^{La Femme} Silhouette

 July 2003

Masthead 2003

A Shorts Story- Gloria
US Supreme Court Decision- Diane
Playing Hooky-Diane
Providing Information- Diane
Women Should Remove Pants
Bits and Pieces- Diane
Upcoming Local Events- Diane
Upcoming National Events
Upcoming Meetings
Publication Notice and Club Policies

I put on a pair of my mother’s regular stockings for the first time when I was just over seven years old. I can’t tell you just why I did it, other than I was just really fascinated by stockings and had come to a point where I just had to know what it was like to see and feel them on my legs. Girls my age didn’t wear nylons, but the women I know and saw at the time did. And I always thought that I liked the way their legs looked in nylons. So when the time came about, I did put nylons on my legs. And, needless to say, I really liked the experience.

I remember thinking that my legs looked really pretty in those stockings, and that pleased me. For whatever reason I knew I was drawn towards women’s things, and needing to know the experience of seeing and feeling those things on me. From past experiences of getting caught wearing some of my mother’s things (lipstick, a dress far too big for me, and a ring), I knew I had to sneak around and hid wearing women’s things, so nobody else ever knew. As I was told, "Boys don’t wear girls’ things".

Maybe so, I figured, but yet at times I just felt such a need inside me to wear girls’ things anyway. And when I did wear girls’ things, and they looked and felt so good to me, I really didn’t like being a boy at all. The other boys I knew in school, and even the girls, teased me about being a goofy-looking boy, and no matter how much I tried I just didn’t seem to fit in. And I did try. I wanted to be liked. I wanted to fit in. But there was something deep inside me that always let me know I was different; and being different was not a good thing to be.

I don’t know that I am really able to describe just how lonely and alone I felt inside of me, because I was different. And so I hid my inner feelings, and hid those rare moments when I could try on something feminine. Somehow, I didn’t feel "goofy" wearing girls’ things. Even at seven, I wondered why being a boy just seemed so wrong for me, but being a girl was wrong for me, too. At least to everybody else. I put those nylons on my legs every chance I could.

That fall in school I wore a pair of boy’s shorts; and during a recess period was outside playing with some of the other kids. I remember hearing one of the older boys laughing at me and telling some others that I not only ran like a girl, but had girl’s legs, too. Inside me, I just felt totally devastated by those words, and then hearing other boys and girls laughing at me, too, because of his comments. I vowed to myself that I would not ever wear stockings or any others girls’ things again. I had to be a boy, because that is what I was and was supposed to be.

And until I was in Junior High, and had to wear gym shorts for P.E., I refused to wear shorts again. Sure enough, in gym class, every so often, some other boy would make a comment about the way he thought I ran like a girl and had girl’s legs, and he and others would laugh at me. It hurt badly again. I hated gym class.

There had been, from the age of seven to my being almost thirteen, some times when I broke my vow to not wear girls’ things again. And I had been caught a couple times, which was never easy to live down. But I tried. Just before I turned thirteen, though, all those years of frustration and hiding the compulsive need inside me came to a head though. My mother had an extended stay in the hospital (four weeks). And being the eldest, I took on the responsibility of taking care of my two younger brothers, doing the house chores, cooking meals, and even doing the laundry. Dad was working every day, and then spending time with Ma at the hospital. I took my duties very seriously.

One day, with lots of chores to do, I got my brothers on the school bus, and decided to stay home to get things done. That was a very fateful day, as it turned out. My first chore was to put laundry away, and all was fine until I put some of Ma’s things into her dresser. The old compulsion surfaced big time. I convinced myself that just putting on one or two things would not be too bad, and that by doing so I could drive the need away again. But I was proven far wrong.

Ma had a couple brand new bras in her dresser, and I took off the shirt I was wearing, and put one on. At seven and eight I had tried a bra on, but had had to tie a knot in the back to get it to fit around my chest, as it was too big for me. This bra, at almost thirteen however, fit like it was made just for me. And after I padded out the cups and saw myself wearing this beautiful bra in the dresser mirror, I was a goner. I just had to have more. I needed it so badly. And I call that day fateful for me, because not only could I not hold back from the moment, but it seemed I found everything I needed. My boy’s clothes and shoes got shoved under my parents’ bed. I had started to put laundry away at 8:00 that morning. By 9:30 a.m. I was looking in the dresser mirror and totally amazed at my transformation. I was wearing panties, a girdle with garter hooks hooked to a pair of stockings, my bra, and a full slip I had found. Everything fit me.

