^{La Femme} Silhouette

 June 2003

Masthead 2003

CHANGING TIMES AND CHANGING THE WORLD- Gloria

Understanding a Crossdresser- Gloria

May Minutes- Kathleen

US Supreme Court Decision- Diane
Playing Hooky-Diane
Providing Information- Diane

Bits and Pieces- Diane

The New Girl- A Book Review by Diane

An Outreach Experience- Debbie

A Night with Dame Edna

Upcoming National Events
Upcoming Meetings
Publication Notice and Club Policies

When I joined Alpha Omega, back when dinosaurs roamed the earth, there was no internet. And there weren’t a whole lot of available sources about cross dressing, and/or support groups. Libraries, for the most part, had some reference material from psychological studies, that for the most part were not kind about cross dressing, or they had some books that dealt mostly with "drag" performers and such. Some magazines would, once in a while, have an article about cross dressing; and so would some tabloids. But most of these items were there for sensationalism, and not real information.

Some television talk shows did try to do honest approaches to cross dressing, but there were far more that exploited the subject just for ratings. It is a proven fact that the ratings for several talk shows went up when the topic was anything to do with a guy in a dress for any reason.

Like it or not, adult book stores were one of the few places information about cross dressing could be gotten. At thirty-seven years old, I had never been in an adult book store. My only experience that had dealt with my trying to get help and information about my cross dressing had come from a time of seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist; and it did help me to at least get out of the deep depression I had sunk into. But medication and behavior modification didn’t help me to face my situation and live with it. So at thirty-seven, I entered an adult bookstore for the first time.

By its very nature, most magazines, etc., that had anything to do with "guys in dresses" was of a sexual nature, or related to being gay or transsexual. Some tabloids that were for Alternative Lifestyles promoted dating services or open sexual groups for "pretty boys". The only magazine I found that seemed to have anything for an average guy like me was "Ladylike". "Ladylike" at least seemed to have articles and information about cross dressing support groups that were oriented more for how I saw myself as a cross dresser. And so I found the addresses for Paradise Club and for Alpha Omega.

I remember thinking to myself that if I was really going to learn about me, that I needed to talk to others like me who had learned how to accept cross dressing in their lives. So, I wrote letters to both groups telling them my deep, dark secret, and asking for whatever help they could give me. After I mailed the letters, I got really scared. I had sent out letters telling total strangers my deepest feelings, and giving them my real name, address, and phone number. I had no femme name or post office box.

And so I waited. Two weeks later, I was almost frantic with fear, and barely able to function in my real life because of that fear, when I got my first letter from Tanya and Alpha Omega. (I never did hear from Paradise Club for whatever reason. But that became unimportant to me.) Tanya’s letter became my lifeline. I wrote back just as soon as I could. Tanya and I wrote back and forth, and began talking to each other over the phone. Tanya’s words, and the sound of her laughter over the phone, let me know that somebody – just like me – cared that I existed and needed help.

Over a couple months I began to feel a whole lot better about myself as a human being, and then I faced my group interview. Again, I was scared. But Tanya and Janet, as their male selves, gave me hope and faith that I was with friends. Letters and phone calls had helped, but being with and talking to real people like myself really made a difference.

And so, after a lot of thought, I chose my name got everything I needed ready, and was set to attend my first Alpha Omega meeting. On December 3, 1988, Gloria Sue Fenton (a nervous wreck) met the world for the first time. It really wasn’t the whole world, but it was like that to me that night. Gloria (me) became someone real, and not just some nameless entity that lived in fear with feelings of guilt for being different. Thirteen other people shared that night with me, as I was born. "Gloria" drove home that night, and once I was home, "Gloria" cried for at least an hour. The tears were of joy instead of hurt.

Every meeting after that became a time for me to grow and learn about being Gloria. In turn, as I grew as Gloria, so did Martin as the man he is. Needless to say, in the years since, I have changed as a person, and so have the times. Nowadays, the internet has become the source for most information. Someone like I was way back when, can sit in the security of their own home and, not only get pictures and information, but "chat" with others, as well. For some, I guess that seems to be enough nowadays. Cyberspace allows some to explore all kinds of information (far more than any adult book store could). And there are pictures, biographies, real stories about people, fantasy stories, and just about anything else you can think of from around the world. There are "chat" rooms, one on one communication, and even live camera video.

