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La Femme Silhouette online tifosi will notice a change this month. No, not the eclectic writing or the superb lineup of writers.

It's the layout, of course. The modest goal - create an online visual experience that combines the look of our print version with the generally friendly and now ubiquitous blog format.

The print friendly version's still available. Just click the PDF link above BACK ISSUES on the upper left. More tweaks to come. Scroll down to the bottom and let me know your thoughts on the new look.

Thanks to Diane F, Gloria, Kathleen and *me* for this months contributions - Elaine S.

[Etymology]
THE NAME GAME

Gloria Sue shares her naming origins... and more.

Back in 1988 when I joined Alpha Omega, I was asked what my name was. Had I picked a first name yet? Did I only have a first name? Had I thought about a middle, and/or last name? At various times in my life I had thought about having a feminine name before then, but had not settled on anything. I was told I could pick any name, and then change it later, if I wanted to. And so I started really thinking about a name to call myself.

I knew I did not want to just pick a name and then change it, and I did not want some exotic sounding name. As I was just really starting to learn about the whole person I was and wanted to be, I knew I did want a complete name. In my early youth I had liked the name Laura, in reference to Laura Petrie, the character on the Dick Van Dyke Show. Laura was young, pretty, feminine, and sexy, and was an early role model for me. At thirty-eight, however, Laura just didn't seem right for me.

I thought of some names that were close versions of my male name. Some of those names included Mary, Marie, Marilyn, Marlena, Marsha, and Marlene. I was partial to Marlene, but not partial enough to make it my name. I thought about the names of actresses and models, or women's names I heard in the news. The names of girls I had gone to school with came to mind. Some of those names were Darlene, Beverly, Donna, Kathy/Cathy, Debbie, Patricia, Laurie, Anita, and Ann.

None of those names seemed to strike my fancy at that moment, and I began to think of the names of other women that had been a part of my life. Some of those names included Elaine, Denise, Susan, Barbara, Nancy, Jane, Sharon, Maureen, Trudy, Dawn, Tina, Valerie, Cindy and Virginia. Two consistent names that came to mind were the names of the ex-wives. Their names were Sandy and Gloria. They were the two women who had really had the most impact on my life at the time; both as their husband, but also as this part of me that I was trying to name right then.

Though my being part of their lives had never been a positive aspect of the relationships, and there had been other problems in the marriages, I did believe that each had tried to accept this part of me, but in the end couldn't do it. Much of the problems had been my fault, and I knew it. Each of them had been a very intimate part of my life for years. They had both at first, long before marriage, knowingly and willingly, let me wear and share all their clothes. I had literally walked miles in their shoes. They let me wear and share their make up and their jewelry

In time, Sandy even gave me a wig that looked like her hair. Gloria cut her hair to look like one of my wigs that she had worn and liked. Over the years I spent with each of them, wearing and sharing their things, they each became a part of me when I was dressed up. After the second divorce, I finally got to a point that I knew I had to come to terms with my life. I had to find a peace within myself for a part of me that I had never been able to come to terms with.

I also knew that I wanted to try and atone for all the mistakes I had made, and hurt I had caused. My name became a combination of Sandy's and Gloria's names, and a personal reminder of the person I wanted to be, and not who I had been. My name is still that reminder, and always will be. For over sixteen years now I have tried to be a person I can be proud of being, to myself and to others. I haven't seen Sandy or Gloria in years now, but they are still a part of me every day.

So that is the basic story of how I chose my name. As a thought for others of you for a newsletter article - how and why did you choose your name? How did you play the name game?

[Catching Up]
A ROVING REPORT

Our very own Diane S. Frank brings us words of insight, acknowledgement, and wonderment.

Ok, we've got some catching up to do.

First of all, we need to acknowledge our February meeting speaker from "The Gathering Place". Her presentation struck a lot of notes with our members in part because of the series of unfortunate events in our lives. The approach "The Gathering Place" takes with cancer patients and the people in their lives, the people affected by cancer is a model for support. They meet people where they are and walk with them where they need to go. I thought that this was very much what we hope to do at Alpha Omega. But a little voice might ask, "well, Alpha Omega isn't for everyone...so how can you seriously talk about meeting people where they are?". My response is that just like the Gathering Place is about cancer support and not heart disease support or diabetes support, we are focused on our particular area, supporting people affected by heterosexual crossdressing. But we can and do still meet people where they are and don't tell them where they are supposed to go. We offer ears and experience, not mouths and doctrines.

