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A Tale of two CDs by Diane FRANK Here are two people writing about crossdressing on the web from very different viewpoints. My issue with them both is that they write and act as if the other wasn’t real. Read for yourself: --- I am enjoying your book [note: referring to My Husband Betty... dsf] but must say I have to laugh at how seriously everyone takes this whole issue. Are CDs really tormented about their favorite pastime? I’m not and neither are my CD friends. We have more fun and meet more people en femme than we ever do as males. I personally believe I am trying to accomplish a few things by crossdressing. In my opinion, genetic females have somewhat lost touch with their femininity and are somewhat gender-neutral these days — sorry but not sexy to this boy-girl! I am attempting to create something of an ideal woman by crossdressing given my limitations of course. And I do mean in a sexy and retro-glamorous way, not in a real world nurture the children kind of way. I created a ‘’second self'’ at least partially due to my not being able to find such a female counterpart as I have yearned for. To my knowledge I did not initially do this to attract men. However, I found that I did attract them. My femme-self ended up getting into sexual relationships with men as a result of this. I had previously lived primarily as a heterosexual although I had tried but not particularly enjoyed homosexual activities 2 or 3 times previously. I definitely enjoy expressing my femme sexuality with men. In a way, the men I have sex with represent the masculine part of myself and my femme self represents the idealized female I have never met. I experience my glamour goddess fantasy directly while dressed and indirectly as a male by the response of males to my femme self. Personally, I have never met a truly heterosexual crossdresser and am cynical that they truly exist - in my opinion this may represent repression more than reality on the part of the cd who believes they are straight. I haven’t really met gay CDs either - only bisexual ones like myself. My partners are far and away more often male but that’s because when I go out in a dress men approach me and women are not typically available. I am more than happy to engage in sex with both. However, at this point I probably enjoy males more because they approach and appear to appreciate me more than females. Love fetish. Can’t believe so many CDs think they have a problem - as your book pointed out at this point - being a CD isn’t the problem, being in a society that is not well-adjusted to diversity is the problem. Will probably feel forced to write again as I read more. Loving the book but laughing at the serious way everyone takes it. Relax, put on those heels, and go CD girls! By the way, I do not care one bit about passing. I am not trying to delude anyone into thinking I am female. I do not hide my penis or wear fake boobies. I do tend to play down by masculine arms and torso with loose fitting sheer blouses and shawls over tight sexy dresses that are often sheer themselves. All you gotta do is love it baby, go out but stay safe in a freaked-out world, and have fun fun fun!!!! Victoria And then there is this: --- By Jacqueline Froelich “Am I gay? Darlin’, I’m 6-foot-3, 220 pounds and am a 23-year law enforcement veteran!” [Note: This is a complete non-sequiter as there is nothing that keeps a big law enforcement veteran from being gay... dsf] Smith is a self-described truck-drivin’ bubba who lives in rural Carroll County. But on special occasions, Officer Sam Smith adores putting on party dresses, high heels, makeup, a shiny wig, and being called “Rebecca.” Smith (not his real name) is also happily married to a woman and 100 percent heterosexual. Smith is a cross-dresser. And he loves the company of other cross-dressers. So twice a year, he and his wife, Dixie, organize “En Femme Getaways” — cross-dressing vacations hosted by the Basin Park Hotel in downtown Eureka Springs. “Cross-dressing amongst men is one of the best kept secrets,” Smith said with a deep drawl, “right up there with how to build an atomic bomb.” Transgender research reveals that as many as 50 percent of men have cross-dressed and that most cross-dressers are straight married men. [Note: What research? And what makes someone straight? dsf] Those who wear women’s clothing for sexual arousal are termed transvestites. [Note: As we all know the labels aren’t stable and this is by no means well accepted... dsf] Gay men can also be cross-dressers, but most tend toward the drag side of the spectrum. Cross-dressers wear women’s clothes because it just feels good, said Smith, not for sexual release. “And that’s been the biggest problem,” said his wife, Dixie. “When Sam told me on our third date that he was a cross-dresser, I started digging around to learn what I was getting into. I got mad because all I could find online was porn.” So Dixie decided to put together her own website, for girlfriends and wives struggling to come to terms