And all this is done over a computer keyboard and monitor. There is a sense of not only security, but also anonymity.

Cross dressing still brings high ratings to talk shows on television, but has also become more of a topic on prime time television comedy and drama programs. There have been regular characters on daytime soap operas who are cross dressers. And the movies have utilized cross dressing , also. Patrick Swayzee, Wesley Snipes, Terence Stamp, Dustin Hoffman, Robin Williams, and many others have all dressed as women on the big screen. HBO recently did a movie called "Normal" that explored a couple’s struggle when the husband decided to go through sex re-assignment surgery.

The continuum of cross dressing is more of a prime topic for most media. RuPaul became a celebrity, talk show host, and even the spokesperson for a line of cosmetics. There are more places where "cross dressing" has become more mainstream, as well, such as theatrical plays, restaurants with cross dressed waitresses, and even Willard Scott, Rudy Gulianni, and Dennis Rodman have all been seen cross dressed. Many of the "Club Kids" who frequent the night spots in the big cities cross dressed (both male and female). And today, as many of our own members will attest to, there are many places they can go to while dressed up without problems.

Yes, the world has changed a lot in the last fourteen years. Even therapists, social workers, police, psychiatrists, and other professional venues are more attuned to cross dressing as a part of the human experience. Groups like Alpha Omega are no longer one of the only ways a cross dresser can express himself. Alpha Omega, and groups like ours, can seem rather tame and old-fashioned to many because of all the cultural changes that have happened. So our perceived relevance to many, is not as important as it once was.

But I am not sure that the need for groups like Alpha Omega has really diminished. It has just changed. Alpha Omega, may not be the only way some can learn about themselves and cross dressing anymore. But our being a safe, secure, and understanding environment to meet and develop friendships for cross dressers, spouses, family and friends whose lives are affected by cross dressing is still valid. For some, the clubs, going out in public, and even "chats" on the internet, can not and do not replace the need to really talk to someone face-to-face, or share some time together. That is why groups like Alpha Omega are still needed.

As times have changed, so must we as groups so that we stay relevant, as a part of the changing culture. That is our duty, our responsibility, and our challenge. How we as a group accept that challenge, and fulfill our role as a part of the cross dressing community today, is our true test of validity, for those out there yet that need a lifeline, just as I did many years ago. We may never be a bi group, or solve all the world’s problems. But every time we touch the life of someone who enters our doors, we do have the chance to change the world just a little bit more.

Respectfully,

Gloria Sue Fenton

Return to Content

Return to Contents

This is the part of the job I love, the part that appeals to my inner sadist. Not mind you that I’m a glutton. I’m perfectly willing to share the pleasure of inflicting this pain. You can have a turn too. All you need to able to is put your fingers on the keyboard and type. So, I’m about to tell those of you who dared to miss the last meeting exactly what you missed. Oh, I know there will be wailing and gnashing of teeth. But you can be redeemed brothers and sisters. All you need to do is keep your attendance record perfect.

It was delicious after all, seeing Sheila get made up by a pro from scratch...seeing every imperfection erased and replaced, and picking up pointers along the way. Cathy did the work, while Gail, gown selector and rock chick extraordinaire narrated. Quick- what makeup do you absolutely have to have in your purse? No peeking. Time’s up: Lipstick, Liner and powder. So if your handbag is helping your chiropractor buy his second yacht, you could consider lightening the load and leaving the spackling trowel and cement mixer at home.

What kind of brushes are the only ones to buy? Sable hair. How should your eyebrow color relate to your hair color? 3-4 shades darker. How are you doing so far? How about eye-liner color? 3-4 shades darker than the eyes. Where do you put blush? These days don’t put dark blush on the apple of the check- that’s reserved for a light/shiny blush. The dark blush goes under the apple, that way it makes your cheeks look thinner. How do you get that last bit of mascara out of the vial? Don’t pump in and out...that just introduces air and bacteria into something going onto your eyes. Wiggle with bottle up and down, bending the wand is safer and effective. Having trouble with clumping mascara? Try holding the brush vertically instead of horizontally.

