LIVING A LIFE FULLY

Diane S. Frank tells us what's happening in her life - out and about in Cleveland

I've really been pushing my comfort zone this last month. There is a subtle difference between looking for a place you can go out "dressed" and having a life where you go places and do things with people, non-trans people who are friends. And it is different when you start saying to yourself, "I'm not going to end my evening and miss something/someone I wanted to see, just because I needed to be in skirts for something else earlier in the day".

April 2- Feminist Pornography/Dance Concert/Dinner
I confess that one of the virtues of having an alter ego is that I can follow my curiosity places where I wouldn’t ordinarily go. When a trendy gallery in the Tremont district announced it was having a festival of pornography for by and about women who were sex workers, feminist pornography as it were, I thought it would be interesting to see who these people were and what they were thinking. Yes, I also wondered what kind of people would show up for the event. Now if you think I’m going to give you a graphic description of what I saw or who was there, you’re going to be disappointed. There were some nods to "trans" sexuality, but despite the feminist perspective it was really numbingly boring. And yes, there were women I know from various GLBT functions who dropped in while I was there as well. I did meet the organizer of the event, and due to poor homework on my part, did not realize that she had worked as a "escort" to fund her first two years of college. I assumed she was simply a graduate student trying to be trendy. Now, I want to follow up and see 1) what fraction of the men were married (lots I'll bet) and 2) to what extent crossdressing figured into things in her personal experience and that of co-workers.

I left early in the evening to attend a dance concert at Cleveland Public Theater.

I "passed" unrecognized at the Dance Concert by people I've taken class with and from (who may know about me but haven't been introduced). One of the volunteers sat next to me and chatted during the pauses.

I had dinner at Snicker afterwards and while the younger crowd had a moment about 15 minutes in to my meal of "oh, that's a guy!" they totally ignored me after that. When I get those, I start to have the desire to ask, "Is there anything you think I should do differently to be less noticeable?"

April 8- Dinner at Shuhei/Rock My Soul Shabbat
For people following these columns, you’ll know that my involvement with Chevrei Tikva, a GLBT synagogue in Cleveland Heights has grown quite a bit. We are now faced with the need to merge with another temple. Like many of the members I’ve been meeting friends and attending Shabbat services at the congregations we might merge with. One Friday night, I met one of my favorite female-female couples from Temple (we had attended their wedding ceremony, all three days, last year) at Shuhei, a very mainstream Japanese Restaurant in Beachwood. As usual, I got a few looks, as those of you who know me are aware that I’m simply too tall to ignore. But being with other people simply sets a context that this is normal. People have other things to do and talk about when they quickly conclude that there is no floorshow.

After dinner we went to Shabbat Services at one of the Temples that we might merge with. It was a lot of fun, and now I know where my next-door neighbor among other people I know goes to Schul. Again I passed unrecognized, although she "sniffed" as she glanced my way as they walked by. We met some of the musicians afterwards and it turned out we had mutual friends. Again not one word about me.

Well, no that’s not exactly true. My friends and I talked about my being "a canary in coal mine." That is a very different direction on the dreaded "what are you doing and why are you doing it?" conversation. We have no choice but to merge with another organization. But we will take some chances doing it. Even though we’ll retain the ability to have regular separate services and social events that reflect our GLBT members, we lose having a separate and discrete facility. Thus people attending our separate services will enter the same door as everyone else, but go off to a room where the "queers" are having their services. Their passage can be noted. This doesn’t bother the "out" among us, but can be a barrier for people who are just starting to come out. You can’t look at a person in general and tell that they are gay. On the other hand, there is no mistaking my "trans" ness. So I become a canary in a coal mine. How these potential partners treat me foretells what the congregation as a whole may experience with time. And it gives us an idea what may happen with the next "Diane" to come along.

April 15- TaDa Tupperware Dinner Party
I learned at services on the 14th that a woman from temple and her partner were hosting a benefit dinner party for the Cleveland GLBT center. One of the women is currently the head of the center and I thought this would be a fun event, plus a chance to catch up and ask a few questions. Besides, Z. told me there was some Tupperware she wanted me to order.

I knew a lot of the people attending this dinner party already, as the active core of the LGCSC leadership isn't that large. A straight woman (and her husband) came because of a business affiliation with the hosts and gave me a bit of an eye when she came in. But once she sat next to me and we got to talking we were fine and she shook my hand at the end and said it was a pleasure to have met me. And not one word about "me". This is my universal experience. I was tickled when she asked me about my husband. That was the first time that had ever happened.

