a non-dressed meeting. The good news was, we had made arrangements for an interim meeting place instead of having to possibly cancel a meeting. Some of the not so good aspects were:

(1) Even though we suggested it being a non-dressed event, just the fact the meeting was being held in a public setting would keep some people away.

(2) Then because we had asked the meeting be a non-dressed event, that in itself would keep others away.

(3) No matter what decisions we could have made, the great probability would be that attendance would be low for the meeting -- just from past experience.

(4) Another item that was concerning me this morning was that I had found out the evening before that our speaker had cancelled out on us. So now a program needed to be created.

Being an Alpha Omega officer can, at times, be a very stimulating experience for the little gray brain cells, and you can't always please everyone. I am also concerned about our December meeting at our new meeting place. We need to try and get a count for those members, spouses, partners, family and friends who will attend.

We still need to check out the new facility to see how we can arrange tables, chairs, etc. for the meeting. There are the little details like food, music, decorations, flowers, etc. to fine tune. And, as always, for me, for any meeting, there is the concern that all will go well and that everyone will have a good time and be satisfied for being there.

After you take all of the aforementioned things, then add a little Constitutional review, helping with the "Be All", new aspects of the web page, setting up programs for future meetings, winning an award from our National organization, and a few other items racing through my mind; I will be keyed up all day, because I want so much for the meeting to be special for everyone.

This is a self-imposed responsibility that I feel not because I have to. It is because I choose to. Ten years ago my life was totally changed forever because of an Alpha Omega meeting. And every meeting is an opportunity for someone else's life to be changed. That is the real reason I will have butterflies in my stomach all day until I have the meeting this evening.

This meeting could change someone's life! And YOU and I can be a part of that. How could anyone think a meeting to be boring or not important when the opportunity to change someone's life is part of the equation. You never know when YOU might say just the right word, or show the needed compassion, of give that smile of understanding to another, and it makes all the difference in the world to their life.

We may join Alpha Omega to learn about ourselves, but as we do learn and become part of the group, we become part of a greater whole that goes far beyond our own personal needs. And the more we explore beyond our own personal needs, the more we will learn about ourselves.

YOU and I can change a person's life.

YOU and I can change the world.

YOU and I reached out to change our lives and somebody was there for us. Now it is our turn, and our responsibility when someone reaches out to us. And all the little things count.

I hope the day never comes, whether I am an officer or not, that I don't feel those butterflies of anticipation on a meeting day. For now, though, I will sit here with butterflies in my stomach, and worry about all the little things that are a part of a meeting day.

I wonder whose life YOU and I might change today?

[Last Laugh]
ENGLISH SENSIBILITIES

Elaine Suede: Eddie Izzard - a British stand-up comedian and actor - has a very individual style of rambling, surreal monologue. Izzard regularly crossdresses both on and off stage and makes it clear that crossdressing is, for him, not a sexual thing – he simply enjoys wearing make-up and clothing which is traditionally perceived - in the West - as female-only.

A few of my favorite Eddie Izzard quotes:

"There's not much makeup in the army, is there? No. They only have that nighttime look, and that's a bit slapdash, isn't it?"

Before birds get sucked into jet engines, do they ever think, "Is that Rod Stewart in first class?"

"I wanna live 'til I die, no more, no less."

"If you've never seen an elephant ski, then you've never been on acid."

"I grew up in Europe... where the history comes from."

"What shall we call our son so he does not get the sh** kicked out of him at school? We shall call him Englebert Humperdink! Yes, that'll work."

"Why do bees make honey? Do spiders make gravy?"

"You piss me off you Salmon... you're too expensive in restaurants."

"Cake or death?"
"Uh, cake please"
"Well, we're out of cake!"
"So... my choice is 'Or death'?   I’ll have the chicken then, please."

"The National Rifle Association says that, 'Guns don't kill people, people do.' But I think the gun helps."

"Religion and philosophy, philosophy and religion - they're two words which are both… different… in spelling."

Alpha Omega is a non-profit social support group for heterosexual crossdressers and their wives or partners. Also, members from related organizations, helping professionals, and approved guests are welcome when cleared through Alpha Omega’s officers. We serve Cleveland and nearby Northeast Ohio communities.

Meetings are the second Saturday evening of each month unless a special event is scheduled that takes the place of the regularly scheduled meeting. The location of the meeting or event is only released to members or others with the approval of an officer. Members and visitors must be 18 years of age or older.

This newsletter is copyright 1998-2005 by The Alpha Omega Society. All rights reserved. Articles and information contained in this newsletter may be reprinted by other non-profit crossdresser organizations with advance permission of the author AND provided a copy of the issue containing the reprinted material is sent to Alpha Omega within two months after the material is published and proper credit is given to author and source. The opinions or statements contained in this newsletter are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the views of Alpha Omega.

Contributions of articles are welcomed, but may be altered in the editing process, with the author’s intent retained, or may be rejected, whether solicited or not. Absolutely no sexually explicit material may be accepted or printed.

We will exchange newsletters with any other similar group. Send all correspondence to Alpha Omega, P.O. Box 2053, Sheffield Lake, OH 44054.

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