FROM THE CHAIR

For a while now, I have had a case of writer’s block. It happens every so often that I just can’t seem to think of anything to write, or it just doesn’t come out very well, and I realize I have wasted my time and effort. Even when the words are flowing, there are times the articles are okay, but not quite as good as I might have liked them to be.

Other times words roll off the end of the pen onto the paper easily, and I am well pleased with the finished product. And, every so often, someone tells me that they read something I wrote, and they liked it, or that it had meaning to them. I enjoy writing, even if it is frustrating as all get out sometimes. There is a part of me that is a throw back to a bygone era before all the electronics.

It may sound silly, but it is exciting for me to get a hand-written letter delivered by the mailman. And even when I write an article, I can write ten handwritten pages, and ask Kathy to type it for me, in less time than it would take for me to type one page. It could take me days to type an article instead of a couple hours for me to write it with pen and paper. I have learned how to write and send an email. And that is good, as long as I am only trying to do a few sentences. But I don’t know that I will ever be able to write a letter or a newsletter article that way.

I am thinking about trying to write a book. For me, it is a dream I have had all my life. But up until a year ago I wasn’t sure what to write about. Then the answer did come to me. I have heard it said that a writer should write what they know about. And so, that is what I am going to try and do.

I want to try and tell you about the three-year old boy who got caught trying on lipstick for the first time. And then there is the story of the five-year old boy who wore one of his mother’s rings to school one day because it just felt so good and beautiful to wear it. Then I want to tell you how I learned that being different was not a good thing to be, and how lonely, and afraid, and guilty I felt about being different and having to hid it from everyone. I want to tell you about what seemed like moments of joy when I dressed up that turned into moments when I literally hated who I was.

There is the story of the first time I ever told someone my deepest secret, and how it felt when she willingly let me be in her bedroom so I could share her things with her. Later on her clothes and things became a means of her hurting me when she gave away the things I liked the most, and in time, wearing her clothes became a way for me to hurt her.

In time I met another cross dresser, but just being friends was the farthest thing from his mind. I want to tell you about therapy, behavior modification, and even once trying to end all the madness with a bottle of pills. I can tell you about a second marriage and how it felt for it to end nine and one-half years later. Then I can tell how I found Alpha Omega and began on a path of discovery to save my life.

I want to tell what was good, and what wasn’t. I want to talk about what I thought I did right, and the mistakes I made. And I made many mistakes, and did some things I am not too proud of. As I discovered myself, I want to tell you how it felt to do that, and how trying to help others so they don’t have to go through the same hells that I have known, became a passion for me. I want to talk about friendship, family, and love.

Whether I can write this book is something I guess I will just have to find out by trying to do it. So after the first of the year, I will be starting on it. Wish me luck.

Love Always,

Gloria

Well, it’s happened again: Another gap in our newsletter series. Mea Culpa. But on the bright side there’s tons of interesting things to report. An outcast gay drag queen in Italy is honored for heroism. A potter who wears little girl dresses and carries a doll around with him wins a prestigious art award in England. A Saudi crossdressing experience, an excerpt from the New Yorker of all places. A brief celebratory note about the best new book to come along on the subject- Helen Boyd’s "My Husband Betty". I got to meet Amy Bloom, author of "Normal" and "Conservative Men in Conservative Dresses". Plus random thoughts of mine, minutes and Gloria’s excellent essays. Here’s material to start the New Year off right.

So what were your resolutions? I don’t have any myself, but I’ll keep trying to expand our outreach efforts. Today, I thought I was going to see a provocative play at Cleveland Public Theatre, and I combined that with other errands. A boutique near 271 and Mayfield that does makeovers was written up in the PD fahion pages a few weeks ago. Much to my amazement they forthrightly described

a makeover/photo session client as a crossdresser from Cleveland Heights. I missed the owner, but I left some brochures. I really had hoped to ask whether the mention of the Cleveland Heights person had brought others to the store. I may find out by the time of the next meeting. Then on to Mar-Lou shoes, which was having clearance sale. I’m a regular by now, so I was quickly shown what was in my size. Only one pair this time...but with my size feet I really can’t be too choosy...yet. Sad to say, I only found out that the play had been canceled when I reached Cleveland Public Theatre.

Lest anyone think that all my wanderings are risk free, as I was walking away from the locked front door a white sedan braked sharply, swerved and pulled up to the curb about 50 feet ahead of me. This is, mind you broad daylight on a Sunday afternoon. My antennae twitched, my spider sense tingled, and I immediately crossed the street keeping well clear of the car. As I passed his position on the opposite side of the street, he rolled down his window and yelled something at me. I ignored him, walked to my car. As I paused to unlock he yelled something again. What he wanted I don’t know....but I didn’t want any part of him.

It never hurts to keep in mind that if you pass, you are as subject to harassment and sexual importuning as any woman. And if your passing is conditional and iffy like me, the attention you may get can be even more obnoxious. These are to be sure rare experiences. This one is the first in over a year. But remember to be street smart. Society isn’t changing fast enough for either women or crossdressers. Have a Safe and Happy New Year.

