^{La Femme} Silhouette

 May 2003

Masthead 2003

Our Vision- Gloria

Program for this meeting- Diane& Sheila

Minutes from the April Meeting- Kathleen

Smashing Time Had by All at April Meeting- Diane

How Others Remember Alpha Omega-Diane

How our Web Site Works- Diane

Bits and Pieces- Diane

Upcoming National Events
Upcoming Local Events
Upcoming Meetings
Publication Notice and Club Policies

 OUR VISION

In this newsletter you will read a draft of the proposed Vision statement for the Alpha Omega Society that will be voted on at our May meeting. The Vision Statement reads as follows: "The Alpha Omega Society will provide for the personal growth and fulfillment of all whose lives are affected by cross dressing." It may sound like a very simple statement, but these are very powerful words for us as a group to live up to.

They are words that I am very passionate about. I know what it is to be someone whose life is affected by cross dressing. Before I found Alpha Omega 14 ½ years ago, I remember how isolated and unsure of my life I felt because of my cross dressing. I know how my cross dressing had not only kept my life in turmoil, but had brought turmoil to others that I loved because my cross dressing had affected their lives. I remember how helpless I felt to help myself, let alone help others, to find understanding and acceptance of this part of me that, at the time, I felt had plagued me all my life.

Nothing in my life till then had given me any hope of finding any personal growth or fulfillment because cross dressing had affected my life. My cross dressing had only been a curse to me and others, and most definitely not a gift. After my second divorce, both of which were partially caused by my cross dressing, I finally came to one desperate conclusion.
My cross dressing itself, while part of the overall problems I had known in my life, was not the major factor. My biggest factor was being unable to find any understanding or acceptance within myself for who I really was as a human being.
 
Trying to force understanding and acceptance from others, hoping that that would give me inner peace was not the answer, and did not work. I had to take the responsibility to find the answers I needed for myself. Previous therapy I had been through had only tried to change me with drugs and behavior modification, but had not really made me face my
situation. So more therapy was not an option to me.

I figured that if I could find help, it would be from others like me who had learned how to understand and accept cross dressing as a part of their lives. I couldn't be sure even that was the best answer to help myself, but it was a whole lot better an option that  letting my life continue in what seemed to be a downward spiral. So it was with a very real matter of  need that I found the information and contacted Alpha Omega. Every day for the two weeks it took for me to
get a reply to my letter was an eternity. And I had no clue what kind of a reply I would get.

Adult book stores were one of the only venues to even  find anything about cross dressing, and most of what I saw was sexually oriented. Even what I found in  libraries basically categorized me as some sort of deviant. I already felt like I was some sort of deviant. What I was looking for, and hoping for, was not words from a Drag Queen, or some psychiatrist  telling me how weird I was, but rather words from someone just like myself. I needed words from someone
who could understand the hell I had felt in my life, because they had lived it too, and had found a way to cope with it.

When I got my first letter from Tanya, I knew I had found a kindred spirit. I knew there were other cross dressers in the world, but until then I had felt so  empty and alone. Tanya's letter took that loneliness away. Here was a real live person, just like me letting me know that they cared I existed, and was there to talk and listen to me. For the first time in
my life, I felt hope instead of just hoping for it.

Tanya's letters and then phone calls enabled me to be Martin, and let myself start to bring Gloria to life. And when I met Tanya and Janet for my interview, I was even more sure that I was on a path to discovery of who I was as a human being.

My first Alpha Omega meeting was the first time in my life that what had been a nameless entity inside me
faced the world as Gloria. For the first time, I wasn't ashamed of being Martin, and being Gloria. And though there were only thirteen other people at the meeting besides myself, my world and my life took on new meaning. The joy I felt was overwhelming. And that new meaning in my life led me to find purpose and goals for my life over time as I let myself discover who I was, and what was important to me.

Maybe I didn't have all the world's problems solved for myself after that first meeting, but I did find the strength to accept myself and to even tell my family my deep, dark secret. To a point they did already know, but it had still been like a dark negative aspect of my life. At last I was able to really be honest with them, and to tell them about the
guilt and shame I had felt about myself most of my life.

Not only did Martin rediscover the love of his family then, but they also made room in their hearts for me. I realized then, too, how all the negative feelings Martin had kept bottled up inside himself about cross dressing had led to making it near impossible for his two ex-wives to deal with it. I became better able to understand the hurt and frustration that I, through Martin, had caused. My journey of personal growth and fulfillment began in earnest.

