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La Femme Silhouette
Table of Contents
Omega General Meeting Minutes
from our President- Friends-Abby
Family- Gloria Sue Fenton
Life's Most Embarrassing Moments- May's Program Synopsis (See
what you Missed!)
THE GIFT- Sally Stone
Tips - From the Looking Glass 2002
Conservative Men in Conservative Dresses Part III- Amy Bloom
(From Atlantic Monthly, April 2002)
Minutes -SATURDAY, MAY 11, 2002
Prior to the meeting, Donna made the first of a new monthly
presentation –QUEEN OF THE EVENING.
May’s Queen selected for her "Springiest
Lipstick" was Diane Frank. Crowned by her lovely wife,
Diane reigned regally the remainder of the evening.
Kathleen presented Karen, as out-going President, with a
lovely bouquet of flowers and thanked her for all the hard
work of the past year.
7:51 PM Karen called the meeting to order.
Announcements: Fran and Gail lost some property to the
recent twister. Otherwise they are unharmed. Betty (Laura and
Betty) recently passed away after a lengthy illness. Diane
Kent has no new results regarding her cancer.
Karen discussed with the group her feelings on our poor
attendance, lack of teamwork and other issues. She expressed
her hopes that these would improve in the future since the
future of Alpha Omega depends on it.
Debbie (Karen’s SO) then talked about her experiences and
memories with Alpha Omega. She also expressed concern about
teamwork and the apparent lack of cohesiveness.
The Constitution was voted on and at this time is passing
14-5 (2/3 majority needed). However we were reminded that this
was the early return and would not be final until 30-day
period up (May 17th).
8:10 PM Break
8:20 PM Meeting returned to order and change of command was
passed to Abby who thanked Karen for the excellent job she has
done over the past year, mentioning such items as SPICE, the
Fall Get-Together, and the Constitution.
Election of other officers is being held until next month
when the new Constitution should be in effect. Abby expressed
her intention of having at least 3-4 people on the committees.
She reminded us that for new members, we offer support for
about two meetings then we are friends. Alpha Omega should
have a friendly atmosphere and present class, dignity, and a
sense of pride.
Menus for the year are being planned by Sherry and Marissa.
Next month will be "Beer and Bratwurst" – Root
Beer that is.
Sauerkraut/Bratwurst/Buns/Condiments = Sherry
Bread/ Dessert = Karen
Potato Salad/Cheese Plate = Kathleen
Chicken Salad = Marissa
Kosher Pickles/Croissants = Diane Frank
Sliced Meats = ????????????
Dessert = Paula
Program for next meeting will be two-part: a purse swap,
and the Art of Make-Up by Mac (who will not be charging for
Christmas Planning Committee to be formed. Anyone
interested to see Abby both for volunteering and for ideas of
what to do.
A-O Onelist discussed. Michelle verified that the site was
secure and safe for our use. Sign-up list passed around.
Newsletter deadlines reinforced. The deadline is Saturday
morning two weeks prior to the meeting. There will be no
exceptions. Any articles received after the deadline will be
held until the next newsletter.
Supplies are running low. We need such items as pop (coke,
diet coke, pepsi, diet pepsi, sprite, bottled water, etc.),
coffee, creamer, tablecloths, plates, plastic silverware, salt
and pepper shakers.
Outreach: Abby suggested that A-O become more active in the
communities. It was recommended that we send a letter to
various charities and community services introducing
ourselves. At present time, we take any left over food to a
shelter on the west side. Abby would like to see us more
involved including at Christmas. The brochure designed by
Diane Frank was re-introduced and is being considered as a
presentation tool to local groups and professionals.
9:01 PM Motion made to adjourn by Cheryl and seconded by
I came to Alpha Omega in October of 1998. It was quite a step for me. I had
been in my closet since I was a child, and no one knew anything about "
Abby" except Sherry. Even to this point, it was always testing our
relationship in some manner, usually due to me pushing the envelope, yet not
knowing what it was I was pushing for.
As was protocol then, Lori answered my snail mail, we talked, and arranged a
personal interview. Every step was just a little more unnerving, yet every step
meant I was that much closer to finding some peace. Once all the interviewing
and talking was done, I was invited to attend a meeting. I was elated and scared
to death, all rolled into one.
That meeting was at the old church, a romantic mansion stuck out in the
woods. It took a lot for me to get out of the car, go inside and change, and
walk downstairs to where the meetings were held, but I wasn’t going to miss
this for the world.
