November 2001

Masthead 2001

Karen's Korner
October Minutes
November Meeting Announcement
Holiday En Femme
Meet Molly Brown
Alpha Omega Mission Statement
This Brew's for You!- Jane Ellen Fairfax's October Meeting Talk
Calendar

I’d like to thank everyone for coming to our October meeting. We had a very large turnout for the meeting and hopefully we made some new friends. Also, I’d like to thank members of the other groups who came, including those who traveled a far distance to be with us. We may also be able to get together in future meetings, continuing on to a friendship basis allowing us to help each other and others. Having the members from other groups speak and describe their functions helped others understand what the other groups do and their roles in their communities. The meeting was a great success, and there were over 50 people in attendance! We began with a delicious catered dinner of rigatoni, meatballs accompanied by salad, rolls, and an array of rich deserts brought by the guests.

Dinner was followed by the business meeting including featured speakers, Jane Ellen Fairfax and the Reverend Nicole Kirk. A portion of the meeting was to present an award to Peggy Thomas, but unfortunately, she was ill and could not attend. I did, however, present the award to her on Tuesday the following week. I presented her with the clock engraved with our wishes of thanks and gratitude for her dedication over the years. She was very touched, and thanks everyone for the gift, and our friendship. We raffled off two Red Cross bears and donated the proceeds ($125!) to the New York relief fund. Representatives from each group gave a detailed description of their chapter and contact information, which was very interesting and helpful. Then we had our Halloween party, complete with a contest with categories for: slinkiest costume, prettiest costume, costume most likely to stop traffic, and others. Everyone received humorous prizes from Spencer’s. All had a good time.

I like to have members that have concerns/problems with things in the group to tell me, so that l can find ways to correct them or to find ways to make it right for all. Along with the rest of the world, our group is rapidly changing and growing. During these times of rapid change, it is important that misunderstandings and concerns do not go unchecked, and then clarified or corrected as the needs may determine. If you have a problem or concern, please do not hesitate to come to me and we can talk it out. It will detract from your enjoyment of the meetings if you keep things bottled up inside. The meetings are intended to be comfortable for everyone, fun, stress relieving and definitely not stress-producing.

There will be many changes we will be making in the Constitution. I therefore urge everyone to attend the December and January meetings, where changes/suggestions will be made, and then especially, to be present for the February meeting, when these Amendments will be voted on. This is your club, your Constitution, and your vote is important! Karen (pres.)

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Alpha Omega Minutes – October 13, 2001

Karen Davenport called the meeting to order at 8:38 PM

Deferred some issues until next month due to time constraints

Thanked the other gender groups for attending; Erie Sisters, TransFamily, Paradise Club & Crystal Club.

The following people were seated at the head table. Karen Davenport, President and her wife Debbie; Michelle Thomas, Vice President pro tem; Lisa Seymour, Secretary/ Treasurer; special guests Jane Ellen & Mary Frances Fairfax, Chair of the Board of Tri-Ess and Secretary to the Board, respectively; Cheryl Seymour, Director of Family Support (Tri-Ess) and Ari Seymour, Administrator, Division of Children’s Support (Tri-Ess).

We were going to honor Peggy but she came down sick and could not attend.

Addressed media issues from the newsletter minutes. Assured those concerned that no violation took place and that we would never violate our own security, explained what it was that really went on. That we had discussed it at the meeting but the minutes had not been made very clear. Any concerns can be sent to Karen via email or phone or defer it to next meeting.

Discussed documentary being made regarding gender issues and that any of us may volunteer. Will also do it without video interview. Will take approx a year.

Web site will be moved to chapter’s name as soon as we get a chance.

Raffle is a Red Cross bear, proceeds will go to Red Cross for Sept. 11 fund. We raised $125.00.

Security – no picture taking unless done by designated person: Michele, Karen, and Diane K. Will assure that no other member is in the shot.

Diane Kent: Went through her tests, showed that she was cancer free. Blood tests show that she has a trace, must wait till it grows to find the location. She has a wife and two little girls that are now in a holding pattern.

