When I read about our sister's adventures and crises in dealing with their cross-dressing I sometimes wonder what is going on. What are we looking for? What is missing and why are we seeking it this way?

 I've looked for common features in the stories and a few basic themes fall out:

 1. Passing while in public.

2. Being accepted by someone.

3. The pleasure of the clothing itself.

 Now passing in public can be understood in a few different ways. Certainly there is the naughty pleasure of fooling someone and of getting away with something. Then again, there can be the adrenaline surge of being at risk, like sky-diving and bungee jumping, and surviving. And there can just be the sense of relief at wearing the clothes of one's choice and not being hassled about it.

 Being accepted can come in a lot of forms too. It can be a one-time encounter or a sustained relationship. It can encompass both homme and femme or one or the other. And it can range from recognition of a good presentation to an intimate connection for an undernourished facet of ourselves.

 And the pleasure of the clothing can have numerous forms, ranging from a comfortable escape to sexual fulfillment.

 But when you read enough of these episodes, and reflect on those of your own, there is a qualitative difference from real life that is striking. In real life we do have goals and tasks where we take pleasure in completion and struggle towards that end. But in real life we are something besides doers. We are human BE-ings, not human Do-ings.

So the question I ask is that in the midst of the common cross-dressing goals, acquiring and wearing clothes, passing and acceptance is do we risk shortchanging ourselves? How is cross dressing part of our being who we are? Could we be losing our growth in self understanding, our growth in being, in a repetitive, even repetitious series of escapades? Is there are trap of looking for satisfaction in places that don't really provide it because those places are easy to get to? How many times does one pass before the thrill is gone? And when the whole world accepts you in heels, then what? And despite the commercial machine which tells everyone that happiness is found in the next purchase, is buying that next dress the road to happiness?

Now before proceeding, let's get one thing clear. In no way am I suggesting that because growth may not be found in the clothes or passing or acceptance that we should by some act of will stop doing these things. We all have experienced the misery and anxiety that comes from suppressing our need to cross dress.

My point instead is that we need to be collecting one more category of stories...stories of personal growth, improved relationships, self understanding and the illumination of our daily lives.

dsf