Lori met Sherry and I immediately, and introduced us to lots of people. At
that point only a few names stuck in my head. I do remember being introduced to
Gloria, and She made it very clear how welcome we were, and that we were among
I had the time of my life that night, and the euphoria of all that transpired
is still something I remember quite clearly. I could see no reason I would ever
miss a meeting again.
Since those days, which seem like so long ago, many people have come and gone
as members. Still, there have been those who have remained the constants of
Alpha Omega. That core of people have become much more than acquaintances. Most
have become near and dear friends. The things we have shared with them, and they
with us, goes far beyond causal. These people have a place in my heart.
Alpha Omega is so much more than a support group to me. It is more of a
gathering of friends. Sure, we are a support group in the truest sense of the
word, but as one gets comfortable with the surroundings, it goes well beyond
that. It’s a chance to see one another, share what life has handed us since
last we chatted, have a smile or two, lend one another a shoulder to cry on, or
just be a good listener while a friend needs some comfort. This has become an
integral part of my life.
For as long as I have been here, Gloria and Kathleen has defined such
friendship. They have always been there for anyone that was in need. They gave
us their wisdoms, they gave us support, they gave us their guidance, and for
many years they led us by example, both officially and unofficially. Their
importance as friends cannot be overstated.
Now, they have suffered the loss of Martin Sr. What can you say about a man
who unconditionally accepts his son for who and what he is, and extends that
acceptance to his son’s support groups and friends? He was a shining example
of endearment, plain and simple. Everyone that knew him will dearly miss him.
So at this point, we lend our friends a shoulder. We lend them an ear. We let
them know that their sorrow is shared. For all the years we have turned to them
for our needs, we turn to them now in offering ourselves for their needs. My
heart aches because I know theirs do. I cannot unload the burden, but I can be
that friend they were to me. The examples they set have taught me well.
Gloria Sue Fenton
words that I may put on
paper are far from
adequate to express the
thoughts and emotions that
fill me at this moment.
Yet I must try.
very blessed to have a
family that never turned
its back to Martin,
matter how many times he
fouled his life up, and
also found room for me
of the family. From the
first time Martin
officially told his family
of my existence thirteen
and one half years ago, my
life as Gloria, not only
began, but took on a new
depth of meaning.
was not alone any more.
Not only had I found Alpha
Omega at that time, and
friends that I cherish to
this day, but I found the
love and acceptance of a
mother, a father, of
brothers, and a
sister-in-law that I never
dreamt could be possible.
For so long I had felt so
alone, and that I would
never know what it was to
be loved by anyone. All of
a sudden I was part of a
family, as though it had
been that way all my life,
and I have always taken
immense pride in being
part of my family.
Omega became my extended
family. And my family
embraced Alpha Omega, as
well, because it was a
dear part of my life. I
remember the intense joy I
felt the first time my
parents attended an Alpha
Omega meeting, and I was
able to introduce them to
the group. My Ma and Dad
counted each of you as
friends, and respected you
as human beings, and I
know that as fact. My life
was blessed even more when
Kathleen became part of
the core family and
embraced Alpha Omega, as
and Dad moved to Ohio in
1994, they attended
meetings often with
Kathleen and myself, and
they were always so happy
for me that I had found my
friends at Alpha Omega. In
1996 when Ma passed away,
not only did my family
know the love of our
relatives, but there was
also the love given by our
extended family of Alpha
Omega. That love helped me
through a very rough time
in my life and meant so
in his love and support
for me, not only joined
Alpha Omega, but Tri-Ess
as well. Now my Dad has
passed away, and once more
Kathy and I have not only
known the love of our
relatives, but the love of
Alpha Omega, as well.
behalf of Martin and
Kathy, my brothers Mike
and Mel, and their wives
Debby and Pattie, I just
want to let you all know
how much your love and
respect has meant to all
of us. The phone calls,
the emails, and the cards
were so greatly
appreciated by our family.
And I was so proud that
Lori and Karen could make
the calling hours, and
that Cheryl and Lisa could
make the funeral. I know
that Sherry, Abby, and
Allie had planned to make
the calling hours, as
well, but due to last
these things prove once
more that Alpha Omega is a
part of our family. I am
sure beyond any doubt that
my Ma and Dad still give
their love and respect to
Alpha Omega and always
will. They both knew how
much Alpha Omega meant,
and still means to me.