If you are looking for an opportunity to have a nice dinner and meet new people, the TaDa dinner parties are a good opportunity. You can find more information about them on the Center’s website: www.lgcsc.org

April 17- Akron GLBT Coffee House
A young woman photojournalist, who turns out live in the same suburb, is doing a story on Jake and Erin. (They've gained some notoriety because of their attempts to get married. The State of Ohio doesn't recognize Jake’s change in birth certificate from Massachusetts. ) She's my kid's age and we chatted for a while before she asked me about my husband as well. Twice in two days. I guess I really look married. I wonder what kind of husband they were imagining for me.

As usual the coffee house at the UCC on Exchange Street in Akron is a warm, welcoming place to go. Early Sunday evening isn’t exactly a time when people want to go out, but if you do you won’t regret it.

April 22- Dinner w/ Friends at Fire, Apollo's Fire Concert
I was supposed to go to a different Schul to test the Chavarah waters, but my friends had made a mistake on their dates and invited me along with them. This was my first time out with a male couple. I was amazed how much I really wanted to look pretty for them... not that they care. I bought new earrings. There were people at this restaurant I knew as well, and by rights E. should have recognized me from a party 7 years ago... but maybe not.

I was less impressed with the concert than I had hoped. Apollo's Fire has a huge reputation as a Baroque Orchestra. While the coloration of the early instruments was interesting to hear, the whole thing still sounded exactly like I'd expect to hear Mozart. The horn pieces with the natural, unvalved horns were unusual because of how the player used the right hand in the bell to change pitch. It makes for interesting chromatics as the timbre changes with the hand position and thus a scale is not uniformly voiced. But overall, while Apollo’s Fire is a very competent orchestra, I had to wonder what all the fuss has been about.

There were several people in the audience who I know from other venues who passed right by me. I do feel a bit of loss when I can’t just say hello.

April 23- Pauline Park, Dinner, Dance Concert
Pauline is an interesting speaker and a good TG spokesperson. But replicating her success with NYC's TG legal protections will be very hard in Cleveland (see detailed report later in this issue). I could have talked further with her, but I wanted to catch another dance concert at Cleveland Public theatre so I didn't go to dinner with her. I stopped by Snickers again, this time before the show.

When I got to CPT, I found that just about everyone in the Cleveland Modern Dance community was there. Two old friends who I am out to were there and I sat next to a mutual friend, local choreographer and dance teacher who I know far less well. Lots of people who know me on sight who didn't blink.

On the other hand there were some young people, one scantily clad young woman very into her boyfriend who found me hysterical. And on the other hand, in line for refreshments I chatted with the young women behind me perfectly naturally (and one said I didn't look 30 years older than them... so sweet of her). I'm a regular at that theater... and I know the staff both ways. They've never commented. I chatted a bit with the theatre director RR as well.

April 24- Solomon’s and Chevrei Tikva Seder
Sometimes a late snowstorm can be useful. I decided that I needed some strapless bras because of the current fashion for camisole tops, and a lot of them have these really skinny straps. Solomon's is the best place locally to get expert advice, and I try to go at hours when I won't disturb their regular clients, even though I’ve been told I was welcome anytime (Silhouette- October 2003). I planned to go just before the Seder, just before closing, on a Sunday in a snowstorm. They were supposed to be closing early, but they stayed open long enough to sell me a few things. One woman offered to take me in back for fitting (it’s not their policy to do that unfortunately). And I wasn’t going to push that one. There was only one other customer there - she had an occasion that required the right foundation for the right dress. I could identify with that one as my last visit there was to get the right foundation for a dress I wore in Victor/Victoria. I wore a particularly low cut top to make it easier for them to fit me... and this figures later in my evening.

Later, I’m sitting at the Sedar table with five of my best women friends from temple, and immediately next to the mother of a Case student who will be getting married to her high school sweetheart this summer. G. is a terrifically bright and creative psych student, and her presence will be missed when she joins her partner out in Berkeley. (A lot of my gay and lesbian friends are talking about leaving the state due to the laws and policies being promulgated by the down state legislators.) What was especially sweet was that Mom was in town primarily to fit G’s wedding dress.

Our table was the rowdy table. It seems that every group Seder has one. Early in the evening, I felt an earring get snagged in my hair and fall down... where did it go? I finally figured out that it fell into my cleavage (remember that I wore an uncharacteristically low cut blouse). After a little fishing around I found it. I explained to my already jovial friend to my right what had happened to me for the first time, and she laughed so hard she finally had to leave the room.