By the time, months later, when Kathy became a part of Martin's life many lessons had been learned. I was blessed that through a whole lot of talk, information, and honesty that Kathy gave Martin and me the chance to be a part of her life. For fourteen years now, Martin and I have done our best to never make her regret her decision. And I was so proud thirteen and one-half years ago, just three weeks after Kathy and Martin were married, that Kathy joined me as a member of Alpha Omega. Kathy knew the depth of the love I have for Alpha Omega, and she has embraced the group,
also. My life and hers was affected by cross dressing, and Alpha Omega was there for both of us.

Over these past years, the hope and understanding that I, and then Kathy, found through Alpha Omega has been 
a driving force that our group is far much more than a group of cross dressers. Alpha Omega was there for me, for Kathy, and even for my parents to be a part of. Cross dressing affected all our lives, and Alpha Omega was there for all of us, equally.

And that, my friends, is what our new Vision Statement is all about. Through unity, through a sense of extended family, Alpha Omega has done much, and can yet do so much to help us all on our journey of personal growth and fulfillment. And in so doing, we can be there for those yet to need us. That is the promise of Alpha Omega. That is our vision, and that is our mission, and we can all be proud of that. 

Respectfully Submitted,

Gloria Sue Fenton

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This month we owe a big round of thanks to Sheila for saving our program. We’d originally hoped to learn how to give ourselves face lifts from a very skilled practitioner of that art...but as fate would have it, this person is leaving the fair hills of Ohio to become a blossom of the South again. So Sheila has stepped into the breach by persuading her friends from Broadview Heights to come up and demonstrate their skills here. Cathy is the lady responsible for Sheila’s incredible hair styles, and Gail runs the adjacent bridal salon that has occasional sales events for our community. But rather than me tell you about it...let Sheila describe these ladies in her own inimitable style, plus a little editing and a few comments from yours truly:

Cathy, owner of Calujo's Coiffures on State Rd. in Broadview Heights will be the main attraction on Saturday, May 10. Cathy is a very talented and expressive young woman with special make-up
skills. She is also a master at hair design and has worked backstage in Cleveland with the make-up people for the touring musical Cats. For those who may not know, she does the transformation work for Sheila before each AOS meeting. (*Well, yes, of course they know Sheila...I just told them!)

Joining Cathy at our meeting will be her sister Gail, who operates Images bridal and formal wear in the same building on State Rd. in Broadview
Heights.

When they arrive and get set up, Cathy will go to work on me as S* and continue until I am Sheila. Everyone is invited to watch, to get up from
his or her chairs and watch closely if they choose. Gail will give us a short discussion on clothing and style as well, so there will be lots going on.

Cathy said she will help any of the girls who request it when she's finished with me. She can do a lot of things, so this would include taking a look at someone's wig to see if a flip here or a tease there
would make an interesting difference. Of course, she can demonstrate her magic on anyone's face...to her the human face becomes a blank canvas. Using
her creative artistry she transforms the canvas into what she and the subject envision.

The girls are there to offer us their best advice when it comes to our coloration, what kind(s) of clothing would look best for each of us and the same with make-up. This promises to be a very entertaining evening.

Cathy will also bring along lots of lipsticks, pencils, eyeliners, that sort of thing in case anyone chooses to make a purchase. She will have special prices in effect. Gail might bring a surprise to the meeting. She didn't say what...it might be a formal with a
low price or something like that.

Diane, you have met and talked with Gail and we have talked about her (Indeed we have!). She is very "cool." So is her sister Cathy who might be a blonde one day and a brunette the next. She is good with color. She also uses hair pieces to change a short style into a shoulder length style. In short,
she is just plain fun.

Sheila

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The meeting was called to order at 8:00 p.m., and had fifteen members and three guests in attendance. Introductions were made for Kate, who was attending her first meeting with her spouse, Elaine, and for the crew from Weekenders- Susan, Pam and Joni.

The Vision statement, Mission statements, and Pledge were read, and discussion held regarding any changes. Among the ideas discussed was that "spiritual" in the Vision statement should be replaced by "personal growth and fulfillment", and that the pledge should have more specifics. The statements, pledge, and policies for Membership and Interview Committees will be placed in the newsletter for review by all members. (We will put them on the website.)