Then we need to acknowledge our speaker for February. We had a fascinating presentation about the how gender ideas in art affect the work and what it reflects back on society. We do have a copy of the power-point presentation and I have cleaned up the sound so that I could put together a full AV version on our website. The problem of course is that the material is for mature and discerning audiences. While I would hope that no one would see the images as prurient in intent, some were certainly intended to shock. I haven't heard any complaints from any one about the presentation contents, so what I think I'll do is, when I get a moment's free time and synch the sound into the presentation is make a password protected file on our website. Thus anyone who wants to see would have to register and have fair warning about contents.

I'm also happy to say that overall reaction to our new location has been positive. What I do think we need to do is arrange to have some curtains that block the noise coming down from the people doing things upstairs. The stairwell seems to reflect sound right down into our meeting. Here's an opportunity for people with building or sewing or just plain purchasing skills to make a contribution.

On another topic, I've recently come across a web link from a very articulate female-to-male transsexual. Why this is of interest is the discussion of sexuality and the existence of female-to-male crossdressers who find the practice arousing. We've been told for years that this sort of thing only happens with boys, so to see this is rather liberating. The site and the particular article isn't a PG site. I don't think I'll be listing it as a resource on our website without a consensus from some other officers and members, even though I think the ideas are important. I'll be happy to pass along the site to any who request it.

My last notes are about the film "Call Me Malcolm" that showed at the Cleveland International Film Festival last month. The film, which came in second for best film, is about a Female to Male transsexual and a journey of discovery. The film had several virtues compared to many films of this genre. First of all, there are no childhood pictures of Malcolm as a girl. Second, it shows Macomb exploring other people's stories besides his own. Malcolm, his wife, Calpernia Adams ("Soldier's Girl") and the film makers were in attendence. Z and I got to meet Calpernia, and Z was quite impressed with her. Some of the scenes with Calpernia were shot in Malibu California, and it was funny to think that we were just out there a few weeks ago...we'd taken a drive up the coast and stopped in a lovely little Greek Restaurant probably not too far from those beach scenes.

What surprised me, although after all these years I guess I shouldn't be, was that except for two people, there were no other representatives of this community there. There were plenty of people from the United Church of Christ, of which Malcolm is an ordained minister, and from the leadership of the GLBT center. I guess that meant that Calpernia wasn't mobbed. I found it touching that Calpernia, as the mostly rejected offspring of a devout family found another path to faith through meeting Malcolm.

I told them all that I hope we could see in twenty years a follow up film that showed transition not as the climax of a story, but the beginning. I'd like to think that stories that showed transition in the context of a full life, rather than as a celebrated goal in itself would be helpful to people in sorting out whether this was really something they wanted to do.

[More Things]
FEAR AND LOATHING IN THE CLOSET

Another chapter in Gloria Sue Fenton's continuing journey.

I mentioned in last month's article how, over the first thirty-eight years of his life, Martin wore the "things" of a whole lot of women without their knowing it.

Shoes were the easiest "things" for him to try on. From the age of thirteen Martin seldom wore lace-up shoes and that made it easy to quickly step out of his shoes, try on a pair of high heels, and then get his shoes back on. With even a minute of free time, Martin could try on a pair of heels, and not get caught.

Wearing lipstick was also fairly easy. Many women kept lipstick in the bathroom medicine cabinet, so if he found one there, it could be quickly put on, and then wiped off with tissues, and the evidence flushed away. If there was a clothes hamper in the bathroom, there were times that a bra or stockings could be found, and quickly tried on - under the guise of going to the bathroom.

Wearing other "things" generally was more complicated and took more time. Some situations just happened where Martin had time to explore closets, dressers, jewelry boxes, etc. Other times were planned ahead where Martin knew that he would have time to try "things" on. There were many occasions, though, where there was time to try "things" on, but Martin didn't because the fear or guilt was strong enough to keep him from doing the deed, at that moment.