Alpha Omega is
a part of our family.
love and respect always,
Kathleen and Gloria
"Life’s Most Embarrassing Moments"
Although some folks couldn’t stay, a large number of people joined in to
the story swapping. It started slow, but soon had everyone joining in to tell
embarrassing and quite humorous tales on themselves.
The stories ran the gamut from problems with vasectomies (YIKES) to pink
tights. Personally, I found that although the stories were a hoot, seeing people
open up to one another in a small environment was like seeing someone blossom.
When people begin to tell stories about themselves, they tend to get more
comfortable with a group, and this lends itself to a better understand of the
person; not male, not female, not a wife, not a cd; a person. This is where
friends come from. Once we get past the formalities, we begin to allow ones own
interpretation of themselves to be seen and heard. It’s these small things in
life that takes us past "acquaintances" and on to "friends".
And, to top it all off, It appeared everyone had FUN~!
I wanted to thank everyone who stayed to help clean up after the meeting. For
the first time in a long time, we had a full contingent of volunteers who
stayed. It all went really fast with so many hands involved in the kitchen, the
meeting room, and the Main room.
I know it is impossible for everyone to stay each week, but if we can have a
group like that each month, it will make things so much easier on everyone.
Again, Thanks so much
By Miss Sally Stone (Part II)
Later, as Jason was trying to fall asleep, he kept
hoping that this troublesome compulsion would go away. He
hoped that he would simply and succinctly, overpower the
desires he felt within. As he lay in his bed however,
staring at the ceiling, Jason knew deep down, that his
desire to crossdress probably would never go away. Based
upon the information he had uncovered on the internet,
this much, he knew.
In the coming months, Jason quelled his desire to
crossdress by concentrating on soccer. He had been a
starting striker for the high school team since he was a
freshman, and now in his junior year, there was talk among
his coaches that he might make the all-state team. While
successful at not crossdressing, the emotional turmoil was
eating him up. His parent's reaction had fractured any
foundation of self worth, and Jason was beginning to
falter under the pressure of non-acceptance.
Jason's only support came from his sister Julie. Since
the incident, she had been rock steady in her support.
Jason and Julie had always been close, since the
crossdressing incident however; they had developed an even
stronger bond. Jason and Julie had discussed crossdressing
several times, and each time, Julie assured her brother
that while unusual, wearing girl's clothes was no big
deal. In spite of his sister’s support, Jason could not
overcome the despair knowing that his parents had been
ashamed and embarrassed. It was talking its toll
emotionally, and only Julie was able to see the adverse
To Jules, it appeared that her parents were not going
to come around to a more sensible way of thinking. She had
attempted to broach the subject with each of them
independently, but each time, they refused to listen. The
subject of their son, wearing women’s clothing, was not
open for discussion, and they didn’t want to hear
anything Julie had to say on the matter.
Julie felt that she had to do something to help improve
her brother’s attitude and self worth. She decided that
if she was unable to get her parents to come around then
she would instead, concentrate on helping Jason with his
Julie had a plan, and as she worked it over in her
mind, she began to think that this plan would be the best
way to help get Jason back his waning confidence.
Additionally, she hoped that her plan would help to show
Jason that being a crossdresser was ok and nothing to be
ashamed of. As she drove back to school to pick her
brother up from soccer practice, she worked the final
details over in her mind.
If Julie's parents ever suspected what she was up to,
they would be horrified. Consequently, she would have to
great care in keeping her plan from them. Fortunately for
Julie, her parents were both doing their collective
impression of ostriches. They both had their heads in the
sand in regards to Jason, and Julie knew their
indifference would be an ally.
The stage had been set and now she was relieved that
the most difficult part of her plan had been coordinated.
She needed to secure the help of her best friends Rebecca
and Stephanie. Julie knew that she was taking a big chance
by letting her friends in on Jason's secret.
Unfortunately, Julie felt that she needed to have their
help if she was going to pull things off. To Julie's
surprise and elation, both of her friends were cool with
So now, the second stage of the plan was to pitch it to
Jason. Given his state of mind she was afraid he would not
be very receptive. Her hope however, was that Jason's
desire to crossdress would overcome his desire to please
their parents. Julie had no problem with this because she
knew that her parent's attitude and their lack of
understanding were wrong. Her overriding concern was now
her brother's well being and his fragile self worth.
Julie had been waiting for about twenty minutes when
Jason finally emerged from the field house locker room.