I had never worn panties, or a girdle, or hooked up a pair of stockings to a girdle before. I had never had a bra fit me, or worn a slip before. I wasn’t just dressed like a woman, I was dressed just like a woman, and the feeling was overwhelming. For the first time I knew just how a girl my age, or a woman, felt wearing their things, and it looked and felt wonderful to me.

I needed more, though. A pair of 2" black spike heels caught my attention from the closet. Lo and behold, they fit, too. And though it took a few moments to get used to wearing them and learning to walk in them, I was soon watching myself in the dresser mirror, walk back and forth across the bedroom. This was all too good to be true.

In an old wardrobe I found, of all things, a black sleeveless dress. I put it on, and felt so disappointed that it was far too long. Unwilling to let that pass, I took the dress off, found a needle and black thread and hemmed up (very roughly) the dress. Before I put it on, though, I found the other things I needed. My hair was far to short to be a girl’s hair, but an old black hat from the attic proved to take care of that flaw. Next I found a pair of earrings, a necklace, and old watch of Ma’s, and a couple of rings. A black purse stashed in the attic became mine, too.

Ma didn’t wear make up, but she did have a lipstick, and I found that and put it with my other treasures. I was at last ready to complete my image. The dress went on over my body, and I zipped up the back zipper. The dress contoured to me very well, and now even the length was just above my knees and very stylish for the times. I brushed what bangs I could onto my forehead, and put on my hat. Now even my hair looked feminine. The earrings, necklace, watch and rings were put on. Looking in the mirror, I couldn’t resist putting on a dab of perfume on my neck and wrists. Lastly, I put on the lipstick.

My hands were shaking so badly from excitement that even putting on lipstick took me a couple moments, but I did it. Then taking purse in hand, I walked to the far end of the bedroom so I could see my full image in the mirror. Any sign of an almost thirteen-year-old boy was totally gone, at least in my mind. There, instead, in the mirror was a woman, or more to the point, me, as a woman. To me, I looked beautiful. I felt light-headed, and sat down on the edge of the bed. As I did, I happened to look down at my legs. All the nasty comments about my boy’s legs being girl’s legs came to my mind. But right at that moment, they were right. I did have girl’s legs, and I liked knowing it.

I looked at my full image in the mirror one more time. I knew that from then on if anybody made fun of my legs as a boy looking like girl’s legs, that only I would know just how right they were. My body, my legs, and even my face all looked just like a woman’s. I wished so much that I could share that moment with somebody, but knew I couldn’t, and that made me sad. There was nobody who I could share this secret with. Nobody would know how good that I looked, and felt within myself. It just wasn’t fair. I had never felt this good about myself as a boy.

Putting my sad thoughts away, I spent the next three hours doing my house chores. I might have looked quite comical to someone else if they had seen me, but during that time to me I took great pride and pleasure in being "the woman of the house", and taking care of my family.

In due time, though, the dream had to end, and I put things back where they belonged, and let the boy grudgingly return. That moment of seeing myself as a boy again brought me to realize that as unfair as it was, that I would have to lead a dual life. Life had made me a boy, and I had to face that. But I knew that deep inside me was a woman who had also been very real that day.

It took another twenty-five years to accept what I discovered that day, and once more find the inner peace and freedom to not be ashamed of that part of me as a human being who was the woman in the mirror. After that twenty-five years, Martin and I both found renewed life, and instead of being a nameless entity, I became Gloria.

Oh, by the way, Martin still doesn’t wear men’s shorts at all, no way, no how. He let’s me wear shorts though, and he doesn’t mind if someone says my legs look good. In fact, I think he kind of appreciates that now.

Take care.

Love always,

Gloria

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Playing Hooky

For those of you who missed last month's meeting...which was just about
everyone, here are the answers to the question "What is a crossdresser?"

1. An angry piece of bedroom furniture- see TV
2. TV- The one eyed God of the Family room aka television. Often seen
crowned with a lace doily.

c. A person who willfully, repeatedly and voluntarily wears clothing associated with the opposite sex without external compensation. Willfully means that they know what they're doing. They know the clothing in question is for the opposite sex. Repeatedly is self evident. One time counts for nothing, nor does the occasional costume party. Voluntarily is means that their is no coercion involved, no lost bet, no missing clothing, no daring escape plan. And without external compensation means that the person isn't doing it for money or applause but for some reason that comes from deep inside. Please note that nothing is said about sexual orientation or sexuality, or how much clothing is worn, or how often or where.