When there were just five or ten minutes a closet or dresser could be explored, gaining knowledge for a later situation when there would be more time. If there was more than ten minutes, and he knew he had the time, some "things" were virtually always tried on, even if just briefly. Trying on bras, pantyhose, dresses, tops, skirts, shoes, and jewelry were common if there was time. Finding a wig was a special treat, but it rarely happened. When it did, Martin would try the wig on even if it was a color or style he didn't like.

All these times were very risky. But, Martin had gotten good at trying things on and then putting them back as they had been, and not having it noticed. Some women who knew Martin wore their things never knew the full extent of everything of theirs that he wore, if he had the time and opportunity, and the need. Though the shame and guilt of wearing something was virtually always there afterwards, there was at the time it happened, the urgency of need to do it. There also, at times, was an excitement of being able to wear things that were in reality forbidden to him otherwise. Satiating the need was an overwhelming drive.

A lot of women never knew Martin had walked in their heels or worn their pantyhose, girdles, bras, slips, dresses, skirts, tops, blouses, make up, jewelry, wigs, and such. Seeing women wear dresses, shoes, jewelry, etc. that Martin knew he had worn, always brought shame and guilt for what he had done. But at times there was also a sense of hurt because they could wear those beautiful "things", and he couldn't, or wasn't supposed to even want to. There were also the times Martin wondered if a women was wearing the under things of hers that he had worn, without her even suspecting it.

Martin's girlfriend, who became his first wife, was initially amazing to him. She would very knowingly wear jeans to school so he had her pantyhose and girdle to wear when he dressed up. And she would, again, very knowingly wear the same pantyhose and girdle the next day without any problem at all. By the third time she let Martin be all alone to wear her "things", she knew Martin had worn virtually every dress, every pair of shoes, several of her under things, her make up, and her jewelry, and it never seemed to bother her to any real extent. Seeing Martin wear something of hers did have an edge to it though, but even that seemed to fade once he changed back to his things. The edge, Martin found out much later, was not that her things fit him, or even that he wore them, but rather that she felt he looked "too good" in them, when she saw him wear something of hers. Martin's second wife had similar feelings.

Seeing Martin, while completely dressed in their things, look "too good" was a major problem. Martin's image as a complete woman led his second wife to tell him that in her mind's eye, he was a male woman, and that being Martin, the man, was the real pretense.

Completely dressing as a woman was almost always done alone and was well hidden. It only happened when need became great and there was time and opportunity. Until his second divorce, even with all the women who had knowingly let him wear their "things", fully dressing was a deep dark secret that remained hidden until there was time and opportunity and need to make it happen, without being seen. With one exception. There was a married woman, who had told Martin that she loved him, that not only let him wear her "things", but once made love to him while he was partially dresses in her clothes. Luckily Martin's job moved him out of the area before the situation got too intense to handle for him and her.

The compulsion to wear feminine "things", a lack of knowledge and self-understanding, taking major risks, and having to hide his dark secret led Martin to a life of fear, guilt, shame and hurt that took a very real toll on him at thirty-eight years old. Mentally, physically, and emotionally, he was a mess. The need to wear "things" led to pain and hurt those who knew his secret as well. And there was the added pain he felt knowing he had worn other women's things and invaded their space, even when they didn't know. Need, risk, time, opportunity, and having to hide his secret had driven Martin to do some very bad things. Facing that wrong and taking responsibility for it was Martin's first step in the fight to change his life. I'm glad he did, because neither he nor I would be here today if he hadn't.

[Fashionista]
ESCAPE FROM SHOPPING HELL...

UK Image Consultant, Jane Machin, suggests how we - as CDs - can increase our shopping pleasure - Elaine S.

Do you ever go shopping and feel intimidated by stick thin assistants and fazed by the multitude of styles, shapes and colours of clothes on offer? You've saved your money, read through some magazines and have every intention of treating yourself but you end up feeling overwhelmed and come home with nothing. If all of this sounds familiar, then do not fear. Help is at hand. Your very own Style Doctor is here to administer some much needed medicine in the form of helpful advice that will enable you to turn this nightmare shopping scenario into your dream retail trip.

