Michelle called the meeting to order at 8:30 p.m. Gloria was given the floor to tell us about the loss of one of our members, Dauna. She suggested we hold a 50-50 raffle with the proceeds going to a charitable cause in Dauna’s memory. Michelle then asked for a moment of silence for Dauna.

Due to the situation it was necessary to cancel Casino Night. It was replaced by an evening of games and socializing. 

Nominations for officers were held with the following results:

A topic brought up for further discussion in November is the phone line. Due to the cost, is it feasible to retain it?
Diane Frank stated that we receive more phone calls than emails with inquiries.

Paula will conduct the 50-50 raffle.

Cheryl informed us of the Holiday en Femme and Board of Directors meeting in November. Kathleen and Gloria mentioned the Awards ballots will be in the November newsletter. Ballots are to be brought to the November meeting. For those who may not be able to attend, but would like to vote, Diane Frank will set up a spot on our web site.

Lisa moved to adjourn, Cheryl seconded.

Minutes Respectfully Submitted

By Kathleen Fenton

As everyone might expect, Mike/Michelle has a broken spirit right now. Half of his truest self is gone forever. Unfortunately, but a fact none-the-less, grief is a task that cannot be cast aside. To deny the grieving process is to dehumanize oneself. From grief comes a knowledge of life. It is not what we choose, but what we must do. Now comes our part. What we do is offer support, and M/M will need our earnest support. He has become a friend, and will always be part of my family. Sherry and I love him dearly. As friends, we will offer ourselves to the end. As his support group, we must do what we do best. And that is to offer our hearts and our ears. I am sure he will join us again, in his own time of choice. I will not pressure him, and I ask that everyone else do the same. He has to heal in his own way, and we must respect that. Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers. One day we will see his wonderful smile again, and we can return to more light-hearted aspects of life. True friends are a blessing, and we have all been truly blessed.

Abby

_

NEWS from the Human Rights Campaign

919 18th Street, NW, Suite 800

Washington, DC 20006

email: hrc@hrc.org

http://www.hrc.org

________________________________________________________

HRC RELEASES GROUND-BREAKING PUBLIC OPINION RESEARCH ON TRANSGENDER

ISSUES

Public is Broadly Aware of Transgender Americans, But Much More

Education Is Needed, Says HRC

WASHINGTON - The Human Rights Campaign announced today the findings of a landmark HRC-commissioned poll conducted by the firm Lake Snell Perry & Associates Inc., that focuses on public perception of transgender issues. The poll shows that while most people accept that a person can be transgender, more education is needed to help people better understand the lives of transgender Americans, says HRC.

"The data shows that most people want to treat transgender Americans fairly and protect them from workplace discrimination and hate crimes," said HRC Communications Director and Senior Strategist David M. Smith.

"Still, the majority of Americans report being uncomfortable about transgender issues, especially when confronted with the challenges that transgender people face."

Seventy percent of Americans have heard the word transgender and a majority have, on some level, contemplated the issue. "The concept of transgender is something that the public is aware of, if not focused on," said Celinda Lake, of the polling firm Lake Snell Perry & Associates Inc. "Most people accept that it is possible for a person to be 'born as one sex but inside feel like the other sex.' However, many are confused about what transgender means, and which people would be considered transgender." All voters overwhelmingly favor transgender students attending public schools, according to the poll results. Additionally, despite differences between sympathizers and opponents, there is a strong general consensus that no one should be subjected to violence and discrimination because of who they are. There are, however, differences between the two points of view on how to address these issues.

The poll found that sympathizers who believe in transgender equality favor transgender-specific laws and opponents prefer using what they erroneously believe to be existing laws to protect transgender people.However, the fact remains that there are very few jurisdictions in this nation that prohibit discrimination against transgender Americans, says HRC. Additionally, the poll found a very critical correlation between whether the public sees being transgender as a moral issue and whether they think people have a choice about being transgender. "Three-quarters of those who say being transgender is a choice, also see it as a moral issue," said Lake, "while two-thirds who do not see it as a moral issue say people are born transgender."

Despite some negative segments of the population, much of the public expresses interest and concern for transgender people. The majority of respondents disagree with statements that say, "I do not care about transgender people," "I don't want to hear about transgender people," "There is no reason to worry about such a small minority," or "Transgender people get what they deserve." Conversely, the majority favors laws to protect transgender people's rights. Transgender individuals also face the same problem as gay and lesbian Americans, in that a great number of people believe that the law already protects these groups.

"The data clearly suggests that a strategic, step-by-step educational campaign that focuses on broadly supported issues - such as hate crimes and discrimination protection -- are the best place to start on the road toward equality," said HRC's Smith.