But neither this nor the low attendance is the big news from the last meeting. You see, we let out a little early, so I dropped on by the production of the Sissy Show that some of my friends were putting on at Venuu (see article later) at the UU Church in Cleveland Heights Coventry District. And guess who I should spy playing hooky from our meeting? I'm not going to give you the names of these sisters. I won't rat them out. But if they want to step forward and claim credit...they're more than welcome...here's why-

Those two ladies attending this production is a demonstration of the success of Alpha Omega. I'm sure we can't take all the credit, but surely we're due some. One of the purposes of Alpha Omega is to get people to take steps to more fully express themselves and for some people that means doing things besides going to support group meetings. For some people this means graduating to going out to appropriate public venues and simply having a good time like any other person in attendance. So rather than mourn bad attendance for one meeting, or bewail people playing hooky I celebrate it. Hooray for them and hooray for us!

Oh, Other news from the meeting was that Laurie has invited AO to participate in the Contra Dance being held by the welcoming committee at the place where we hold our meetings on Friday the 11th of July. Z and I will
be there and hope to see some of you too.

PS... a little birdie told me they got the idea to go there from me

Diane

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One of the purposes of our site is to inform the public as well as members of the community.

Several month’s ago I got the following request for information. I’ve kept the names and locations out of it:

.....

To make a long story short, we provided references from the Webmistress Selects section of our website, some commentary and a copy of our pamphlet. When I checked up here’s what I got back.

Thanks to you

My grade was an A for the article and the poster board

I have graduated from Barry University in March 2003

I am presently looking for employment in my field of study. Specialization in Social Welfare. Once this is done I will return back to school to achieve my Masters.

Thanks Again

And Thanks for checking back with me, I will need you in the near future.

May God Bless you- DR
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Last Update: Saturday, May 31, 2003. 9:54am (AEST)

Swaziland's absolute monarch has singled out women wearing trousers as the cause of the world's ills in a state radio sermon that also condemns human rights as an "abomination before God".

"The Bible says curse be unto a woman who wears pants, and those who wear their husband's clothes. That is why the world is in such a state today," King Mswati said.The Times of Swaziland reports the monarch, who reigns supreme in the landlocked country of 1 million where opposition parties are banned, went on to criticise the human rights movement.

"What rights? God created people, and He gave them their roles in society," the King said. "You cannot change what God has created. This is an abomination before God."

Women on the streets of capital Mbabane are not impressed. "The king says I am the cause of the world's problems because of my outfit," said Thob'sile Dlamini. "Never mind terrorism, government corruption, poverty and disease, it's me and my pants. I reject that." King Mswati is Africa's last absolute monarch.

He is currently married to nine wives, with a wedding pending for wife number 10, and has chosen an additional fiancée after reviewing videos of topless maidens performing a traditional Reed Dance ceremony.

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I received the following email from Patrick Shepherd of the Cleveland Stonewall Democrats:

Hello, Ms. Frank --

I want to pass along my most heartfelt regrets about the unfortunate nature of the Senate bill that was drafted to protect only lesbians, gay men, and bisexuals from workplace discrimination.

I want to ensure that any future bill includes the transgender community, and I think that the advocacy process needs to begin at our earliest convenience.

Please let me know if you -- or any members of your organization – are interested in following up on this.

Thanks,
Patrick

Patrick Shepherd, President
Cleveland Stonewall Democrats

VenUU in Cleveland Heights

Venuu is a performing arts organization affiliated with the Unitarian Universalist Church in the Coventry District of Cleveland Heights. I’ve been meaning to check it out as a safe place for people to visit for some time, however their events have tended to conflict with AO meetings. Since we got out early last month, I was able to drop by to catch my friends doing another version of the Sissy Show. The Sissy Show, for those of you who don’t know is a show largely about the travails of being transsexual, with an occasional tip of the bonnet to crossdressers. Joni, who helped is in the cast. Kathy Harvey, who chairs one of the committees I serve on at the GLBT center performs and wrote a lot of the music in collaboration with Chris Howey, a former AO member (See May Issue of the Silhouette), and recently seen on Oprah. I’m never sure how interested most people in AO would be in this show, given the emphasis on the transsexual side of things. Certainly the title alone can make you uncomfortable, but with the word "queer" being reclaimed by some activists, and shows titled "Urine Town", it’s hard to be too critical.

But enough about that. I’m pleased to report that as expected, Venuu is a safe and affordable place to enjoy some off-beat entertainment in the raiment of your choice. I’ve subscribed to the emailing list for Venuu and will be reporting upcoming productions in our local events column. Do check that out this month, as it’s quite full.