Abby is withdrawing from the chapter as our official interviewer. They will stay members but will no longer be in charge of interviews. Gave notice till end of month.

Lisa read the minutes from last month; the financial report was not ready for reading.

Constitution report read by Cheryl, preview constitution in December or possibly November, we will discuss it in January, vote on it in February, and it will take effect in March.

Karen asked a member from each group to tell a little bit about each group. Karen and Bob from Transfamily, has been around for 7 years, website is www.transfamily.org They have a video, and some pamphlets, hot line is (216) 696-HELP. Marsha from Erie Sisters, has been around 9 years, annual event is the Lake Erie Gala, 

Maryanne from Crystal Club, members from A.O. are automatically welcome, meet in informal ways www.tgender.net/cc. Joan from Paradise Club, has been around for 20+ years, web site link on our web site.

Message from Sherry from Northern Starr, has been around for a couple of years, most meetings are non-dressed, approx 4 times a year, small groups.

Adjourned business portion of meeting at 9:08 PM

Karen gave the speech she had intended to give to honor Peggy, displayed clock that will be given to her on Tues when Karen sees her. Karen will repeat speech then for Peggy’s benefit. (Note: Peggy was very touched by this show of gratitude and support.)

Karen introduced Jane Ellen, Chair of the Board of Tri-Ess International.

Note: As it turned out, neither one was interested in attending, but said we could write an article ourselves and send it in to them. I would like to apologize to everyone for not making this issue clearer. Lisa Ann Seymour

Deborah – Main Course

Allie – Salad

Karen – Rolls

Michele – Snacks

Marissa, Ari – Desserts

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I'm a 59 y/o MTF who came out to my wife in '97 (after 27 years of marriage), and joined Tri-Ess International and Chi Delta Mu chapter in the summer of '97. My wife was initially "accepting" (with some trepidation RE: the usual questions about am I gay?, did I want SRS?, etc. ... all negative responses on those), then turned sour on it for awhile and almost left me, and finally has become more resigned, if not accepting over time.

At one of the first few CDM chapter meetings, the discussion dealt with the problem of outreach and membership efforts. I was in the process of trying to learn HTML coding on the internet, and realized the internet might be a good way to reach people and advertise the chapter. So as a "real" project to work on, I volunteered to try to put together a website for the chapter. This is the CDM website at

http://www.geocities.com/WestHollywood/Heights/7396.

One of the pages I was creating for the chapter was a link list of all the other chapters. However, in trying to get that information together I began noticing all kinds of inconsistencies and outright misinformation on Brenda Thomas' site as well as on the websites of some of the other chapters, and in the Femme Mirror as well. There were website URLs and E-mail addresses that didn't work, listings of chapters that apparently no longer existed,

etc. So in an effort to clear that up I made my first contact with Jane Ellen. She helped me a lot with clearing up a lot of this stuff, and in the process we got to know each other, (albeit strictly on-line acquaintance).

A number of months later, several chapters expressed interest in having Tri-Ess put something on the web to support on-line publication of chapter newsletters. Jane and I discussed this a little, and I again volunteered to cadge together a website to host these newsletters. This is the website at

http://www.geocities.com/WestHollywood/Stonewall/6801. The *newsletter* effort was almost immediately put on hold, since Samantha Walls and some others on the Board raised questions and issues regarding Tri-Ess liability if we published these newsletters and someone got "outed", etc. Since I already had the website established by then, I redirected my effort to putting up various other "resource" pages on it, such as a Chapter Address Directory, (I moved the one I had built for CDM over to the National site), Jane's CD Bill Of Rights, (later expanded to include Mary Frances' CDSO Bill Of Rights), a Guestbook, and one or two other pages. Thereafter it sort of "grew like Topsy" into what it is now as Jane and I came up with other ideas that we thought might be useful to visitors and sisters.