with their partners’ predilection. “I named it ‘cross-dressers secret garden,’ ” she said. “I provide good, clean information.” Dixie also facilitates an online chat forum that has more than 1,500 members. “It’s one of the most active, clean Yahoo groups out there,” she boasted. And so are the “En Femme Getaways.” Hundreds of cross-dressers, most conservative men with professional jobs, along with their wives or girlfriends, spend five days together in full regalia enjoying fine dining, dialogue, and dancing. “We also put on lots of special activities, like makeover sessions, fashion shows, an Ozark-style chicken dinner, and lots of shopping, of course,” Smith said. “And on Saturday night we throw a formal gala banquet, followed by a champagne brunch late Sunday morning.” Smith said the “girls,” as he refers to them, love the opportunity to dress up for days on end and freely walk the streets of Eureka without being hassled. “Eureka allows everyone to be who they are,” Smith said. “It’s wonderful. And the staff of the Basin Park Hotel always welcomes us with open arms.” Cross-dressing conventions are held in Chicago, Los Angeles, even Atlanta every year. “But ours is a vacation, not a seminar held in the ‘closet’ of [a] huge hotel,” Smith said. While some of getaway-goers “pass” — or look like women — most look like men dressed up in women’s clothing, Smith said. Even then, they are not mocked on the streets of Eureka. They come here for the same reason that a large population of gays and lesbians have moved to the historic spa community: Everyone is accepted. Smith is confident and comfortable enough now to publicly advertise the transgender vacation. He has even asked the city of Eureka Springs to list “En Femme” on its calendar of events. And the guys are coming — from as far away as Africa, Ireland and Canada. First organized as a casual gathering of friends, “En Femme” is now held twice a year, in late April and around Halloween. “Halloween is the great holiday of all cross-dressers,” said Smith. “Halloween is the one day when any man can go out dressed as a woman, and no one will look at him twice.” At Halloween parties across America everyone laughs at the dude in the dress. According to the American Psychiatric Association, cross-dressers suffer from a gender identity disorder. Even though homosexuality was stricken from the list of psychological disorders in the 1970s, transgenderism, which covers cross-dressers, transvestites, and transsexuals, falls under the rubric of “gender dysphoria,” a mental illness. [Note: This isn’t strictly speaking true either. The DSM says as follows regarding Transvestitic Fetishism:
1. Over a period of at least 6 months, in a heterosexual male, recurrent, intense sexually arousing fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors involving cross-dressing. 2. The fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.
1. A strong and persistent cross-gender identification (not merely a desire for any perceived cultural advantages of being the other sex). In adolescents and adults, the disturbance is manifested by symptoms such as a stated desire to be the other sex, frequent passing as the other sex, desire to live or be treated as the other sex, or the conviction that he or she has the typical feelings and reactions of the other sex. 2. Persistent discomfort with his or her sex or sense of inappropriateness in the gender role of that sex. In adolescents and adults, the disturbance is manifested by symptoms such as preoccupation with getting rid of primary and secondary sex characteristics (e.g., request for hormones, surgery, or other procedures to physically alter sexual characteristics to simulate the other sex) or belief that he or she was born the wrong sex. 3. The disturbance is not concurrent with a physical intersex condition. 4. The disturbance causes clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.
But cross-dressers like Sam Smith insist they are perfectly normal, well-adjusted citizens. [Note: The flip side of this is the well documented complaints by wives that their so-called straight crossdressing husbands don’t seem to be ‘normal’ in bed... dsf] “Cross-dressing is not a fetish,” Smith said. “Cross-dressing is simply an attraction to things that are feminine, usually expressed in the form of clothing.” Still he concedes there is little science explaining what compels heterosexual men to cross-dress. “Some consider it a hormonal wash that occurs during the third trimester of pregnancy,” Smith said. “And some research said it may be genetics, that you are born with the propensity to cross-dress — just like you are born a woman, born black, or born gay.” He said the “En Femme Getaways,” now in their 10th year, resonate like a family reunion. “And we conduct ourselves in a civil manner,” said Smith. “The town
accepts us. We like to associate.” So here you have it. Two very different points of view, both suffused with narrow viewpoints and inaccurate facts, and neither acknowledges the existence of the other. Diane |