The key to changing this picture is to start off by assessing what you already have in your wardrobe, deciding what you need, making a list and sticking ruthlessly to it.

Once you have taken a long, hard look at your wardrobe, now its time to focus in on yourself by giving yourself the critical once over. Remember that the key to successful shopping and to creating a stylish you is to understand what your assets are and how to make the most of them and sadly, which parts of you you are less happy with and how to disguise these flaws.

For example if you feel too tall (and as a 5ft 10in female, I can empathise!) by wearing a darker colour on your top and a lighter one of your bottom half, you will instantly have visually shortened yourself. The opposite is also true, so for those wanting to add a few inches, wearing darker colours on your bottom and a lighter coloured top, will do just that.

Want to have supermodel length legs - easy - try any of the following and I promise that with these insider tricks of the trade, endless legs can and will be yours!! Wearing the same colour shoes and trousers, matching hosiery to skirts and wearing trousers with creases down the front or pinstripes, will all help to give you the leggy model look.

Ok, so now you have given yourself and your wardrobe the once over, you have your list and you are now in the shops. But there is so much choice. How to even start choosing? Ok, take a deep breath. Here are a few tips from the Style Doctor.

I'm sure that you would all like to accentuate your bust line, so here are my top tips to visually do just that. Corsages and brooches are very now. By pinning one on your bust area, you will be adding detail and bulk to this area and hence enlarge. A handbag worn under the arm will create the same effect, as will empire line tops and dresses and even a trendy slogan T shirt.

What about creating bigger hips and a more feminine outline? Well, belts slung loose on the hips will add bulk and valuable inches, aging handbags worn low on the hips will widen this area, as will pleats and side pockets. All simple tips, but great for creating the look that you would like to have.

And finally, a word about scale.

Both of the black circles in the middle of these diagrams are, believe it or not, the same size. The problem is that our eye looks at the surrounding objects and thinks that the centre circle on the left is bigger than the one on the right. So what has this to do with you? Well, each of us has our own scale which is defined by our body frame and height. If you are larger scale (and many of you will be) then please don't ignore my advice and surround yourself with dainty handbags, cutesy accessories and tiny prints. Far from looking sweet and feminine, these small objects will make you seem huge by comparison.

Ok, so hopefully now you have a few top tips from your very own stylist and are armed to turn your usual shopping nightmare into the perfect day's retail therapy. So what's stopping you? Put your list together, your best foot forward and as the saying goes, "so many shops, so little time". Get yourself to the shops now!

Jane Machin Image Management, is based in West Oxfordshire, England and offers a huge range of services, from one to one colour, make up and fashion advice, to personal shopping. Contact Jane at: personalstylist@janemachin.co.uk and see her web site at: www.janemachin.co.uk [reprinted with permission]

MINUTES OF FEBRUARY 12, 2005 ALPHA OMEGA SOCIETY MEETING

We had seven members in attendance and three new people joining us for the evening. Our speaker for the evening was Kristina, from "The Gathering Place." "The Gathering Place" is a local organization who provides support for people whose lives are touched by cancer. She gave an informative presentation of the ways the organization helps those who are dealing with cancer.

Our meeting was the first one in our new location. Although we will miss the place we had been with for a number of years, the fees they were charging us were taking a large share of our treasury and leaving little for anything else. Our new location provides everything we need and for a much more reasonable fee. Our agreement is that we pay half the proceeds from our monthly meeting fees. This assures, that even in a low attendance month, our treasury will not be losing money to pay for a place to meet.

In other business it was suggested that we catalog our library so that its contents are available on the computer. Kathleen will take charge of that project. Next month's speaker will be Liz with a presentation on women in art. Next month's meal will be discussed on the elist. The membership was reminded that annual dues are payable the end of March.

Our three new guests, Joannie, Bea and Megan were introduced to the group. Laura suggested we contact older members about our new location.

The floor was then opened for nominations for next month's election of new officers.