Gloria told the group that we will be working on the constitution, group brochures, and letters to vendors and helping professionals. Diane Frank shared information on A-Z wigs, her letter exchange with Peter Lawson Jones, and the Alpha Omega Bookstore. Mention was made once again about stamps supporting Breast Cancer research at a cost of $.40 each.

Diane Brennan is still trying to make contact with the insurance agent. After we ratify our new constitution, we will look at our 501C status.

Diane Frank told us about a radio serial on BBC. She has the last three of six on c.d. The serial is British humor, gritty but full of the human comedy. They are each half-hour episodes, and will be made available for members to listen to. Diane Brennan will bring the speakers for her computer so we can play the CDs.

The planned speaker for May (about taping) is iffy, so Sheila is working on an alternative program.

Diane Frank will lead an expedition to La Cage aux Folles for anyone who is interested. Laura has seen and says it is good.

Committees were set as follows:
Communications: Diane Frank, Sheila
Membership: Abby, Gloria, Kathleen
Member Support: Kathleen, Diane Frank, Sherry, Z
Finance: Diane Brennan, Kathleen
Christmas Party and Awards Ceremony: Gloria, Diane Brennan

Anyone else who would like to be an active part of any committee, can talk with the chair person of that committee at any time to join.

Our meeting schedule will be the second Saturday May through September, and the first Saturday October through December. For the October meeting we are requested to arrive no sooner than 6:00 p.m. Laura suggested that we look at alternative venues and possibly a joint meeting in October or November.

In other business, Diane Brennan reminded the group that dues are due by the next meeting. Abigail told us that Sister Bernadette had a good time last month, and would be glad to come again. Discussion on the Oiler case will be in the newsletter.

Diane Frank mentioned a benefit at the Lake Erie College B.K. Smith Gallery, "Reasons to be Beautiful", on Friday, May 2. She was sent an invitation by Lyz, the Director of the Arts Center, and also the program director for the Cleveland International Film Festival trans-film session. Lyz had previously recruited Diane to be part of that discussion panel for those films. (See last months’ newsletter)

Deb suggested possibly resurrecting "Meeting of the Heart". Diane Frank has a copy of the ground rules.

Next month's meal will be a cook out type.

Hot dogs (Gloria),

hamburgers (Sheila),

Boca burgers (Diane Frank),

potato salad/macaroni salad (Kathleen/Sherry),
buns (Diane Brennan),

relish tray (Gloria and Kathleen),

desserts/snacks (open).

Diane Frank moved we adjourn, Kathleen seconded.

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Z and I had visited Sue to see her line of clothing last fall, and from this came a wonderful idea. For once we could have a show of clothing of equal interest to everyone at AO. Beautiful, practical, stylish, classic clothing that flatters all types and sizes of bodies.

Laura, Diane Brennan, Sheila (who had already bought an outfit from Susan and I (reluctantly filling in for the absent Abby...ah the show must go on!). But I’m going to stop with the descriptions here. I believe that in this case a picture is worth a thousand words. We don’t have our hands on the pictures that will show the fashions or the text to truly describe the fun. Showing pictures of this event will change a long standing AO precedent about pictures. We don’t want to present an image of vain preoccupation with the face in the mirror, and especially not present the idea that we are but empty suites of clothing, nor that we are dangerous exhibitionists, or unconcerned about our member’s security...but in this case we do want to show how good a time we had. I think I’ve come up with a solution that I hope we can share in next month’s newsletter. By using artistic software I can convert the image from a photograph to something looking like a high fashion art drawing...no discernable facile characteristics remain. We will show some samples of the kind of image transformation at the next meeting for approval of an exception to our policy in this one instance. Oh, one last thing. To prove the point that these fashions were of interest to all, purchases were made by spouses.

For the Web version only I'm including a couple of samples of the image manipulation here:

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Diane Frank

As part of preparing for the film panel last month, I took out a copy of Noelle Howey’s book "Dress Codes". Noelle was supposed to be on the panel with me. This book describes three girlhoods, hers, her father’s, and her mother’s. Noelle’s father, Chris, formerly Richard, transitioned while Noelle was fairly young. While transsexual histories are not normal fare for the Alpha Omega newsletter, there is direct reference to Alpha Omega in Noelle’s book. What follows are Noelle’s words about how her father found support at Alpha Omega prior to her transition.

