May2000

President Diane Brennon called the meeting to order. We will have two meetings in July. The first one is July 8^th. And the second one is July 29^th. Which will be Cheryl and Lisa's' wedding. This will be in place of the August meeting.

Treasurer's Report: Beginning balance is $2109.34. Of that balance is $509.48 in the Outreach fund and $50 petty cash.

For the program Olena put on a puppet show with the musical talents of Diane Frank.

Respectfully Submitted

Elaine Benton

Secretary /Treasurer

Mark July 29^th on your calendars! Triess National Board will be in town for their board meeting. Alpha Omega is offering something unique for their "entertainment" - a wedding! We hope for a great turnout. The wedding is at 7pm and a reception put on by our own fantastic chefs will follow. So get out your best clothes and plan on a fun evening. Let's make this a night that Jane Ellen etc. will never forget.

Several years ago, a fantastic lady developed and published what we call The Wives' Bill of Rights. Although not a legal document, it certainly is morally and ethically right. You girls may want to take a peek at it and even copy it to post someplace he'll see.

In every relationship, limits of some sort must be set. Whether it is "you won't eat crackers in bed" or "he won't dress on alternating Saturdays", there is a point where one of you is really not comfortable. Those limits need to be expressed and dealt with. Even Lisa and I have our limits in our CD relationship - the main one is my stuff is mine. I do not expect her to invade my personal space. And she doesn't (never has either). There are two important points to remember about limits: (1) they need to be discussed, agreed on, and put in effect; (2)they fluctuate. This is a biggie. Our boundaries change just as we do. What is wrong today maybe right tomorrow and vice versa. Our comfort levels do change. That is part of life. We need to be careful to express these changes ESPECIALLY the backwards ones.

Open communication is so very important in a relationship but in a crossdressing one it is not only important, it is the life thread. If you don't talk and LISTEN to each other, you have nothing. It makes no difference how often you have talked about breast forms in bed....if it is still an issue, talk some more. Communication is the key.

One thing to be aware of is what we all call "THE KID IN THE CANDY STORE SYNDROME". All of us have faced it and it is definitely a challenge. For years, your CD has hid this "terrible" secret from the world. He has felt guilt, shame, embarrassment and even fear. He had no idea why this was happening and certainly no idea what to do about it (thank goodness we have such programs as Triess now). Then he falls in love with a wonderful woman - you. In his mind he figures that once he gets married and establishes a normal marriage, this phenomena will go away. So he doesn't tell you. He throws away everything and may actually not dress for years. But it doesn't go away. The feelings are just pushed down deep inside of him only to resurface. He dresses once...then twice...then more. He hides it from you still because of the fear he feels. He knows that if he tells, you'll leave and that he doesn't want. Finally you either catch him dressed or you find clothing that is not yours...or clothes of yours that you didn't wear but they're in the dirty clothes. The secret is out. What a relief to him! And he goes crazy. He wastes the budget in the nearest cosmetic store or Lane Bryant's. He wants to dress all the time, out in public, meetings, shave legs, electrolysis. Just anything his freed mind can think of. Thus, the Kid in the Candy Store Syndrome. This is where your limits come in. Now is the time to set them...

Trust is of course broken. You've been lied to. Something important has been held from you. The first question in your mind is "what else has he been hiding?" The damage that can be done from just that one question is unbelievable. This is where you have to set your own person limit. Don't look for trouble. Believe me, it will find you on its own. Trust will have to be slowly rebuilt and that takes time and patience.

Lastly, don't let this put you into the closet that he came out of. Once the secret is shared with you, he'll come out. If you're like the rest of us, you'll go in. Stay out and stay here.

Entrée: (By Chef Peggy): Roast Pork, Sauerkraut, Mashed Potatoes
Gloria: Spaghetti
Abby: Veggie Tray
Debbie: Salad
Karen: Rolls & butter
Cheryl: Cheesecake
Paula: Pie
Shelly, Linda& Diane: Desert
Diane & Andrea: Snacks

Entrée: (By Chef Peggy): Beef, Chicken, Ham, and Rigatoni
Joyce & Linda: Shrimp Cocktail
Karen: Punch
Paula: Cheese & Crackers
Diane & Andrea: Mints & Nuts, Macaroni Salad
Eva: Potato Salad

A newsletter is only as good as its contributors. Ari is doing an excellent job but is definitely short of articles. How about giving her a hand…all of us know how to write. Can't you share some of your thoughts, experiences, concerns with us?