Among other findings:

* 61 percent believe the country needs laws to protect transgender people from discrimination. 
* 57 percent incorrectly believe that it is not legal to fire a person just because they are transgender.
* 67 percent agree that it is possible for a person to be born as one sex, but inside feel like another sex.
* 53 percent believe it is "all right" for a person to be transgender, while 37 percent believe that it is wrong.
* 77 percent of people believe that transgender students should be allowed to attend public schools.

* 48 percent of Americans would have "no problem" working with a transgender person, while only
percent claim they "would not" be willing to.

Try to see it from the other side

By M.

This essay was written by a correspondent who is the wife of a Crossdresser. It provides an interesting perspective on the issue of how things must seem from the outside. Permission has been granted for reprinting (as long as the text is not altered).

To get a true understanding of how your wife may feel, imagine a reversed situation where you would be the one embarrassed. Say for instance, she decided after 14 years of marriage that she wanted to join a nudist colony. You didn’t like it, but you figured it was just a phase, so you let her do it begrudgingly. You were sure that she’d become uncomfortable with it and stop on her own.

You refused to go with her despite all her prompting because you are not comfortable with it. But instead of it being a phase, she goes the other way and decides to do it more frequently; you begin to see an obsession forming and often you come home to find her walking around the house in the nude. This really upsets you because you are afraid the children will see her, and you don’t want your kids to think of their mom in that way. She usually gets dressed ONLY when she thinks you’re coming home…but on a few occasions, you’ve surprised her and caught her even gardening in the nude? What will the neighbors think! Then one night when the kids are all at a friend’s house, she comes home from work in the nude.

Apparently she just stripped off all her clothes when she got in the car, and drove home like that. You get pretty irate about it, and she doesn’t understand what the big deal is because she got dressed in the driveway before walking into the house. She says, "I don’t know why you are making such a big deal about it. No one saw me." Yet you find it hard to believe that people didn’t gawk at this woman driving naked.

Your imagination runs wild..What if the neighbors say her dressing the car! What if someone you knew had seen her! What if the kids had seen her! She dismisses your anger by telling you that there is nothing wrong with what she is doing, just because YOU see it as wrong. That you should come to one of her NAKEDESS meetings where you could meet other couples who are comfortable with the whole thing.

Next she starts getting more daring. She’ll go to the office with no bra or panties on. You know people notice at least the bra part. But similar to your situation, she just views it as "underdressing" or "under undressing" in this case. You argue a lot over it. To her it’s no big deal, but to you…it’s not how you want your wife to be viewed by her coworkers.

One day she comes home and tells you that while working in the office on a holiday weekend, her coworker who is the wife of your best friend and neighbor, walked in on her, and she was working in the nude! You are just beside yourself with humility. How will you ever face them again?

The relationship really starts to splinter when she slips up and leaves nude photos of herself at the nudist colony laying around the kids discover them. You two have to tell the kids what’s going on, "Kids, your mom is a nudist." But then she goes on to explain to them that there’s really nothing wrong with wanting to be nude. You shouldn’t be ashamed of your body. The kids seem accepting of it…and now your imagination soars. You envision your household becoming a nudist colony, and fear the damage to morals and values that you’ve worked so hard to instill in your children.

What if your daughter decides to become a stripper because of the example her mother has set? And now there’s the added fear that the kids will tell their classmates, or teachers even? Can you ever face these people again?

Everywhere you go, you feel that everyone is looking at you and saying, "There goes the husband of that nudie lady. He must be weird too to stay married to that." You feel you are being judged by her actions.After all, as a married couple you two are supposed to be two halves of a whole.

You feel she must’ve known before you were married. You feel betrayed and deceived. You begin to cast blame. You blame the nudist camp for influencing her to get deeper. You berate yourself for not having good judgment; you should’ve put your foot down when she first mentioned it. But because you let her sample the waters, thinking she’d come to her senses, your life has been destroyed. At least life as you knew it. Blissful life that it was in comparison. You fight all the time now..and she just cannot see things from your view, nor you from hers.

She begs you to go to the NAKEDESS meeting with her. Finally, she convinces you to go. The meeting is held at a nudist camp type hotel on the beach. Mostly everyone is walking around nude. You are incredibly embarrassed for them. Even the waiters and waitresses are naked. There are a few who are dressed, one of which is you. You feel so out of place. Your wife tries to make it comfortable and light, but the comfortable she is…the more uncomfortable you are.

This is like Alice in Wonderland…you’ve fallen into another dimension where normality doesn’t exist. Your mind is stretched to the limit. "What is reality? Is this for real? How can it be with all these naked people walking around acting like they’re the normal ones, and I’m the weirdo?" The meeting is very uncomfortable for you because all these other men can see your wife naked. It makes you feel very vulnerable and embarrassed. To you, in your mind, your wife and her body should be for your eyes only.