"Hey Jules", Jason called as he strolled around
the car to the passenger door, "how was your
"It was great little brother", she responded
cheerfully, "and how about yours"?
"It was ok I guess." Jason tried desperately
to hide his despair.
Julie however, recognized the undertone in his voice
immediately. She knew that she had to put her plan in
motion as soon as possible. As she back the car out of the
parking lot, Julie struggled with just how to pitch the
idea to her brother. She decided that she should begin by
letting Jason know just how concerned she had become over
his emotional wellbeing. "Jason", she started,
"I'm worried about you".
"Why are you worried about me", Jason asked?
"Because Jason, this incident with Mom and Dad is
adversely affecting you. You have been sullen and
emotionally distraught ever since Mom found you dressed in
"It's no big deal", Jason lied.
"Everyone else may believe that, but I certainly
don't. I know you too well, and this whole crossdressing
thing has got you really troubled"
"Well think about it Julie, don't you think that a
guy who has an intense desire to wear his mother's clothes
"You know, if you were the only guy in the world
who liked wearing dresses, then I would say it was weird,
but since crossdressing is extremely common, it's not
weird at all. You have to stop beating yourself up about
it. Who cares what Mom and Dad think anyway. Besides, I
think Mom's mad mostly because you looked better in her
dress than she does".
That comment caused Jason to laugh in spite of himself,
and he looked across the car at his sister's profile. She
was truly a best friend, and he loved her dearly for her
Julie interrupted Jason's thoughts. "What you need
is something that will show you that being a crossdresser
is nothing to be ashamed of. You should be proud of what
you are, and not care about what others think".
"You make it sound so easy Jules. Being a
crossdresser isn't turning out to be something that's easy
to live with. I think I'm better off just fighting this
"Hey kiddo, those urges aren't goofy. They are a
part of you, and we both know that you aren't going to
outgrow them. The sooner you accept what you are, the
better off you'll be".
Jason was hanging his head and Julie's heart ached for
him. He was really struggling with this. She reached
across the front seat and rested her hand on his knee.
"Jason, you'll get through this you know"?
"Yeah", he muttered.
"No! Really, and I have a plan to help you get
through it. If you trust me, I think I have a plan to help
"A plan, what kind of plan helps cure a
"My plan isn't going to cure you. My plan instead,
is going to help you learn to accept your feminine
"My feminine side! Why would I want to accept
that? God Jules, what would you think if you had a
boyfriend who had a feminine side"?
"Well to begin with, a boyfriend with a feminine
side, might be more sensitive and not so testosterone
"Guys can be ugly, huh"?
"Oh you can't imagine how ugly".
"So you think I have a feminine side"?
"Yep I do, and we need to show you just how
beneficial that side of your personality can be".
"How would you do that", Jason asked?
"Well, I think we should dress you to the nines,
and take you out for a night on the town".
I have kicking around a few ideas for fundraisers, so
as to keep ourselves solvent and financially fit. I know
everyone wants to have exciting programs and venues, maybe
even mixed in with a party here and there. None of this is
out of the question, but we have to raise the coffers a
bit. Any ideas would be appreciated, just so they keep in
mind the group as a whole, and not some private agendas.
We need to keep it interesting for CD’s and
spouses/partners alike. Here are a few I have thought
about, and how they could work. I would really like some
input on these at the June meeting, and any other ideas.
I believe we all have some earrings, rings, bracelets,
jewelry, etc lying around, which we don’t wear any
longer. Obviously, I am not talking about heirlooms or
expensive pieces. I am talking about inexpensive stuff
that could just what someone else might be looking for.
Maybe once every 3-4 months, we could set up a table,
and offer these things up for sale, for say $3-$4-$5 each.
This way, things wouldn’t cost so much, a person could
part with them as a donation, and Alpha Omega stands to
make a little extra. If everyone brought in 2 items, and
20+ members each bought a couple, that could make us a
quick $100. It’s not a lot, but it could mean a few more
options in Christmas planning, outreach, etc.
I think we could have some fun with a "Vegas
Night". It’s a simple enough idea that has been
used in churches and charities for eons.
We can set things up for Black Jack, Poker, dice
tables, maybe even Roulette…whatever everyone likes.
Have a few dealers, maybe even a few "gals" who
want to wait tables, perhaps even a Show of some kind.
Everyone would buy "play money" with real
money. The evenings games would be played with the funny
money, and after an elapsed time, we tally up individuals
takes, and have cash prizes for 1st, 2nd,
and 3rd place.