Last month I wrote about the open door coffee house in Akron. I mentioned that I’d been dragooned into singing for the June session. I just want to let everyone know that a) I was given a great accompanist b) I did have the right gown in my closet and c) I had a great time. I sang "Ten Cents a Dance" by Rogers and Hart, "Love for Sale" by Cole Porter and a sing along of "I t^^hink you’re wo^^nderful" (letters hashed to block search engines), a children’s song, for an uplifting finish. I think the audience had a good time too....but in modesty, I think you’d have to ask them.

I helped out at the Chevrei Tikva booth at the Pride Festival this year. I’d been to Pride before, but this time seemed much better attended than last time. There was little in the way of flamboyant displays this year as well. One middle aged man dressed only in a kilt of dollar bills was about it. What really struck me was how many people I knew there, how many good friends I’ve made over the years I’ve been collecting information for and representing Alpha Omega in the larger GLBT community. I don’t think the Pride Festival is a particularly good place for AO to be represented directly, but it is a good place to double check on the number of friendly organizations and activities you can get involved with in the Greater Cleveland area.

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Events in the Greater Cleveland Area

Not all events listed here are in places where it is known cross-dressers are welcome. While in theory any performance in a public venue which is about gender or sexual variance should be safe, this isn't always true.  I've attempted to mark venues based on whether I've been to them with good results.

Contra Dance 7-11 PM

Alpha Omega meets at a church on the far East Side of Cleveland. Our members have been explicitly invited by the Welcoming Committee of the congregation to attend a contra dance. Not an AO Member? Still want to go? Contact us.

What's a contra dance You ask? Contra dancing is similar to square dancing except:

1) No petticoats

2) Done in longways sets, circles, and squares

3) Live Music

4) Dances are taught, not called during enter dance

5) Contra Dancers are generally liberals, square dancers conservative. Go Figure

For more Info see: www.

What to wear: Full skirts (with a slip, please), and blouses are the order of the day. Alternatively shorts or jeans. Dresses are not advised. Please, wear flats- heels are an absolute no-no for a dance like this. Leather soled shoes are best as well, as the let you feet pivot more easily. 

What is looks like:

Note None of the people in this picture are crossdressers to our knowledge. There are some contra dance groups where some men wear skirts just for the fun of it. The second picture shows why. Remember- Full Skirts!

Saturday, July 12^th

Regular AO meeting.

7 PM

Transgender Information Session Run by "Danny le Tranny"

I don't know anything about this person or event. In the interests of protecting this person's privacy, please contact the webmistress for location and contact phone number. Here is Danny's description of the event:

Come one, come all >to a TRANSGENDER INFO SESSION, hosted by your local gender freak Danny LeTranny

Yes it's true, I am going to lay out some basic info about what it means to be trans in this complicated day and age. We'll cover basics of transgender terminologies, etiquette when dealing with different trans folks, and explore our own unique gender quandaries (do you ever feel like you're not "man enough" or "woman enough" even if you don't identify as transgender? this will be the time to explore those kind of issues).

Time: don't be late we WILL start on time

Place: Ask Webmistress

Also: sherbet will be served, bring a cool drink or fresh fruit to round it out

Please: forward this information to friends, lovers, family members, neighbors, comrades, co-workers, basically anyone you think could benefit

from this information (that's probably everyone)

Any questions? Call

Oh yeah, while this workshop will be a place for open and honest questions and discussion (some of which may not be pretty), no hate will be tolerated. If you don't think you can listen to this stuff without getting all angry and violent, please don't come.

Venuu Off-Coventry Presents

"Puppets Meet Theatre & Poetry Slam: An Evening of Adult

Entertainment"

Using styles of puppetry that include shadow, mask, rod puppet, bunraku, Muppet or television style and performing object, local puppeteers will delight you with pieces that tend toward the introspective and/or political. Then stick around for local poets and fans of poetry sharing theirs and others' works.

Doors open at 7:30. Suggested donation $8.00, $4.00 with student I.D. Venuu Off-Coventry is a substance-free zone.

Venuu Off-Coventry presents a mixed bag of acts including dance, film, performance art, cabaret, theatre, and music once a month. The group is the brainchild of a band of Cleveland Heights residents who wanted to collect their artistic energy and create a gathering place for artists and the community. They are also dedicated to nurturing and developing a broad

spectrum of performing arts, including puppetry, multimedia, spoken word, and other art forms. In its first two seasons, VOC has presented a variety of performers and events including Barun Kumar Pal, The Sissy Show, Mr. Downchild, Nan O'Malley, The Harmony Girls, Lee Chilcote and Ron Andrico, The Rude Staff Checkers, Robbie Spackey, The Eclectics, The Suspenders, Crazy Rhythm, and World Music Dance Parties.