And suppose you want to really nice arched eyebrows, but your day job requires big fuzzy caterpillars over each eye. What can you do? First you soap your eyebrows really well, and then paint liquid latex from a costume shop over them. Buy some crepe hair and you can build the eyelashes of your dreams while not sacrificing any caterpillars on the altar of beauty. That is, unless you didn’t soap them really, really well. In that case, our prayers are with you.

Perhaps the most fascinating part of the demonstration was changing the shape of Sheila’s face via surgical tape. Call it face-lift without the surgeon. You need the right type of tape, and some practice doing it. And a wig cap. The tape goes over the top of the wig cap. You can raise your eyebrows, flatten your cheeks, and tighten up your jowls and minimize your double chin Carefully pressed in place before foundation, you take years off of your apparent age. Just remember, we’re not responsible for the consequences if this micro face lift either turns you into a hottie or the Dutchess of Malfi.

As the grand finale, Cathy showed how a little hair spray (wouldn’t you know, Hairspray took home 8 Tonys) and some rubber bands turns Sheila’s hair from merely great into a spectacular architectural triumph on the scale of the hanging gardens of Babylon, or the pyramids of Egypt.

Thanks again to Cathy of Calujo’s Beauty Salon and Gail of Images Bridal in North Royalton:

12778 State Road

North Royalton, Ohio

Cathy: 440-582-5299.

Gail: 440-237-1965

Return to Contents

Return to Contents

Two weeks ago I attended a Grey Pride meeting. My friend Carol from the Akron area was going to be reading from her remembrances. She wanted at least one familiar face in the audience. Earlier, she had shared some information about her partner’s late son, J. J was severely crippled from a congenital spinal disease and also it turned out he was a crossdresser. I had hoped that more information about the son would turn up in an oral presentation and I could get a fuller sense of who he was, more material to make a story out of. I was left with a simple picture of a loving non-traditional family, the son accepting his mother as a lesbian, she accepting him as a CD and the two of them having a contest to locate information about crossdressing on the internet.

For a while I was frustrated at not having a better story to share. But something more came out of this as I’ve thought about it. J. was closeted. He didn’t dress outside the house. He never shaved his beard, and by our rules of presenting as either one sex or the other, he would not have been welcomed at an Alpha Omega meeting, or just about any other organization I know of. I don’t know if his crossdressing was simply a sexual expression, as it is for many, or whether it represented something about his sense of alignment with the notions of man and woman, or was simply a form of relaxation.

J. represents the vast majority of crossdressers. For every person like me, who struggles with living a double life, there are many, many people who in ways have no life at all. Because they haven’t or can’t come to terms with their experience and feelings about crossdressing, they also don’t resolve what they feel about their ordinary life as a man. They are the ones whose sense of themselves as a man is diminished. There is one life they can’t have, and one they aren’t happy with. Not much of a life. Where is the hope?

The clue was in J’s search of the internet. Our website, our newsletter is a lifeline for people like J. These functions of Alpha Omega give people who aren’t members and indeed will never likely be members some idea of what it might be like to find what they seek. Ever time one of us writes about our experiences, whether it be coming out to one’s family, how one started, getting help with the basics, our connections with other people, we provide hope and the chance for growth to people who can’t or won’t come to our meetings. Not just people in North East Ohio, but anywhere in the world. When you write for our newsletter to share your experience and ideas, you are doing a good deed. I want to express my gratitude to Abigail and Sheila especially, who as new members have contributed material so soon after joining, and to Gloria for being unstinting in sharing of her life with us, and Kathleen for so often taking the time to give us a spouses perspective. And I want to thank Carol, whose simple story of acceptance and love in a non-traditional family helped remind me again of why what we do here is valuable.