For all you country lovers out there this is a song by Mark Wills. I think that it says a lot about how some of us may feel. Whether we are a child or a crossdresser.

I'm that little boy with glasses
The one they call the geek
A little Girl who never smiles
'cause I've got braces on my teeth
And I know how it feels
To cry myself to sleep
I'm that kid on every playground
Who's always chosen last
A single teenage mother
Tryin' to over come my past
You don't have to be my friend
But is it too much to ask

Don't laugh at me
Don't call me names
Don't get your pleasure from my pain
In God's eyes we're all the same
Someday we'll all have perfect wings
Don't laugh at me

I'm the cripple on the corner
You've past me on the street
And I wouldn't be out here beggin'
If I had enough to eat

And don't think I don't notice
That our eyes never meet
I lost my wife and little boy when
Someone crossed that yellow line
The day we laid them in the ground
Is the day I lost my mind

Don't laugh at me
Don't call me names
Don't get your pleasure from my pain
In God's eyes we're all the same
Someday we'll all have perfect wings
Don't laugh at me

The beauty of a woman
is not in the clothes she wears;
the figure that she carries,
or the way she combs her hair.

The beauty of a woman,
must be seen in her eyes;
because that is the doorway to her heart,
the place where love resides.

The beauty of a woman,
is not in a facial mole;
but true beauty in a woman,
is reflected in her soul.

It is the caring that she lovingly gives,
the passion that she shows;
and the beauty of a woman,
with passing years - only grows!

IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER - by Erma Bombeck (Written after she found out she was dying from cancer.)

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains.

I would havecried and laughed less while watching television-and more while watching life.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said,"Later. Now go get washed up for dinner."

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute... look at it and really see it ... live it...and never give it back.

And what we are doing each day to promote ourselves mentally, physically, emotionally, as well as spiritually.

Life is too short to let it pass you by. We only have one shot at this, and then it's gone.

I am not a history buff but I do remember a bit of what I learned way back in school. I learned while studying US History that in our Democracy, citizens have certain rights. One of those rights is the right to privacy, and as a crossdresser, the right to privacy is extremely important to me.

Unfortunately, our right to privacy in this day and age, is slowly eroding. If you don't believe me, consider two recent incidents in the news. The first involved a woman, arrested for child pornography. It seems that she was quite the shutterbug, and this combined with her desire to create a photographic record of her young daughter's childhood, got her into serious trouble.

She had compiled thousands of snapshots of her daughter, and doing what she had done so many times before, she delivered a freshly exposed roll of film to the local photo shop to have it developed. Sometime during the development process, the employees began to take an interest in this woman's photographic work, and scrutinized the photos on the roll. This particular roll had some photographs showing this woman's daughter in the nude. In fact, the little girl had been photographed while taking a shower.

The employees took it upon themselves to pass judgement, and decided that these photos were inappropriate. They called the local police. After the police reviewed the photographs, they issued a warrant for this mother's arrest.

The second incident involved a twenty-four year old college student from Grand Rapids, Michigan, and his seventeen-year-old girlfriend. They decided to photograph themselves as they had sex (I don't profess to understand the mechanics of the operation). They too, had their pictures developed at a photo lab, and again, the lab employees invited the police to scrutinize the film. The girlfriend, who by State Law was old enough to consent to sex, was considered a child under Michigan pornography statutes, and consequently, the State prosecutor charged the male college student with child pornography. The young man now faces up to five years in prison.

Of course, I cannot dispute the validity of either of these charges, but it is extremely disturbing that the individuals involved lost control of their privacy. Without ever intending to do anything wrong, illicit, or illegal, others passed judgement, and stripped them of their precious right to privacy.

I mention these stories because I know that as crossdressers, often times we chronicle our gatherings and get togethers with photographs. The photos we take are always in good taste, and never would we ever consider their use for anything other than innocent intentions. Regardless of our intentions; however, once we surrender a roll of film for development, we also surrender our privacy. There just aren't any guarantees that some unscrupulous person or someone, who looks upon crossdressing as inappropriate, won't use those negatives in an inappropriate way.

I certainly don't mean to scare anyone, but I think it is important to understand that we don't always possess the level of privacy that we might think. As crossdressers, privacy can mean the difference between happiness and misery. I'm saddened and disturbed by the fact that we no longer have the level of privacy we once enjoyed. I wish that we didn't have to address this issue, but it has become readily apparent that in these times we must protect ourselves very carefully. Be ever so cautious girls. Guard closely your privacy, and honor the privacy of your sisters around you. Be smart, be wary, and be happy.