DIANE AT LARGE

By Diane Frank

The Helen and Betty Tour
I want to start this article with a very public thank you to Margaret who funded this venture and then due to the press of work was unable to partake in any of it. So Thank You Margaret. The world should know that AO is a whole lot of good people!

So what was it like? What did I learn? What are Helen and Betty really like?

Well, the truth of the matter is that I was run so ragged geting ready for the event and also while they were here that I neither had time for a diary nor any good recollection. It’s lost in a blur, and I don’t think that’s due to the sips of Mojito I had the last day.

To start at the beginning I picked H&B up at the Cleveland train station at about 5:00 AM. I learned that since Amtrak doesn’t own any track outside the Northeast, the trains don’t run on time elsewhere as they get bumped for paying freight trains. So the next thing I know, it’s afternoon and I’m getting us to Loganberry Books, where Laura Miller showed up, as well as a CLE member whose name I don’t have permission to use (yet). What was most amusing was that two women had seen the event listed somewhere in the paper and decided the book titles were intriguing - but they came with wildly different interpretations. My Husband Betty was interpreted as a relationship between a woman and a very butch lesbian. She’s Not the Man I Married was assumed to be about a woman coming out of a marriage into a lesbian relationship. It was only after hearing Helen explain that these books were about trans stuff and the people affected by it that the two women bothered to look carefully at Betty and me.

The other amusing incident during all this was being shanghaied by a woman and her friend for fashion advice as one tried out a 60's style polka dotted dress to wear to, I kid you not, the French Open.

Four people came specifically for the book signing, and two books were sold. Par for the Loganberry course.

Afterwards we headed to Lutherans Concerned. A a tip of the hat is given to Denise, who arranged this meeting. We had a lovely pot-luck dinner, and then a discussion. Besides Denise, Abigail and Jean were there, and my spouse Z joined us later.

Saturday was the light day, with only an appearance at Borders Books & Music in West Lake. This time the tip of the hat goes to Rachel Roberts of the LGBT center for the contact that led to this event. (Rachel leads a counseling effort for GID children and families through the center, and I hope to have her for a guest speaker next year!) Borders did a great job setting things up, and made periodic announcements throughout the time we were there. In addition to people showing up who were already familiar with the book and looking to buy a copy, we did attract some impulse buyers. Perhaps the spookiest part of this, something Helen and Betty have experienced before, was the orbiters - people who were fascinated but afraid to approach. It’s a bit frustrating as those are the people I’m trying to reach - so near and yet so far. We had a late lunch with a couple who had come up from Columbus just to meet Helen. It was late by the time we got home. We had a number of opportunities for Saturday evening, but in the end fatigue from the timing of the train took over and an attempt was made for an early bedtime.

Sunday again we owe a a tip of the hat to Rachel Roberts for a meeting at the Pilgrim UCC church. Pilgrim, like many UCC churches is a "welcoming congregation" and our session was preceded by a planning session for Pride (July 20th) this year. A friend from Transfamily showed up, testing the waters and finding the church a congenial spot for future affiliation. One question that Pastor Tricia Gilbert asked was what the congregation could do to be more welcoming to the t-side of the LGBT equation. That brought pause to things, and Helen thought the question interesting enough to post on her boards. I’m not wild about any of the answers, including mine…but here’s a poem (in progress) that reflects my thoughts about how I was welcomed to Chevrei Tikva:


Welcoming Congregation

I am not a joiner by temperament
I seem to be constructed a critic and a gadfly
Resisting tide and wind
Shouting into the forest
Whispering into the sky.

We borrowed space, climbing
Indoors the thoughtful steps of a church
lined with a chair lift so to bring everyone upstairs
where we cherished the company
Of others who could find no other home
Jews who were for so long swept and blown
From their traditions because of who they would fall in love with.

I joined, without intending to join
Going back, leaving and going back again.
It is only now that I know
When asked what welcomes the cast-off and shunned.