Return to Contents

Two months, Debbie, Laura and I attended a meeting of the Cleveland Stonewall Democrats, at which a presentation was made about legislation to be proposed to the State of Ohio by State Senator Dan Brady (D). State Representative Dale Miller (D) has also proposed similar legislation. At the time we felt we had helped the cause of making transgender issues part of the discussion. Recently, a web site http://www.capitolsquarehrc.com/default.htm has gone live which provides information on the status of the legislation. Thus far seven State Senators have endorsed the bill. I regret to report that the employment issues that our community is most concerned about, being fired for legal off the job behavior does not appear to be covered...if the Bills are accurately described by the website. We will be looking into the more in the months ahead.

Both Akron and Cleveland have gray pride groups for LGBT seniors (50+). The Cleveland Group meets on the second Wednesday of the month (excepting this June, 2003) and is in potluck format with categories assigned by last name. There is a featured speaker and as befitting a seniors group the evening starts and ends early. I attended to listen to my friend Carol reminisce about her long life as a lesbian, physical therapist and Peace Corps volunteer.

Gray Pride

Lakewood Senior Center West,
16024 Madison Avenue in Lakewood.
Doors open at 5:45 pm.
Food is served about 6:10.
Speaker 6:45.

See also http://www.ptcleveland.org/ For schedule and more information

The Akron Pride Center, in association with the First Grace United Church of Christ holds a coffee house on the 3^rd Sunday of the Month. This politics free, alcohol free gathering features the talents of members of the Church and the Akron Pride communities. Refreshments are provided by Angel Falls Coffee Company of Highland Square. I visited during May, and promptly was enrolled to sing in June by our friend Susan from Susan's Fashions (our April meeting guest). If only I can find the right gown. Anyhow, I advise getting there early as the house is packed, the refreshments plentiful and delicious. You will be entertained as well by a variety of music, comedy and poetry.

First Grace United Church of Christ is located at 350 South Portage Path (at Exchange Street, next to the Women’s City Club and in front of Coach House Theater.) There is plenty of free parking in a well-lit lot. The next meeting will be Sunday, June 15^th from 6:30-9:30 PM.

How could I pass it up? A show called "High Heels and Red Noses" and an offer of $2 off the admission price if one came in costume. I was so looking forward to looking down my nose at the ticket seller and saying sweetly, with only a touch of asperity, "Costume? What costume?!". But the ticket seller didn’t offer. Sometimes you have a win-win situation.

Beachland Ballroom is the second underground cultural treasure in Cleveland, joining the Cleveland Public Theatre as a local haven for the avante garde and just plain weird. Keeping Cleveland balanced, if in an off-balance sort of way, Beachland Ballroom is located on the East Side, while CPT is on the West Side. It can be a little tricky to get to, especially from the East Suburbs. The best access from either the east or west is off of route 90, something that can be frustrating to people who live, as I do about due south of the place.

Beachland Ballroom
15711 Waterloo Rd.
Cleveland, Ohio 44110

tel: 216.383.1124

http://www.beachlandballroom.com/

But while the ghosts of the old vaudeville and burlesque shows are probably tickled pink at the presentations at CPT, I suspect the old Croatians whose "Liberty Home" was converted to the Beachland Ballroom in 2000 are probably spinning in their graves. This rapid rotation occurring despite BB’s nod to ethnic music from Eastern European groups such as Harmonia.

Look over the concerts, pick a group that seems weird enough and it’s most likely a safe place to go. I certainly had no hassles, and just to prove how small a place Cleveland is, I ran into Mary & Mary, a couple I know from other theatrical venues, most recently the Wild Plum Theatre, where one of the Marys performed and the other graciously offered me a saved seat ( see Newsletter, April 2003).

When am I going to describe the circus you ask? Is now soon enough? Yup there were high heels galore on the fetching and provocative female performers. The were rubber noses all around. And a subversive post 911 political edge that had the first act finale performed in gas masks.