Just recently, while on vacation, Kathy and I had a unique experience happen that I would like to share. We had gone down South to visit several of Kathy’s family including her father, two of her sisters and their families, and her mother.

Kathy and Martin had long discussed since they were married thirteen years ago, that if and when the time came, and Kathy felt comfortable enough, that she could tell her two sisters about "Gloria". As we only get to see them, basically once a year, and there is always lots of family around, it just seemed there never was a good time, or that Kathy felt comfortable enough to tell her sisters.

Kathy did feel that over the years of the family getting to know Martin, and how much they loved each other, that her sisters would probably be able to handle being told about me, and for the last three or four years has taken a picture of me with her on vacation. But, like I say, there just never seemed to be a good time to do it. Neither Kathy, Martin, nor I wanted any revelation about Gloria to wind up being a problem for her sisters or the family. That type of trouble just isn’t worth it. On the way South, Kathy and Martin talked again about telling her sisters about me, and it once more came down to, if there was a right time and right place to do it.

Most times Martin’s brothers-in-law would be off to bed by 11:00 p.m., so, as I say, Martin just became part of the chat group. It always amazed Martin that Ann and Donna both felt so comfortable talking with him around that he has a very warm spot in his heart for both of them. And, in a way, it made me feel that in the right time and place, that Ann and Donna knowing Gloria wouldn’t be a problem either.

Maybe it sounds silly, but it was as though Martin was one of the "girls" too, and I remember thinking so many times that that was a wonderful feeling. Let’s face it, when a "guy" (Martin) can sit and talk with three sisters until 3:00 a.m. in the morning about anything, including everyday life, sexy underwear, and even personal feminine experiences, there is a very unique bond at work. And this year’s talks were just as wonderful to Martin as always as they talked about family situations in their lives, and, of course, about the wedding. It turned out that Kathy and Martin got to meet the young man that Kathy’s niece is going to marry, and he does seem to be a really nice young man. They met him when they stayed at Ann’s home for a couple days.

Ann, her daughter, Kathy and Martin all spent some time going over the wedding plan and talked about finding the right bridesmaid dresses, etc. Kathy and Martin both determined that several times at Donna’s, and then at Ann’s that there were many comments that had made both of them think to themselves, "if you only knew about Gloria!". But, since they had never told them, that likelihood was near impossible.

One morning it was just Kathy, Martin and Ann. And after some quick thought and a huge leap of faith, Kathy and Martin decided to tell Ann about me. When Kathy started telling Ann that she had something serious to talk to her about, you could see Ann’s eyes get wide with concern. But as soon as Kathy asked Ann if she knew what a cross dresser was, the look of concern was long gone, and instead, Ann got the biggest smile on her face and began laughing.

Kathy and Martin were both somewhat dumbfounded by this reaction, but Ann soon put that to rest when she told them that she, Donna, and both of their husbands had know about Martin’s cross dressing for years, had talked about it amongst themselves, and had all just been waiting for Kathy and Martin to say something about it. Now, if you want to talk about two surprised people, Kathy and Martin fit that category right then.

One of Kathy’s other sisters who has known about Gloria since before Kathy and Martin were married, had told them about Martin’s cross dressing about nine years ago when she and Kathy had had some very serious problems with each other, and she had gone South to visit. And though this other sister might have been hoping to cause family friction at the time, Ann readily assured Kathy and Martin that the only response she got was "so what, that’s no big deal."

All of a sudden, what had seemed like such a huge burden was gone from the shoulders of Kathy, Martin, and me. Ann went on to say that her and Donna had both, over the nine years, tried to make little comments to let Kathy and Martin know they knew the secret, without coming right out and saying so. And Kathy and Martin both started remembering all the comments that had confused them for so many years. As Ann talked on about how grateful she was that they had finally confided in her, Kathy and Martin, also fund out that Ann'’ daughter and groom-to-be both knew, as well. In fact, as a pleasant surprise, Ann told them that her daughter and boyfriend thought that Martin being "Gloria" was "cool" with them.

Now that doesn’t mean that "Gloria" is going to jump right into the next family gathering, but at least the dread of the family that Kathy and Martin love so much, knowing about me has been lifted. And that alone is something uniquely wonderful to know. Kathy and Martin both told Ann about Alpha Omega and TriEss, and our dear friends; and Ann is going to check out the group web site. It was left to Ann to tell any others who knew the secret about "Gloria" in her own time and way, as she felt necessary. Not only did Martin’s and my respect and love for Ann and Donna grow that day, but so did the respect and love we feel towards their husbands. Never once in the last nine years have either of