I have been to these, and they really are a lot of fun,
and the "house", in this case AO, is the real
I know I have talked to a few of you about having a
glamour shot evening. Everything could happen in house.
We could have some people help with the touch ups,
accessories, backdrop, etc, and digitally take photos,
that could be printed, loaded onto a personal disc, or
sent as an email copy. I know some people are skeptical
about cameras, and we must respect that right, so this
would obviously done with discretion and in trusted hands.
The upside is that we could take pictures for $10 and
place them on a disc for each individual. If everyone
brought their own disc, then almost all of that money is a
profit for the group. Again, 25 people at ten dollars each
is $250. It all adds up.
I don’t want to sound like we must pass the
collection basket every time we meet, because we aren’t
going to. I am looking at these things as "once every
three months" or so. And I do believe that if we are
going to get people to give a little bit, we should give
them back something. With a steady attendance, most of the
finances take care of themselves. But I want to see us be
in a position to do a few things extra…. and of course,
as always, have some fun.
(The Looking Glass June 2002)
Instead of buying expensive facial wipes for cleaning off eye make-up and foundation,
I buy generic baby wipes. I get the house brand at Costco. They are fortified with Vitamin E and
Aloe and have no fragrance and other additives (to protect sensitive baby skin). Now my face
is baby-fresh at about half the price.
Shampoo and More Shampoo
Baby shampoo makes a great and inexpensive eye makeup remover. I also find that the cheap
shampoo's, 69 cents a bottle, or under a dollar make great refills for liquid soap dispensers,
and the different scents are great also. Soap is soap. If the shampoo is real thick, just
add a little water. Shampoo also takes the dirty rings off of shirt collars. Waterless
hand cleaners, the kind guys use when they work on cars work great for getting
grease, cooking oil or any other kinds of oil off of laundry. Just work it in to the stain
before the garment is wet. I also use shampoo to clean my hand washables, you can
even put a little conditioner in the rinse water, makes them nice and soft, and it smells good
The Frugal Face
Cosmetics are expensive, as we well know. I have found a way to get double
the amount of loose face powder for the same amount of money.Buy the darkest
shade available. Remove the liner and half of the powder. Store it for later use. To the remaining
powder, add teaspoons of baby powder. Stir it in and add
additional baby powder until desired shade is acquired.
The results are amazing. I see no difference in effect or wear. And it feels great
on my skin.
Scuffed Shoe Solution
This morning I found a way to remove scuff marks from my shoes. I have tried
to wash the scuff marks off. I have even tried to scratch them off with my fingernail.
I thought I was stuck with scuff marks on my good
shoes. Then this morning I used an eraser and guess what? They came right off. I
just erased them.
Skin Care for Less
Most skin care products use the simplest ingredients, so my tip is to check the box
for the primary ingredients and just use those. The
savings on buying primary ingredients over "skin care" products is enormous! You
can get primary ingredients at Wal-Mart, Sam's Club, Costco and other discount stores
in larger sizes, making for even greater savings.
Makeup Remover: Baby Oil. Use your fingers, a tissue, a thin cotton cosmetic
pad or cotton ball to apply.
Cleanser: The Wal-Mart brand of Dove soap.
Astringent: Rubbing alcohol
Moisturizer: The cheapest hand lotion you can find.
Nighttime eye cream: Petroleum jelly
My skin care system not only keeps my skin soft, moisturized and young-looking,
but it's totally frugal! I
Men In Conservative Dresses (Part III)
April 2002 Atlantic Monthly
The world of cross-dressers is for the most part a world of traditional men,
traditional marriages, and truths turned inside out
By Amy Bloom
This article just appeared
in Atlantic Monthly:
Conservative Men In
Fairfaxes believe that
are just normal folks, not at
all like those gender outlaws—
bearded men in dresses,
"chicks with dicks~—whom
Jane Ellen calls "gender
mockers" The Fairfaxes
want crossdressers out of the
closet, not because Tri-Ess
wishes to defy or upend
society, but because they
believe that if society
understood how normal
cross-dressing is, resistance
to it would vanish; it would
be seen as no stranger a form
of relaxation than golf. The
words that Ray Blanchard uses
when he talks about
"continuum of gender
words the Fairfaxes don't ever
want to hear. They are upset
when cross-dressing is viewed
as being about sex, or as
unusual (although they know it
is), because they realize that
they are exactly the kind of
people, Texans—that George
W. Bush wants and needs. When
Ellen and Frances want you to
think only of a guy relaxing
in a dress.
course it's not
says, with some heat.