The Bindlestiff’s show is a collection of old routines that you probably haven’t seen since you were a kid watching Captain Kangaroo, plus some now politically incorrect staples, such as the sad drunken hobo that used to be a common act. You have your sword swallower, you have your aerial act (a striptease on a trapeze), you have your clowns throwing Indian Clubs, and clowns performing the cigar box balancing tricks, a markwomanship whip act, hula hoops by the dozens, and two male clowns playing around with burlesque routines, including pasties. One line said by the lead clown Mr. Pennygaff (the Emmett Kelly like hobo, and later Jack Nicholson impressionist) could apply to the entire cast- "a $100,000 liberal arts education and THIS is what I do for a living". Given the reasonable ticket prices, and the entertaining use and reframing of time tested routines, he may have a chance of paying off those student loans.....someday.

For More Information about the Bindlestiff Family Circus see:

http://www.bindlestiff.org/cirkus.html

Return to Contents

This book attempts a very important purpose. I’ve noted in another article how vital to many people what we write in our newsletter and post on our website is. So many people in our communities wonder about what it would really be like to be a woman or just to step outside. Mr. Reynold’s book is an important addition to seeing things from another point of view. There are so many illusions that Mr. Reynold’s book dispels and much that I agree with based on my own experiences; how women are treated, passing as a transsexual rather than as a woman, how women relate to each other, being a woman in public space. Most of all I appreciated the sense of bonding with women as a woman, and the alienation, the loss, the impossibility of doing that as a man. What Mr. Reynolds describes is vastly, and to this reviewer refreshingly different from writings about time spent at CD outings such as Holiday En Femme or the Lake Erie Gala (for something closer to home). Perhaps, then, with these positive remarks in mind you should stop reading and buy a copy of the book and read it. Or read this recently published interview and review in the New Haven Register: http://www.zwire.com/site/news.cfm?newsid=8253379&BRD=1281&PAG=461&dept_id=517539&rfi=6.

One of the seminal books of the civil rights era was a book called "Black Like Me". John Howard Griffin undertook UV and chemical treatments to make his skin dark enough for him to pass as black, and then wrote about what it was like to be treated as black in the segregationist south. He died of skin cancer that resulted from his experiment in racism in 1980. For more information about Mr. Griffin and his work see: http://www.tsha.utexas.edu/handbook/online/articles/view/GG/fgr99.html,

and http://www.angelfire.com/or/sociologyshop/BLM.html#blm2

1. She thinks I'm being a bit hard-nosed about relating "The New Girl" to "Black Like Me", especially in terms of sexual politics. 
2. She does like the sections about bonding with women, but felt the emphasis on clothing was too typical of crossdressers. I disagreed with this point, saying that from my perspective, the clothing was simply a constant problem of insecurity about wearing the right outfit for the exact circumstances, without years of experience to fall back on.

Return to Contents

Return to Contents

www.dame-edna.com

Return to Contents

www.tri-ess.org/spice

www.rmtsk.org/holiday

www.ColoGoldRush.org

www.eriesisters.org.

This newsletter is copyright 1998-2003 by The Alpha Omega Society. All right reserved. Articles and information contained in this newsletter may NOT be without advance permission from the individual author. Write to editor@aosoc.org in order to contact the author. When permission is granted, a copy of the issue containing the reprinted material must be sent to Alpha Omega within two months after the material is published and proper credit is given to author and source.

The opinions or statements contained in this newsletter are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the views of Alpha Omega. Contributions of articles are welcomed, but may be altered in the editing process, with the author’s intent retained, or may be rejected, whether solicited or not. Absolutely no sexually explicit material may be accepted or printed.

Alpha Omega is a non-profit social support group for heterosexual crossdressers and their wives or partners. Also, members from related organizations, helping professionals, and approved guests are welcome when cleared through Alpha Omega’s officers.

Meetings are the second Saturday evening of each month unless a special event is scheduled that takes the place of the regularly scheduled meeting. The location of the meeting or event is only released to members or others with the approval of an officer. Members and visitors must be 18 years of age or older. We will exchange newsletters with any other similar group. Send all correspondence to Alpha Omega, P.O. Box 2053, Sheffield Lake, OH 44054.

Return to Contents