Chair of the Board:
Gloria was nominated by Abby, seconded by Diane B
Abigail was nominated by Laura, seconded by Kathleen

Director of Communications and Outreach:
Diane F was nominated by Abby, seconded by Kathleen
Elaine S was nominated by Laura, seconded by Diane F

Director of Finance:
Diane B was nominated by Gloria, seconded by Abby
Laura was nominated by Diane F
Laura declined the nomination

Director of Membership:
Abby was nominated by Diane B, seconded by Diane F

Director of Support:
Kathleen was nominated by Abby, seconded by Diane B

The suggestion was made that Director of Communications and Outreach could possibly be split between two individuals.

Kathleen made the motion nominations be closed, Diane Frank seconded. Final nominations will be made at the March meeting prior to the election. A motion to adjourn was made by Kathleen and seconded by Abby.

Minutes respectfully submitted by Kathleen Fenton

MINUTES OF MARCH 12, 2005 ALPHA OMEGA SOCIETY MEETING

Final nominations were taken before the elections.

Chair of the Board: Gloria and Abigail
No new nominations. Kathleen moved nominations be closed, Z. seconded.

Director of Communications and Outreach: Diane F and Elaine S.
Elaine has declined the nomination. No new nominations. Z. moved nominations be closed, Kathleen seconded.

Director of Finance: Diane B
No new nominations: Penny moved nominations be closed, Z. seconded.

Director of Membership: Abby
No new nominations: Z. moved nominations be closed, Kathleen seconded.

Director of Family Support: Kathleen
No new nominations: Penny moved nominations be closed, Jean seconded.

Balloting was held for the position of Chair of the Board. Gloria was elected.

The uncontested positions were affirmed by an acclimation of the membership.

Discussion was held on next month's programming and meal. Gloria suggested a possible Chinese theme for the meal. Suggestions will be on the elist. We may have Kathy from the Sissy Show for April. If she is unavailable, we will have movie night complete with popcorn. We need ideas from the membership on future programs.

Diane Frank informed the group of local happenings that might be of interest such as "Immediate Boarding" and "Just Call Me Malcolm."

Our guest, Margaret was introduced. Penny was assigned as her Mother Duck.

A motion to adjourn was made by Kathleen and seconded by Denise.

Minutes respectfully submitted by Katheen Fenton

AO MEETING PROGRAM SUGGESTIONS

We are looking for ideas for meeting programs, as you all know. It would be nice to try and set up a program on wigs if any of you know of a vendor who might like to share some time with us. Of course, there is always make up, jewelry, voice, deportment, clothes, etc. for meeting programs, if you have suggestions. One thing we haven't done for awhile is "Hobby Night". It has always been fun to have a night when each of us talks about a particular hobby that is a part of our lives. I would like to suggest doing a "Hobby Night" for the May meeting.

Let's have some feedback on that. Or, how about a time where each of us talks about a particular hero or role model in our lives. That could be very interesting. We have done a Trivial Pursuit game night before that was a lot of fun. We could also do some outside games in good weather - like lawn darts, croquet, horseshoes, etc. I won't suggest a hundred yard dash in high heels, as we might all kill ourselves doing it. Instead of discus toss, how about a wig toss, or a purse toss. We could set up own C.D. Olympics!

Or how about the idea that has been suggested of a night singing along to some classic songs like, "I Enjoy Being a Girl", "I Feel Pretty", etc., etc., etc. The point being - LET'S HAVE FUN!!

We could do an amateur talent night, with fabulous prizes. A few years back we did a Murder Mystery game night, and it was great. I know you all are really excited now with ideas for things to do, so let's hear those ideas, and make them happen. How about an "Iron Chef contest"? The ideas are endless!

Let me know your thoughts.

Glo

Send your program ideas to Gloria here: Gloria

[The Last Laugh]

A young pre-op is on her way overseas for reassignment surgery, when the plane hits turbulence - really scary turbulence. As the ride grows bumpier, children start crying, nuns starting praying and the t-girl wails, "now I'll never know what it feels like to be a woman".

Fortunately there is an understanding man on the plane. Tall, dark and handsome gets up from his seat, and as gracefully as can be with the rocking, pitching plane comes down the aisle towards her, slowly and sensuously unbuttoning his silk shirt.

As he reaches her, he takes off the shirt and says,

"Here, iron this!"

Send your web newsletter comments to Elaine here: Elaine