MINUTES FROM THE NOVEMBER ALPHA OMEGA SOCIETY MEETING

There were eight members in attendance for the November meeting. During the business meeting, plans for the Christmas Party were discussed including the evening’s agenda and the meal. Kathleen will post suggestions for meal items on the group list. Ballots were passed out to vote for Service Awards. Those not in attendance will be contacted.

Under Outreach and Communications, Diane Frank spoke to us about a person who has contacted our group about possibly doing a video tape. There has been some contact, and Diane will follow up to learn more about this person. Diane had the opportunity to attend a program by Amy Bloom at which Ms. Bloom talked about crossdressing and her book.

Diane Frank has an opportunity to speak at Case Western on the subject of cross dressing. Abigail would be willing to join her at this venue.

There was discussion held on the emergence of clubs who seem to attract "admirers". The evenings seem to revolve around multiple wardrobe changes throughout the evening, picture taking and the like. There are no spouses in attendance, and apparently, they are not welcome. This discussion led to us to the question of how do we attract spouses of cross dressers. It was decided that we would continue this discussion at a future time.

Our Treasurer’s report by Diane Brennan, shows that we have $500 in our treasury.

Software needs to be purchased to add an audio portion to our web page. This cost will be shared with Diane Frank. Alpha Omega will raise it’s portion by re-instituting the 50-50 raffle with the proceeds going towards the purchase of the necessary software.

The meeting was adjourned.

Minutes Respectfully Submitted by

Kathleen Fenton, Chair of Member Support

January- We are making another attempt to have a counselor talk about "Dealing with Feelings"

February- SO month

This promises to be an annual or more frequent event, one that I’ll list in our local events from now on. -Diane

THANK YOU

The 2003 Alpha Omega Society Christmas Party was once more an experience to remember, including the drive home. I was so glad to hear that everyone did get home safe in spite of the bad weather and terrible road conditions. At one point, as my car kept sliding down a steep hill, and the back end of the car ahead of me kept getting closer, I was not real thrilled to be Gloria behind the steering wheel. And the unease was magnified by seeing that the police were already taking care of one accident at the bottom of the hill.

I admit I was shaking in my heels though trying hard to seem calm to Kathy and Penny. Luckily, I thought to myself, Martin has driven on many bad roads over the years, so I tried to lean on his experience. I was also hoping that Clarence the Guardian angel I played in the Christmas skit was still with me. With experience, luck, and some well-placed silent prayers, we finally made it home. Kathy is real good at silent prayers in times like that. Even the indentations on the steering wheel that I swear were there from my death grip on the wheel seem to be gone now.

I would like to thank everyone for attending the Christmas Party, and I have a few personal thank you thoughts to pass on as well. The Christmas skit "It’s a Wonder Life?" may never win an award for the author, but those brave souls who ventured to be part of the cast, with little or no rehearsal, do deserve major awards. Diane Brennan may never forgive me for giving her the line "Hugh Stone, we have a problem", but time will tell. Abby was wonderful as the narrator -- I will keep that in mind for next year. Lucky you!

Sherry was perfect as Mrs. Bailey, and admonishing Georgette to never wear a hot pink garter belt and a leopard print bra at the same time. Thanks, Sherry! Kathy, a long-time veteran of my Christmas skits (she has the scars to prove it) was excellent as Mary. Thanks, Cutie! Abigail, as Hugh Stone, was just marvelous. I can see bigger and better roles in your future. I have a thought for a skit where you portray Daniel Webster in a play called "The Devil Made Me Do It?" Are you ready for the big time, girl?

And, lastly, to Diane Frank, I give my unending gratitude (or sympathy) for taking on the role of Georgette Bailey. You did a great job of improvisation to add humor to the character. Next year, I am thinking about an adaptation of "Miracle on 34^th Street".

Then came our Awards ceremony. Thanks for giving out the awards, Sherry. Abby, Kathy, and Diane Brennan can all be proud of their Bronze Service Awards, as I am proud to have received the Silver Service Award. Top honors, our Gold Service Award, went to Diane Frank, a distinction she is well deserving of.

Pamela told me she will be trying for an award next year, and believe me, that would make me very happy to see. Thank you to all who participated in the gift exchange. And major thank you wishes to all who brought food, helped set up, and helped tear down. It felt good to spend an evening with my family and friends to start the Holiday season.

I love you all,

Gloria

First off, Amy Bloom wore a conservative dress. Charcoal wool skirt, turtle neck and hose. Tasteful gold earrings. Well, yes it’s politically incorrect to describe a woman whose ideas are what’s important by what she wears, but when clothing is somewhat at the root of things, and I’m trying to avoid wearing a conservative dress myself....it does seem worth noting.