From Dress Codes:

This group--most of whom were recreational cross-dressers who considered my father one of the more hard-core cases-- was as syrupy and supportive as any Tupperware party, albeit way more preoccupied with "feminine concerns." A typical meeting would involve a discussion of how masques should not be applied with a trowel or a sandblaster, followed by the "ladylike tips for the week," which ran the gamut from waking with thumbs pointing forward so as to rein in elbows to a reminder of the three H's, hem, hose, heels, (two of the three should be the same color, they scolded). My father,along with the other ladies, dutifully took notes in order to practice at home. He had not had the benefit of the beauty education gleaned from slumber parties or a Barbie Styling Head. What he didn't expect was to fall in love: with the sense of community; with the easy, unforced friendships, with a few hours a week during which no one expected him to be wry or cynical.

It turned out that Noelle had a conflict and couldn’t make the film festival so Chris filled in. I wrote to Chris afterwards to get her comments on Noelle’s description. Her is what she wrote for inclusion in our newsletter:

I think there is a take home message to this: We all have a responsibility to make newcomers welcome. While we are not a TS support group, we are here to help everyone lead a happy life. As Chris progressed towards Transition, she realized she’d moved outside of Alpha Omega’s scope, and resigned. Gloria has said she still remembers Chris’s resignation speech and thinks of Chris fondly.

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One of the things I do as web mistress is track the workings of our website. What draws people to it, and what do they look at? Below I list some of the most popular pages on our website. These numbers can be misleading because we are getting increasing numbers of hits from indexing programs that don’t represent people looking at the pages, just robots collecting information. Since many robots just collect the top layer of information, the home page and pages linked to the home page get more hits proportionally from non-individual sources than pages lower down on the tree. One thing to be aware of is that hit counters on a home page don’t generally tell how a web site is used. We get many hits jumping directly into some article in the middle of the web, rather than people entering to home page and working their way methodically through the web site. To rely only on the counter on the home page is to greater underestimate the use of our web site.

Here are a few of top 50 pages:

You can glean some interesting things from all these numbers. While our home page is the most frequently visited page on the site, a fair amount of the time people enter somewhere else, and click on the home page button to see what else is on the site.

Another obvious point is that the topical articles isolated in the "Webmistress selects" section are very visible on search engines and lead many people to the web site.

The tables above on this page show how hits have increased from when we started in August of 2002. Next month I’ll show how search engines have an influence on that total. Other topics that I’ll discuss in future issues is what search queries bring people to the website, how people use the PicoSearch site search, what changes I’ve made to guide people to the right information, and what paths people take moving around the site. I know this may be a bit dry to some people...so I’ll try to keep things short.

By Diane Frank

I didn’t get to La Cage Aux Folles- The only night I could go was closing night and it was sold out. The gallery benefit out in Painesville was a huge success, as judged by the packed parking lot. I came, had my makeup touched up, looked at the art, watched some dance, talked to Lyz and a few other people and then left early. It was simply getting too loud to talk to people and make friends.

I’ve been to several committee meetings as part of the aftermath of the GLBT Leadership summit. Nothing unusual to report here.

We’ve had Purim and Passover come and go, with great enjoyment. The Passover services for Chevrei Tikva were a full of good food. One of the children recited the four questions in Hebrew beautifully, and the adults did their share by asking the fifth question: "When do we eat?"

-Diane

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www.tri-ess.org/spice

www.rmtsk.org/holiday

www.ColoGoldRush.org

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This newsletter is copyright 1998-2003 by Alpha Omega, Tri-Ess Chapter. All right reserved. Articles and information contained in this newsletter may NOT be without advance permission from the individual author. Write to editor@AOSOC.org in order to contact the author. When permission is granted, a copy of the issue containing the reprinted material must be sent to Alpha Omega within two months after the material is published and proper credit is given to author and source.

The opinions or statements contained in this newsletter are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the views of Alpha Omega. Contributions of articles are welcomed, but may be altered in the editing process, with the author’s intent retained, or may be rejected, whether solicited or not. Absolutely no sexually explicit material may be accepted or printed.

Alpha Omega is a non-profit social support group for heterosexual crossdressers and their wives or partners. Also, members from related organizations, helping professionals, and approved guests are welcome when cleared through Alpha Omega’s officers.

Meetings are the second Saturday evening of each month unless a special event is scheduled that takes the place of the regularly scheduled meeting. The location of the meeting or event is only released to members or others with the approval of an officer. Members and visitors must be 18 years of age or older. We will exchange newsletters with any other similar group. Send all correspondence to Alpha Omega, P.O. Box 2053, Sheffield Lake, OH 44054.

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