I also met Pat Hunt at some of the Chi Delta Mu meetings, and after speaking with her a few times I agreed to build her a website for the Sigma Nu Rho chapter that she was involved with, (and is now President of).

Somewhere along the way, Jane decided to appoint me "Tri-Ess Internet Coordinator", ... I guess it was because I was already doing so much work contacting the various chapters, trying to clear up all that misinformation.

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Alpha Omega MISSION STATEMENT:

The purpose of Alpha Omega Chapter of Triess is to provide resources

for heterosexual crossdressers and their families. Our goals are to

gain the knowledge and under-standing that will enhance communication within the family and society, promote respect and increase awareness of human need and responsibility, provide opportunities for education and outreach.

In order to reach these goals, Alpha Omega will provide:

1. A secure area for meeting with others sharing the same issues

2. A hotline service through which information regarding Alpha Omega

can be obtained

3. A monthly newsletter

4. A network of friends

5. Monthly meeting with programs providing opportunities for

interaction, education, intervention

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This Brew's for You!

by Jane Ellen Fairfax

November, 1987. Seven people gathered around a table, their mood as gloomy as the Houston drizzle falling outside. It was election time at Tri Delta Chapter, and the seven had assembled to discuss campaign strategy. Tri Delta faced a crisis, for this election would determine the direction the chapter would take for the forseeable future. At one point, I remarked, "Well, at least this election will solve the question one way or the other." "Jane," replied a longtime member and dear friend, "you're dreaming. What we have is two groups, and the sooner we all realize it, and act on it, the better."

This bitter beer had been a long time brewing. Although Tri Delta had been in existence for eight years, it was a Tri-Ess chapter that was not playing by the rules. The chapter was using the Tri-Ess name, but the leadership did not promote the Tri-Ess philosophy. When Mary Frances and I appeared on the scene, we found a group far different from what Tri-Ess literature had led us to expect. In attendance were crossdressers, drag queens, transsexuals, fantasy dressers - and very few wives. As Tri-Ess referred other crossdressers and wives through the 80's, they too found a group that did not meet their needs. Two factions emerged, an old guard which favored the status quo, and a group that wanted a real Tri-Ess chapter. Eventually, conditions deteriorated so that the two factions could not even talk about the weather without an argument erupting. Conflict fermented constantly, and the brew was really skunky.

At our friend's words, however, there was a general awakening around the table. There really were two groups! Whoever won the election would be presiding over a deeply divided group that was not being honest with itself. And so, very reluctantly and bitterly, Tri Delta was reorganized into two groups, Tau Chi, a real Tri-Ess chapter, and GCTC, a real diversity group. And so they lived happily ever after, right?

WRONG! The new brew was quickly contaminated with testosterone. Each group tried to defeat the other, recruiting more members, and denigrating the other group. GCTC seemed to feel that something had been taken away from them, and they were quick to lambast Tau Chi as being discriminatory. Unfortunately, some Tau Chi members replied in kind. Alienated by the ongoing strife, new people dropped out of both groups. Five years after the reorganization, the Houston trans-gender community had not grown an iota. Everyone was intoxicated on testosterone, but there was no gusto to grab.

Something had to be done about the brewery. Enter brewmasters Peggy Rudd and Rene Fenner. Early in 1993, they proposed a Unity Banquet, where the two groups could come together and share a meal. That September, they shared a banquet room, but not much else. Each group sat apart. Never-theless, the two groups decided to hold an annual Unity Event. The realization had dawned that the infighting was hurting both groups. The groups agreed to let needs determine the makeup of the community, to refer to one another as appropriate, and to take a stand against denigrating any transgender support group. At first, these agreements were just words. Off tastes would persist for years. But every year the beer got a little better. And people wanted more of it. It was time to head for the mountains!

At the second Unity Banquet, Phyllis Frye walked up with a big smile on her face, and exclaimed, "Look, Jane, they're actually talking to one another!" And so it went. At first, the groups took turns hosting the event. Then a Unity Committee was formed, with members from each group. By this time, Houston was developing a real transgender community based on needs, common interests, and mutual acceptance and cooperation. The little one-beer brewery was developing new brands.