Second, I like or want to like Ms. Bloom a lot. She has the intent listening skills of a deeply trained therapist . She described having to write up detailed process notes for every case transaction for a demanding mentor as part of her training. She has eyes that seem to see into you without boring in, rather drawing you out. And she seems quite fearless, despite the confessions of her own uncertainties. What’s not to like?

So I found myself, after the presentation, struggling one-on-one, with few by-standers present and dinner pressing to express the concerns that I had about her essay "Conservative men in Conservative Dresses".

Why was the only expert quoted Blanchard? She didn’t see it that way, just thought he was a provocative opposite of the Fairfaxes (and perhaps the Rudds and the rest of Tri-Ess), and besides she had referred to IFGE earlier in the book. About the gleam in the eye and tacit heteronormativity she quickly corrected me and said that heterosexual gleams in the eye weren’t just accepted but encouraged....and candidly said that her discomfort with the sly denials and gleaming eyes of patently sexual crossdressers was how she felt, and thus (implied) what she wrote. We both agreed as writers that readers getting the meaning we intend from what we write is a great problem.

So maybe what we have here is a failure to communicate, that we come from different literary cultures. I have cited Blanchard myself, but I always make it clear that alternative, authoritative viewpoints exist. I don’t assume a reader makes allowances for my subjectivity, or that I’m entitled to it. I wish that I had the time to sit down and line-by-line talk about how I read what she writes and see if what I read is what she meant. So in the end...who knows? She doesn’t like what she saw of a lot of crossdressers or their marriages. She’s an acute observer. I think, given the overall tone of things I’d be happier if she’d said that crossdressers and their marriages aren’t "normal" and many aren’t "good" and they are not like everybody else, but they were part of nature’s variety and not inherently pathological or worse than other bad marriages. That I could have lived with.

I did do something that is my job, but that I hate to do. As the meeting closed down, I did stand up and indicate that people who were interested in knowing about support groups and other information for their clients could avail themselves of literature that I brought. One case professor asked if I’d come talk at a human sexuality class. A grad student wants to use me for a class project in some other kind of class. We’ll see on that one. And I did pass out some literature to people who had clearly never heard of us. And no, my dress wasn’t conservative. -Diane

One of the concepts that struck me most about Marjorie Gartners "Vested Interests" was that without crossdressing there would be no culture. Culture in her view is shaped by gender specificity, the differences between men and women. But if you can’t transgress boundaries, then boundaries don’t exist...and if boundaries don’t exist then our kinds of cultures would look radically different. Now doesn’t that make you feel special- all of us who transgress gender boundaries are really pillars of society, upholding our traditions by violating them. Post-modern logic can be wonderul. But I’m digressing and I haven’t even started.

Of course, it’s hard to get started. I’m about to quote some prose from the New Yorker magazine. Writing before and after anything written for that magazine can only be called an act of effrontery, or perhaps vandalism. A recent edition of the New Yorker featured a long article by a newspaperman who worked for an extended period of time about 6 months ago in Saudi Arabia, before and during the current war. His assignment was to help improve the press there, but he really spent more time being an observer of the intimacies of Saudi life. The wave of Wahabism in Saudi Arabia has produced a extraordinarily rigid segregation between sexes and gender roles. So seeing two mentions of crossdressing in one article really got my attention.

Here is the first excerpt:

An abaya is an women’s garment that covers a woman from head to toe. I’ve read that the origin of the biblical prohibition against crossdressing was exactly this kind of behavior....breaking boundaries set up between men and women...leading to illicit liaisons. Given the all-covering nature of the abaya, there has always been speculation about what one could get away with. You could hide anything under an abaya, from heavy weapons to a man.

The second quote is illustrative of two points- one the way people respond to sex roles, and the difference between crossdressing and being a crossdresser:

This second story sounds like a many a fantasy. But in a crossdresser’s fantasy, or real life, the event is always the impetuous to dress again. Here, it was just a Halloween party. What also struck me, was that despite the sex-segregation enforced inside Saudi Arabia, people outside have rather different behaviors. The mixing of sexes described at this party would be unthinkable were these people at home.

Return to Contents

So far there have been very few hits on this, tending to confirm my darker suspicions about what people are really hoping to find when they visit our site.

Diane

A little less than a week ago we received a copy of "My Husband Betty", a groundbreaking book by the wife of a crossdresser. Aptly subtitled Love, Sex and Life with a Crossdresser Ms. Boyd doesn’t flinch from covering topics that most shy away from. Feminism, sexual politics and sex itself are covered in this frank and comprehensive wife’s eye view. Both Z and I have read this book, and our further remarks will appear in a more comprehensive review to appear in next month’s Silhouette. We’ll take up some small quibbles there, but in the meantime, note two enthusiastic thumbs up. Far superior to other efforts by spouses to cover this topic, the book should be required reading for everyone remotedly involved with this societal segment. Indeed I’d go so far as saying it should be a part of our membership package... join AO and get your own copy. More next month. In the meantime, you can order your own copy by going to the bookstore section of our website.

Diane