"Heels and makeup and a
wig and a corset? It's
preposterous. Even women don't
find that relaxing. Relaxing
is a pair of sweatpants,
clothing that doesn't even
feel like clothing.
Cross-dressers want to
normalize this, to have it
seen as relaxation and
self-statement. I've had
people say to me, 'You know, I
bet if there wasn't all this
stereotyping, these people
would not choose to wear a
dress2 I say that's nonsense.
Cross-dressing is an attempt
to resolve an internal
conflict, and it's not about
fabric. If we had clothing for
men and women that was
identical in every way except
men wore shirts with four
buttons and women had shirts
with five, cross-dressers
would want more than anything
to have the shirt with five.
We don't know why"
categories and descriptions
are so narrow and
self-protective that we don't
have words for the drive to
crossdress, we don't have any
language to describe the
mixture of attraction and envy
that often leads these men to
have sex with women while
thinking of themselves as male
from the Fantasia Fair of l9S6
cross-dresser's bind as he
tries to describe what drives
What is a
heterosexual, who desires and
needs to dress in the clothing
of the opposite sex at
different times throughout his
or her life. This compulsive
behavior generally starts at a
young age and the individual
struggles alone for many years
with this closeted need.
Crossdressing is not a
sickness, but represents a
person who enjoys expressing
another aspect of his
both emotional and physical
pleasure from this transition.
It is not a hobby, but a
necessity and Crossdressing is
to me to be the heart of
cross-dressers' dilemma, and
the heart of mine in writing
about them. Cross-dressing is
a compulsion, but we must not
see it as a sickness. A good
wife should tolerate it
because the man has no choice,
but it isn't too hard to
tolerate because it's a gift.
It is about fun and pleasure—and
it's a necessity. The
necessity of cross-dressing is
frightening to the men and to
their wives, and their wish to
tame it, to characterize it as
a preference and a gift, is
told me, "Men are stil1
being trained—well, you
know, as Virginia Prince [the
founder of Tri-Ess, and one of
the godmothers of
cross-dressing] says, 'Men are
always trying to become what
women are content to be"'
'What is it
that women are content to
be?" I asked.
you know, they know when to
give it a rest. They know when
and how to quit. They can
relax and be themselves"
I did know.
He meant that in his vision,
idealized and old-fashioned,
women are like oceans, or like
fields, or like horses, and
men are sailors, farmers, and
cowboys, and that is their
curse and that is women's
blessing, although women may
not realize it. It is
exhausting to be a man, and
delightful to kick off those
demands and slip into
something more comfortable.
The longer I talked to the
Fairfaxes, the less surprising
Republicanism became. It
seemed odd only that their
cross-dressing would make
anyone think that they
belonged at the same party as
Queer Nation, Dykes on Bikes,
and transsexuals who become
of men, myself included, want
to go there, to be a feminine
self, to slow down and stop
striving," Jane Ellen
sounds like yoga,' I replied.
was silent. It sounds like
yoga except for the two hours
of preparation time. It sounds
like yoga except that it
begins in a man's life as an
erotic response and becomes an
erotic fetish. Sometimes I put
on lipstick when I'm tense. It
makes me feel armored, less
vulnerable to the world.
That's not the same thing. I
don't feel that the lipstick
is essential to my being, that
without it I must stay home,
though I know that there is an
erotic dimension to getting
dressed up (it's not just
cross-dressers who appreciate
the silkiness of a slip, the
slide of a stocking). When the
dressing and the garments are
the fuel for and the statement
of one's sexual wishes, it is
about sex, not gender.
desires do not map onto
anything in our world,"
Ray Blanchard says. "You
will never know how they feel
if you are not one of them.
And they have to disconnect
between reality and their
fantasy. Otherwise their
desires are too disruptive.
It's too disruptive to
acknowledge that you wish your
penis was part of your wife's
body and not yours. It's too
disruptive to acknowledge that
this is a sexual
their talk of relaxation, the
Fairfaxes are too smart to
think, or to try to persuade
me, that cross-dressing is
ordinary, or that it's just a
hobby. Fly fishing is a hobby.
Spending two hours preparing
yourself to walk through a
mall or a hotel lobby hoping—hoping
to the point of anxiety and
arousal— that you will be
perceived as female is not
what anyone, not least the
thinks of as a hobby.
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