Among beer drinkers, there are many tastes. Some prefer stout; others, light; still others, porter or pilsner. No type is innately better than another; it all depends on what you like. So it was with the Houston community. Eventually transsexuals wanted a group that would focus sup-port on their particular needs. Thus was born TATS, the Texas Association for Transsexual Support. Seeing the need for a 12-step program toward self-acceptance, Brenda Thomas founded Helping TransGenders Anonymous, or HTGA. While part of the Houston metropolitan area, Galveston is 50 miles away. A group there decided to come together on its own, and Community Awareness for Transgender Sup-port, or CATS, became a part of our budding community.

Not every new brand caught on. When the Houston Transgender Social Club appeared on the scene, it appeared to be a saleable product. The group put on some wonderful programs, including a series of parties and dances from each decade of the 20th century. The programs were very creative, and everyone enjoyed them. The problem was that it was everybody's second-favorite group. How many people do you know who are equally loyal drinkers of Bud Light and Guinness Stout? The group folded simply because there was no need for it.

Today the Houston community stands proud. Each group is proud to be what it is, and to impart its own particular taste to the brew. Each adheres tightly to its focus. At the annual Unity Event, each group con-tributes to the program, and each sees its accomplished members honored. If anyone perceives a new need, he or she is free to present that vision before the whole community, which will then let needs determine its success or failure. It is not considered acceptable to disparage any group in Houston, and anyone who does so quickly feels the coolness of dis-approval. Since everyone has a group has a group in which they feel comfortable, they gladly come together once a year to celebrate what they have. Even better, they cooperate throughout the year on projects of mutual interest, such as the Empower conference going on in Houston this weekend. Over the last eight years, our community has approximately quadrupled in size, and our last Unity Event filled a big ballroom. Now doesn't that inspire a "yodeleeyay!"

So what are the principles here?

First, each group must sincerely accept all the others in its area. No name-calling, no bashing, no one-upmanship, no fighting over potential members. The Prime Directive is that every transgendered person in the area have a group in which they feel comfortable. Referring appropriately to other groups is good for the person referred, and beneficial for community goodwill. It does not matter which group is the biggest. If a group is meeting human needs, it is doing its job.

Second, needs should determine the community. If someone sees a need and wants to try to meet it, the whole community should encourage them, offering ads in newsletters, and informing members about the existence of the new group. There is a lot of talk in the transgender community about the benefits of diversity. The community then should accept the diversity of needs within it and realize that no one group can possibly be all things to all people. "One size fits all" does not work in clothing, nor does it work in the transgender community.

Third, each group should adhere tightly to its own focus. A Tri-Ess chapter should be very Tri-Ess, while accepting all other parts of the community and working with them in a mutually supportive atmosphere. No type of group is inherently better than another type; they're just different. And don't worry if other groups attack you. If they do, it is they who have the problem. Act well your part. That is the path of honor.

Fourth, share the calendar. Some groups try to dominate their area by scheduling an activity every weekend of the month. What foolishness! Human needs cannot be stifled. They will cry out until they are met. Com-municate with other groups. If they are having a special event, try to support it. When your group has an event, they will support you, and everybody benefits.

Fifth, look for every possible opportunity to spread goodwill and talk positively about all the groups and people in the local community. It's hard to stay angry when you're being loved on.

Sixth, get involved! The more people participate actively in a community, the more it can grow and accomplish.

Seventh, make a time for all the groups to come together once a year, and celebrate what you have. Break out the keg! Raise your glasses! This brew's for you!

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Upcoming Events

Christmas Party

Music, fun, skit

Discussion of Proposed Constitution

NATIONAL SO MONTH

Vote on Constituton

Nomination of Officers for Upcoming Year

Election of Officers

Formation of Committees

New Officers take Office

Program Open

Program Open

Program Open

SPICE – Richmond, VA July 10-14

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