Grand gestures and rainbow flags are nice as anything I suppose
To let us know the space is safe, but safety can be sterile.

“Diane, can I sit next to you” is a phrase whose caress is matched only by one other…
“Diane, come sit with me, I saved you a seat.”


In the evening we got together at Union Station. I had thought that the familiar confines of a club might create an opportunity for more people to come and meet Helen and Betty, and I was right that it did. Kate and Elaine, my spouse, and number of people we had met earlier, (often in drab) all showed up and had a good time.

The next day was supposed to be a day of rest, but even that became an event. PACT (a gay multicultural association) was having a moveable feast to raise money for their summer conference. That conference will feature Pauline Park, the transwoman instrumental in passing the NYC anti-discrimination ordinance, as a keynote speaker. I thought the combination of good food and good company (I’ve known Mike Kelley for while now) would be good fun. And it was, but as people learned that Helen was an author, the afternoon gradually became a “working vacation” as Helen met a local city councilman (something she hasn’t done in NY) and donated a book as a door prize (I won it and turned it back!), and sold a couple of others. What I do remember clearly is that I like Mojitos, never having had one before, and even then being careful to taste only a few tablespoons full. (Well, I was driving after all.)

It made for an early evening, convenient for packing…and of course I had to work the next day with major conference calls with clients.

Now if you think this is all rather pedestrian, I agree. There are some insights I gleaned about Helen and Betty’s lives…how full of compassion they both are, and how other people’s hopes and expectations can be a burden on them. But I think everyone knew that already.

Overall, I rate the whole experience as a success. I think Helen and Betty were pleased also. I hoped for more publicity and some news coverage beyond what we got: Gay People’s Chronicle did a fine job, and the session at Loganberry was listed several places. Where I fell short was not arranging a venue where Helen had a chance to read - allowing her voice as an author, as well as a trans-partner to be heard. She wrote about it this way in her blog:

When I did my reading at Women & Children First this week, it was so wonderful to get to talk to readers about my book as opposed to talking to trans people about transness. It may seem a fine line in my case - sometimes these things seem one & the same - but the accent was just different enough that it let me know I probably need to take a break in the not so distant future.

That’s a position I can sympathize with. I wrote this elsewhere:

Perhaps I should also say that the weekend with H&B was a weird blend of pain and satisfaction in context of above. The weekend was painful, and I think I see H&B sharing this, because it was about being trans. Transness, theirs and mine as their host and guide, was the focus of everything. At the same time, I had outward focus on most of the same things...caring as best I could for Helen and Betty, trying to get their message out there for more people to hear...none of which is about me or my transness.

The only thing that remains to be said is that this experince could be the basis for bigger and better things. I have some ideas about that, and I hope we’ll discuss them at the next meeting.


Cleveland Gaytheists
I’ve made a project out of scouting out groups and resources that are t-friendly for many years now. UU churches and UCC churches are well known as inclusive, welcoming congregations. My synagogue, Chevrei Tikva serves the Jewish side of things. I can’t say that I’ve identified any Islamic or Hindu or Buddhist resources. So while scanning Charlie’s Calendar in the Gay People’s Chronicle I noticed an advert for a new group meeting at the Center and I realized that a social/support environment for one group was conspicuously absent: Atheists. Now I’m not about to start a religious discussion here but, we also want people to find the resources they need, and yes, atheists have needs for community too.

The first meeting of the “Gaytheists” was held the LGBT center (65th and Detroit), and is scheduled to continue meeting weekly through June every Sunday at noon. Led by a thoughtful lapsed Catholic named Rebecca, introductions were made and the roughly eight people made plans for how to create community without the brick and mortar and testaments of a church. Ideas were kicked around for continuing discussions of ethics, care for the elderly who wish strictly secular services and support, and to avoid unwelcome proselytization and increased visibility to allow others to participate in creating community. Once a website is established I hope AO will provide a link on an equal access basis.

A link to: Cleveland Gaytheists Group