Venuu Off-Coventry is located in Cleveland Heights at 2728 Lancashire

Road, at The Unitarian-Universalist Society of Cleveland, downstairs.

10 AM- 2PM

Cleveland

State University

1850 E 18th Street

Room BU 102

PFLAG/Transfamily Educational Forum

"Do you or someone you know have Gender Questions?"

Seating is limited to 50 people. Call (216) 691-4357 or email imatmom@sbcglobal.net

Street parking costs 25 cents/half hour and should be plentiful on Saturday morning. You may

have to run out to renew the meter.

Here is a link to the location:

http://www.csuohio.edu/location/bu.html

5:30 PM

Wig's and Things

Private Wig Party

This event isn't confirmed. Sheila has been working hard to arrange this. The Salon only accommodates 6 people, and so make your plans early. We know of 4 confirmed attendees already.

Wigs 'N Things

77 N. Miller Rd.

Suite B

Fairlawn, OH 44333

(330) 864 5251

(800) 843 9447

Wigs N' Things is managed by Debbie and Mike, who have made presentation previously to Alpha Omega and Paradise Club. They provide high quality wigs in a location off of route 18 in Fairlawn not far from route 77. The shop is tucked in the lower rear level of a small group of shops off of the main drag, and is relatively private. You can try on wigs in private booths.

Victor/Victoria
Friday, Saturday 8PM
Sunday 3PM

Cassidy Theatre
6200 Pearl Road
Parma Heights, OH

(440) 842-4600

If you need an explanation of Victor/Victora, you are seriously out of touch girlfriend. Blake Edward's movie featuring Julie Andrews as Victoria, a second rate Soprano who becomes a first rate "female impersonator" is an all-time favorite. The supporting cast of James Garner as conflicted Chicago mobster King Marchand and Robert Preston as gay cabaret singer Toddy were also notable elements of the movie. Leslie Ann Warren played King Marchand's girlfriend to a t, while ex-Detroit Lions football player Alex Karras made a surprising sweet appearance as Marchand's gay bodyguard. The musical suffered somewhat for being too much of vehicle for Julie Andrews on the Broadway Stage, but we have word that the Director plans to restore some of the balance in this local stage production- which is also rumored to be a Cleveland area premier. Rumor also has it that someone you know will be in the cast.

Eddie Izzard
8 PM

Allen Theatre

Britain's crossdressing comic has a one night stand in Cleveland. . Be warned his humor has been highly political in past shows. The show would get an X-rating as well. But he really is very funny.

He's also in Pittsburgh on the 14th and 15th, as well as Detroit on the 18th.

Dame Edna Everage
8 PM
Palace Theatre

Dame Edna, simply the most talented and adored Australian to grace the stage, has returned to her beloved United States for another fun-filled theatrical tour. With Special Tony Award in hand, Dame Edna, is back with the funniest show you will ever see, and she will guarantee you at least one major laugh per half-minute!!! A Night with Dame Edna opened in Miami, Florida, in September 2002, and American audiences have been hysterical with laughter ever since! Barry Humphries stars as the world's funniest diva! www.dame-edna.com

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www.tri-ess.org/spice

www.rmtsk.org/holiday

www.ColoGoldRush.org

www.eriesisters.org.

This newsletter is copyright 1998-2003 by The Alpha Omega Society. All right reserved. Articles and information contained in this newsletter may NOT be without advance permission from the individual author. Write to editor@aosoc.org in order to contact the author. When permission is granted, a copy of the issue containing the reprinted material must be sent to Alpha Omega within two months after the material is published and proper credit is given to author and source.

The opinions or statements contained in this newsletter are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the views of Alpha Omega. Contributions of articles are welcomed, but may be altered in the editing process, with the author’s intent retained, or may be rejected, whether solicited or not. Absolutely no sexually explicit material may be accepted or printed.

Alpha Omega is a non-profit social support group for heterosexual crossdressers and their wives or partners. Also, members from related organizations, helping professionals, and approved guests are welcome when cleared through Alpha Omega’s officers.

Meetings are the second Saturday evening of each month unless a special event is scheduled that takes the place of the regularly scheduled meeting. The location of the meeting or event is only released to members or others with the approval of an officer. Members and visitors must be 18 years of age or older. We will exchange newsletters with any other similar group. Send all correspondence to Alpha Omega, P.O. Box 2053, Sheffield Lake, OH 44054.

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